The Life Giving Home: Part 2 Seasons of Home (excerpts)

 January 
Creating a Framework For Home: Rhythms, Routines and Rituals 

Planning daily rhythms - meals, devotions, cleanup, bedtime routines - should take into consideration the abilities and personalities of everyone who lives in the home. 

Am I doing something now that doesn't need to be done? How can I simplify my work to provide more time to do what I value most? I want to avoid "mile-wide and inch-deep" commitments and commit to a few activities that are central to my values. 

What daily and weekly rituals will bring pleasure and mark important areas in which I can invest my moments?

Whatever your household or season of life, make your plans according to your needs, circumstances, life stage, and personality so that your home can thrive in sync with your own preferences. You will only find your plans sustainable if they fit you as well as those who live in your home. 

Decluttering the Soul: I also try to identify ways I have missed my goals and ways I want to strengthen my commitments in the major areas of my life - physical (diet and exercise), emotional (my relationship with Clay, the kids, my friends, and our a quite time, what I will study or read in the Bible, ways I want to grow) . I choose one or two areas I will concentrate on during the following year and find a pertinent Bible verse to memorize as a support.   

The Life Giving Home: Part 1 Thinking about Home (excerpt)

By: Sally and Sarah Clarkson

The very richness of this room brings life to my soul, and that is what this book is all about - how to create a home that nourishes, nurtures, and sustains life and beauty. It is all about how to order your living space and what happens there to embody the joy and beauty of God's own spirit. 

If we look at the lovely world that God has designed for us, we can see a pattern for what He has always intended for us - a home environment filled with color and creativity and order, a welcoming provider of laughter and refuge, a space where memories are made and shared. Instead of creating us to live in a house of weariness and colorlessness, God has made us to live in a home full of soul-beautiful elements. 

Give foundations of strength and inspiration to these precious ones, but give them wings as well. Prepare them to take risks, to live by faith, so that they can take the messages and cherished values they learned at home and share them with a hurting world. And so our home becoming a launching pad, a place of blessing, as we sent our beloved children on their way - hopefully strong, whole, and secure in the ideals, faith and values that truly matter. 

Part1: Thinking about Home 

1. A Lifegiving Legacy 

As I toured Biltmore, my imagination and vision were once again piqued by the idea of intentionally making my home a holding place for all that is beautiful, good, holy, and foundational to life - a place where those I love always feel like they belong, a place of freedom and grace that launches them into the persons they were made to be, a place of becoming. In the midst of demanding, constantly pressured lives, we all need refresher courses from time to time about what we are building and why we must be intentional about doing it. 

"All people need a place where their roots can grow deep and they always feel like they belong and have a loving refuge. And all people need a place that gives wings to their dreams, nurturing possibilities of who they might become."

Family was God's original organization scheme for society, and home was the laboratory where human beings could learn to glorify God through the work, relationships, and purposes of their lives. Home would be the place where love for God and commitment to His purposes would be passed down from one generation to another.

Homemaking - not in the sense of housekeeping, but in the broader sense of cultivating the life of a home - has to be done on purpose. 

The essence of home, you see, is not necessarily a structure. What makes a home is the life shared there, wherever they may be. And cultivating the life of home requires intentionality, planning, and design. There must be someone (or several someones) to craft the life, the beauty, the love, and the inspiration that overflows from that place. 

Because of our missionary, job-oriented lives, Clay and I knew from the beginning that we would probably not have a static homestead where we could congregate over our life as a family. So we focused on creating home out of less tangible materials - traditions, habits, rhythms, experiences, and values. 

Creating a lifegiving home, then, is a long process taken one step, one season at a time. 

The intentionality of seeking to build my home piece by piece, day by day, as moved me and my family toward the goal of creating a great legacy of healthy people who live and grow within its walls. 

Home should be the very best place ever to be. 

2. Made for Home 

We don't have to have a perfect family, a healthy background. We don't have to have lived in one place. We don't have to own a mansion or even a house. Nothing required for the making of home except a heart that loves God, an imagination fired by His Spirit, and hands ready to create. And, well, a bit of courage, spaces and fill them. But when we do, the Kingdom comes in the homes we make as the love of God becomes flesh in our lives once more. 

I'm still holding out for a cottage with a garden someday, but until then, I know that each new little student room is my space of possible creation. 

As I order and hope, fill and form, the Holy Spirit is renewing one more corner of the world. Here, in my room, the fallen stuff of the broken earth is being formed back into love, into home. There's no place like it. 

3. A Symphony of Grace 

- The Music of Welcome: We always try to write the name of those we know will be entering our home. 

We want all who enter our little kingdom - family, friends, and guests - to know that they are welcome and cherished in this sacred place we call home. 

- The Music of Safety: I try to ensure that wisdom, truth and the reality of God's grace are kept within and that my home is a haven from the destructive voices of the outside world. 

In order to protect ourselves and others from finding menacing influences, as much as possible, we must purpose ways to keep our homes as havens of all that is good, pure, innocent, and excellent. If the Lord guards our own coming and going, so we should be guards over what is allowed into our homes. 

- The Music of Knowledge and Wisdom: As a young woman, I began to picture my children's hearts as treasure chests of a different sort, and I vowed to fill them with intrinsic treasures: the best stories, memorized Scripture, priceless images of classical art, excellent books, memories from great feasts enjoyed together and special days celebrated, great Bible stories and wisdom passages, plus heart photographs of love given, holiday cherished, lesson learned. 

- The Music of Beauty: We honor Him when we make beauty a priority in our homes. 

- The Music of Relationship: Relationships are the core focus of celebrating life together in a place. Consequently, the desire to create spaces for friendship, companionship, and fellowship, influenced many of our home choices - even the furniture we bought, where we placed it, and how we used it. 

- The Music of Nourishment: I believe every meal should be a celebration of life itself as we break bread and enter fellowship together. And the way those meals are planned, prepared, and served enhances the connection and the celebration. Every meal, in other words, should be a feast for the senses and the spirit. 

- The Music of Rest: - a personalized space for each occupant (in a bedroom) 

Having home that tells a great story happens over time as we mature, refine, create, and love. 

I hope you will have that experience as well. Whatever your taste, preferences, and style, you have the freedom to create your own home art and make your dwelling a place that is distinctively yours - a place of comfort, safety, and delight for you and everyone who steps inside your door. 

4. The Rhythms of Incarnation 

A Renewed Awareness 
If we want to embody the life of God in our homes, we need to understand what God intended human life to be, and we also need to be aware of what distracts us from that intention or diminishes it in our lives. 

A Scrambled Consciousness
The rhythms of earth and body require me to sleep. The limitations of my physical senses mean I can only hear so  many voices, so many words at one time. But the online world is unresting. 

We can only create what we have imagined. We can only embody the life of God if we have internally known and tasted His goodness. 

If the precious, limited hours of my day are used bit by bit in scanning information. I will have less and less time for the attentive, slow, good work of creativity, conversation, and connection that real people and real homes require. 
If my awareness of space is concentrated on a screen, my home will reflect the absence of my attention, my creativity, and ultimately, my love. 

We cannot change the world if we cannot incarnate God's live in our own most ordinary spaces and hours. Homemaking must be understood as a potent Kingdom endeavor, not merely a domestic task. Homemaking requires a willed creativity, a conscious diligence, because we are called to create new life and challenged to do it in the midst of a world that actively resists us in this endeavor. 

Atomic Habits (excerpt)

 Introduction 

Changes that seems small and unimportant at first will compound into remarkable results if you're willing to stick with them for years. We all deal with setbacks but in the long run, the quality of our lives often depends on the quality of our lives often depends on the quality of our habits. With the same habits, you'll end up with the same results. But with better habits, anything is possible. 

1. The Surprising Power of Atomic Habits 

That said, it doesn't matter how successful or unsuccessful you are right now. What matters is whether your habits are putting you on the path toward success. You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current results. 

Time magnifies the margin between success and failure. It will multiply whatever you feed it. Good habits make time your ally. Bad habits make time your enemy. 

Mastery require patience. The San Antonio Spurs, one of the most successful teams in NBA history, have a quote from social reformer Jacob Riis hanging in their locker room: "When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that last blow that did it - but all that had gone before." 

All big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger. Roots entrench themselves and branches grow. 

Goals are about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the processes that lead to those results. 

Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress. A handful of problems arise when you spend too much time thinking about your goals and not enough time designing your systems. 

2. How Your Habits Shape Your Identity (and Vice Versa) 

Habits like exercise, meditation, journaling and cooking are reasonable for a day or two and then become a hassle. 

However, once your habits are established, they seem to stick around forever - especially the unwanted ones. Despite our best intentions, unhealthy habits like eating junk food, watching too much television, procrastinating, and smoking can feel impossible to break.  

Changing our habits is challenging for two reasons: (1) we try to change the wrong thing and (2) we try to change our habits in the wrong way. 

Many people begin the process of changing their habits by focusing on what they want to achieve. This leads us to outcome-based habits. The alternative is to build identity-based habits. With this approach, we start by focusing on who we wish to become. 

It's hard to change your habits if you never change the underlying beliefs that led to your past behavior. You have a new goal and a new plan, but you haven't changed who you are. 

True behavior change is identity change. You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you'll stick with the one is that it becomes part of your identity. 

The effect of one-off experiences tends to face away while the effect of habits gets reinforced with time, which means your habits contribute most of the evidence that shapes your identity. In this way, the process of building habits is actually the process of becoming yourself. 

This is a gradual evolution. We do not change by snapping our fingers and deciding to be someone entirely new. We change bit by bit, day by day, habit by habit. We are continually undergoing microevolutions of the self. 

Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. .... This is one reason why meaningful change does not require radical change. 

The most practical way to change who you are is to change what you do. 

It is a simple two-step process: 1. Decide the type of person you want to be. 2. Prove it to yourself with small wins. 

Building better habits isn't about littering your day with life hacks. ... Habits can help you achieve all of these things, but fundamentally they are not about having something. They are about becoming someone. 

Ultimately, your habits matter because they help you become the type of person you wish to be. They are the channel through which you develop your deepest beliefs about yourself. Quite literally, you become your habits. 

3. How to Build Better Habits in 4 Simple Steps 

Habits reduce cognitive load and free up mental capacity, so you can allocate your attention to other tasks. 

Habits do not restrict freedom. If you're always being forced to make decisions about simple tasks , then you have less time for freedom. It's only by making the fundamentals of life easier that you can create the mental space needed for free thinking and creativity. 

The ultimate purpose of habits is to solve the problems of life with as little energy and effort of possible. 

Any habit can be broken down into a feedback loop that involves four steps: cue, craving, response, and reward. 

The Four Laws of Behavior Change are a simple set of rules we can use to build better habits.
They are:
(1) make it obvious -> cue
(2) make it attractive -> craving 
(3) make it easy -> make it easy
(4) make it satisfiying 

THE 1ST LAW = Make It Obvious 

4. The Man Who Didn't Look Right 

One of our greatest challenges in changing habits in maintaining awareness of what we are actually doing. This helps explain why the consequences of bad habits can sneak up on us. We need a "point -and-call" (raising level of awareness from a nonconscious habit to a more conscious level) system for our personal lives. That's the origin of the the Habits Scorecard, which is a simple exercise you can use to become more aware of your behavior. 

To create your own, make a list of your daily habits. 
Once you have a full list, look at each behavior, and ask yourself, "Is this a good habit, a bad habit, or neutral habit?"

As you create your Habits Scorecard, there is no need to change anything at first. The goal is to simply notice what is actually going on. Observe your thoughts and actions without judgement or internal criticism. 

The process of behavior change always starts with awareness. 

5. The Best Way to Start a New Habit 

Many people think they lack motivation when what they really lack is clarity. It is not always obvious when and where to take action. Some people spend their entire lives waiting for the time to be right to make an improvement. 

Give your habits a time and a space to live in the world. The goal is to make the time and location so obvious that, with enough repetition, you get an urge to do the right thing at the right time, even if you can't say why. 

The implementation intention formula is: I will [BEHAVIOR] at [TIME] in [LOCATION].

When it comes to building new habits, you can use the connectedness of behavior to your advantage. One of the best ways to build a new habit is to identify a current habit you already do each day and then stack your new behavior on top. This is called habit stacking. (It is a strategy you can use to pair a new habit with a current habit). 

The habit stacking formula is 
"After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT]." 

The key is to tie your desired behavior into something you already do each day. Once you have mastered this basic structure, you can begin to create larger stacks by chaining small habit together.

Habit stacking works best when the cue is highly specific and immediately actionable.

The 1st Law of Behavior Change is to make it obvious. Strategies like implementation intentions and habit stacking are among the most practical ways to create obvious cues for your habits and design a clear plan for when and where to take action.  

6. Motivation is Overrated; Environment Often Matters More 

People often choose products not because of what they are, but because of where they are. 

The most powerful of all human sensory abilities, however, is vision. 

Every habit is initiated by a cue, and we are more likely to notice cues that stand out. 

If you want to make a habit a big part of your life, make the cue a big part of your environment. The most persistent behaviors usually have multiple cues. 

Habits can be easier to change in a new environment.

When you can't manage to get to an entirely new environment, redefine or rearrange your current one. Create a separate space for work, study, exercise, entertainment and cooking. "One space, one use"

Every habit should have a home.

A stable environment where everything has a place and a purpose is an environment where habits can easily form. 

- Small changes in context can lead to large changes in behavior over time.

- Every habit is initiated by a cue. We are more likely to notice cues that stand out. 

-  Make the cues of good habits obvious in your environment. 

- Gradually, your habits become associated not with a single trigger but with the entire context surrounding the behavior. The context becomes the cue. 

- It is easier to build new habits in a new environment because you are not fighting against old cues. 

My 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes

I still remember how I felt hopeless when a friend of mine told me that there was no chance I could make a hazmat suit that would give enough protection to the medical workers on the field.

..

I still remember how I felt hopeful after I chatted with a doctor, and he told me that a REAL waterproof material was good enough at this moment, better than nothing. To prevent droplets going in.

.. 

I still remember how anxious I was while trying to find a supplier that provided one. Waiting for suppliers to reply us seemed like forever. 

.. 

I still remember how I felt like a failure, when we had found the so-called waterproof material (claimed by the supplier) and tested it ourselves, it was completely soaking-wet! Even worse, we had bought the material. 

.. 

I still remember again, how excited I was to finally find and test the finally!! real waterproof material, and we could make it a go and tell people about it. 

..
I still remember how heartbroken I was to tell the needy people on the field that at that moment we hadn't made enough hazmat suits yet, as we barely started a few days back. My heart broke to tell them to wait, that we would do as best as we can. 

..
I still remember how useless I felt when I watched the news saying Indonesia needs millions of hazmat suit, help from big organisation had arrived -- ten thousand something. While we only could make less than a hundred a day that time. 

.. 

Then, at that moment! God spoke to me, clearly.. "I just need 5 loaves and 2 fishes from you, I will multiply them" 

I am not a miracle maker. I am just a boy who is holding my lunch my mom prepared, and I want to surrender them to Jesus, to feed thousands of people in hunger. 

If there is one thing I learnt during the pandemic, it is this! 

It is surely a journey of faith.

He initiates, He leads, He provides.
At the end of the day, whatever the result is, all credit belongs to Him.
To God be the glory.
The One who takes my five loaves and two fishes.
The miracle maker.

So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, "We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty." Luke 17:10 



Here is Corrinne May's song that accompanied me: 

"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all to feed them all"

I often think about that boy when I'm feeling small
And I worry that the work I do means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands
And every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

- Corrinne May -  

God Touched My Heart With a Playdough

Lately, saya ngerasa Tuhan speaks to me the same message (almost) everyday:
- to put my hope only in Him
- don't be afraid about the future
- God is still in control
Saya sampe heran, kok tiap hari baca Alkitab, dapetnya yah tentang itu mulu itu mulu... and, emang iya banget, saya rasa.. "Tuhan, is it because saya tuh belom get the message ya, so You keep repeating the same thing to me every single day"

And yes, emang betul... lately, I feel very discouraged! I am so scared, and worried about the future.
Keadaan politik yg sungguh memprihatinkan, keadaan negara dan dunia yg mencekam..
Betul, saya tiap hari baca firmanNya, tapi saya juga tiap hari mencekokkan diri saya dgn berita2 itu (my bad!) .. the more I read those news, the more I feel scared and discouraged!
The more I asked Him, if His promise that He is my refuge, still relevant.
If.. my all time favorite "God is in control", masi bisa saya say it out loud.
If I can teach my children dgn segenap hati dan imanku, bahwa Tuhan memegang masa depan mereka. (walaupun kami memutuskan for good ke indo dalam keadaan yg patut dpertanyakan ini)

In fact, bacaan firman Tuhan saya kmrn adalah:
Amsal 3:25-26 (TB)  Janganlah takut kepada kekejutan yang tiba-tiba, atau kepada kebinasaan orang fasik, bila itu datang.
Karena TUHANlah yang akan menjadi sandaranmu, dan akan menghindarkan kakimu dari jerat.

Saya berusaha mengimani -nya dan dengan segenap hati mendoakannya! Entah dgn iman, atau dgn berusaha untuk beriman. But, still... di hati kecil ini bertanya, can I still trust You Lord?

Kemarin... yah kemarin, saya bilang ke suami:
"Kayanya sora boleh deh dibeliin playdough, dia keliatan dah mulai tertarik, walaupun emang ngerepotin sih kalo anak maen playdough, tapi i think it is good for him.. tar coba deh kamu liat2 di sg"

Dan hari ini donk!
Sora dapat playdough di kelas Sekolah Minggu dia. Sora sih super clueless kenapa dia dapat itu playdough..
(well, apparently, our family pic itu menang di perlombaan yg diadakan di kelas sora. Yg saya juga ga sadar kalo ada lomba. Saya simply cuma pengen participated kirim foto, karena saya appreciate usaha guru2 sekolah minggu sora yg udah susah payah bikinin props tuk parents' day last week)
Sora was thrilled of course.

and me... Yes, Me! I was so touched! God spoke to me very clear, with that playdough!
Hey, My daughter, yes, My words is still relevant, You can still and always trust Me.

I know that I can buy playdough for sora anytime. But received it today, it was really something.
I know that berkat Tuhan dalam hidup ku itu sungguh tak terhitung, and I can't thank Him enough everyday for what He has given me..
but God surely won my heart with that playdough.
-- you know, when you were little, you secretly wanted an ice-cream, and your saviour (whoever he/she was) gave it to you without you asked.. what did you feel? Suprised, loved, lucky maybe..
But I don't consider myself lucky, no! It wasn't luck.. it is God's way to speak to me: I still listen to your prayer, to your fear.. and You still can count on me.

Oh dear God, I feel like a little girl again, but I don't care.. saya mau punya iman spt seorang anak kecil, yang menaruh kepercayaan sepenuhnya kepada Bapa.
Kepada Bapa di Surga, yg sama kemarin, hari ini dan selamanya.
Bapa di Surga yg memeluk erat anakNya. Yg tidak meremehkan permintaan remeh temeh anakNya.
Bapa, Allah yg berdaulat, yg memegang sejarah.. Allah yg adalah gunung batu, keselamatanku..

Thank You God for the playdough <3 nbsp="" p="">

I am tired of being tired

These days, I feel weary, restless... bolak balik cek instagram and fb, seakan lagi search for something. Yup, most of the time, di instagram, I really admire the women who seem to have it all. You name it: cute kids, healthy food on their table, aktivitas for their kids, and they still got to take care of themselves. They even make money with that, aduh makin asik banget kan. They make money by living their lives yg keren. The more I read about them, the more I think and think.. what I can do?
Pengen banget punya instagram yg lebih "layak diliat" dan bisa bagi pengetahuan tuk yg baca, u know, review these products, or sharing aktivitas anak2, or anak2 yg fashionable. Lah, saya?
Si ciel aja pas awal2 pake baju kokonya, maap yah nak .... >.< masak aja seadanya. In fact, I am carrying my 4 months old baby in my ergo rite now sambil ketik ini, karena dari tadi dia ga mau dilepas.

Yes, semua pemikiran itu bikin saya weary, akirnya jadi ga fokus.. jadi ngerasa ga total juga buat urusin my 2 bocah, my 2 langit, Sora dan Ciel. Karena yg ada, si mama, yg tangannya pegang hp, sambil liat insta orang dan jadi down down down down down!

I know, it wasn't right. I cried for help.. I am tired of being like this..
And God gave me this verse:

Philippians 4:11 ==> for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.

He gave me the reason saya berasa ga karu2an spt skrg: I am not content! - ternyata, oh, ternyata -

Selama ini, sejak ada anak, sejujurnya, saya sudah berasa content with what I have (so I thought).
Pake baju yah muter muter dari senin sampe senin lagi, cuci gosok pake .. begitu terus.
Makan juga apa yg ada yah cukup, ga banyak neko-neko makannya. Yg gampang aja cukuplah.
Bedak muka habis, masi bisa content.. belum sempet beli, tanpa ngerasa kacau.

But today, God taught me what being content really is! Bukan cuma dalam hal materi. Tapi, with whatever I have. In this season.

- Tuhan ajar saya to be content dengan waktu yg terbatas, Ya ya ya, I have 24 hours, sama seperti selamanya... tapi skrg berbeda, my 24 hours itu juga milik anak2. I have less time skrg.
Me time? Apaan tuh?
- Tuhan ajar saya to be content dengan tenaga yg terbatas. Kalau dulu saya masi bisa super aktif sampai malam2, bisa do this and do that. Masi bisa nulis. Sekarang, anak dah bobo, yah saya ikut pingsan. Tenaga saya terbatas.
- Tuhan ajar saya to be content dengan ide yg terbatas. Dulu mgkn masi bisa nyumbang begitu banyak ide tuk acara ini dan itu. Skrg? Ide tuk masak aja kok ga muncul2.
- Tuhan ajar saya to be content dengan kesempatan yg terbatas.
Sejak resign waktu sora umur 8 bulan sampai sekarang, saya dah ditawari kerja oleh 4 orang yg berbeda. Dan tiap orang ga cuma sekali, hampir beberapa bulan sekali, mereka contacted me again, tanya... "dah bisa kali skrg kerja? Sora dah lebih gede?" etc... Terkadang, sering ngerasa... ahhh... I would love to take that opportunity, really2 do, but sadly, I have to say no. (Saya orang yg hobi kerja, btw)
- Tuhan ajar saya to be content dengan teman yg terbatas (hix hix)... I used to hang out super sering dgn banyak grup yg beda. Skrg? huhu.. ga usah dtanya deh. I know I know, some mothers could manage to bisa catch up with their friends. (di situ saya merasa sedih!) but, not me. I am truly sorry, my friends.
.........
Tuhan benar2 ajar saya hari ini...
to be content in this season dengan keterbatasan saya, dengan what I have.

Are you able to get along happily (be content) in any circumstances you face? Paul knew how to be satisfied whether he had plenty or whether he was in need. The secret was drawing on Christ's power for strength. Do you have great needs or are you dissatisfied because you don't have what you want? Learn to rely on God's promises and Christ's power to help you be content. 

How true!
Drawing back to God helps me to regain my focus.
Listening to His voice alone helps me not listen to what the world offers.

What  I need saat ini adalah to focus, to be IN THIS SEASON, to really touch the ground.. bukannya melayang2 - seandainya saya punya tenaga lebih, punya waktu lebih -
'coz yes, this is the season God wanted me to commit fully,  ya ampun yg 1 baru 29 bulan. yg 1 baru 4 bulan. I believe, when God thinks I am ready for more (opportunity, ministry, even jobs!!, or maybe new kid bwahahaha, jk, jk), He will bring it to me.. ga usah saya sibuk cari-cari yg ga jelas.
I just need to be His faithful servant in this season, like in any other season in my life.

Sakitnya Ditolak

So this afternoon, saya ajak Sora ke playground. Di sana ada 2 girls, and my very friendly baby kept following them. No, Sora didn't disturb them... Sora cuma berdiri dekat mereka, ngeliatin mereka sambil maybe berharap kalo bisa diajak maen juga ~ huhu, tapi kemana Sora mendekat, mereka akan menjauh. Mungkin itu 2 anak pikir, "ini apaan si bayi kecil ikutin gue ajeee?" 

Ah, sebagai mamanya, saya sedih ~ felt like #penolakan.. padahal Sora mah ga ngerasa apa2 mungkin.
Saya ngerasa... "sini sama mama ajaaa nak, ga akan pernah mama menolakmu...." tapi yah saya anteng2 aja, ngeliatin dari jauh bagaimana Sora akan bereaksi ... sambil terus berpikir dan menyadari... bahwa suatu saat, saya akan melepas Sora.. dia akan berinteraksi dengan orang lain tanpa saya awasi, dia akan membangun relationship dengan orang lain.. entah mereka akan menerima atau menolak dia.. suatu saat, saya hanya bisa mendengar cerita dari Sora, tanpa menyaksikan sendiri bagaimana Sora berinteraksi dengan orang lain.. yah karena saya tidak akan seterusnya menemani Sora.

Hari minggu, kemarin, di kelas Bible study kami (tuk para ibu2 dengan bayi), dibahas dan diingatkan untuk selalu experience God in our daily routines. As a mother, at least for me in this season, saya menjalani hari dengan doing task to task.. don't really have time tuk berdiam diri, bahkan ketika anak tertidur pun, yang saya kerjakan dan pikirkan adalah piring, baju, lantai, masak... dan tentu pompa asi.
So.. walaupun mungkin we don't have that luxury to have a solitary time, but we still can experience God in those routines. We just need to be discipline! Disiplin untuk membangun kesadaran dan atensi rohani untuk melihat dan experience God. To see from time to time, what God wants us to learn.. what God is trying to tell us. And for me, to do this parenting with God!
And today, I was reminded:

Pulang dari playground, while carrying Sora in my carrier, I talked to him... "Sora.... tadi Sora mau maen sama 2 cici itu yaaa... tapi 2 cici itu cuekin Sora ya....?" ...
then saya mau berlanjut dengan bilang... kalo it is okay, one day you will find a good friend to play together koook.. tiba2 saya jadi teringat lagu "What a Friend We Have in Jesus".. and it is even better, my son, if you have Jesus. Karena Dia adalah temanmu yang setia, yang selalu menyambutmu. Walau suatu saat manusia akan mengecewakanmu, tapi Yesus tuh ga akan pernah..
And I sang that song sambil boboin Sora. Sambil reminded myself, that I too have Jesus as my best friend.. jalani this lonely season. This song is just so beautiful... "Can we find a friend so faithful, who will all our sorrows share?" 

Every time I looked at the pics I took this afternoon, saya masi sedih lagi bayangin one day Sora akan mengalami penolakan.. tapi saya menyadari bahwa saya bukanlah pelindung Sora yang utama - mama can't always protect you, baby!" Saya rindu Sora selalu rely on Him, yang tidak akan pernah menolak Sora, yang mengasihi Sora lebih dari saya sayang dia..
Oh yeah, Sora ga akan selamanya jadi mama's boy, he will one day grow up as a mature man.... who will always (i pray) rely on Him, and whose best friend is Jesus.

(Sora's) 7 months BLW

Ah! We are here, BLW Sora masi terus berjalan, puji Tuhan!

Saya share pengalaman bulan pertama BLW disini, saat umur Sora 6 bulan.

A quick update of his 7mos BLW ~
Okay, pas umur 7 bulan.. kami sempet liburan di Jakarta hampir 2 minggu.
Nah di Jakarta means bukan rumah sendiri, sehingga peralatan seadanya, tapi karena makanan Sora tidak rempong, panci dan rice cooker cukuplah untuk steam sayur2an.

Sora dibeliin high chair lagi di Jakarta (kalo sampe kepepet ga ada high chair, mgkn bisa coba dudukin di stroller), siap2 aja stroller kotor tapi ;p so pilih2 deh makanan yang ga terlalu mengotori.

Saya masi kasi makanan2 yang Sora sudah makan dari 6 bulan:
Steamed: carrot, broccoli, pumpkin, yam, potato, labu siam (chayote), pear.
Raw: papaya, banana, avocado, cucumber, melon.

Makanan baru tuk si 7 bulan Sora:
Red dragon fruit
Chinese new year means jeruk! Segala jeruk dia suka... diisep sampai bikin orang ngiler
Steamed salmon
Egg, fyi, alergi telur ada di putihnya ~ jadi kalau ada riwayat alergi, kasi kuningnya dulu.. or no harm to wait :) boiled or steamed.
Baby corn
RICE! entah dalam bentuk biji atau saya bentuk jadi rice ball.
dan karena di Jakarta, jadi sering makan keluar.. kalo lagi di resto - saya kasi Sora sayur ijo yang saya dah cuci dengan air panas, doyan2 aja tuh :D
Sisanya masi makanan yg sama seperti yang lalu.

Jadwal makan.. tetap diusahakan 3-4 kali (breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner) tapi kenyataannya masi kurang rutin. Karena 7 bulan ini cukup mobile, so we were not able to set a routine for Sora. Apalagi kalo lagi banyak di luar rumah...jadwal makan Sora jadi berantakan, dan Sora pun "makan" seadanya (maaf yah nak...)

Oh, sedikit info, karena saya exclusive pumping ~ jadi kepantau memang berapa ml susu yang Sora minum, di umur 7 bulan Sora minum sekitar 800-900 ml kurang lebih per hari. Kalau kata kellymom sih kebutuhan asi 7 bulan sekitar 875 ml, so yeah, I am happy enough. haha :D

One of Sora memorable days, when I was more confirmed that blw really2 worked, Sora could finish the whole carrot that day! And yeah, that was the rice ball I mentioned above! 

Super seru makan red dragon fruit 

Saya sangat senang melihat progress Sora, kemampuan mengunyah semakin baik.. Sora bisa atur cara pegang makanan, cara memakannya. Dan Sora sangat konsentrasi ketika makan, sangat menikmati..
Walaupun ada hari2, dimana he seemed not interested in eating, entah lagi cape, lagi ngantuk... so mama hanya bisa bersedih hati, membereskan berantakan yg Sora bikin (padahal makannya dikiiiittt) dan mencoba lagi lagi dan lagi.
So, so far our blw kept going, and again, tidak ada target, ikutin pace dan kemampuan Sora, jadikan saat makan adalah saat yang menyenangkan buat Sora dan tentunya buat mamanya juga.

Will update the 8mos BLW too :)

(Sora's) Breastfeeding Journey: Before Exclusive Pumping

Sora is now 8 months and 2 weeks.
I still "breastfeed" him through bottle. It wasn't like that before. I had amazing 3 months, having Sora latch on.

How I ended up being an exclusive pumper?
The answer is: I don't know.

But let me share my breastfeeding journey sebelum ini ....entah apakah karena alasan-alasan ini membuat Sora tidak mau latch on lagi.

1. Hari-hari pertama breastfeeding
Hmm..sejujurnya saya sempat kuatir karena saya tidak dapat kesempatan tuk IMD (inisiasi menyusui dini), karena proses bersalin yang terlalu lama, jadi begitu lahir, Sora langsung dibawa ke pediatric (saya juga kurang jelas diapain itu dia).. sekitar 4 jam kemudian, pangeranku diantarkan ...dan inilah saat yang menegangkan!!!!!!!
Awwwww...Sora menyusu dengan sangat sempurna! Saya bisa dengar suara glek glek glek-nya~ dan I didn't feel any pain at all! I really really praised the Lord.
I could see my colostrum.. breastfeeding was so amazing..like seriously!! SO AMAZING

Awal2 mostly Sora nyusu 2 jam sekali, seperti newborn pada umumnya.
Dan saya juga sangat bersyukur, tengah malam..Sora hanya menyusu dan bobo lagi, ga pake acara begadang2 ~

Saya ingat cerita teman saya yang bilang, breastfeeding lebih menyakitkan dari melahirkan.
So, setiap kali dada sudah terasa bengkak dan keras, saya selalu pijat2.. sampai akirnya di hari ke-5 saya mulai pompa sesekali, belum rutin, karena Sora masi selalu latch on.
So far saya belum pernah sampai kesakitan sekali or sekeras2 batu.. thank God!

2. Sora was introduced to bottle and pacifier when he was 4 weeks.
Saya ikut grup breastfeeding mums (singapore based) and berulang kali diingatkan tuk introduce bottle around 4-6 weeks. Karena saya harus balik kerja ketika Sora 7 weeks, I thought  I could start to introduce when he was 4 weeks, maybe only once a day, supaya Sora terbiasa ketika nanti saya balik kerja.
Dan dengan mudahnya Sora menyusu dari botol, tanpa drama sama sekali.
Hati saya tiba2 sedih, takut Sora ga mau latch on lagi... tapi... tidak terjadi, Sora tetap  menyusu dengan normal. Ah thank God!

Awal2 saya pakai chuchu training teat - lalu setelah beberapa lama, flow nya terlalu cepat, jadilah saya ganti pigeon peristaltic nipple .
Setelah diganti, Sora keliatan semakin mudah nyusu-nya.. dan setelah saya lihat2 dot chuchu itu emang dah rusak, jadi perlu diganti.

3. Saat Sora 7 weeks, saya kembali kerja. Mostly Sora latch on ketika di rumah, dan hanya botol ketika saya ga ada. Tapi ada waktu dimana sudah terlanjur susu dipanaskan, dan saya sudah pulang, karena sayang susunya ~ then tetaplah Sora nyusu dari botol saat saya di rumah.

4. TIBA2...pas Sora pas 3 bulan TIBA2 he rejected my breasts!
He cried out loud setiap kali saya mau nyusuin.. Hati saya hancur berkeping2... saya serasa tertolak dan tak diinginkan. Sedih sedih sedih dan hancur. Mungkin ada sekitar 1 bulan, saya cukup depresi, kept on trying. Dan sejak itulah, saya mulai full pompa ~ kecuali tengah malam, Sora masi mau dream feeding.. but again, suddenly when he was 6 months, he even rejected my breasts when he was sleeping!

So, kenapa tiba2 Sora menolak latch on? I don't know.
Apa karena saya ganti dot? I don't know
Apa karena I was around ketika Sora disusuin? I don't know (banyak yang bilang, kalo sebaiknya mama tidak berada di dekat bayi ketika bayi lagi disusuin pakai botol)

Until now, I don't know what I would've done differently.

Yeah, it was so painful and depressing when your baby rejected your breasts!
It is so tiring when you have to pump instead of latching on (though I heard banyak juga pengalaman latch on yang melelahkan, not in my case though).
I miss latching on soooooooo much!!! I miss him!
Setelah berhari2, saya mengalami depresi ... nangis2 tak berhenti, saya decided.. okay! He just rejected my breasts, not me! Though I miss latching on, at least I had it before.
There were several nights, when Sora started to reject my breasts even when he was sleeping, I really couldn't sleep at all.. saya selalu berjaga2 supaya bisa menyusui Sora di kala dia sangat pulas supaya dia tidak sadar. Dan akirnya saya capeeeeeeeee ga kira2. Dan saya berpikir.. "inikah bonding yang saya inginkan?" "toh Sora didn't even realize he was sucking my nipple" So, I said, that's it, I need my sleep.. I gave up, I needed to give him bottle instead!
Oh yeah, another depressing moment... and itulah saat supply saya semakin sedikit.
Karena biar bagaimanapun latching on akan produksi lebih banyak dari pompa, karena sedotan bayi paling mutakhir tuk membuat dada ibu kosong.

Dulu saya bercita2 mau nyusuin sampai 2 tahun, sekarang sejujur2nya dengan kondisi seperti ini.. saya tidak tahu sampai kapan supply ini masi ada.. dan sampai kapan saya sanggup bertahan.
Karena really, begitu banyak hal yang dikorbankan dengan pompa 4-5 kali sehari, belum lagi sakitnya.. duuh duh duh!
But we'll see.. I say, yes, one pump at at time! and all by His grace.

To be able tuk nyusuin Sora dengan mudahnya di awal, surely was a blessing for me and for Sora of course.
Tuk mengalami masa2 berat "penolakan" dari Sora pun, adalah saya percaya a blessing in disguise.
I can't really see now, but one thing I know for sure - my breastfeeding experience so far - either fully latch on, pumping at work or exclusive pumping, made me realize.. how I am nothing, even though the breastmilk comes out from my breasts, it is actually not from me, all from God. Dan saya tidak berkuasa sedikitpun. Really, kalo ada hal yang sangat pelajari dari motherhood, it humbles me dan membuat saya sangat belajar bahwa I need Him every second. Dan breastfeeding (one part of motherhood) taught me the same, it humbles me that no matter how hard I tried, it all depends on Him .. and yes I need Him every second, I need Him every pumping to have this ultimate joy, the strength to pump 4-5 times a day (sometimes in the middle of the night), the love to give the best for my baby and you know to always give thanks while doing it, no matter how hard it is. Like any other things in my life, God made this possible, God made this a wonderful journey and God gives me hope to keep doing it until my last drop or until we say "it is enough" for whatever reasons (dunno yet). I can do all things (all pumping sessions) with God who strengthens me, indeed.

What I would suggest to other exclusive pumpers, next! Stay tuned :)

(Sora's) Introduction to BLW

I waited until Sora (almost) 6 months to introduce him to solids.
BLW, baby-led weaning, was my (first) choice.

And it has been 2 weeks (after Sora could sit by himself), Sora has been "eating" solids.

Tuk yang belum terlalu familiar dengan BLW (baby-led weaning) bisa search lebih lanjut di sini  and could even explored deeper by reading the book.

A very simple explanation adalah bayi tidak disuapin, tapi membiarkan bayi makan sendiri.
Makannya apa? makan seperti orang dewasa (namun tentu ada aturannya - no salt, no sugar, no alcohol, caffeine dan strictly bukan makanan yg bisa bikin choking, model kacang yang keras)

Alasan kenapa saya decided to try BLW adalah  I love the idea Sora bisa belajar dan explore tentang makanan by himself - bisa menikmati makan tanpa harus dipaksa model kapal terbang masuk ke mulut.
Di BLW, foods before one is for fun, so - kebutuhan utama Sora adalah dari asi. (I love this idea too) gradually meningkat tho, by 9 months.

And, sejujurnya ada juga alasan, tuk mengurangi kerjaan saya, karena saya exclusive pumper, harus pompa sehari 4x, masing2 30 menit minimal. Itu pun sudah harus pintar2 mengatur waktu sambil jaga Sora, sambil pompa dan mengerjakan hal yang lain.
So, I thought, it would be great - kalo Sora could eat what we eat. (with some restriction tho~)

But again, memulai BLW ini saya tidak ada ekspektasi dan beban. Saya menyadari tiap anak berbeda, bisa jadi Sora tidak bisa gaya BLW dan saya perlu bikin puree dan menyuapi Sora. Kalau memang, BLW doesn't work for Sora, of course, saya ga akan paksa :)

Why don't we give it a try? I thought...

How did it start?
(Disclaimer: saya menulis ini berdasarkan pengalaman saya dengan Sora, bukan karena saya ahli. So, kalo ada yang mau coba, please do read the book to equip you better) 

1. Saya tunggu sampai Sora 6 bulan.. eehh tapi si anak saya satu ini, seminggu sebelum 6 bulan, tiba2 duduk tegak sendiri (sebelum2nya duduk tegak tapi didudukin, dan saya belum berani).

tampang anak bingung "ih kok saya bisa duduk sendiri sih?"

Langsung si mama Sora excited and kasi steamed wortel besok-nya. :D
Kenapa harus 6 bulan? Karena pencernaan bayi sebelum 6 bulan masi tidak sempurna dan belum bisa mencerna makanan selain susu. Atau untuk lebih jelas, baca di sini 

2. Baca, baca ... dan banyak baca. (dan bertanya)
Saya browsed banyak ttg BLW, ikut grup BLW juga..bahkan sering baca hal2 berulang2 tentang BLW. Tanya2 teman yang sukses dan gagal BLW.
Dan menurut saya, baca di internet saya tidak cukup.. Perlu baca bukunya. (saya ga dapat komisi apa2 dari buku ini loh, en saya pun pinjam di library).
Kenapa perlu baca bukunya? Lebih meyakinkan dan bisa dipertanggungjawabkan karena orang can write anything di internet, tapi tuk buku perlu waktu dan approval.
Dan tuk saya pribadi, setelah baca bukunya, saya jadi lebih clear - dan menurut saya BLW lebih make sense :)

3. Mulai dengan 1 macam makanan untuk beberapa hari. (2-3 hari)
Untuk kasus Sora, saya pertama kali coba kasi steamed wortel 2 hari.. eh tapi besok nya saya pegi high tea dan cuma ada timun yg bisa Sora "makan" dan beberapa hari kemudian, kami pergi berlibur ... dan jadinya saya explore banyak makanan tuk Sora.
Dengan kata lain, saya skipped tes makanan itu. Karena, keluarga saya tidak ada riwayat alergi.
Kalau ada riwayat alergi, sebaiknya coba 1 makanan dulu supaya bisa tahu apa yang trigger alergi nya.

4. Mengerti perbedaan gagging and choking. 
Walaupun untuk anak yang start BLW dari awal, resiko tersedak nya sangat kecil, kita tetap perlu belajar bedanya gag and choke. Kenapa resiko nya kecil: karena dari awal, bayi sudah belajar mengontrol makanannya dan play with the food in his mouth. Beda hal nya kalo terbiasa puree, bayi terbiasa menelan langsung tanpa mengunyah, sehingga ketika mulai makan yg real solids, tendency nya pun akan langsung menelan.

Tersedak itu choke - dimana makanan masuk ke lubang pernapasan, membuat bayi tidak bisa bernapas.
Naahhh dan ini pun kita ngerti cara membantu bayi yang tersedak.
Again, banyak baca tentang ini... banyak belajar!
Nah.... gag ... "saya ga tau bahasa Indonesia-nya", itu usaha si bayi mengeluarkan makanan yang terlalu besar. Jadi si bayi bakal batuk2 ato owek owekkk.. buat keluarin makanan. Gagging itu wajar, dan seharusnya saat gagging kita ga perlu panik.
Kalau sudah terlihat kesulitan bernafas dan tidak bersuara, itu tersedak.

5. Never ever leave your baby alone when he is eating!

6. Jangan paksakan si baby menghabiskan porsi yg sudah kita siapkan. Ikuti kemampuan dan porsinya.

And, here is the most exciting part (for me!) ...

Pengalaman Sora dgn BLW for the first two weeks ~ 

1. Foods:
Steamed: carrot, broccoli, pumpkin, yam, potato, labu siam (chayote), pear.
Raw: papaya, banana, avocado, cucumber, melon.
Btw, saya selalu steam bareng masak nasi di rice cooker.
Dan baru hari ini, saya coba kasi home-made pancake (ya ampun si Sora suka donk!!)

2. Sehari makan 3-4 kali.
Breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner.
30 minutes to 1 hour after breastmilk!
Why? karena kebutuhan utama nutrisi Sora sekarang tetap dari susu, sehingga makanan2 itu tuk Sora belajar tekstur, rasa saja.. bukan jadi kebutuhan kalori dan nutrisi utamanya.

3. Saya usahakan Sora dalam keadaan gembira dan tidak ngantuk, supaya Sora bisa enjoy eating time.

4. Sora selalu makan pake singlet ato ga pake baju :$ supaya ga merusak baju2 dia, sekalian Sora facial buah2an :D

5. Makanan ditaroh di tray aja - ga di piring. Karena kalo di piring, piring juga bisa dimakan :$ 

I thank God, actually, our first two weeks experience has been good.
Though I expected to be super messy, but it turned out - not too much!
Sora could handle the foods well, aim to his mouth very well.
ya tumpah2 mah adaa... tapi menurut saja, itu sangat wajar!
Dan kebahagiaan adalah ketika melihat benda2 baru di poop Sora :D

Dan sejak Sora mulai solid, ya saya jadi ikutan sehat deh makan buah2an dan sayur2an steam... sering juga makan bekas lepehan Sora.. (sayang kannnn? mending mama makan daripada dibuang)

Awal2, Sora pegang2 dan masuk2in aja ke mulut.. namun hari makin hari mulai konsen makan... mengunyah.... seperti hari ini, Sora berhasil makan 3/4 pisang ukuran biasa saat mama lunch di Din Tai Fung during lunch time, 2/3 papaya seukuran yang biasa di jual di food court during afternoon snack - by himself

muka anak hepi dapat maenan baru "wortel" - @ first day of BLW 

Sora pretty loves papaya, I can tell .. day by day, more papaya actually came in :D 

Sora's attempt to eat and facial at the same time 

Berdasarkan pengalaman 2 minggu terakhir ini:

1. Avocado sangat2 lembut, dan enaakk :D bagus tuk coba dan gampang siapinnya ga perlu diapa2in lagi. 

2. Papaya.. karena saya takuuuut banget Sora jadi sembelit karena mulai makan solids, saya selalu kasi papaya setidaknya 2 hari sekali. ah dan thank God, Sora suka papaya, seperti papa dan mamanya. 

3. Timun, makanan tuk snack - kalo lagi jalan2 dan si anak iseng, kasi timun aja - soalnya ga terlalu berantakan, dan warnanya pun bening2. 

4. Brokoli, entah kenapa Sora suka banget tuh .. mungkin karena bentuknya yang lucu seperti pohon, tapi hati2 brokoli berantakan... siap2 ujan daun brokoli ya... 

5. Pisang karena super licin, kulitnya jangan dikupas semua (tapi cuci bersih dulu ya) - jadi bagian dengan kulit bisa dijadikan pegangan. Tapi sekarang sih Sora dah lebih bisa pegang pisang tanpa kulit, awal2 aja cukup licin. Btw, noda bekas pisang bisa bikin baju jadi hitam, jadi harus extra cepat2 bersihinnya.
6. Labu siam. Salah satu favorit Sora, dan enak loh lembek2.. aduh emang anak mama deh, sama doyannya.

Hari demi hari, perhatikan kemampuan si anak.. dengan begitu saya sesuaikan potongan yang nyaman untuk Sora. 

Kalau besar, Sora bisa pegang dua tangan - kadang tetap ditaroh di meja dan dia dekatkan mulutnya ke meja.. 

Kalau cukup kecil, Sora pegang 1 tangan dan makan seperti pegang stick gitu. 

Saya sih ngerasa hal ini tidak terlalu ada aturan, sesuaiin aja dengan si anak.. makanya kita perlu perhatikan dan tidak pernah tinggalkan dia ketika dia makan. Bukan hanya tuk alasan safety, tapi jg tuk semakin mengenal preference anak kita. 

Oh yah, tambahan.. karena hari2 Sora pertama BLW, we spent di Clubmed Cherating - jadi kami punya kesempatan tuk explore banyak banget makanan... daaaannn karena itu hari2 pertama means banyak banget makanan yg jatuh di lantai.. 

Well, ini bukan keharusan sih, tapi untuk courtesy saja (dan kesian sama cleaning service nya donk)... kami membereskan remah2 itu supaya tidak menimbulkan kerusuhan.
So, kalo lagi jalan2 di luar (pengalaman baru 2 minggu sih), saya pilih makanan yg less rusuh - dan siap siaga membersihkan.

Dan saya pun sangat2 bersyukur, karena punya suami dan mama yang sangat mendukung! Mama saya lagi disini pas di awal2 kita start BLW .. walaupun awal2 sempet senewennnn...tapi lama2 si popo bisa melihat kalo BLW ini emang make sense, Sora ada progress dan actually bisa makan. We witnessed together kalo emang a baby without a tooth bisa actually bite with his gum, chew well and swallow safely :) that's why, my mom is getting less senewen each day .. and bahkan bisa do things yg diajarkan di buku BLW tanpa baca bukunya, i think simply because BLW is actually very natural thing to do.. and yeah right, nothing beats experience, my mom is surely an expert :D

Begitu dulu updatenya tuk 2 minggu ini, again... saya tidak ambisius ... haha. Saya akan ikuti dengan pace Sora. Let's pray for the best :D
Motherhood really2 humbles me... When we think that we know about our baby well, the following day... he changes into someone new! Motherhood constantly reminds me how I need Our Father's guidance every hour and every day.
Yes, I need Thee every hour :)
Sama halnya dengan BLW, every time I start - I pray kalo Tuhan yg jaga Sora, I pray that Sora bisa enjoy and figure out how to eat... dan biar hikmat Tuhan terus dilimpahkan tuk si clueless mama ini to do the next thing. 

Let's see how~~ :D

Help Me to Start Again

How time flies.
The last post I wrote was last year, when I shared with you that I was pregnant.
And here I am, my baby is now 6 month old.

I need to be honest with you, I always had this urge to write again, to share what I've been through, to share His faithfulness in my life... and my marriage life and MOTHERHOOD!
And.... you know, starting again is very very hard! I just do not know how to start #again..
It is like, I really want to share with you about my baby's solid eating journey.. but I feel like I even haven't shared with you how my pregnancy was (a very smooth one!), how I gave birth (yeah right?), the meaning of my baby's name, my breastfeeding journey.. and even worse, have I shared with you my wedding? No!
But, that's it... I won't wait any longer. I will start, NOW! Either those missing moments that I haven't shared with you ... or my current life, a mother with a baby boy :)
So, girls, I need your support .. I do hope and pray, my next post is not a year after (like before) :$

I need an inspiration!!! And my fave verse reminded me:
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. - James 1:17 
So, yes, my inspiration will come from the Above, as it's always been!

Just a very quick (and easy) update about my current life, as a mother with a baby boy:

Oh yeah, picture speaks thousand words :)










Stay tuned, girls, I'll be back soon this time :D

The First Time We Saw You

Happy New Year 2014!

So excited this year ~ it is gonna be a special year for me and my husband. Welcoming our first baby in this world. (really2 praying everyday kalo semuanya bisa lancarrrrr... please keep us in your prayer too)

How and when did I figure out kalo saya ini hamil?
hmm, kalo ada yg belum tau gmana itung usia kehamilan .. itu diitung dari hari pertama dari menstruasi terakhir kita.
Kenapa begitu? karena cari tahu masa subur itu kapan kurang jelas - makanya diseragamkan dihitung dari hari pertama mens terakir.
Masa subur itu pada umumnya adalah 14 hari setelah hari pertama menstruasi. Anggaplah kita baru sadar kita hamil (karena telat menstruasi) tepat di hari ke 29, yg berarti kalo dihitung dari masa subur si baby "jadi" baru usia 2 minggu - tapi di dunia kedokteran dihitung 4 minggu. (itupun sebenernya jarang2 sih sadar hamil kalo baru telat sehari, karena banyak faktor menyebabkan terlambat mens: stress, kecapean, adaptasi di lingkungan baru..) Jadi biasanya, sadar2 yah mgkn dah 5-6 minggu, dah telat banget gitu.

Nah, kembali ke pertanyaan di atas..
Sblm saya bener2 tahu saya hamil, saya somehow dah berasa hamil (apa ngarep aja?). Karena tanda2 hamil itu benernya agak mirip sama tanda2 pms juga. Badan kok yah cape mulu ga kira2 en saya jadi makin hobi bobo (tapi susah juga detect-nya, karena saya emang super kebo).
Lalu saya iseng2 test pack - eh hasilnya negatif (cuma 1 garis) ... tapi tetep aja masi keukeh menanti penasaran karena emang belum jadwal mens.
Jadi yah .. saya jadi lebih hati2, mulai pilih2 makanan (ga makan raw food misalnya), ga ikut suami saya ke adventure cove sentosa (karena banyak sliding2, en saya bakal jungkir2 balik) ... en jadi mulai minum folic acid.

Begitu telat 1 hari - jreng2.. dah ga sabar, langsung lah saya test pack lagi!
Agak kabur2 dikit garisnya kayak gini:

Langsung saya tanya ke temen saya yg dah punya anak, en katanya kalo dah muncul 2 garis .. itu positif, walaupun kabur.
Jadi 2 garis itu muncul kalo ada hormon Hcg di urine kita.. dan hormon akan meningkat dengan bertambah usia kehamilan. Karena saya cek baru 4 minggu, jadi wajar kalo masi kabur2.

Suami sih masi ga berani hepi dulu .. dia bilang, tunggu kita ke gynae :)
Berarti usia si baby baru 4 minggu saat itu .. langsung pingin bikin appointment ke gynae.. tapi kami putusin tunggu week ke 6 karena di awal2 katanya belum keliatan baby-nya, baru kantong bag-nya aja ~ so karena kiasu banget pingin lihat si baby pertama kali, kami (tepatnya saya sih!) sabar menunggu...

Inilah saat yg dinantikan tiba.......
Saya share aja yah catatan suami and catatan saya - pertama kali kami lihat our baby :')

Catatan papa:

first consultation. dr. ********** 

20 nov, 7.45 pm - 8.15 pm.

last period 10 okt. uda 6 weeks.

ultrasound ga keliatan

kurang banyak minumnya pdhal rasanya uda byk

mesti sampe rasa mau kencing ditahan

jadi pake vaginal scan 

keliatan water bag. ada fetus dgn heart beat.

masi kecil banget 1mm

$ ***** 

dont take multivitamin, only after 3rd month

folic acid 5 mg overdose better 

800microgram - 3 times a day

folic acid 2 more months

no smoking no alcohol

no raw food

no touch cat

no jump around no jogging

swim and walk better

flight ok unless bleeding

white yellow discharge normal

as long as not blood/brown

**************************** 

tea coke ok

****************************

3 weeks time.

dikasi milk sample.

eyn tes urine buat test protein and sugar.

next visit 11 des 7.10 pm.

Catatan mama: 

21 Nov

Dear my baby, 

kemarin papa dan mama lihat kamu pertama kali. 

cek ke dokter - pertama2 kamu belum keliatan, karena kata dokter mama kurang banyak minum - jadi dokter harus pake cara lain buat liat kamu. 

pertama kali - keliatannya itu cuma kantong kamu saja - yg akan jagain kamu selama 8 bulan ke depan ini.. 

mama udah lumayan kecewa sedikiittt - karena we really2 couldnt wait to see  you, and sangat2 excited mau liat kamu. 

but you know what! you are really strong ~ and a good baby. kamu showed up on the screen .. and yg lebih amazing lagi .. kamu berdetak, nak :D :D 

ukuranmu hanya 1 mm .. sooo tiny! 

tapi, tau ga? Tuhan begitu sayang sama kamu - Dia peduli akan setiap hal yg terjadi dalam dirimu .. Dia yg memberi pertumbuhan. 

Dia juga yg jagai mama. 

Mama mah ga berkuasa nak, kalo bukan Tuhan yg jaga. 

Mama cuma bisa lakukan yg terbaik yg mama bisa (mama dah ga jalan di eskalator loh, padahal mama mu ini super ga sabar, ga bisa nunggu) 

mama berusaha semaksimal mungkin ga lari, walaupun kadang2 masi lari dikit ngejar mrt :p tapi sangat dikurangiiiiiiiiii 

kamu sungguh ajaib ... Tuhan bekerja begitu ajaib dalam dirimu .. 

kehamilan ini membuat mama merasa begitu kecil.. 

mama bukan apa2 kalo bukan Tuhan yg bekerja. 

dear baby, mama berdoa biar sungguh kamu mengenal penciptaMu.. yg mengasihimu lebih dari papa mama bisa mengasihimu.. 

cant wait to see you, nak... 

meanwhile - mama akan menikmati masa2 mama bekerja tuk menabung supaya nanti mama bisa full time jaga kamu ~ 

masa mama bisa bobo panjang sama papa saja.... 

Nah, keliatan kan tuh yah bedanya saya dan suami? haha ~ 

Nih muka happy mama pertama kali liat si baby:

It's indeed a miracle, a blessing... 

a gift from the Above. 

Psalm 139: 

For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

Save The Best For Last (no more)

My husband may not bring me flowers everyday ... but he does the sweetest thing every morning..

This pic may look gross, but it speaks love for me.

Saya termasuk orang yg susah makan .. dan ketika saya "dilepaskan" oleh mama (dan adik saya) lalu "diberikan" kepada suami saya.. Mereka sudah berpesan, "tolong dijaga ini anak - jangan sampe ga makan..."

And I think, my husband does a very great job!

Kalo urusan makan roti -- saya selalu save the best for last!
En what it is the best part? tentunya bagian tengah2 yg paling banyak isinya...

-- dan saya bukan orang yg suka makan pinggiran roti .. (bagian coklat2nya itu loh) - kalo terpaksa harus beli roti yg ada pinggirannya - dengan sangat sedih hati, saya makan pinggirannya dulu ...
supaya akirnya, yes the best part is to be enjoyed the last!

Sejak menikah, I save the best for last no more.

My husband saves the best for me.
tiap pagi - dia selalu makan pinggiran roti.. tuk kasi saya bagian tengah yg paling nikmat --> seperti di foto ini.

He is the best ^^

WRITE

Okay, here is the message:

WRITE! 

Source:unknown 

Matahari

Pagi ini saya bangun dengan hati yang lemah ..
-- serasa tidak ada kekuatan tuk jalani hari ..
In my crying and praying .... saya bertanya..
"Tuhan, kapan? Dimana? dan bagaimana? .... 
I don't know what to do .. and I don't know how long I should wait... 
and I don't know if I will ever get there..... " 
.......
Life goes on ~ regardless situasiku.
Saya tetap harus mengerjakan tanggung jawabku.

so - I did laundry today.
Pagi ini matahari bersinar terang...
dan itu membuat saya lebih hepi, karena saya bisa memberikan baju2 saya sunbathing ~ instead of putting them in the dryer :)

And - I did the next thing.

Jam 1 siang saat matahari sedang terik2nya saya keluar rumah.
I put on my sunglasses (karena saya tidak tahan silau) tapi saya tidak pakai payung (karena saya sudah pasrah kulit saya emang sudah hitam).

Sepanjang jalan, saya menikmati panasnya matahari... sungguh2 menikmati, entah kenapa.
I guess, I really needed it today!
I did enlighten and brighten my day ~

Biasanya kalo keluar tengah hari, saya selalu ketemu dengan Bapak2 yang selalu menyapa saya dengan  ,"Umbrella!!! It's hot!"
Hari ini saya reply dia "It's okay. I love sunshine :D"

Hmmm... I know, buat kita yg tinggal di negara tropis - sinar matahari adalah hal yang biasa.

Tapi untukku, hari ini ...
Sinar matahari membisikkan pesan untukku ...

Tuhan jawab doa dan kegalauan hatiku dengan teriknya matahari ...
yang adalah dari Dia..
dan yang selalu ada untukku ...

He simply said to me and proclaimed once again "I am always here for you"

Saya jadi teringat ayat ini..
Tak berkesudahan kasih setia Tuhan, tak habis-habisnya rahmatNya. 
Selalu baru tiap pagi; besar kesetiaanMu. 
"Tuhan adalah bagianku," kata jiwaku, 
oleh sebab itu aku berharap kepadaNya. 
Tuhan adalah baik bagi orang yang berharap kepadaNya, bagi jiwa yang mencari Dia. 
Adalah baik menanti dengan diam pertolongan Tuhan. 

~ and there, once again He showed me His faithfulness...
Apapun situasi yang sedang dan aku hadapi ..
Uncertain future ..
Peperangan dalam batinku ...
dan apapun itu ..
He showed me once again, sama seperti matahari ...............
Dia selalu ada untukku. Tidak berubah!
He is more than enough for me.
He is all that I need.

How to Become Emotionally Healthy

Are you frequently overwhelmed by all you have to do? Do you often experience feelings of stress, guilt, fatigue, frustration, and anger because of the burdens you face in life?

If so, you’re not living the abundant life that God intends for you to live. God wants you to be emotionally healthy – able to live with peace and joy, no matter what circumstances you may go through.

You can enjoy that kind of life if you quit doing things that damage your soul and sabotage your ability to enjoy good emotional health. Here’s how you can change your life to be emotionally healthy:

Quit being afraid of what others think. 

Release yourself from the pressure of trying to please other people and focus solely on pleasing God. God’s opinion of you is the only one that ultimately matters. You have inherent worth because God has made you in His image, and you don’t need to try to earn God’s approval if you place your trust in Jesus, because Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross for your sins is enough for you to be set right with God. Take a few days to pay attention to how you may be trying to use words and actions to gain approval from other people. Then pray about what you notice, asking God to empower you to change those unhealthy habits and give you the confidence to simply be yourself when interacting with people. Read Bible verses that describe God’s love for you, and reflect on them often. Choose to base your identity on God’s love for you rather than on what others think of you.

Quit lying. 

Even if you don’t deliberately lie, you may be lying to God, yourself, or other people without realizing it if you’re not careful to live with complete emotional honesty. For example, do you find yourself avoiding commenting on something when telling the truth would be awkward or painful? God wants you to feel free to always speak the truth in love – and the degree to which you speak the truth is the degree to which you are free. Ask God to give you the strength to live with emotional integrity in every situation from now on. Expect conflict to occur in your relationships after you change the dynamics of them by being honest about your views. But trust that God will help you through it well if you proceed respectfully and in the right timing while avoiding blame and taking responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings.

Quit dying to the wrong things. 

While God does want you to die to sinful things that harm your soul, He doesn’t want you to deprive yourself of gifts He makes available to you to nurture your soul. So don’t deny yourself healthy pleasures, such as taking walks outdoors, getting together with friends for a meal or concert, or pursuing a hobby you enjoy. Keep in mind that you must care well for yourself before you can care well for other people God wants you to serve (such as your spouse and children). Accept the reality that you have emotional, mental, and physical limits to what you can do without becoming overly stressed – and realize that those limits are gifts from God, meant to help you make wise, healthy choices. Discover yourself by getting to know your heart (your thoughts, feelings, and values), your story (how your past has influenced the way you think and behave now), and your personality. Once you learn more about yourself, use that information to care for yourself well from now on.

Quit denying anger, sadness, and fear. 

Embrace the full range of your emotions – including difficult feelings like anger, sadness, and fear – so that you can learn what God wants you to learn from them. Instead of denying or suppressing your emotions, decide to feel them fully, so you can explore them. Consider recording your feelings in a journal to help you identify your emotions and reflect on them. Ask God to help you discern the specific reasons why you’re feeling the way you are. Then take appropriate action, responding to the information your feelings give you however God leads you to do so.

Quit blaming. 

Shift your focus away from blaming others for the problems in your life and toward taking personal responsibility. Realize that you’re not a victim; you can choose to solve some problems and trust God in situations you can’t control. Practice these skills to start changing your life for the better: setting boundaries, speaking up, saying “yes” or “no” honestly, paying attention to your feelings, taking care of yourself, confronting yourself to deal with sin in your life, remaining hopeful in every situation, thinking carefully about your decisions, and acting courageously to follow where God leads you.

Quit over-functioning. 

Decide to stop doing for other people anything that they can and should do for themselves. Ask God to give you the courage to change the rules of your relationships so that you’re no longer taking responsibility for others in unhealthy ways. Clearly and calmly explain the changes you’re making to the people who will be affected by your new, healthier choices. Prepare for chaos at first, as they figure out how to adjust to the changes. Stand firm and move forward with your plans, regardless of how they react to them, trusting the Holy Spirit to help you every step of the way.

Quit faulty thinking. 

Break the habit of thinking in faulty ways, such as all-or-nothing thinking, taking things personally, and thinking that things will never change. Read and reflect on the Bible often and pray for the Holy Spirit to renew your mind every day, so your mind will be filled with truth. Ask God to give you the wisdom to know when not to follow your feelings. Stop making assumptions about other people without verifying the facts. Whenever you catch yourself falling into faulty thinking in a particular situation, ask yourself what new way you can respond that, though unfamiliar, may be more likely to succeed. Also, consider what you’ll regret years from now if you don’t do something to change your situation, and let that motivate you to change.

Quit living someone else’s life. 

Don’t hand control of your life over to other people. Instead, do your best to discover and fulfill God’s unique purposes for you. Listen to your inner rhythms to figure out the best times and ways for you to arrange your activities without becoming overwhelmed. Set boundaries with everyone with whom you have relationships to keep them emotionally healthy. Let go of any ways you may be trying to control other people’s lives; give them the freedom to make their own choices in life, and enjoy the freedom that you now have to do the same.

by. Whitney Hopler

A report on the practical applications of Geri (and Pete) Scazzero's new book, The Emotionally Healthy Woman: Eight Things You Have to Quit to Change Your Life (Zondervan, 2013).