Just One Thing

Happy New Year :D :D

haha, dah telat banget emang.. tadi tiba2 kaget kalo 22 hari dah berlalu dari tahun 2013... better late than never... :$ :$

New Year Eve kemarin, actually I was pretty excited.. since ini tahun baru pertama for me as a married woman... I was thinking that on new year eve, we could spend time sama2 tuk refleksi tahun lalu dan rencana tuk tahun ke depan.
Hmmm.. but, my husband was sick... and I was really2 thankful that he could sleep well that nite..

So there I was, "alone" on my new year eve... spent time to look through my resolutions dari tahun2 yg lalu.

Beberapa hal sudah ter-"accomplished" -- shallow stuffs, like nyetir mobil, losing weight, exercise regularly...
or some more "noble" stuffs -- reading books!! (remember, I naturally don't read. I struggle to read!!!)
GETTING MARRIED, of course.

2013?! How?
Ketika aku mulai mikirin..... hmmm, pengen 2013 mau gmana yaaa?

Setelah melihat tahun2 ku yg lalu ..
Masa2 terburukku ...
dan juga masa2 terindahku ...
Aku berkesimpulan ... cuma ada 1 hal yang ingin aku kejar tahun ini...

"Remain in God and He will remain in me" ...

Karena ketika aku melihat ke belakang, aku menyadari ....
Masa2 terburukku adalah bukan ketika masalahku paling dahsyat... tapi adalah ketika aku paling jauh dari Dia, ketika aku mengandalkan diriku sendiri....
dan masa terindahku adalah bukan ketika aku lepas dari masalah .. tapi ketika I remained in Him.

Aku menyadari .... apart from him, I can do nothing... and actually, apart from him, I am nothing..

So...2013..
aku berdoa biar terus nempel kepada pokok anggur...
mau berbuah.... dengan menempel ke Dia..

of course, aku masi ada hal-hal lain ... olahraga rajin, memasak (jreng jreng!!!!!!!), urus suami, mulai pelayanan baru di sini, settling down in other areas in my life... (my new life) ....
but one thing I know for sure...
the first thing -- to be put on my number one list is
REMAINING IN GOD!
my sumber energi! yang memungkinkan other things to happen and to be accomplished!
Yosh!!!

"Yes I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing." - Jesus Christ -

The Pillows I'll Choose

I had a super fun shopping with my bestfriend yesterday. My bestfriend who is getting married this year too! We were soooooooooo maid of honoring each other last night!

Actually, kemarin ga ada rencana tuk shopping, kita rencana ketemu to do other things. Tiba2 karena super sale hebat -- I said to my bestie, "hey hey - u know what, deket2 wedding kita pasti bakal perlu belanja ini ini ini ini *not for the wedding, but for the life after it*" I witnessed my older sis, menjelang merit, banyak banget yg harus di-prepare dan dibeli. "so, i think it is wise kalo kita mulai cicil dari skrg, since we still got several months -"

So, we did! We did do the shopping things yg bakal kita BUTUH *and they were on sale, yay!!!*~ for our new lives.

Ini yang aku belajar karena ditinggalkan 1 cici dan 1 koko - dalam 1 tahun *karena merit dan pindah ke rumah baru*, yaitu akan ada banyak barang yang they used to have di rumah lama (rumah parents) yang tidak akan bisa dibawa ke rumah baru!

1. karena tidak butuh

2. karena rumah baru lebih kecil

3. karena sudah ada barang baru, contoh - bantal! kita bakal beli bantal baru abis merit!

So, pilih deh barang2 lama yang tidak akan dibawa ke rumah baru, apakah

1. disumbangkan

2. dibuang

*jangan ditinggal di rumah lama - kesian yang ditinggalkan!

En buatku, it's scarier - karena barangku jauh lebih banyak -- dan aku pindah jauh lebih jauuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh! Kemarin malam, I decided - to start membenahi barang2ku en ga akan belanja apapun yang ga akan aku bawa dari rumah mama!

AKU BERJANJI TIDAK AKAN BELI DASTER BATIK - DAN MAU PAKE DASTERKU SEKARANG WALAU ADA BOLONG2 DIKIT.

*kenapa daster batik? karena aku suka luluh liat daster~ en kepengen beli!

Aku rela setahun ini pakai daster agak rombeng, karena aku akan pakai daster baru setelah pindah rumah...... Karena daster yang aku pake skrg - akan aku ganti kurang dari setaon.

TIBA2 ......aku ingat suatu kesaksian, pendetaku pernah ceritakan waktu aku masi remaja dulu.

Ada 1 keluarga yang rich enough, dia tinggal di daerah Menteng! Tapi mereka hidupnya sangat sederhana. Selama beberapa tahun, ga pernah pake baju baru - bajunya itu2 lagi itu2 lagi. Sampe akirnya, temen dari keluarga itu nanya --- "kenapa sih, kalian punya uang - ga mau beli baju baru?"

En dijawab, "ooh, soalnya kami mau pindah ke Amerika, ini cuma sementara di Jakarta. So, we save money - en don't buy things yg emang kami ga butuh dan kami ga bawa ke Amrik. Mending tar belanja disana saja."

And that -- mengingatkan kita pada hidup kita di dunia ini. TEMPORARY~! hanya sementara... Hidup kita di Amrik lah *dalam kondisi keluarga itu* or hidup saya setelah pindah rumah lah *compared to my less than a year tinggal di rumah ortu*-- yang akan lebih panjang , walaupun bukan eternity.

Hidup kita, setelah kita meninggalkan dunia ini lah - ETERNITY. Yang perlu kita invest.

~Focus on things that matter! That will last for eternity!~

The busyness of life seringkali drag us, en mem-blur-kan fokus kita! Membuat tidak ada waktu dan tenaga yang tersisa tuk mengasihi orang lain. To touch other's lives. PEOPLE! that lasts for eternity.

Tuntutan di pekerjaan atopun tuntutan tuk get more, earn more, reach higher - men-shift kan prioritas kita, to build an intimate relationship with the Father, the source of all good things~! A relationship that will last forever!

"Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be." Matthew 6:19-21

Entertainment yg tidak ada habisnya --- really2 entertain us, sampai2 we got no time to *entertain* fill our lives with His words, again, that will last forever~!

Life is so short! "How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone." James 4:14 Focus on things that matter!

For me, a bride to be, I will try to fokus hanya belanja barang yang akan aku bawa nanti en kepake on my new life.

Sale2 di mall yang super meriah, bisa membuatku lupa kalo aku ga akan pake barang2 itu setaun ke depan, en itu bakal wasted! FOKUS!

If I have to choose between bantal2an tuk cincin kawin atau bantal beneran -------

- I will choose bantal beneran yang akan aku pakai cukuuuppp lama - walaupun tidak secantik teddybears on pillow holding my wedding bands :D

Yellow 2012

How I miss writing!!!! >.<

Hmm, kalo diliat dari jumlah tulisanku ... tahun 2011 jauh lebih sedikit dari 2010 yg juga tidak banyak ~ haha~!

Biasanya aku itu adalah fans sejati "momen2 yg memorable", such as birthdays, anniversaries, and new year tentunya. Aku suka banget refleksi diri ~ haha! Interopeksi and bikin resolusi - to help me to kejar target and goals ... karena aku tipe orang yg super ambisius...

Nah, akir taon 2011, aku sungguh mengalami kesulitan tuk refleksi .. karena, aku realized that 2011 was a tough year for me~! Aku mengalami burnt out yg super parah -- sehingga aku sampe ga mampu do anything anymore!

Though 2011 was tough, aku belajar hal yang sangat berharga --- kalau nilai diriku bukanlah dari performancesku ..

Bukan dari seberapa banyak tulisan yang aku tulis.

Dari seberapa banyak buku yang aku baca.

Seberapa banyak adik2 wanita (maupun pria) yang aku layani.

Bukan dari seberapa banyak uang yang aku berikan kepada orang lain.

Bukan dari seberapa banyak waktu aku pakai tuk orang lain (dan bukan untuk diriku) ...

Tapi hanya dari siapa aku di hadapan Tuhan! Nilaiku tidak akan berkurang walau performa-ku turun~ dan sebaliknya.

2011 - secara performa, nilai produktivitas -- sangatlah berkurang banyak! Grafik turun drastis..

Tapi, once again, aku belajar hal terindah dan diingatkan... that I am precious because I am His - not because of what I do~

Di awal tahun 2012 (padahal baru 10 hari) - aku berusaha tuk bikin resolusi - set2 goals etc (remember, I am super ambitious) .. tapi tetep tuh, sampe skrg ... belum berhasil~

God was like, "sante aja donk eyn~~~!! First thing first, precious girl.... just keep constantly coming to Me... and You'll know what to do!"

Oke God, this year~

Aku ga mau ikutin agenda super ambisiusku ...

I don't want to depend on my own strength (I screwed up last year, what?!) -

I want to learn how to rest - 'coz it's really miserable to be burnt out ~~ (salah sendiri sih eyn~~~~!!!!!)

Eyn mau set priorities - bukan dari what people expect me to do, but what YOU want to do in my life! (oh, God, that's not easy!)

I want to please You - not people ...

Mau nempel terus - seperti carang nempel ke pokok anggur! Karena apart from You, I am nothing!

There! The best thing I could think about my 2012 ~~ haha~!

Oh and btw,

do u know that 2012' color trend is yellow?! I heard from some people (and I chose to believe them!) hahaha!

So, I guess 2012 is really the best year for me to say YELLOW to my own wedding, rite?

(Fyi, yellow has been my color since forever!)

Yellow in 2012 is so perfect! Yihaaaaa!!!

Loving Your Now

Kalau ditanya hal yg paling happening seminggu terakir ini – I think everyone would agree – kematian Steve Jobs. Oh well, at least – di blackberry, twitter and facebook, a lot of people talked (at least) a thing about him.

For myself tho…, ada perasaan like – “huhu baru aja, aku berpindah dari windows ke macbook”, or jadi realized one thing, kalo aku selama ini cuma bisa pake (baca=enjoy) itunes (saking gaptek-nya) – no winamp, no windows media player. Or, aku juga ga tau kenapa aku selalu naksir ipod sejak pertama dia keluar, walaupun kedua ipod yg aku miliki adalah hadiah! (yay!) Bukan karena aku ga nge-fan Apple, it’s just that aku gaptek (ga ikut perkembangan jaman), aku tidak pernah beli laptop (selalu dikasi, praise HIM :D) – jadi ga pernah milih :$ (yeah, rite, pertama x beli laptop yah = my one month old macbook pro itu) – iphone (blackberry chose me, karena tuntutan!) – ipad, aku ga pernah maen games! Oke, please don’t judge me, I know, I am a boring person! Haha!

So, harus kuakui – the only time aku mulai kasak kusuk ttg Steve Jobs adalah saat kematiannya, itu pun karena banyak yg nge-post.

Ada satu hal yg terngiang2 di pikiranku …

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

To do what we love? Or to love what we do?

Aku jadi berandai2, alangkah indahnya kalo my “work” is what I love! I dance – I sing, and I make money! Apalagi kalo bisa menghasilkan billions dollar kayak David Beckham!

Then, what if – what I do AT THE MOMENT, it’s not the thing I love? Then, I need to choose to love what I do, at least, AT THIS MOMENT.

Aku tiba2 teringat Yusuf dan Musa --- entah kenapa ---

Yusuf, aku ingat saat2 dia di rumah Potifar (oke, dia adalah kepala dsana, so it wasn’t that bad!), tapi ketika dia di penjara! Did he love what he did? (He barely did anything kayanya ya :$)

Or Musa? Pengalaman 40 tahun menjaga ternak mertua.

Did they love what they did? Secara background mereka sama, remember, 2-2nya hidup enak, papa kaya – mama angkat di istana.

I don’t know the answers. Tapi kalo kita liat the whole picture of their lives, we know that masa2 Yusuf di penjara ataupun Musa di padang rumput – adalah masa2 Tuhan mempersiapkan mereka tuk hal yg spektakuler untuk hidup mereka dan bangsanya.

What I am trying to say here adalah…

Seringkali … kita compare hidup kita dengan orang lain! Oke, maybe Steve Jobs => “Gileee, dia DO .. dia bisa sukseeeesssssss…” it’s true for him, or for banyak contoh lainnya.

Atau, dengan orang yang lebih dekat deh … “Dia make money and sukses dengan nari or nyanyi or maen bola” or apalah, yg adalah hobi kita! Then, kita berpikir “kesiaaannnyaa kitaaaaaaa…ga ada kesempatan to do what we love for a living”

Jreng jreng!!! Oke, I agree! We’ve got to find what we love – sungguh indah dan sungguh ideal! Tapi remember, sometimes… there is a season for us, to learn, tuk dibentuk. Ada season dimana hal yg kita kerjakan adalah something yg kita ga bisa enjoy mau sampe kapanpun juga. (Pernahkah aku bercita2 tuk mencintai cuci piring atau menyapu ketika di Jepang?...NO!)

Bukan berarti ketika what we do at the moment adalah things yg tidak sesuai dengan cita2/hobby, kita ber-attitude jalanin dengan mengeluh – dan tidak bersyukur. Since, it’s not the thing I want to do for my life! NO!

Remember, once again, there is a season for everything. Ada masa di mana karakter kita dibentuk, salah satunya melalui pekerjaan dan tanggung jawab kita. (Ingat Yusuf dan Musa!) See it that way. Sambil terus submit our plans to Him.

You know, what I always said saat aku menyapu pagi hari jam 5.45 “Saya menyapu untuk Tuhan, saya menyapu untuk Tuhan”. Walaupun kadang2, aku harus menyapu sambil menangis. I remembered Colossians 3:23 => Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.

Bukan berarti aku content dengan hidup menyapu looh, namun aku memilih PADA SAAT ITU, kalo aku mau memuliakan Tuhan dengan pekerjaanku. Dengan attitude yang benar (walaupun aku tidak cinta menyapu), tapi I chose to love what I did. Dengan mengingat bahwa, it’s a part of hidup yg harus aku jalanin.

Then, kalo gitu? Berpuas dirilah dengan apa yg kita kerjakan saat ini kah, Lyn? (Should I quit searching?) Itu hanya kita masing2 dan Tuhan yg tau. Terus cari kehendak Tuhan dalam hidup kita. To find our callings, entah itu akirnya adalah (we think as) things yg we love or not (padahal He knows better than we do, yah?). Tapi pada masa2 pencarian, penantian…. Always choose to work with integrity. And, juga with LOVE and PASSION. As you do for HIM, so He is glorified in whatever we do.

Ada satu lagu yg aku suka banget dari Steven Chapman "Miracle of the Moment"

"We are who, and where, and what we are for now. And this is the only moment we can do anything about."

Tidak ada salahnya tuk terus mencari apa yg kita cintai. Tentu! Tapi, jangan abaikan moment ini, for this the only moment that we can do anything about. Choose to love your NOW!

Let's DO FUN Learning!

Hello, finally ... saya melanjutkan our Preparing to be a Help Meet Journey ..

*i am really sorry for the long pause.. :(

The next chapter of this book, chapter 7, is about Knowledge.

I'll write the review short saja... (hmm, that's my first intention..haha let's see apakah tiba2 jadi panjang)

Since ini buku ttg preparing ourselves to be help meets - one thing yg we need to do while we prepare => gaining knowledge. About apa saja? Later!

First, why?

Marriage life is not all romance and passion - maybe five percent. The rest of your time is devoted to the routine of living. There will be unexpected trials burdens that will catch you and your sweetie totally by surprise. Whether your family, not to mention your passion, survive life's curveballs depends on knowledge..yours..

In this book, Debi Pearl shared her own experience, where due to her lack of knowledges tentang obat2an - vaksinasi bayi hampir merenggut nyawa baby-nya! (intinya, she let her baby di-vaksin, padahal harusnya belum boleh). Nah, the moment pada saat bayinya sakit keras hampir mati (karena dia sudah melihat ada Death Angel menghampiri....>.<), adalah turning point buat dia bahwa she has to learn stuffs!

Life is not complicated. There are only a few simple principles that God set into place that make the whole process not just run smoothly, but really fly.

Proverbs 24:3-5

"Through wisdom is a house built; and by understanding it is established: And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches. A wise man is strong; yea a man of knowledge increase strength."

We got choices..how we want to spend our youth..! After all, it's our own lives! (errr...not really, actually!)

Once, my friend cerita kenapa dia bisa il-feel sama satu cewe... "gile lyn, dia spend weekend cuma nonton film korea!" I am not judging her! Siapa yg ga suka? Tapi, spending entire weekend watching Korean drama (every week) only helps you to gain knowledge in Korean (annyongghaseeooo~!!) or maybe fashion, a bit. or making kimchi?

Remember girls....we are now being prepared (and prepare ourselves) for something! Something that you and I have dreamed for a life time, I know.

...and as in Proverbs 24:3-5 said...it is built by wisdom, knowledge, and understanding.

And the time to gain all of them...... is NOW~!

Since, I, myself, juga belum entering the marriage life (though I have met my prince charming)... aku ga bisa suggest apa yg perlu kita pelajari, tapi mari belajar sama2, berdasarkan pengalaman Ibu-ibu di atas kita :D

In this book, Debi Pearl bilang... ini2 yang perlu kita siapin dan pelajari..

jreng jreng jreng...

1. Masak!! of course ga cuma sekedar masak asal jadi, tapi yang sehat. Including, belanja bahan yang bagus. (trust me, girls, I read this book several times.. and skrg saat aku ketik ini pun.. aku super deg2an about this! >.< )

2. Birth control! and pregnancies....

What??!~!! To be honest with you, aku sama sekali belum tau apa2 tentang hal ini ..cuma pretty much tau kapan masa subur itu >.< Detail-nya belum.. dan one day, make sure we learn about this before we get married.

What we can do now, though~ Know your body well! Aku started tuk mencatat jadwal menstruasi, untuk tahu normal ga-nya, + ini juga to help me tau kapan aku PMS, supaya aku lebih berjaga dan kasi extra kekuatan tuk si emosi nakal >.<

And including di dalamnya, we need to have a strong healthy body for our babies tar... (deg2an juga ketik ini!) Mari ber-olahragalah wahai wanita~!

3. Hospitality

4. How to make money! :D (or at least to save money..)

Jangan cuma jadi single ladies yang jago to spend money ..... !!! Semangaaaat!! Do smart shopping!

5. Responsibility --> ga lagi2 jadi anak papi/mami yang manja ...

6. Homeschooling

Gmana practice-nya? Start to learn a new thing each week, Debi Pearl suggested. Rajin baca, bertanya, dan praktek... Kata kuncinya = rajin. A Godly woman doesn't eat the bread of idleness. (Proverbs 31:27)

Oh and btw, learning stuffs - gaining knowledge ga selamanya se-stress belajar geografi (tiba2 aja inget pelajaran ini... >.<), it could something fun too! Like today, aku nemenin bumil belanja perlengkapan bayi ..(aku bisa saja liat2 baju, since i am not having a baby dalam waktu dekat, rite?) but! it was totally FUN! Here's one of the fun things... this cute tooth brush :D Don't u think it's super cute?

Why do I tell you all about this weird stuff? I want you to know that walking through the door of knowledge will make you a stronger, healthier, smarter and more resourceful person. It will make you more capable wife, a wiser mother and an interesting person. It could save your life or that of your child.

Mariiiiii!!!!!!!!!

Who can find a virtuous woman? -- oh, for us... :

who wants to be a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies.....? I do I do~!

Semangat! :D

Chapter 8 = Italian Prince, next ;)

Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World

by Joanna Weaver.
- a book for you who wants to live a balanced life. To please God with your intimacy with Him and bless people with your service. - eyn

Jesus is our supreme example. He was never in a hurry. He knew who he was and where he was going. He wasn’t held hostage to the world’s demands or even its desperated needs. “I only do what the Father tells me to do.”

Two completely different women undergo a transformaton right before our eyes; a holy makeover. The bold one becomes meek, the mild one courageous. For it is impossible to be in the presence of Jesus and not bechanged.

We can get caught in the same performance trap, feeling as though we must prove our love for God by doing great things for him.

The Kingdom of God, you see, is a paradox. While the world applauds achievement, God desires companionship. The world clamors, “Do more! Be all that you can be!” But our Father whispers, “Be still and know that I am God.”

When we first spend time in his presence – when we take time to hear his voice – God provides the horsepower we need to pull the heaviest load. He saddles up Grace and invites us to take a ride.

The only thing that came out between sobs was a broken plea, “Tell me the good news........... I honestly can’t remember.... “ perhaps you have felt the same way. You’ve known the Lord your whole life and yet you haven’t found the peace and fulfillment you’ve always longed for.

Matthew 11:28-29

While Martha may have been the first person to ask Jesus the question, “Lord, dont you care?” she definitely wasn’t the last. We’ve all felt the loneliness, the frustration, the left-out-ness and resentment she experienced in the kitchen that Bethany afternoon – doing all that work for others when no one seems to notice and no one seems to care.

That’s what i want when i’m feeling overwhelmed: soft, soothing words and plenty of helpful action.

“What you are doing is not good. You will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone.” Exodus 18:17-18

“But even pure ministry for Jesus can become a weight we drag around....it’s called the ‘treadmill’ anointing’, and it isn’t from God”. –Dutch Sheets-

It’s easy to find a shady spot and feel sorry for ourselves when we’re distracted and discouraged. Especially when we run up against unexpected opposition. Especially when it feels like we’re running for our lives.

When we’re distracted and discouraged, tired and overwhelmed, there is no better place to go than to our Father. He alone has what we need. As you do, you’ll find healing for your hurting heart.

Five strategies for fighting discouragement.
1.Allow for rest stops
2.Get a new point of view
3.Have patience
4.Mingle
5.Set the timer

What is it about us women that creates such a desperate need in us to always “know”, to always “understand”? We want an itinerary for our life, and when God doesn’t immediately produce one, we set out to write our own.

I love the compassion of Jesus in this story. He saw Martha’s situation. He
understood her complaint. But he loved her too much to give her what she wanted. Instead, Jesus gave her what she needed – an invitation to draw cloes to him. With open arms, he invited the troubled woman to leave her worries and cares and find refuge in him alone.

Because when you have questions, there is no better place to go than to the One who has the answers.

“Worry is allowing problems and distress to come between us and the heart of God. It is the view that God has somehow lost control of the situation and we cannot trust Him. A legitimate concern presses us closer to the heart of God and causes us to lean and trust on Him all the more.” – Gary E Gilley –

“Any concern too small to be turned intro a prayer is too small to be made into a burden.” –Corrie Ten Boom-

Eyn, eyn ..do not let your heart be trouble. Trust in God. Trust also in Me. John 14:1

Now, this is what the Lord Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways.” Haggai 1:5

I realized then that, while there are many things that need to be done, things i’m capable of doing and want to do, i am not always the one to do them. Even if i have a burden for a certain need or project, my interest or concern is not a surefire design that i need to be in charge. God may only be calling me to pray that the right person will rise up to accomplish it. What’s more, i may be stealing someone else’s blessing when i assume i must do it all.

Make no mistake. Satan enjoys using our hectic schedules, stressed bodies, and emotional upsets in his efforts to put up barriers to our intimacy with God. That’s why we need to take a close look at any thought, feeling, or activity that diminishes our appetite for intimacy with God.

If you’re having a little trouble feeling close to God – or even wanting to draw close – you might want to consider what activities you are using to fill the empty places of your life. What’s taking the edge off your hunger for him?

Service without spirituality is exhausting and hopeless. But in the same respect, spirituality without service is barren and selfish. We need to unite the two and do it all "as unto the Lord".

When we do that, something wonderful happens to our work in the Kitchen. Sinks turn into sanctuaries. Mops swab holy ground. And daily chores that used to bore us or wore us down become opportunities to express our gratitude - selfless avenues for his grace.

Our sanctification, does not depend upon changing our works, but in doing that for God's sake which we commonly do for our own.

Jesus seems to do nothing of Himself which He can possibly delegate to His creatures. He commands us to do slowly and blunderingly what He could do perfectly and in the twinkling of an eye." - cs lewis -

Instead of expecting God to acquiesce to our plans, dreams, schemes - or frantically trying to impress him with our efforts on his behalf - we simply need to "watch to see where God is working and join Him"

Duty gets offended quickly if it isn't appreciated, but love learns to laugh a lot and to work for sheer joy of doing it.

"True love hurts. It always has to hurt. If you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifies." Mother Teresa

Everyone starts at the same place - at the most humble point of service. But when you're truly a servant, a job title and a position are completely secondary. You're willing to do whatever needs to be done.

Working from out God-given gifts releases ministry potential in greater measure and helps the various members of the body work harminiously.

Rather than picking and choosing ministry opportunities based solely on our talents and interests. We are directed 'always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord'. -jack hoey

When we surrender ourselves ourselves to be used by God, we don't always get to pick the time, the method, or the place of ministry. In fact, sometimes, we may find ourselves doing nothing at all - except praying and waiting for God's leading.

A true passion for God will naturally reesult in compassion for people. We can't love the Father without also being willing to love his kids - even when they're less than lovable.

Checking your motives - Jan Johnson
1. Am I serving to impress anyone?
2. Am I serving to receive external rewards?
3. Is my service affected by moods and whims (my own as well as others)?
4. Am I using this service to feel good about myself?
5. Am I using my service to muffle God's voice demanding I change?

Because if our Kitchen Service doesn't point people to Jesus, we risk becoming surrogate messiahs. If we, not God, end up being their source of hope, we are setting them up for profound dissapointment and ourselves for profound burnout - because we, in ourselves, are simply not up to the task of saving the world. In ourselves, like peter and john at the gate called Beautiful, we have nothing to offer. But in Christ, we are given the power to give people what they most desperately need.

I want my relationship with God to be so real and vital, so like that of the apostles Peter and John, that people can't help but sit up and take notice.

All the things I'd been trying to accomplish were important, but I had lost my center. Busy being busy, I'd forgotten to tend to my inner self, the spiritual me. Like a wheel without an axle, I'd careened through life, bouncing off one duty and onto another.

Life is filled with Hula-Hoops. We all have responsibilites, important things that need our attention. If we're not careful, however, our hearts and our minds can be consumed with the task of keeping them in the air. Rather than centering ourselves in Christ and letting the other elements of our lives take their rightful place around the center, we end up shifting our attention from one important to-do item to another, to frantically trying to keep them all in motion.

It's easy to forget that while there is a time to work, there is also a time to worship -- and it's the worship, the time we spend with God, that provides the serene center to a busy, complex life.

We will all have trials. The question is not when the pressure will come, but where the pressure will lie. Will it come between us and the Lord? Or will it press us closer to His breast? - hudson taylor

Life works better when we know how to glance at things but gaze at God. Seeing Him clearly will enable us to see all other things clearly. - selwyn hughes

It is so easy to lose focus in life, to lose our center. Life conspires to drag eyes away from the face of the Savior, hypnotizing us with the unending swat of our problems.

First things first, the Lord was saying. Take care of my business, and I'll take care of yours. Make room in your heart of me, and I'll make room for everything else.

The very definition of sin is separation from God. So no matter how important the activity, no matter how good it seems, if I use it as an excuse to hold God at arm's length, it is sin.

Sometimes we have to slow down in order to take spiritual inventory and see where we stand with God. Sometimes we have to realize how empty we are before we're willing to be filled.

My personal times of devotion were erratic at best. My prayer life was quirky, my reading of the word was sporadic. And because I was not spending regular quite time with God, I was not putting myself in a position to be filled and refilled.

I didn't have to wait until I felt spiritual to spend time with God. I just had to make a decision of the will, and the spiriutal feelings would eventually come around.
On those crazy loopy days when I don't feel so "hoopy", I'm learning to reach for the Lord instead of chocolate chip sedatives. I'm learning how to leave the kitchen and head for the living room where Jesus waits, because that's where I'll find everything I need and everything I want. What I really need is more and more of the Master himself

Faith is about how you live your life in the meantime, how you make decisions when you dont know for sure what’s next. What you do with yourself between the last time you heard from God and the next time you hear from God is the ongoing challenge of a life of faith. –CeCe Winans – On a Positive Note.

There are times in every life when God writes the end to a chapter, when he asks us to say good-bye to something or someone who has been important to us. It might be a spouse, a parent, or friend. It might be a job we’ve loved, a city we’ve enjoyed, a prejudice or an assumption that we’ve always thought wes true.

Endings, in a sense, are inevitable. Dead ends, failed possibilities, and brick walls will dissapoint us all. And when toses endings come, we can fight them as Peter adivsed Jesus. Or we can accept them as Jesus did, as coming from the Father’s hand.

Let go one piece at a time. Sometimes we cling to control because we fear we’ll be asked to make drastic changes we’re not ready for. But God, in his kindness, takes us at a pace we can handle. If we simply obey what he asks of us at the moment, he’ll lead us the next step when we’re ready.

Martha thought she had value because she was productive. Jesus wanted her to learn she had value simply because she was his.

And being teachable, in essence, involves three things:
-Being willing to listen
-Acting on what we hear
-Responding to discipline

Obedience is an essential ingredient in intimacy with God and the key to having a Mary heart. Either we take Jesus’ words to heart and change, or we listen but disregard them. And to disregard the voice of God is worse than not listening at all. Especially if we say we love him.

All God’s revelations are sealed until they are opened to us by obedience. Obey God in the thing He shows you, and instantly the next thing is opened up.. God will never reveal more truth about himsefl until you have obeyed what you know already. –Oswald Chambers

Our loving Father will do whatever it takes to break that rebellion before that rebellion breaks us. Eve it means giving us a time-out (like having to wait for something we’ve wanted), taking away our toys (like the new computer that just crashed), or allowing some affliction to come our way.

If we find ourselves becoming critical of other people, we should stop examining them, and start ecamining ourselves. -
William Barclay

At the same time, it's important to remember that saying yes to God doesn't mean saying yes to everything! When our lives are overbooked, it's easy for us to become spiritually dry and undernourished. We can barely hear God's voice above the busy noise, let alone say yes to what he is asking. In this case, we do need to learn how to say no, but only so we are able to say yes to God when he wants to give us an assignment.

It's a great release to know that the secret to 'doing it all' is not necessarily 'doing it all' but rather discovering which part of the 'all' he has given us to do and doing all of that. -Jill Briscoe

It's increasingly hard to resist the temptation to use the Sabbath as a catch-up day instead of a day of worship and rest.

How does she keep a balance? I asked her not long ago. "It takes a ruthless commitment to first thing first. I am constantly having to ask the Lord to do the Psalm 139 thing on me: "Live in my heart. Search and examine me. Know my heart."

"Take my struggles and use them for your glory. Change me. Give me a Mary heart in my Martha world."
And with those words would come a quiteness, an awareness that the Lord was working. I began to realize that if I was yoked to Christ, then I could trust him to set the pace. He knew what I needed and what had to be done. I could trust him to accomplish what he'd started. My part was sto partner with him. So I'd get up from prayer and go back working and waiting some more.

I fear our generation has come dangerously near the "I'm - getting - tired - so - let's - just - quit" mentality. And not just in the spiritual realm. Dieting is a discipline, so we stay fat. Finishing school is a hassle, so we bail out. Cultivating a close relationship is painful, so we back off. Getting a book written is demanding, so we stop short. Working through conflict in a marriage is a tiring struggle, so we walk away. Stricking with an occupation is tough, so we start looking elsewhere..
And about the time we are ready to give it up, along comes the Master, who leans over and whispers: "Now keep going; don't quit. Keep on"

When it comes to our spiritual lives, a lot of us are all-or-nothing people. If we aren't automatically perfect, we just give up. When Christlike virtues like patience and kindness seem hard to come by, we abandon our character development and decide holiness is for those better equipped. But when we give up, we're giving up on our part of the partnership. Perseverance is one of our responsibilities in this process of being changed.

When we surrender our lives to Jesus Christ, we release the Lord of the process to do his work. For it is in our weakness that Christ is strong. It is in our inadequacy that we find him more than sufficient. And it is in our willingness to be broken that he brings wholeness - more wholeness and completeness than we ever dreamed possible.

O Christ, do not give me tasks equal to my powers,
But give me powers equal to my tasks,
For I want to be streched by things too great for me,
I want to grow through the greatness of my tasks,
But I shall need your help for the growing.
E. Stanley Jone

Find Rest My Soul

Hello, girls :)

I know it's been forever I haven't updated the next chapter of our Preparing to be a Help Meet's journey. Nor any writings about anything :$
If you are expecting this post would be it... I am so sorry, that I will disappoint you.

The last 3 weeks , I've been running on empty. I had driven my car (my own life) until it was out of gas. I had no energy left. I was extremely tired, physically and emotionally. I used to be "a friend you can always talk to" for I always had answers. But, these last weeks, girls, I even couldn't give any suggestion for every simple questions asked to me. My only answer during these weeks was "I will pray for you" - and I know, I know, that's the best thing I can do. 'coz God surely takes care of everything.

If you are like me, tend to do more, serve more. Take care of others (means EVERYONE), not yourself. Push beyond limit. Take any responsibilities (whatever) ... beware, girls!
I am not saying that they are wrong! BUT - don't let them destroy yourself.
I am not suggesting you to be selfish .. NO NO! But, keep everything in balance - and also remember to take care of yourself.
'coz if you happen to reach a point, like me, having no energy left! Drained! You will need to do some radical changes. To re-prioritize your schedule. Or maybe to erase some schedule from your agenda.

I am really thankful that God allowed me to experience all of these, because He knows me really well. If this girl (EYN) still has just a little energy, she won't stop! So, He took everything from me, even thing I do best (talking) - I just couldn't do it. All I did was crying and crying. I felt helpless. I felt like I didn't know myself. I was not being Erlyn.
I experienced what Bill Hybels himself experienced and shared on his book "Fit to be Tied" - emotional depletion.
He wanted me to rest, completely! He showed me and reminded me - one very important thing, that my value is not from what I do, but simply from who I am. Yes, I am His!

I am still recovering now, girls.
Told ya, it's a chronic fatigue. Need a lot of time.
During the recovery time,
I sleep. (I had had restless nights)
I talk to my close friends... I was honest about my conditions, and told them how I needed their care :$ (seriously, I rarely do this... :$)
I spend time on His words.
I read books. I read "Fit to be Tied" again (read it several times before) - the chapter about Emotional Depletion and Living in a Crisis Mode. Thank God for the insight, I experienced everything Bill and Lynn Hybels shared on the book.
I read "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver. Here's the excerpts

You know the story really well - Mary and Martha - to all Marthas in this world, it's a yay and privilege, God calls us to serve in the Kitchen. But, do remember, do first thing first. Take the responsibilities or any services, if they are really God wanted you to do. You don't have to do everything. He might want to use and bless others too to do the services (that you think "I have to do it!!!").

When you start to feel burdensome, ask yourself, "Is there anything I shouldn't do but I still keep doing 'coz I want to please others or it makes me feel good about myself or I think God will love me more doing it?" If it's a yes.. you better quit.
'coz Matthew 11, clearly said ... "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light"
Here's the thing, girls, God knows your capacity really well, He knows how much burden you can bear - so you still feel it light and easy. When it is no longer light and easy. Examine, whether it's really from Him. Or is it you, who added the burden (do things that it's not for you to do)?
He loves you, sweetheart, not for what you do - but for who you are.

And, yeah, that's what I've been doing, I've come to Him and He did give me rest :)
I take time to refuel my energy and refresh my soul. And take care of myself. :$
Though, to be honest with you, I can't wait to go back to my track and run fast...but No No... I want His track, His pace!
There is no way I can bless others if I run low (or empty). So, it's completely fine to rest. (haha..you would be surprised if I tell you that I sometimes feel guilty to rest..)
I learnt that it doesn't mean I am less productive when I slow down, it means that I prepare myself for a better one, the one God chooses me to do - not I, myself, choose to do.

So, what's next, eyn? I don't know!
What I do know, I want to follow His instructions. A step by step instruction.
And most importantly, aaah!
I know, when I don't know what to do, God always knows! It's more than enough :)
'coz sometimes, He just wants me to do nothing, but to enjoy Him and His blessings :D

What Are We?

So, here we are... Three Types of Women!!!! hihi-- semau2nya kita mengenal 3 tipe cowok, kita pasti lebih penasaran, kita tipe yg mana.
Sorry karena it took a while for writing it karena aku terkapar di ranjang this week :( and I just couldn't wait to segera sembuh tuk melanjutkan our journey Preparing to be a Help Meet!

Sebelum tau tipe kita apa, let's see -- "dari apakah" kita diciptakan?
Genesis 2:23 ...and Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

She was made from him and for him. Every woman was created to fulfill a need in the man. He needed a helper who could meet his needs. So - a help meet, that is, a helper suited (meet) to his needs. Her body, soul, mind, and emotions were created to be a blessing and help to man!

Sebenarnya dari sini, kita bisa menyadari satu hal. Mungkin pernah terlintas pemikiran -- "ah, berakirlah hidup kita, karena kita "cuma" jadi penolong buat pria." Tapi dari awal penciptaan, jelas banget dengan menjadi penolong bagi our man..kita actually menjalani fungsi kita! Dan menjalani alasan utama, mengapa kita diciptakan! Isn't it beautiful?

In this book, Debi Pearl mentioned that we, girls, too have 3 types! Yang pada dasarnya ..mirip2 sama cowo, yaitu:
Prophet Type - Visionary Man = Dreamer Gal
Priest Type - Steady Man = Servant Girl
Kingly Type - Command Man = Go-to Gal

Since you have already understood dan mengenal dgn baik ke-3 cowo ini, pasti kita dah punya gambaran sedikit ttg tipe 3 cewe ini juga. Let me share just a bit..
Karena, again, as I shared on my previous writing -- we, women, are called to adapt :) So, it's really good to know ourselves well..tapi ingat, bukan supaya kita semakin "menjadi2" -> you know what I mean, tapi supaya kita semakin maksimal melayani our man, to be his help meet.

AND...though, ada similarity, remember, man was created in God's image and we in man's image, so we are one step removed from the original. (So, horeeeee :D kita tidak ekstrim!!!)
Ooh! I am really thankful about this fact, coz what? It means that we are easier to adapt. Kita ga extreme..No No! Do u see here? Tuhan ga mungkin kasi kita perintah/fungsi (dalam hal ini tuk beradaptasi), tanpa diperlengkapi. Jadi, jangan pernah berpikir - adalah MUSTAHIL tuk beradaptasi. Karena kita diciptakan untuk itu, dan Tuhan tahu apa yang kita butuhkan tuk beradaptasi, and He has already provided! Our part, just to trust and obey!

Okay, let's start with ...

Dreamer!
Gampang bgt knowing whether you are a dreamer or not. Do you like to create, sew, design, paint or write? If you are a dreamer, then you need to keep your head out of the clouds while dancing your way into your vision of the future.
Remember this, don't get involved in projects that take you away from your responsibility to honor your husband. Spend your youth honing down your gifts and developing skills.
Someday, if you honor your man, your gifts will greatly benefit your marriage.
Di buku ini, ga di-share Biblical woman yang positif, unfortunately, only the negative, but we can still learn from her. Delilah! She was a dreamer. Penuh ide dan kreativitas, rite? So, berhati2lah para dreamers, use your creativities not to manipulate your man. I understand how our words, our acts, our cries can make us to get what we want from our man. But, please don't! We aren't Delilahs! We don't want our Samson lost his strength. We want our man to fulfill his calling with our 100% supports and our positive creativity.

Servant Girl!
Nah, ini tipe2 yang sangat dicintai lelaki manapun. Mirip2 steady man yang disukai semua orang. Sama seperti namanya, wanita ini senang melayani.
She is a peacemaker, kind and considerate.
Ada 1 point yg sangat bagus di buku ini...
Always keep in mind that it is good to be an Encourager, but not good to be an Enabler. An Encourager helps people better themselves. An Enabler does things for people that they should be doing for themselves, healing their self-inflicted wounds and sympathizing with their poor vices to the point that they are enabled to continue their negative behavior without facing the consequences or assuming responsibility to change.
Hati2 wahai kita para wanita berhati lembut (ciieeh!), it's really good to encourage (God calls us for that!), but remember, sometimes ada bagian yang bukan bagian kita, sometimes people need to take their own responsibilities juga. It's good to have a sympathy, but people need to learn juga kalo ada konsekuensi. If you are a truly servant girl, you really understand what I mean :) Remember, girls, we can't do everything, there are parts that just not ours.
Ruth is one good example. She was faithful serving her mother in law.

Go-to Gal!
She is strong, capable, and gives a sense of taking care of the greater number of people. Go-to gal ooozes with confidence, has strong opinions, and does well orgainzing people.
Deborah is one example!
I think it's pretty clear about this type, rite? And, para Go-to Gal, we also understand, how we put ourselves in the place we belong. To be submissive, I know it's not easy, but it's God's will and our calling.

I love this statemet Debi Pearl wrote:
The key is to recognize your natural type, not so you can take the lead, but so you can understand how it might weaken or aid your service to your first-in-command- your husband. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

I do wish you can read the book by yourself, especially this chapter..haha,
'coz this chapter explains much:
Why God put man in charge?
Man's nature - female's nature.
Who we are as the helpers.
How to create balance.
I feel like writing everything on this chapter..haha..but I will try my best to share you the points :)

Alright, tidak bisa dipungkiri..bahwa some women just have stronger personalities, punya leadership skills, smarter than the men! Tapi, mengapa dan mengapa tetep cowo-lah harus memimpin?!
Hal sangat mendasar yang sering kali suka kita ributkan kalo lagi berantem, padahal inilah alasan utama mengapa man is the leader, not us:
Man - logical. Woman - emotional.

God in His wisdom created the male with an innate caution and natural skepticism rooted in his cold logic and unemotional responses. Tuk singkatnya, para pria ini susah percaya kalo ga yakin itu adalah fakta. God created man with extreme resisance, reluctance, stubborness, and a skeptical mind.

God designed the woman to be sensitive and vulnerable for the sake of the little ones whom she must nurture. The soul of a mother must be quick to feel, to hurt, to love, to have compassion, to take in broken, and to believe the best. Vulnerability is both a woman's greatest natural asset and the point of her greatest weakness. Our very nature makes us susceptible to being tricked. We were created to be protected by our men while we nurture the family and maintain a connection with the emotional side of God.

So, we understand now kenapa si ular menggoda hawa di taman eden sana? Akan sangat susah convince si adam, for the reasons mentioned above. But hawa, maybe, pertama langsung pikir.. ular itu cute dan sudah terlena.

God gave man the kind of nature that would be suitable to hold the superior office in the chain of command. A wife's position under her husband is where God put her for her own spiritual, emotional, and physical safety. It is the only position where a wife will find real fulfillment as a woman.

I know, for you who keep reading my posts tidak akan berdebat panjang mengenai kenyataan we are to submit to our man. Since, I believe we all here sudah mengerti role kita, and I do hope that we all accept that with JOY.
Actually, this chapter belum kelar. It could be very long, so I will continue later :)

But, let me close dengan satu cerita yang aku alami sendiri, and sangat related with logical man and emotional woman - and why God put man as the leader, for this reason!
I am naturally a Go-to Gal (pada tempatnya..dan pada saat dibutuhkan, let's say I lead people naturally :$) Though, I was very2 happy, when my boyfriend said that I am more a Servant-Gal..(haha..!!), and I am a dreamer too, a little bit!
Pas jaman kuliah, aku bersahabat dengan 1 cewe (sebut aja - Ai) yang naturally a Go-to Gal too, intinya we both are leaders in our group! Dan kami b2, bersahabat dengan 1 cowo (sebut aja - Ken) yang super santeeeeeeee, yg ikut kemanapun kami pergi (oh, we love him!), namun this guy selalu jadi laki2 di saat kami jadi cewe banget!
Dan ada 1 contoh yg sangat2 membuktikan ke-cowo-an dia dan ke-cewe-an kami!

It was winter in Japan, aku dan Ai ini nginep di rumah Ken (yg juga share house with our friends). Aku dan Ai tidur di kamar Ken. Ken tidur di luar, di sofa. (haha, baru sadar, kesian si Ken, lagi winter harus tidur di luar!) Pas winter, selalu pake heater. Yang modelnya begini...

The next morning, I had to wake up early karena I had work that day. Ai - Ken masi bobo pules begitu juga his housemates! Do u know it's really torturing to wake up on winter..karena dingin banget dan malesss banget, udah mana, aku harus kerja!! Ga sukaaaaaaaa >.< dan temen2ku masi bobo, ga relaaaaaaaaaa >.<
Nah, celana panjangku tuh super dingin..dan udah mau nangis rasanya pake celana panjang dingin. Dan si bodoh aku, taroh celana di atas heater - pikir cuma bentar banget, supaya anget dikit.
Pergilah aku ke kamar mandi, sikat gigi bentar .. then, "Oh, ketinggalan sesuatu" dan kembali lah ke kamar! Saat masuk kamar..kalian tau apa yg terjadi, saudara2...
kamar sudah berasap .... dan kebakaraan!! Sudah sampai ceiling! (Rumah di Jepang, plafon-nya rendah, jadi wajar kalo dah sampai ceiling!)
The heater pas di kaki Ai, dan Ai masi tidur pulas! Dan aku teriak "AAAAAAAIIIII -- AIIIIIIII kebakaran!" We both teriak2 ga jelas! Teriak - teriak dan teriak!
Ai lebih pinter dari aku, dan dia bangunin Ken! Dan Ken tanpa keluar kata satupun, dia ke dapur (aku ga tau dia pake apa, karena aku dan Ai masi panik) and matiin api-nya! And, that's it, DONE!

Aku super malu tuk cerita ini, teman2, karena aku menyadari bodoh-nya aku for putting bahan kain di atas heater - walaupun terlindung, tapi api bisa terpercik >.<
(dan aku tau, kalian ga mungkin sebodoh aku >.<) Tapi kenapa aku mau cerita ini...karena it's one example, Tuhan really2 created man and woman in certain ways and certain positions.
It is really true, secara natural, aku dan Ai adalah pemimpin. We say something, people listen. We have strong opinions. People respect us, dst.
And Ken, naturally, he is a follower, for he enjoys his life so much.
Namun, secara natural dan yang paling mendasar! I am only a woman. And Ken is a man!
A man with an instict and logic to lead!
And me, a woman with emotion to follow!
In our marriage kelak...akan banyak terjadi "kebakaran" (amit2, maksudnya...problems or decisions to make), and God has pointed our man to lead! I know - I know, you are leaders dalam Komisi Wanita, atau Presiden di perusahan..or apapun itu!
Tapi, dalam family, dalam hubunganmu dengan suamimu, he is the leader.

Elisabeth Elliot dalam Let Me Be a Woman, wrote this:
It was God who made us different, and He did it on purpose. Recent scientific research is illuminating, and as has happened before, corroborates ancient truth which mankind has always recognized. God created male and female, the male to call forth, to lead, initiate and rule, and the female to respond, follow, adapt, submit. Even if we held to a different theory of origin, the physical structure of the female would tell us that woman was made to receive, to bear, to be acted upon, to complement, to nourish.
You are fully a woman, which means you have privileges.
You are only a woman, which means you have limitations.
Accept that :)

So, I shared a bit about Three Types of Women, and you (perhaps) have got an idea of who you are. It is good - means that we are now to develop our gifts and skills even better, whether we are a Dreamer, Servant Girl, or Go-to Gal. But we know, we develop them, so we can use our gifts, talents and our type in this honored place of SECOND in command. For we're created from and for men.

sanguine, REALLY?

"Masalahnya aku itu sanguin banget, ci!!!!!!" -- itu adalah 1 kalimat frustasi yg dilontarkan a teenage boy to me. maybe he was trying to explain why his life is messed up. like everything. every aspects in life ga ada yg beres. dia frustasi enough tuk menjelaskan ke aku, alasan he did this and and not that.

mengapa dia tidak bisa konsen ketika belajar. mengapa ketika dia berencana baca renungan, yg ada adalah dia terganggu main game. mengapa dia tidak bisa menyelesaikan pekerjaan sampai tuntas, dsb!

Blaming on being a sanguine, did it really explain everything?

Oh well... maybe..

Namun, the statement, really made me to think that there's a reason why he ended up pouring out his heart to me that nite!

For you, who haven't known me well (or tepatnya haven't met me in person), I am pure sanguine!

Yes, you only need to be with me not more than 10 seconds to notice that I am a sanguine.

Back to that boy,

a moment after he mentioned it .... I screamed "HELLLLOOOOOO, who do u think I am?! cici is a pure sanguine!"

He was like, "whaaat?? u don't look like me! your life seems perfect. you listen. you are well-organized."

I didn't blame him for blaming "sanguine" for making his life miserable. 'coz i truly understand. and honestly, i was like him too.

I prayed and questioned Him so many times,

"LORD, why You created me to be a sanguine, and pure one?"

"I don't like myself!"

"I don't like to be noticed when I made mistakes!"

*well, you know, we, sanguine, talk - say things out loud. we don't keep things inside.

unlike melancholic, probably, they remain silent when they don't like stuffs.

so.....who are the first to be noticed as an annoying one?

yessss.... I am!! A sanguine!* >.< I really don't like it.

"Why people sometimes close their ears when I talk? Seriously, God, it's my normal voice... I just don't know how to lower the volume... "

You may think I dance when I talk or walk. but really, when I talk - my hands do too. when I walk - I jump too.

"Tuhan, eyn ga suka diri eyn!!!! eyn ga suka jadi sanguine!"

Of course, people say:

I make them laugh most of the time.

I am the ice breaker in any situation.

I am really2 useful when there is no microphone and u need to let all the people in the room to hear the announcement.

But, still!

"Eyn ga suka jadi sanguine!"

Ga damai -- capeeee -- tegang mulu -- selalu ketauan pas salah -- sering banget di-keselin/di-sirikin padahal maksud eyn kan baik -- dst.....

I wouldn't stop, so, I chose to stop!

Really ...

You won't stop to complain! U need to choose to stop to complain.

Back to the boy,

I was in his position... I gave up to the fact that I am a pure sanguine. I was hopeless.

Because I am a sanguine, I am allowed :

to talk about myself all the time.

not to listen.

not to finish what I started.

not to mean what I say.

to hurt people with my words.

not to focus on my responsibilities.

to mess things up. coz, u know. I easily got distracted.

to forget stuffs.

'coz people will understand.

REALLY, PEOPLE?

are u satisfied with people to understand you and you won't change?

My God, my Heavenly Father who with His tender Love created me ....

didn't give up on me, like I did to myself.

His works hadn't finished on me, and He still does!

He made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank Him for making me so wonderfully complex!
His workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
He watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
He saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in His book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

How precious are His thoughts about me

They cannot be numbered!

He made me to be like this! to have this endless energy. this voice. this speaking speed. FOR REASONS that I still learn to know and fulfill in my life.

He did His part! Making EYN as a pure sanguine.

My part is to work on it! to be a transformed sanguine.

to be a real eyn he's designed me to be from the beginning.

One reason that I learnt from the conversation with the boy, is

so I could tell all other sanguines..

-- that:

we can listen!

we can finish what we started.

we have to mean what we say.

we can learn to remember stuffs.

we can learn to focus.

we can use our words to bless, encourage, motivate, love people, not to hurt them.

with the power of His grace and love. we simply need to come before Him. pour out our hearts.. and say "Lord, I believe there are reasons why You created me like this. Change and mold me to be what You want me to be."

we really can do all things through Him who strengthen us!

* i hope that i don't stop here and will continue writing about what, we, sanguines, naturally do- and how we should change!

i will run to You and i will keep on doing it

Biar bagaimanapun, aku selalu paksakan hari Minggu bisa “tidur siang”. Emang paling ideal kalo bisa sampe di rumah cukup siang, jadi bener2 actually "tidur" di "siang" hari. Tapi hampir setiap Minggu, pasti aja ada hal yang aku kerjakan, dan kemarin aku sampe rumah jam 5.
Karena aku punya cita2 mulia untuk napping + emang teler bgt, aku tetep tidur!!! Jam 6…lalu bangun jam 8! haha :$

Bangun2, mama and Rieza lagi asik nonton “Indonesia Mencari Bakat”, kalo lagi iklan, pindah ke “Take Me Out”. Aku langsung lari ke mejaku, buka laptop, nyalain Itunes, ambil Alkitab, siap2 mau bible reading..
Tapi ooh…tidur pules 2 jam, dtambah agak2 laper, dtambah si Brandddoooon di Trans TV, and Mas Choky di Indosiar, bener2 bikin gak konsen lah untuk mulai baca Alkitab.. haha :$ *itulah mengapa, aku selalu semangat 45 untuk bangun super pagi, or tidur super malem, supaya punya waktu tenang dan juga supaya aku punya waktu untuk keluargaku*

Then, akirnya aku putuskan pasang earpiece..supaya lebih tenang!
Aku bersyukur dengan segala “kerusuhan” di luar, sehingga memaksaku konsen cuma denger lagu di Itunes, pas lagi lagu “I will run to You”

Your eye is on the sparrow and Your hand, it comforts me
From the ends of the Earth to the depth of my heart
Let Your mercy and strength be seen
You call me to Your purpose as angels understand
For Your glory, may You draw all men as Your love and grace demand
And I will run to You to Your words of truth
Not by might, not by power but by the Spirit of God
Yes I will run the race ‘til I see Your face
Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace

Ini lagu yg sangat kunikmati ketika SMP, lagu pertama yang “aku bisa” dari kaset Hillsong pertamaku. Dan ini juga lagu kedua (or ketiga?) yg dinyanyiin ama vocal grup'ku yg awalnya cuma ber-4.

Aku jadi menyadari satu hal yang indah mengenai lagu pujian. Dengan mendengar dan actually menyanyikan lagu pujian, untuk aku pribadi, membuatku mengenang dan merefleksi banyak hal. Selain tentunya, most of the time selalu ada yang Tuhan mau sampaikan melalui pujian itu.

Sejak kecil, aku suka sekali dengan musik. Hadiah pertama dari papa waktu aku umur 3 tahun adalah cassette tape player. Bukan karena aku hobi nyanyi dulu, tapi karena aku hobi bergoyang *aku gak menyebut, goyang kiri kanan anak umur 3 tahun sebagai menari tentunya*.
Setelah udah bisa baca, dan ke sekolah minggu, baru deh mulai hobi2 ngafal lagu dan nyanyi dengan suara seadanya!! Hanya bernyanyi, tanpa terlalu ngerti apa yg aku nyanyiin..

Menyanyi menjadi lebih dari sekitar menyanyi, sejak aku sungguh2 terima Kristus, naik SMP 1. Awal2 ngerti yang namanya saat teduh itu, bagiku doa+nyanyi+baca Alkitab adalah 1 paket! Indah :D
Sampai sekarangpun, ketika aku lagi “tidak tahu harus bagaimana lagi”, tidak punya kata2 untuk berdoa karena terlalu sedih sehingga tidak bisa bicara lagi *namun sungguh bersyukur, karena kita punya Roh Kudus yg selalu berdoa bagi kita Roma 8:26*, aku selalu berdiam diri dan mendengar lagu.
“Repeat” merupakan fave button ku saat2 begitu, aku biasa mendengar lagu berulang-ulang, sampai aku bisa lebih clear dengan kondisi ku, bisa lebih tenang, menangis dan akirnya mencurahkan semua isi hatiku ke Tuhan. Itulah mengapa, banyak lagu-lagu yang punya kenangan khusus denganku, dan ketika mendengarnya lagi, aku jadi ingat masa2 aku tumpah ruah di hadapan Tuhan, dan ketika melihat ke belakang, aku jadi melihat bagaimana Dia menjawab doaku.

Nah, lagu “I will run to You” membuatku mengenang kembali masa awal2 aku kenal Tuhan dan melayani Dia di SMP.
Lagu ini telah membuat seorang erlyn kelas 2 SMP berasa special, karena sungguh Tuhan memperhatikan dia sampai kedalaman hatinya. Walaupun waktu itu masalah mungkin masi belum terlalu complicated, gak jauh2, "hanya" masalah dengan teman..namun aku sangat2 takjub mengetahui bahwa ada Allah yang begitu mengerti diriku lebih dari siapapun. Burung kecil saja begitu Tuhan perhatikan, terlebih aku.
Lagu ini juga selalu membuat 14 tahun erlyn amazed, “wah Tuhan pilih eyn toh?!” dan selalu membuat erlyn kecil *yg fyi, tinggi badannya gak berubah sampai sekarang huhu* ngerasa…”senangnya bisa cari Tuhan apapun kondisi eyn!”

Dan hari ini, lagu ini mengingatkan ku pada teman2 sepelayananku dulu dan juga pada panggilan ku secara pribadi lagi.
Yes I will run the race
‘til I see Your face

Hampir setengah dari usiaku, aku menjalani hidup bersama Dia.. dan aku menyadari, aku masi berada di sebuah pertandingan.

Saat masi di persekutuan dulu, seakan pertandingan tuh lebih jelas jalurnya. Setelah kepengurusan tahun ini selesai, tinggal “digumuli” masi “mau” lanjut gak di kepengurusan tahun depan. Seakan semuanya tersedia bagi kita, tinggal jalani aja. Kita juga punya pembimbing. Jaman SMP-SMA dulu, sepertinya girang banget kalo 1 tahun telah berlalu, dan kita “naek kelas”, pindah ke babak baru, pertandingan baru. Dan enaknya saat itu kita selalu bersama.
Dan tentunya, itu sangat wajar untuk para bayi rohani, kita makan sesuatu yang telah disediakan, kita dibimbing, kita dilayani *walaupun kita juga melayani, namun kita sungguh2 sangat dilayani saat itu*

Saat ini kondisi udah berbeda, hampir semua teman sepelayananku punya dunianya sendiri, melayani di tempat dan bidang masing2. *puji Tuhan!!*
Dan sekarang, yang Tuhan minta juga berbeda, bukan kepengurusan 1 atau 2 tahun *well, mungkin sebagian dari kita masi ada sih*, yang kalau udah kelar bisa mikir2 lagi mau lanjut atau gak, ibaratnya komitmennya bisa temporary. Kali ini semakin bertumbuh dan dewasa di dalam Dia, sungguh jelas, melayani bukan sekedar menjadi bagian dari organisasi. Melayani adalah hidup kita, bagian dari hubungan kita dengan Tuhan. Sesuatu yang tidak dapat dipisahkan dari keseharian kita. Bisa dimanapun, kapanpun, dengan cara apapun.
Dan sampai kapan? 1-2 tahun? Sampai saya bosan? Sampai saya gak punya waktu lagi, karena saya sibuk bekerja? Sampai saya menikah kelak dan waktu saya hanya untuk keluarga?
No!!
Sampai kita bertemu Dia, muka dengan muka!

Teman2, saat ini each of us punya our own race as in bidang pelayanan, bidang kehidupan, tempat dan panggilan. Walaupun sejujurnya aku sangat merindukan kalian *berharap bisa kembali melayani bersama2*, aku percaya Tuhan telah persiapkan kita bersama2 saat itu dan saat ini Dia memanggil kita di tempat kita masing2, mari tetap setia sampai akhir dan saling mendoakan!

Namun, ada 1 race yg selalu kita share bersama yaitu race kehidupan kita bersama dengan Tuhan, hidup yang semakin hari semakin dekat dengan Dia, semakin memancarkan kemuliaan Tuhan, dan yang terus menjadi saksi bagi kerajaanNya dimanapun kita ditempatkan.
Sampai kita bertemu Dia, muka dengan muka!

Inilah doaku, biarlah pada akhirnya, kita semua mampu berkata seperti Rasul Paulus:
Aku telah mengakhiri pertandingan yang baik, aku telah mencapai garis akhir dan aku telah memelihara iman.

to God be the glory

May 12th 2010

The more I read about Christian heroes, the more I feel how tiny I am.

Entah itu tentang missionaries yg rela meninggalkan segala2nya demi Kristus, sampai rela mati bagi Dia. Para hamba Tuhan yg melayani Tuhan dengan radikal, berkotbah dengan luar biasanya, menulis buku yg begitu inspiring. Ataupun.. seorang muda yg hidupnya begitu diubahkan dan sungguh menjadi kesaksian nyata bagi orang2 di sekelilingnya. Orang2 seumuran-ku yg sudah jelas passion-nya and jelas apa yg dia kerjakan untuk Tuhan, dan dengan begitu bersemangatnya menjalani hidupnya demi Tuhan.

I always admire what they did. Dan menjadi semakin menyadari kalo aku belum melakukan apa2 untuk Tuhan. Dan jadi review kembali, selama ini.. apa yg aku 'pikir' telah aku lakukan buat Tuhan.

Pemikiran ini cukup berkecamuk di pikiran-ku beberapa saat belakangan ini. Belum lagi ditambah memikirkan apakah hidupku sudah memberikan dampak kepada orang lain atau belum. Semakin memikirkan semuanya, semakin …”oooh.. I have done nothing… ! what I’ve been doing?! “… semakin berasa kecil.. semakin berasa sungguh tidak layak, dan untuk kedepan-pun semakin gak yakin apakah sungguh Tuhan bisa pakai aku yg begini modelnya.

Walaupun begitu banyak keinginan dalam kepala-ku. * Biasalah kalo habis baca kisah2 orang hebat kan, jadi terkagum2 dan berandai.. “seandainya aku bisa begini .. bisa begitu.. seperti mereka.” * Tapi semuanya itu seakan meraba2.. karena sungguh situasi ku sekarang.. gak ada yg cocok dengan pengalaman para pahlawan Kristen itu.

Jadi yang ngerasa…”aduh..bagaimana harus kujalani hidupku.. kalau sampai pada akirnya, aku tidak pakai hidupku untuk Dia?”

Walaupun… “Setia dalam perkara kecil, maka engkau akan setia dalam perkara besar” terus berbicara dalam hati dan pikiranku, menyemangati ku untuk terus setia melakukan hal kecil yg Tuhan selalu perintahkan untuk aku kerjakan.

Walaupun… “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns” terus mengingatkanku bahwa Tuhan bekerja dalam hidupku “untuk bekerja bagiNya”, tidak pernah setengah2.. pasti sampai habis. Ya, Tuhan lah yg bekerja dalamku, karena anugrahNya, sehingga aku dlayakkan untuk mengambil bagian dalam pekerjaan Tuhan. Tapi selalu muncul keraguan, “am I on the right track ? am I walking on His track?”

Walaupun… “He is preparing you for something!” berulang kali terlintas menepis keraguanku..
Tapi tetap.. ada perasaan yang “waktu terus berjalan.. aku tidak mau miss anything… miss waktu sedikitpun untuk tidak dipakai buat Tuhan.. .” keadaan di sekelilingku sungguh sering membuatku terlena..membuat focus kadang2 ter-distract…

Dan, kembali, semua karena kasih karuniaNya at the first place kalau aku bisa dipakai Tuhan.
Semua karena anugrahNya, aku bole mengenal Dia. Aku bole melayani Dia. Aku bole mempunyai kerinduan untuk hidup bagiNya.
Semua karena kasih karuniaNya, aku memiliki semua pemikiran ini.
Dan juga, semua karena kasihNya, Tuhan menjawab keraguan..kebimbangan-ku.. dan ketakutan-ku kalau2 aku menyia2kan hidupku.. dan kalau2 semua yg kuanggap kulakukan buat Tuhan adalah sia2.

Dia menjawab dengan sangat indah hari ini:
1.On my daily bible reading, this simple verse meloncat!!
Mark 3:13b “Jesus .. called out the ones He wanted to go with him.”
God calls you to service in Jesus’ name. Wherever you are (and sometimes you need to move), whatever you’re doing (and sometimes you need to upgrade your skills), God has a place of service for you. Jesus calls you and He wants you.
Jesus the one who called out!! Whom did He call? The ones He wanted to go with Him!!! It is pretty clear, Jesus reminded me… He wanted me at the first place… bukan aku yg mau, tapi Dia yg mau aku disini!! Dia yg mau aku mengerjakan apapun ini! Dia yg mau aku memikirkan hal ini! I am wanted! Tuhan mengingatkanku..untuk “keep doing ur tiny things, I wanted you to do them.. “

2.How often do you feel like we fall short or what we could be doing as Christians? We wish we could give more, pray harder, speak up more, offer more time. And in the end, because we can’t do as much as we want, we throw up our hands and do nothing. Because we can’t do it all, we don’t do anything at all.
In Mark 6:35-44, Jesus performs the miracle of feeding the 5000 men. The disciples told Him that they didn’t have enough to feed the crowd. They were ready to give up. But, Jesus said,” well, what do you have? Go and see.” When they turned over what they did have to Him, He was able to multiply it beyond what they could imagine.
So many time I come to Him and say the same: “I just have this little tiny bit.. of money, of time, of resources, of energy.”
And He says, “Bring what you have to me. That’s all I ask. Let me take care of it from here.”
He wanted me! He wanted the whole package of me, with fewer talents than others, with very little resources that I have. I just need to bring all that I have, all that I am.
He was the one who fed 5000 men with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish! He surely can do miraculous thing with this tiny me to do whatever He wants to bring glory to Him.

3.There are sometimes setbacks-bad weather, blights, floods, and insects-that can jeopardize the harvest. But if all of the hard work is done faithfully and with perseverance, and if God provides good seed and favorable weather, finally a glorious harvest is the result.
Haven’t we heard the stories of faithful missionaries who dedicated their whole lives in another country without seeing even one person embrace Christ as Savior-only to learn that fifty years later there was a tremendous harvest? In our instant-gratification society, we would prefer to go directly to the harvest.
When we become involved in people’s lives, work to build relationships, walk with them through their sorrows and their joys, live with generosity toward others, love and care for them unconditionally, stand up for the defenseless, and pay particular attention to the poorest and most vulnerable, we are showing Christ’s love to those around us, not just talking about it.
Walaupun sekarang seperti tidak terlihat hasil dari apa yg telah aku kerjakan. Dan tidak menjamin juga kalau aku akan melihatnya kelak. Tuhan mengingatkan bahwa hasilnya bukan bagianku. I just need to do my part, the part He wanted me to do with all the little things I have in me (from Him)– faithfully and with perseverance. Just keep showing His love to people He has placed in my life! Do the love! Share Christ's love!

All I can say now is:
- My Tribute -
How can I say thanks for the things
You have done for me?
Things so undeserved yet you gave
To prove your love for me
The voices of a million angels
Could not express my gratitude
All that I am, and ever hope to be
I owe it all to thee

To God be the glory, to God be the glory
To God be the glory for the things he has done
With His blood he has saved me
With His power he has raised me
To God be the glory for the things he has done
Just let me live my life and
Let it be pleasing Lord to Thee
And if I gain any praise, let it go to calvary
With His blood he has saved me
With His power he has rasied me
To God be the glory for the things He has done

Therefore, my dear brothers (and sisters), stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58

sources : Bible, Proverbs 31 Ministries' Devotion by Marybeth Whalen, The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns.

a legacy of love

April 8th 2010

Tadinya, saya tidak rencana untuk share tentang buku ini. Selama 3 hari belakangan ini, saya baca buku “Warisan Cinta Kasih” – A Legacy of Love- yang ditulis oleh Ruth Graham McIntyre yg isinya tentang hal yang dia pelajari dari Ibunya, Ruth Graham. Buku ini tipis, hanya 130an halaman, itupun sudah termasuk beberapa foto keluarga mereka, hehe..

Karena itu bukan buku saya, saya gak bisa mencoret2 buku itu or stabilo-in, seperti yang biasa saya lakukan ke buku saya sendiri, akhirnya saya hanya mencatat beberapa bagian yang saya suka. Saking sukanya, saya membaca catatan saya berulang kali, dan semakin saya baca-semakin saya suka, semakin saya suka - semakin saya tidak bisa menahan diri untuk membagikannya ke orang lain.

Ini beberapa yang saya catat:
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Ibu melakukan apa yang dia ajarkan kepada kami : Dia menghitung saat2 yang menyenangkan, dan dia berupaya keras memberikan contoh cara berpikir yang membangun dan positif bagi aku dan saudara2ku.

Ibu mempunyai kesanggupan yang luar biasa mengubah situasi apapun menjadi kesempatan untuk bercanda.

Di sepanjang hidup kami, Ibu telah meringankan beban kami ketika menghadapi kekecewaan yang paling besar.

“Bersyukurlah atas semua yang kita terima dan tidak menyesali apa yang tidak bisa kita raih.” –Ruth Graham –

Namun meskipun dia adalah seorang periang, Ibu sangat memahami kesedihan, keburukan dan penderitaan dalam kehidupan. Dia menerima kenyataan itu; dia tidak menutupi2 kesedihan atau mencoba untuk mengabaikannya. Sifatnya yang susah ditebak seimbang dengan rasa belas kasihan dan kepekaan. Kedua hal itulah yang dia tunjukan dengan begitu berlimpah kepadaku ketika aku mengalami kehilangan dan sakit hati. Bahkan, pemahaman Ibu akan penderitaan mungkin adalah hasil dari KEDALAMAN SUKACITAnya. Dia dapat menghitung saat2 yang menyenangkan karena dia sudah begitu dekat dengan beberapa peristiwa kelam sejak usianya masih sangat muda.

Kunci untuk menghitung saat2 menyenangkan : memahami bahwa yang membuat saat2 itu menyenangkan bukanlah tidak adanya saat2 yang sulit – yang kita sebut masa2 suram- melainkan karena kehadiran terang Tuhan.

Melalui pengalamanku jauh dari rumah, hubunganku dengan Yesus akan menjadi lebih nyata bagiku, dan Alkitab akan menjadi bagdian yang lebih penting dalam hidupku. “aku mengetahui itu dengan melihat pengalamanku,” tulis Ibu, “saat2 tersulit dalam hidupku telah menjadi saat2 dmana kerohanianku paling produktif.”

“Cukup katakan saja kepada Tuhan, 'aku seutuhnya adalah milikMu. Ambillah waktu ini.. dan pakailah aku disini menjadi saksi yang bercahaya bagi Kristus'. Serahkanlah hidupmu, hakmu akan kebahagiaan, hal2 pribadi yang lebih kau sukai, dsb. Dan, terimalah setiap hari, setiap teman, setiap tugas, setiap kebahagiaan, jika hal itu datang. Dan, terimalah semua itu sebagai pemberian khusus dari Dia- suatu kesempatan untuk belajar, untuk melayani Dia.” -Ruth Graham-

“Tersenyumlah ketika kau rasanya ingin menangis. Kau akan terkejut mengetahui betapa banyaknya orang yang sebetulnya ingin menangis spt kau juga. Dunia ini penuh dengan orang2 yang sakit hati.”- Ruth Graham –

Untuk menghargai buku jurnalnya, dia tidak menulis apapun yang dia pikir akan mempermalukan dan melukai orang lain. Aku menduga Ibu mengerti bahwa jurnal2nya tidak hanya untuk dirinya sendiri, tetapi juga untuk generasi berikutnya. Artinya, bahkan tulisannya pun tidak bisa menjadi sepenuhnya saluran yang aman untuk menuangkan emosinya yang terdalam. ..kehidupan doa Ibulah saluran murni bagi pemikiran2 dan perasaannya yang paling pribadi.

Jika kita dapat mempertahankan sukacita di dalam Tuhan, maka kita dapat bertahan selama masa-masa sulit. Mungkin ini satu bagian dari warisan yang telah diturunkan Ibu kepadaku : kemampuan untuk memilih bersukacita apa pun situasinya, dan bertahan pada sukacita itu ketika badai datang.
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Buku ini membawa inspirasi yang banyak buat saya. Dari chapter pertama saya sudah banyak belajar, bagaimana seorang Ruth Graham yang selalu memandang hidupnya dengan sukacita. Seorang yang suka bercanda dan melucu, mencairkan suasana dan membawa sukacita dalam hidup orang lain.

Saya bisa melihat betapa tugas menjadi seorang istri dan ibu adalah tugas yang sangat mulia, tugas yang berat, dan tugas yang sangat memerlukan komitmen dan konsistensi. Seorang Ruth Graham secara konsisten dan setia menulis surat kepada anak2nya yang berada jauh dari dia, untuk meng-encourage anak2nya, mengajar mereka dengan kebenaran firman Tuhan untuk bergantung sepenuhnya pada Tuhan. Walau di buku ini tidak diceritakan perjuangan Ruth Graham mensupport pelayananan Billy Graham yang luar biasa sibuk dan sering absen di rumahnya, tapi saya tetap bisa merasakan pengorbanan dan pengabdiannya.

Ruth Graham mempunyai meja khusus dimana Alkitab dan buku-nya selalu terbuka. Dia tidak pernah berhenti belajar dan menggali kebenaran firman Tuhan. Dan dia tidak berhenti disana, dia selalu membagikan apa yg dipelajari kepada anak2nya dan orang di sekelilingnya, baik dari Firman Tuhan yg dia renungkan, juga dari hal lain yg Tuhan ajarkan kepada dia.

Ruth Graham juga konsisten mencatat hal2 dalam hidupnya di jurnal pribadinya, dan kecintaan akan menulis dimulai dari sana. Dari membaca, dan menulis jurnal. Dia juga menulis puisi.

Seorang Ruth Graham memberi gambaran ttg seorang Proverbs 31 lady! Dan saya bersyukur mengetahui lagi, bahwa Proverbs 31 lady itu sungguh seorang yang nyata.

Walau Ruth Graham punya pembantu di rumahnya, dia tetap adalah seorang ibu rumah tangga yang mengatur rumah tangganya dengan kreatif, dia mengurus anak2nya dengan disiplin dan cinta kasih, dia tahu kapan harus berkata ya - kapan harus berkata tidak kepada mereka, dia juga memberkati society-nya dengan apa yg dia miliki, dia pencipta rumah yang telaten, dia menghargai barang2 antik dan mampu menyulap menjadi barang yg berharga, dia menempatkan keluarganya sebagai prioritas utama. Dia merawat dirinya sendiri. Dia tidak pernah mengabaikan dirinya. Dia tidak menggunakan keterbatasan fisiknya sebagai alasan untuk tidak rapi. Bahkan sampai di usia senja pun, dia masi dress-up!

Dan yang pasti, dia seorang yang sungguh2 mencintai Tuhan, mencintai Firman Tuhan, dan dia seorang yang bertekun berdoa! Sampai masa akhir hidupnya, dia masi berdoa dengan berlutut-walau itu adalah hal yg sangat sulit dilakukan oleh seorang “nenek” yg sudah sangat tua, dia membaca firman Tuhan dengan kaca pembesar, dan dia masi menghafal ayat Firman Tuhan yang diketik oleh sekretaris-nya dengan cetakan yg sangat besar.

Saya jadi berpikir, kalau suatu saat kisah hidup saya akan diceritakan, apakah legacy yang akan saya tinggalkan?!

Fear not tomorrow, God is already there.
ini adalah quote yg Ruth Graham letakkan di meja membacanya, dan dia menulis buku dengan judul ini juga. Yup, ini adalah daftar buku selanjutnya yg akan saya cari dan saya baca, ditambah buku biografi-nya “Ruth: A Portrait” hehe, membaca ttg legacy yg ia tinggalkan membuat saya ingin belajar lebih banyak ttg hidupnya.

to shop wisely in one thing

(from my fb notes, March 27h 2010)

Still in the heat of reading "Beautiful in God's Eyes" ..
This Proverbs 31 woman gave us model how it is to spend time wisely.. By spending time wisely means getting up really early in the morning, and staying 'til late at night. (Proverbs 31:15,18) And what she did was working..working and working!!

It was 11 am on beautiful Saturday, I was still lying on my bed, reading the book! haha :$
and suddenly, I thought..” it is not right, get up, and be productive!!! “ (Well.. I think that reading a good book is one way to be productive though, u know, enriching the soul). But, on this rare moment (me, not going anywhere on weekend), I remembered that I still had thing I've been procrastinating since forever!

*RE-ARRANGING MY CLOSET *
For only less than 15 minutes, my clothes and friends marked their own territories all over my bedroom *ouch*
I did shake my head so many times, realizing how I spoiled myself before, to buy things I didn’t even wear! I found joy finding hidden treasures inside my closet, things I even forgot I had!

Before the 6 months –only 2 new clothes each month- commitment (please read my note “beautiful money manager”), I used to shop unwisely:
- I thought the cheaper the better. Well maybe sometimes it is, but in my case, “oh, it’s cheap, I am buying it!”. I didn’t even consider whether I needed it, and since it was cheap, I didn’t even think much when I bought it! Later I figured out uuuh.. the quality was awful. So I had plenty of low quality – cheap stuffs, that I didn’t need and wore only once!
Do the math!! Plenty of cheap stuffs + useless = unnecessary a LOT of money spent!!
- I shopped when I was stressed out (1st year of work, baby!!) I enjoyed the” joy” of spending my own money, of spoiling myself, of getting new stuffs. I thought I would feel better after “treating” myself! Did I feel better? Not at all! I regretted! But, I couldn’t help; it’s about managing my mind, and again a commitment!
- I spent so much time in shopping malls!!! I led myself into temptations!
- I always found reasons to buy new clothes. Friends’ weddings, just finished work – celebrate it-, “just FEEL like buying it”, “I don’t have this color, this model.. “
- I sometimes bought clothes in smaller size than mine, I thought “oh, this will motivate me to lose weight”… Boo me, friends! They ended up becoming untouched clothes!

After down-grading my clothes into homie outfits, giving away some clothes.. My "wearable" clothes moved back to where they belong, my closet. There is a space now, I could clearly see what I have, and moreover I could see the difference of things I bought before ”the 6 months” and after!

Thank to the “6 months commitment”, after I controlled myself so strictly..
- I thought hundred times before I decided to buy something. I would rather spend more money to buy one good thing, than plenty of bad things.
-When I am stressed out, of course, I pray! I drink tea, I listen to nice songs, I read books, I write! Or sometimes, I sleep!
- I am at home much more often than before. The only temptations we have at home are sleeping and eating! (haha!!... well, I am working on eating properly too though!)
- I always go back to my closet to find treasures to accompany me attending my friends’ weddings.
- I re-arrange my closet to be reminded of what I have! And I am always surprised!!
- No more buying small size, and lose weight! But, lost weight, and buy a proper size!
- I am loyal to some good brands that are “trustable”, well at least, I know they fit me. So I don’t waste time to shop around aimlessly, I know what I am looking for, and where I can find it. If I don’t find it, I simply go back home and think about it once again.

I am still learning on and on not to fall into temptations though, to conquer myself, to be productive, to spend money wisely.
To shop wisely is one thing. There is still a lot of work to do to be a beauty in God's eyes, and the work may take our whole life time.
So, say hello to commitment, willingness, motivation and discipline! And prepare ourselves to experience the unutterable joy and fulfillment that come from acting on the desires of our hearts, desires which God has placed there (Psalm 37:4) - to be a woman after His own heart, I believe-