What Are We?

So, here we are... Three Types of Women!!!! hihi-- semau2nya kita mengenal 3 tipe cowok, kita pasti lebih penasaran, kita tipe yg mana.
Sorry karena it took a while for writing it karena aku terkapar di ranjang this week :( and I just couldn't wait to segera sembuh tuk melanjutkan our journey Preparing to be a Help Meet!

Sebelum tau tipe kita apa, let's see -- "dari apakah" kita diciptakan?
Genesis 2:23 ...and Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

She was made from him and for him. Every woman was created to fulfill a need in the man. He needed a helper who could meet his needs. So - a help meet, that is, a helper suited (meet) to his needs. Her body, soul, mind, and emotions were created to be a blessing and help to man!

Sebenarnya dari sini, kita bisa menyadari satu hal. Mungkin pernah terlintas pemikiran -- "ah, berakirlah hidup kita, karena kita "cuma" jadi penolong buat pria." Tapi dari awal penciptaan, jelas banget dengan menjadi penolong bagi our man..kita actually menjalani fungsi kita! Dan menjalani alasan utama, mengapa kita diciptakan! Isn't it beautiful?

In this book, Debi Pearl mentioned that we, girls, too have 3 types! Yang pada dasarnya ..mirip2 sama cowo, yaitu:
Prophet Type - Visionary Man = Dreamer Gal
Priest Type - Steady Man = Servant Girl
Kingly Type - Command Man = Go-to Gal

Since you have already understood dan mengenal dgn baik ke-3 cowo ini, pasti kita dah punya gambaran sedikit ttg tipe 3 cewe ini juga. Let me share just a bit..
Karena, again, as I shared on my previous writing -- we, women, are called to adapt :) So, it's really good to know ourselves well..tapi ingat, bukan supaya kita semakin "menjadi2" -> you know what I mean, tapi supaya kita semakin maksimal melayani our man, to be his help meet.

AND...though, ada similarity, remember, man was created in God's image and we in man's image, so we are one step removed from the original. (So, horeeeee :D kita tidak ekstrim!!!)
Ooh! I am really thankful about this fact, coz what? It means that we are easier to adapt. Kita ga extreme..No No! Do u see here? Tuhan ga mungkin kasi kita perintah/fungsi (dalam hal ini tuk beradaptasi), tanpa diperlengkapi. Jadi, jangan pernah berpikir - adalah MUSTAHIL tuk beradaptasi. Karena kita diciptakan untuk itu, dan Tuhan tahu apa yang kita butuhkan tuk beradaptasi, and He has already provided! Our part, just to trust and obey!

Okay, let's start with ...

Dreamer!
Gampang bgt knowing whether you are a dreamer or not. Do you like to create, sew, design, paint or write? If you are a dreamer, then you need to keep your head out of the clouds while dancing your way into your vision of the future.
Remember this, don't get involved in projects that take you away from your responsibility to honor your husband. Spend your youth honing down your gifts and developing skills.
Someday, if you honor your man, your gifts will greatly benefit your marriage.
Di buku ini, ga di-share Biblical woman yang positif, unfortunately, only the negative, but we can still learn from her. Delilah! She was a dreamer. Penuh ide dan kreativitas, rite? So, berhati2lah para dreamers, use your creativities not to manipulate your man. I understand how our words, our acts, our cries can make us to get what we want from our man. But, please don't! We aren't Delilahs! We don't want our Samson lost his strength. We want our man to fulfill his calling with our 100% supports and our positive creativity.

Servant Girl!
Nah, ini tipe2 yang sangat dicintai lelaki manapun. Mirip2 steady man yang disukai semua orang. Sama seperti namanya, wanita ini senang melayani.
She is a peacemaker, kind and considerate.
Ada 1 point yg sangat bagus di buku ini...
Always keep in mind that it is good to be an Encourager, but not good to be an Enabler. An Encourager helps people better themselves. An Enabler does things for people that they should be doing for themselves, healing their self-inflicted wounds and sympathizing with their poor vices to the point that they are enabled to continue their negative behavior without facing the consequences or assuming responsibility to change.
Hati2 wahai kita para wanita berhati lembut (ciieeh!), it's really good to encourage (God calls us for that!), but remember, sometimes ada bagian yang bukan bagian kita, sometimes people need to take their own responsibilities juga. It's good to have a sympathy, but people need to learn juga kalo ada konsekuensi. If you are a truly servant girl, you really understand what I mean :) Remember, girls, we can't do everything, there are parts that just not ours.
Ruth is one good example. She was faithful serving her mother in law.

Go-to Gal!
She is strong, capable, and gives a sense of taking care of the greater number of people. Go-to gal ooozes with confidence, has strong opinions, and does well orgainzing people.
Deborah is one example!
I think it's pretty clear about this type, rite? And, para Go-to Gal, we also understand, how we put ourselves in the place we belong. To be submissive, I know it's not easy, but it's God's will and our calling.

I love this statemet Debi Pearl wrote:
The key is to recognize your natural type, not so you can take the lead, but so you can understand how it might weaken or aid your service to your first-in-command- your husband. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

I do wish you can read the book by yourself, especially this chapter..haha,
'coz this chapter explains much:
Why God put man in charge?
Man's nature - female's nature.
Who we are as the helpers.
How to create balance.
I feel like writing everything on this chapter..haha..but I will try my best to share you the points :)

Alright, tidak bisa dipungkiri..bahwa some women just have stronger personalities, punya leadership skills, smarter than the men! Tapi, mengapa dan mengapa tetep cowo-lah harus memimpin?!
Hal sangat mendasar yang sering kali suka kita ributkan kalo lagi berantem, padahal inilah alasan utama mengapa man is the leader, not us:
Man - logical. Woman - emotional.

God in His wisdom created the male with an innate caution and natural skepticism rooted in his cold logic and unemotional responses. Tuk singkatnya, para pria ini susah percaya kalo ga yakin itu adalah fakta. God created man with extreme resisance, reluctance, stubborness, and a skeptical mind.

God designed the woman to be sensitive and vulnerable for the sake of the little ones whom she must nurture. The soul of a mother must be quick to feel, to hurt, to love, to have compassion, to take in broken, and to believe the best. Vulnerability is both a woman's greatest natural asset and the point of her greatest weakness. Our very nature makes us susceptible to being tricked. We were created to be protected by our men while we nurture the family and maintain a connection with the emotional side of God.

So, we understand now kenapa si ular menggoda hawa di taman eden sana? Akan sangat susah convince si adam, for the reasons mentioned above. But hawa, maybe, pertama langsung pikir.. ular itu cute dan sudah terlena.

God gave man the kind of nature that would be suitable to hold the superior office in the chain of command. A wife's position under her husband is where God put her for her own spiritual, emotional, and physical safety. It is the only position where a wife will find real fulfillment as a woman.

I know, for you who keep reading my posts tidak akan berdebat panjang mengenai kenyataan we are to submit to our man. Since, I believe we all here sudah mengerti role kita, and I do hope that we all accept that with JOY.
Actually, this chapter belum kelar. It could be very long, so I will continue later :)

But, let me close dengan satu cerita yang aku alami sendiri, and sangat related with logical man and emotional woman - and why God put man as the leader, for this reason!
I am naturally a Go-to Gal (pada tempatnya..dan pada saat dibutuhkan, let's say I lead people naturally :$) Though, I was very2 happy, when my boyfriend said that I am more a Servant-Gal..(haha..!!), and I am a dreamer too, a little bit!
Pas jaman kuliah, aku bersahabat dengan 1 cewe (sebut aja - Ai) yang naturally a Go-to Gal too, intinya we both are leaders in our group! Dan kami b2, bersahabat dengan 1 cowo (sebut aja - Ken) yang super santeeeeeeee, yg ikut kemanapun kami pergi (oh, we love him!), namun this guy selalu jadi laki2 di saat kami jadi cewe banget!
Dan ada 1 contoh yg sangat2 membuktikan ke-cowo-an dia dan ke-cewe-an kami!

It was winter in Japan, aku dan Ai ini nginep di rumah Ken (yg juga share house with our friends). Aku dan Ai tidur di kamar Ken. Ken tidur di luar, di sofa. (haha, baru sadar, kesian si Ken, lagi winter harus tidur di luar!) Pas winter, selalu pake heater. Yang modelnya begini...

The next morning, I had to wake up early karena I had work that day. Ai - Ken masi bobo pules begitu juga his housemates! Do u know it's really torturing to wake up on winter..karena dingin banget dan malesss banget, udah mana, aku harus kerja!! Ga sukaaaaaaaa >.< dan temen2ku masi bobo, ga relaaaaaaaaaa >.<
Nah, celana panjangku tuh super dingin..dan udah mau nangis rasanya pake celana panjang dingin. Dan si bodoh aku, taroh celana di atas heater - pikir cuma bentar banget, supaya anget dikit.
Pergilah aku ke kamar mandi, sikat gigi bentar .. then, "Oh, ketinggalan sesuatu" dan kembali lah ke kamar! Saat masuk kamar..kalian tau apa yg terjadi, saudara2...
kamar sudah berasap .... dan kebakaraan!! Sudah sampai ceiling! (Rumah di Jepang, plafon-nya rendah, jadi wajar kalo dah sampai ceiling!)
The heater pas di kaki Ai, dan Ai masi tidur pulas! Dan aku teriak "AAAAAAAIIIII -- AIIIIIIII kebakaran!" We both teriak2 ga jelas! Teriak - teriak dan teriak!
Ai lebih pinter dari aku, dan dia bangunin Ken! Dan Ken tanpa keluar kata satupun, dia ke dapur (aku ga tau dia pake apa, karena aku dan Ai masi panik) and matiin api-nya! And, that's it, DONE!

Aku super malu tuk cerita ini, teman2, karena aku menyadari bodoh-nya aku for putting bahan kain di atas heater - walaupun terlindung, tapi api bisa terpercik >.<
(dan aku tau, kalian ga mungkin sebodoh aku >.<) Tapi kenapa aku mau cerita ini...karena it's one example, Tuhan really2 created man and woman in certain ways and certain positions.
It is really true, secara natural, aku dan Ai adalah pemimpin. We say something, people listen. We have strong opinions. People respect us, dst.
And Ken, naturally, he is a follower, for he enjoys his life so much.
Namun, secara natural dan yang paling mendasar! I am only a woman. And Ken is a man!
A man with an instict and logic to lead!
And me, a woman with emotion to follow!
In our marriage kelak...akan banyak terjadi "kebakaran" (amit2, maksudnya...problems or decisions to make), and God has pointed our man to lead! I know - I know, you are leaders dalam Komisi Wanita, atau Presiden di perusahan..or apapun itu!
Tapi, dalam family, dalam hubunganmu dengan suamimu, he is the leader.

Elisabeth Elliot dalam Let Me Be a Woman, wrote this:
It was God who made us different, and He did it on purpose. Recent scientific research is illuminating, and as has happened before, corroborates ancient truth which mankind has always recognized. God created male and female, the male to call forth, to lead, initiate and rule, and the female to respond, follow, adapt, submit. Even if we held to a different theory of origin, the physical structure of the female would tell us that woman was made to receive, to bear, to be acted upon, to complement, to nourish.
You are fully a woman, which means you have privileges.
You are only a woman, which means you have limitations.
Accept that :)

So, I shared a bit about Three Types of Women, and you (perhaps) have got an idea of who you are. It is good - means that we are now to develop our gifts and skills even better, whether we are a Dreamer, Servant Girl, or Go-to Gal. But we know, we develop them, so we can use our gifts, talents and our type in this honored place of SECOND in command. For we're created from and for men.

First Homework = To Adapt

Alright girls, buat kamu yg udah baca all the three types of men in Preparing to be a Help Meet, maybe maybe.. some of you started to berandai2 -- ataupun buka mata lebih lebar terhadap pria2 di sekelilingmu, mulai lihat mana yang Prophet, Priest or King – krn somehow berasa lebih jelas tipe cowo mana yg “saya MAU dan saya pikir cocok dgn saya.”

I truly understand what you feel :)
Sejak dulu, I always dreamed for a Kingly type! I had no idea about the types of men, tho - I hadn't read the book! All I knew, I "needed" cowo terdepan di medan perang. For me, this kind of man is capable to "lead" me since I am myself, a leader. And he is charming, what!? A guy who talks one word and can change a world? Doaku adalah "Tuhan berikan aku cowo model itu -- supaya AKU -- supaya AKU..."

And, to be honest with you, kalo seandainya aku baca ttg Steady Man sebelum pacaran -- MUNGKIN aku tidak akan pernah berpikir kalo this Priest could really steal my heart! Ga tanggung, saudari2, God bless me with 100% steady man! After years hatiku tertutup rapat setelah patah hati dan proses renewal terindah (horee!!), I would never imagined, yg mampu membuat hati ku terbuka LAGI bukanlah seorang pria yg sedang berdiri di depan dgn segala kharisma-nya memimpin (spt yg selama ini aku pikir aku "butuhkan") - tapi justru adalah this man who puts others first and has a beautiful gentle servant heart!
Itu belum jadian beibeh, belum! Itu adalah awal2 aku realized "Oh, there is a guy!"
dan proses pertemanan kami (we were purely just friends ... ) sampai sekarang masi berpacaran ... I realized how God knows better than I do!
Oke - how I finally realized that is another story to tell.. :$ (maybe some other time..haha)

Let's back to our fantasies.. ! I am not saying that tidak boleh "pilih2" mau prophet / priest / king.. (siapa juga aku? haha). Bole banget!! That's what I did rite? I wanted a king.
But, let me remind you something - always remember that God created us to be a help meet! Not the other way around, our man is not our help meet.
It is, of course, sangatlah manusiawi - menginginkan sesuatu yg kita pikir cocok dan baik untuk kita (kalo bukan kita yg mikirin diri sendiri siapa lagi?!? hehe, GOD -- HE knows and cares about you more than you do!). But, I invite you to take a higher level, instead of memikirkan cowo mana yg baik untuk saya (krn it doesn't take us anywhere) - let's prepare ourselves by developing our gifts, talents and beautifying our inner and outer to be ready for someone God wants you to be his help meet.

Let's do it!!

A good help meet is called to adapt!
(Loooh bukannya relationship harus SALING adaptasi? Well - betul sekali) Tapi..level lebih tinggi tuk beradaptasi dimiliki oleh kita para wanita (horeeeeeeee!) yang dicintai oleh pria (lebih horeeeee lagi!) Again, I am sharing this to you, karena I know, you are willing to obey His will, to do our part that is to submit. (Ephesians 5:22-33)

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Sometimes, ketika kita berpikir tipe cowo mana yg cocok buat kita, salah satu alasannya adalah cowo mana yg easy to live with (means, easy to adapt). Betul atau betul? Gapapa banget untuk berpikir seperti itu, tapi harus juga kita ingat, bahwa "ber-adaptasi" itu tidak lah semengerikan yg kita bayangkan. Most of the time, itu akan membuat karakter kita semakin baik.

Aku realized one thing selama aku menjalani this relationship - why men and women have to be different - why he thinks logically I feel emotionally - itu adalah supaya I could learn to LOVE UNSELFISHLY and to PUT OTHER (in this case, my man) FIRST. Dan itu adalah kehendak Tuhan! So, a good relationship when we are willing to adapt to our partners - will bring us to do God's will.



Kalo kita (cewe) aja yg adapt, then kita kehilangan jati diri kita donk? - you might ask that -
Hmm, girls, I am not an expert in this, but I can share my experience :)
Namun sebelumnya, tolong samakan persepsi, when I talk about guys (whether he is a prophet, priest, or king) - we talk about God-fearing men. Pria yg mengasihi Kristus dan punya kerinduan untuk menyerupai Kristus setiap hari.
Alright, bicara tentang jati diri, we (both men and women) - our goals adalah menjadi seperti Kristus dan menjalani kehendakNya! Jadi ketika kedua pasangan ada dalam pertandingan yg sama - we have the same goal.
And, we both know our own position - the head of man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man.
Jadi - goal kita jelas => Christlikeness, posisi juga jelas, rite?
So, ketika kita ber-adaptasi (yg mungkin kita takutkan), kita "hanya" beradaptasi dalam menyesuaikan kepentingan kita dgn pasangan, atau hobby, atau waktu, ataupun mungkin sedikit sifat/karakter (yg trust me, penyesuain karakter dgn pasangan akan akan akan menumbuhkan karakter yg makin cantik).
Jadi, tidak ada pasangan dalam Kristus (yg punya the same goal) yg ber-adaptasi tuk melawan perintah Tuhan.(jadi, jangan parno - jangan parno!)

Elisabeth Elliot dalam The Mark of a Man wrote this,
If you find a woman who is ready to go where you go and do what you do without brooding about being "her own person", you'll have found a treasure.
She will have to be a woman who has submitted herself to God, first of all, because otherwise she'll be listening to the insistent voices around her, telling her that she's got to be independent and autonomous, that she ought not to be "only" somebody's wife or somebody's mother, that she needs to seek fulfillment for herself and that can only be found beyond the bounds of home.
If, having submitted herself to God, she understands that what He had in mind when He made her was response - in order that both man and woman be fulfilled - she will be at peace with the arrangement.

Salah satu hal yg I learnt to adapt to my man adalah masalah waktu. As you might have read, a Priest man needs to be left alone to do his daily routine. Unlike a Prophet who is really consumed with his girl, or a King who always wants to know where his woman is - what she does, a Priest is content with his life. In my case, terlebih - we both are busy - and we are in long distance relationship. :$ and you know, girls - how hard it is. Perasaan spt he doesn't need me as I do -pun ada, since again he is a Priest, he is a man in demand. I don't own him all by myself.

Awal2, I expected much! hmm.. I understood that I needed to adapt - but, I thought didn't he need to adapt to my needs (more time and more me) too?
It's God's grace - really, 'til I finally realized it's me to adapt! 'coz I realized too what I thought "I needed" was simply "I wanted" -- and again, my goal is to love him unselfishly. It wasn't easy - I cried and I wasn't happy. But it's God's will, and so far it's been a very wonderful and beautiful journey, all by His grace <3 For He promised that we can do all things with Him who strengthen us. Termasuk to adapt to our partner one day! He provided me strength to adapt, and I know He will always do! It's only one thing, and I am still learning and still a lot work to do.

God wants to make us become a lovely help meet. To be a good one takes effort... lots of effort.

So, girls, ask yourself = are you willing to adapt?
(Again, I was talking about a responsible, reliable, loving, dependable God fearing man, oke?!)
Kalo Tuhan "mengirimkan" a King di pintu rumah-mu, are you ready to adapt to his 'controlling' yet really loving nature, to be humble and listen to him?
Or, if it's a Prophet, are you ready to support him, not to look down on him, to always stand by his side?
If it's a Priest, to have a gentle spirit, to share him with others and to serve people with him?

Debi Pearl wrote this "God is not impressed by our gifts, our types or our strengths. He is impressed by our willingness to abide by and appreciate his program by conforming to the needs of our man."

How will I know? Start now! Start to adapt to your parents, your siblings, your friends... Remember, the preparation is on progress!

PS. it isn't finished yet..haha.. to be continued "Why I should keep the options wide opened?" 'coz God knows better, next :)

Honor Your King, oh Adorable Queen!

I've shared to you these last weeks - The Three Types of Men - The First Type = The Prophet - The Second Type - The Priest.

Now, here we are girls..the last type of three ... => the KING, Mr. Command Man.

In this book, it's written that this man is extreme~! I've never quite understood what it was to be extreme 'til I heard the example my girl gave about the Kingly type!

Yes, one of my girls mentioned the most annoying guy we ever known, as Kingly type. He's so controlling, demanding! He shows everyone that his girlfriend (now, his wife) is his, and no one can ever have her (we're no longer be friends with her after they're together...huhu, posesif)

I know, it seems so extreme -- but he's really there, and don't worry, girls, he is definitely the extremely negative King! >.<

For me, personally - when I tried to think guys around me who are Kingly enough, to be honest with ya, I couldn't find any~! haha! But, but!!! I remember all the leaders on this planet earth! Extreme yeah!? Semua pemimpin yg hebat - para hamba Tuhan besar, ooh~~ they're blessed and trusted with the characters of our God the Father - dominant, sovereign, and in command!

And, why did I have a hard time to find guys around me? Because God created just a few! (And I didn't try hard enough..hahaha) Oh yeah, this world needs several leaders only with a lot of people to follow :)

King Triton is one of them :D

If You Fall in Love with The Priest

Alrighty, girls :D :D

Here's one of my favorite chapters of Preparing to be a Help Meet. Chapter 4: The Priest.

The chapter has so much red ink on it .. haha~! and I think, most of you girls will love this too -- or lebih tepatnya, most girls will fall in love with this kind of guy, the Steady Man :)

In fact, God created more men in this "image", the most steady and easygoing of the three types, not given to extremes. (so, tenang, stok-nya banyak..haha!)

The more I read about this man, the more I fall in love, the more I know that it is a lot to take to be his wife. Though among the three, this man will rarely push, pressure, force, or hurry you (yeeaah!) - He won't tell you what to do and serve him, like a Kingly man - nor will he want you to do what he is doing, like a Visionary man. He will simply want you to walk beside him, yet grow in your own right before God and man! (told you! haha, fall in love already with this guy?)

You are not gonna be alone, wifey - 'coz your husband will be liked by everyone! And seems to just let people use him. He is always ready to help people, he loves to serve. He belongs to people.

Now, you know what I am going to tell you ---

Here's the thing, girls~! God created us to be a help meet, means that we will need to learn to conform to our man.

If you are blessed with this man, one thing you need to do is to as active helping others as your husband is. Be ready to have a full of people in your house (yiiiiihaaaaa.. :D :D so learn now to make a lovely home!)

- and our steady man, he will really take his time to make up his mind! For we, who are impatient, it's not easy :$ so learn, to listen - to stand still, seek to always have a gentle spirit.

Yes, it's really true that he will appreciate your initiative. But, always have in mind, he is the leader. Don't be critical. Nor be controlling! He just wants peace, to be left alone to do his daily routine and enjoy the company of people who are not all fired up or critical.

Here's one thing I want to share (from me, not from the book). I am truly blessed with a 100% steady man :D (that's why I kept telling you, how much I am in love with this guy) ..haha- I am naturally impatient, I've been leaders in almost every organizations I involved, I take decision pretty quick. So, you know, it's not without struggle I need to wait for him. Kalo hal-nya cuma masalah kecil, I would ask ..."what do you think about this?" and I wait.

Kalo masalah besar, and I really know it's not my part to ask, I pray! and pray! Aku selalu bilang gini ke Tuhan .. "Lord, hal ini really bother me, tapi I know it's not my part to take the initiative. It's his part. Kalo memang Engkau bilang, 'sudah saatnya' biar Tuhan yg bicara, and he will tell me."

And believe me, girls! God works! at the perfect time! His time! not my time - nor his time. And u know what, waktu Tuhan ga pernah terlambat -- selalu paaaaaaaaas :D en pada saat-nya, ketika kita SUKSES wait and stand still, you will see the beauty of your relationship, that you know God is in it! You will love him more, 'coz you know it's His will for you to love him :)

(but you know, I am still learning - and I sometimes fail too, that's why I need Him, God who loves him more than I do) One verse that He kept telling me, Psalm 46:10 "be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act!" again, I would tell you => you will love how God works on His perfect time :D

The Priest kind a guy would love you to use your natural skills, abilities and drives. Your achievements will be an honor to him, but if you are lazy or slothful will greatly discourage him. A Priestly Man really values a resourceful, hardworking woman who shows dignity and honor. And be sufficient in all the tasks of daily living.

So, girls, start today learning to be creative and useful :D Don't eat the bread of idleness (oh, one of my faves P31) If you are busy and productive now, than you will be too after you got married.

'coz at the end of the day, he will weigh his accomplishment with yours - and will rejoice in the value of having a worthy partner in the grace of life.

His vision is as a man seeing life just as it is. Not focus on eternal picture - nor looking too details.

This Priest will most want to please his wife. So, be thankful :)

Oh, one more important thing too!!!!! He will not waste money nor take reckless chances. So, be wise on spending money, girls... (ooops)

Here's tambahan from a friend of mine who is married to a Priest:

Some women equate their husband’s wise caution and lack of open passion as being unspiritual. His lack of spontaneity and open boldness may look like indifference to spiritual things. However, he is like deep, deep water. The very depth makes the movement almost imperceptible, but it is, nevertheless, very strong.

Your husband will not talk much about spirituality - not like a Visionary man. Bukan karena dia tidak bicara hal rohani, juga tidak mengomentari hal2 rohani, tidak memimpin di depan (leading praise and worship, sharing etc) means he is not a Godly man. He is a man of action! Dia melakukan pelayanan yg tidak diliat orang. And dia melakukannya dengan setia.

So, kita harus me'luruskan pandangan kita terhadap Godly man itu. Accept him for who he is, for the man after God's heart who loves him on his own way, who is loyal to his family and his God.

So, dear girls, whether you are married to a Priest - or you are still preparing, let's use our time now to use our gifts to serve others, to be productive, and to learn to have a gentle spirit :)

what it takes to be a Prophet wife

I have 2 groups (at this moment - who knows it could be a whole large classroom..haha) discussing "Preparing to be a Help Meet" :D

one - my college friends. the other one - my churchy friends.

Tonite, I had chapter 3 with the first group - so, let me share what we had.

Chapter 3: the Prophet

as u might have read my excerpt about this man. he is a Visionary.

he loves confrontation, and hates status quo. he is consumed with a need to communicate with words, music, writing, art or actions. (he must be a really romantic guy..hoho~!)

he can love with a passion and be aggressively loyal to his friends and family. he can take the lead in calling the world to repentance and showing them a path of righteousness.

however, if they are not balanced, these Prophet/ Visionary types may get fanatically focused on one or two weird issues and, in the process, upset the entire family.

when i asked - if any of the girls will actually fall into this kind of guy, one of them said yes! haha :D

guess who?

since the question is a big IF -- what IF, all of us are married to the Prophet types!? how we adapt?

every Prophet needs a good, wise, prudent, stable wife who has a positive outlook on life.

remember - this guy is adventurous. he might have an idea of selling the house, quitting his job, then travelling around the world (sounds interesting, huh? REALLY?)

he will be subjective, thinking about feelings, moods and spiritual insights. so we need to be objective and use common sense.

he MIGHT spend money unwisely, leaving his wife feeling insecure. so we need to learn to be content with what we have.

he is a man of ideas, vision. he will talk. some idea might be crazy, some might be not.

so first, we need to listen!

and we are to talk, give opinions and not to "ARE YOU CRAZY?" him.

we need to practice how to speak up our mind - what we think from other point of view (less crazier, perhaps) with WISDOM and LOVE.

be flexible.

be loyal.

as any other men, he needs our supports! - though the whole world thinks he's out of mind, let him know that we are on his side.

without his supporting wife, he feels alone.

Thomas Edison was great after his 999th failure to make a light bulb. the 1st 'til 10th trial might be still exciting - but when it hit hundred-th, people started to think he was crazy! but aren't we thankful for him now?

our husband could be one of these crazy EDISONs.

so, enjoy the ride, girls and be prepared ;)

The Three Types of Men

I didn't write it myself, I had it on my word documents (copied - pasted) long time ago - when I searched about "I couldn't remember" and I found it's really useful and practical to get a better understanding about men, or our men.. and help us to learn how to adapt (if we're willing) to our men :)

CREATED TO BE HIS HELP MEET

BY DEBI PEARL

Mr. Command Man

God is dominant — a sovereign and all-powerful God. He is also visionary— omniscient and desirous of carrying out his plans. And, God is steady — the same yesterday, and today, and forever, our faithful High Priest. Most men epitomize one of these three aspects of God. No single man completely expresses the well-rounded image of God.

A few men are born with more than their share of dominance and, on the surface, a deficit in gentleness. They often end up in positions that command other men. We will call them Command Men. They are born leaders. They are often chosen by other men to be military commanders, politicians, preachers, heads of corporations, and managers of businesses. Winston Churchill, George Patton, and Ronald Reagan are examples of dominant men. Since our world needs only a few leaders, God seems to limit the number of these Command Men. These men see life as if they are looking from a high mountain, they see the big picture rather than individual needs.

They are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot. A Command Man does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him. If you are blessed to be married to a strong, forceful, bossy man, as I am, then it is very important for you learn how to make an appeal without challenging his authority. We will discuss how to make an appeal later in this book.

Command Men have less tolerance, so they will often walk off and leave their clamoring wife before she has a chance to realize that she is even close to losing her marriage. By the time she realizes that there is a serious problem, she is already a divorced mother seeking help in how to raise her children alone. A woman can fight until she is blue in the face, yet the Command Man will not yield. Yielding would be against his personhood. He is not as intimate or vulnerable as are other men in sharing hi s personal feelings or vocation with his wife. He seems to be sufficient unto himself. It is awful being shut out. A woman married to a Command Man has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she will stand by her man, faithful, loyal, and obedient. When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme.

A King wants a Queen, which is why a man in command wants a faithful wife to share his fame and glory. Without a woman’s admiration, his victories are muted. If a wife learns early to enjoy the benefits of taking the second seat, and if she does not take offense to his headstrong aggressiveness, she will be the one sitting at his right side being adored, because this kind of man will totally adore his woman and exalt her. She will be his closest, and sometimes his only, confidante. Over the years, the Command Man can become more yielding and gentle. His wife will discover secret portals to his heart.

If you are married to a king, honor and reverence is something you must give him on a daily basis if you want him to be a benevolent, honest, strong, and fulfilled man of God. He has the potential to become an amazing leader. Never shame him, and do not belittle him or ignore his accomplishments. Make it your life’s goal to become his queen.

Mr. Visionary

God is a Visionary as seen in his person, the Holy Spirit. He made some men in the image of that part of his nature. Prophets, be they true or false, are usually of this type. Some of you are married to men who are shakers, changers, and dreamers. These men get the entire family upset about peripheral issues, such as: do we believe in Christmas? Should we use state marriage licenses? Should a Christian opt out of the Social Security system? The issues may be serious and worthy of one’s commitment, but, in varying degrees, these men have tunnel vision, tenaciously focusing on single issues. They are often the church splitters and the ones who demand doctrinal purity and proper dress and conduct. Like a prophet, they call people to task for their inconsistencies. If they are not wise, they can be real jerks who push their agendas, forcing others to go their way.

Visionaries are often gifted men or inventors, and I am sure it was men of this caliber that conquered the Wild West, though they would not have been the farmers who settled it. Today, Visionary men are street preachers, political activists, organizers and instigators of any front-line social issue. They love confrontation, and hate the status quo. “Why leave it the way it is when you can change it?” They are the men who keep the rest of the world from getting stagnant or dull. The Visionary is consumed with a need to communicate with his words, music, writing, voice, art, or actions. He is the “voice crying out in the wilderness” striving to change the way humanity is behaving or thinking. Good intentions don’t always keep Visionaries from causing great harm. They can stir up pudding and end up with toxic waste if they are not wise. An unwise wife can add to the poison with negative words, or she can, with simple words of caution, bring attention to the goodness of the pudding and the wisdom in leaving it alone. Every Mr.Visionary needs a good, wise, prudent, stable wife who has a positive outlook on life.

The wife of Mr.Visionary should be just a little bit reckless and blind in one eye if she is going to enjoy the ride. If this is your man, you need to learn two very important things (beyond how to make an appeal). Learn how to be flexible, and learn how to always be loyal to your man. You will be amazed at how much happier you will be and how much fun life can be if you learn to just go with the flow — his flow. Life will become an adventure. You will actually begin to feel sorry for the gals married to the stick-in-the-mud, steady type. And once you get it into your head that your husband does not have to be “right” for you to follow him, you will FINALLY be able to say “bye bye” to your overwrought parents, even when they are screaming that you are married to a crazy man. People looking on will marvel that you are able to love and appreciate your husband, but you will know better because you will see his greatness.

Greatness is a state of soul, not certain accomplishments. Over time, this type of man will become more practical. If you are a young wife married to a man whom your mama thinks is totally crazy — then you may be married to Mr. Visionary. Right now, purpose in your heart to be loyal to him, and to be flexible; then, let your dreamer dream. Lean back and enjoy the ride; it should prove interesting. Visionary Man will talk and talk and talk to his honey if she approves of him. He will be subjective, thinking about feelings, moods, and spiritual insights. One of his greatest needs will be for his wife to think objectively (proven truth) and use common sense, which will help keep his feet from flying too far from solid ground. He spends his life looking through a telescope or microscope, and he will be stunned that what he sees (or thinks he sees), others do not seem to notice or care about.

Mr. Steady

God is as steady as an eternal rock, caring, providing, and faithful, like a priest like Jesus Christ. He created many men in that image. We will call him Mr. Steady — “in the middle, not given to extremes.” The Steady Man does not make snap decisions or spend his last dime on a new idea, and he doesn’t try to tell other people what to do. He avoids controversy.

Being married to a Steady Man has its rewards and its trials. On the good side, your husband never puts undue pressure on you to perform miracles. He doesn’t expect you to be his servant. You do not spend your days putting out emotional fires, because he doesn’t create tension in the family. You rarely feel hurried, pushed, pressured, or forced. The women married to Visionary Men look at you in wonder that your husband seems so balanced and stable. The wife of Command Man marvels at the free time you seem to have. If your dad happened to be a Steady Man, then chances are you will appreciate your husband’s down-to-earth, practical life for the wonderful treasure it is.

When you are married to a man who is steady and cautious, and you have a bit of the impatient romantic in you, you may not see his worth and readily honor him. You may be discontent because he is slow and cautious to take authority or make quick decisions. A bossy woman sees her husband’s lack of hasty judgment and calls her Steady husband “wishy-washy.” His steadiness makes him the last to change, so he seems to be a follower because he is seldom out front forming up the troops. There is no exciting rush in him, just a slow, steady climb with no bells or whistles. You wish he would just make up his mind, and that he would take a stand in the church. He seems to just let people use him. There are times you wish he would boldly tell you what to do so you would not have to carry all the burden of decision-making.

Some women equate their husband’s wise caution and lack of open passion as being unspiritual. His lack of spontaneity and open boldness may look like indifference to spiritual things. However, he is like deep, deep water. The very depth makes the movement almost imperceptible, but it is, nevertheless, very strong.

He will be confused with your unhappiness and try to serve you more, which may further diminish your respect for his masculinity. Disappointment and unthankfulness can make you wearier than any amount of duties. His very steadiness keeps him on his middle-of-the-road course, and it will drive a controlling woman crazy.

This is why many disgruntled ladies married to Mr. Steadys fall victim to hormonal imbalance, physical illness, or emotional problems.

Know Your Man

Wives are very much flesh and blood, and as young women, we don’t come to marriage with all the skills needed to make it start out good, let alone perfect. When you come to know your man for whom God created him to be, you will stop trying to change him into what you think he should be. The key is to know your man. If he is Mr. Steady, you need to learn to be thankful and to honor him as the one created for you in the image of God. Your husband’s gentleness is not a weakness; it is his strength. Your husband’s hesitation is not indecision; it is cautious wisdom. Your husband’s lack of deep spiritual conversation is not a lack of caring; it is simply the cap on a mountain of intense emotions.

If this describes your man, you need to learn how to stand still and listen; then let God move your husband in his own good time. Ask God for wisdom and patience. Seek to always have a gentle spirit. Stop expecting him to perform for you, to pray with the family, to speak out in witnessing, or to take a bold stand at church. Stop trying to stir him up to anger toward the children in order to get him to feel as though he understands how badly you are being treated. Let him be the one God made him to be: a still, quiet, thoughtful presence — for you!

A Steady Man likes a woman to walk beside him, yet grow in her own right before God and him.

He needs a resourceful, hardworking woman with dignity and honor. It is important to Mr. Steady that his wife is able to be self-sufficient in all the mundane tasks of daily living.

These men can be some of the most important men in the church, because their steadfastness is sure, and their loyalty is strong. They make wise, well-thought-out decisions.

Typically, Steady Men do not become as well known as Command or Visionary Men. They are not odd or stand-out men. They are not loud. They are neither irritating nor particularly magnificent. Women and men alike envy and desire a Command Man. People are often drawn and compelled by the Visionary. But the Steady Man is taken for granted

Much of this book has been written to help young wives learn to honor, obey, and appreciate the Steady Man just as he is.

Mr. Steady will enjoy the company of others and be most comfortable spending time in small talk with whoever is around. Of the three types, he is the one that will be most liked by everyone. Mr. Steady is always in demand. He belongs to people. He does not focus on the eternal picture like Mr. Command, nor is he looking through a microscope as Mr. Visionary, but he does respect both views as important. His vision is as a man seeing life just as it is. He can shift his sights to the sky and know there is more up there than he can see, and he wonders about it. Or, he can stare into a muddy pond and appreciate that there is a whole world in there that he knows nothing about. In most of life, he is a bridge between the other two types of men. He is a very necessary expression of God’s image. Of the three different kinds of men, it is more important that Mr. Steady have a help meet who likes him just as he is.

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I can't wait to read the book, honestly, but I decided to wait after I got married :$ and just be content and try to put into practice what I learnt from "Preparing to be a Help Meet" for unmarried (and married) women version of this book.

I bought one for my married sister, tho :$ from "bookdepository"

it's free shipping WORLDWIDE!! hoho! An answer prayer, I could get books in Indonesia :D :D

wives, adapt! husbands, love!

From "The Mark of a Man" - Following Christ's Example of Masculinity

written as advice to Elisabeth Elliot's nephew...

It's just some of many blessings I got from the book, just wanna share with you - men or women - then, you may want to read the book yourself ~ eyn ~ :)

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Look for one (woman) who is prepared to adapt to you.

If you find a woman who is ready to go where you go and do what you do without brooding about being "her own person", you'll have found a treasure.

She will have to be a woman who has submitted herself to God, first of all, because otherwise she'll be listening to the insistent voices around her, telling her that she's got to be independent and autonomous, that she ought not to be "only" somebody's wife or somebody's mother, that she needs to seek fulfillment for herself and that can only be found beyond the bounds of home.

If, having submitted herself to God, she understands that what He had in mind when He made her was response - in order that both man and woman be fulfilled - she will be at peace with the arrangement.

A woman cannot properly be the responder, unless the man is properly the initiator. He must take the lead in order that shey may follow, as in a dance. The willingness of each to perform the "steps" that have been choreographed gives the other freedom.

If the husband can look upon his gift of initiation as a privilege, instead of as a right; and if the wife can look upon her gift of response in the same way, instead of as an obliglation, both might be surprised to find that Jesus' promise actually comes true for them: the yoke proves to be easy, the burden light.

Real women will always be relieved and grateful when men are willing to be men.

Sometimes people talk about how they are "struggling with" certain things, or "working through" them, when what they really mean is that they are delaying obedience.

You, wives must learn to adapt yourselves to your husbands, as you submit yourselves to the Lord.

A woman is must fully and freely a woman in relation to a man who is willing and glad to exercise his gift of initiation. The man is most fully and freely a man in relation to a woman who accepts her role of reponse.

A man's willingness to offer up his life, for his wife, or for anybody else who happens to need him, is not the end of everything. It's only the end of himself.

I know it's true. There are times when everything in us resists taking the step forward that must be taken.

.... Everything in these men must have said, NO! Every thing except one : their desire to please God.

He who is fully a man has relinquished his right to himself.

When Paul writes to the Colossians,

"And whatever work you may have to do, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, thanking God the father through Him," he says immediately what sort of "work" he's talking about : wives, adapt! Husbands, love!

They would do much better to direct their energies toward trusting God and leave the wooing to the man God wants them to have.

Trusting God is doing the greatest thing anybody can do. Trusting God to take of your love life is a rigorous daily exercise of faith.

To aim at loving instead of at being loved requires sacrifice. Love reaches out, willing to be turned down or inconvenienced, expecting no personal reward, waiting only to give.

But that's an impossible standard for a human being's love, you'll say. You're not Everlasting Love - far from it. The unavoidable fact, however, is that this "impossible" standard is the standard. There isn't any other standard we are to measure our love. "...love one another as I have loved you," Jesus said, and paul said, "the husband must give his wife the same sort of love that Christ gave to the church, when he sacrificed himself for her......"

A Christian knows that there is One who can make the yoke easy.

To suffer simply means "to bear under". A leader is a man who does not groan under burdens, but takes them as a matter of course, allows them, tolerates them - and with a dash of humor. He knows how to keep his mouth shut about his difficulties and how to live a day at a time, doing quietly what needs doing at the moment. People will follow that sort of man.

Again I have to say, you don't do it alone. ... We need to recall constantly that it is Christ who calls us; it is Christ who enables us; it is Christ who promises His presence and His strength.

Pay attention. Notice when she's tired or cold or upset or needing your arms around her.

"The love a man gives his wife is the extending of his love for himself to enfold her. Nobody ever hates or neglects his own body; he feeds it and looks after it. And that is what Christ does for His Body, the Church."

Courtesy is sacrificial symbolism. We've been talking about sacrifice, which runs deep through all Christian truth. "Every High Priest is appointed to offer gifts and make sacrifices," Hebrews tells us. As Christians, as "priests" to God, we, too make sacrifices : our bodies, first of all; and our praise, our thanksgiving and our faith. These are all called sacrifices in the New Testament. It goes without saying that we human beings haven't got a thing to offer up to God, except what we've been given; and your mandhood is a gift that you offer back to Him. It's also a gift you offer your wife. Without that offering, she is not free to be fully a woman; for to be fully a woman means to respond, to receive, to be acted upon, to follow. You've got to give her the gift of manhood - initiating, cherishing, leading. This is what women want, in their heart of hearts.

I say that courtesy is sacrificial symbolism because each act is a very small sign that you are willing to give your life for hers.

Courtesy has to become a habit, "a characteristic condition of mind or body, disposition; a thing done often and hence done easily; a tendency to perform in a certain way."

Does this sound bad? Is it necessarily hollow just because it's a habit? I don't think so, for if you're in the habit of being courteous, then, even when you're not thinking or feeling rightly, you'll still act rightly; and it's action that counts with other people. It's this because you're responsible for before God, not for the vagaries of emotion or mood. What you do to or for others you do to or for the Lord.

A real man is quick to see what is truly admirable in another. He identifies with him, contemplates what made him what he is, and tries to appropriate the man's methods to reach his own goals.

Make no mistake. If obedience is what marks a man, it can be nothing less than obedience that marks a real woman. The trouble with all of us is that we're disobedient. We're a bunch of "miserable offenders," as the Book of Common Prayer says, "and there is no health in us." Women often ask me what they can do to help men see their responsibility in church and home. The first answer I give is : Be women! If you try to take the responsibilities the man have abdicated, you're not being women, and your disobedience will not help their disobedience. It only adds to the dehumanization of everybody.

What if a husband, in faithfulness to God and love for his wife, must rebuke her or perhaps speak to her about the relinquishment of something she is determined to hold on to? "What's the point? She'll only be hurt," you say, or "She wouldn't listen to me, anyway, or she'll get angry. It won't do any good." And you back off.

Wait a minute. A woman wants a man who is capable of standing up to her. She wants him to be a godly sort. That is, she wants him, like Daniel, to have his "windows open," and like Jesus, to have his "face set" toward Jerusalem. If that's the direction he's headed, his obedience will be her liberation.

No marriage can survive without forgiveness. Marriage is a long term, intimate, all-inclusive, no-holds-barred, day-to-day, and year-after-year commitment between two sinners. How will they get along without forgiveness?

A man must at times be hard as nails: willing to face up to the truth about himself and about the woman he loves, refusing compromise when compromise is wrong. But he must also be tender. No weapon will breach the armor of a woman's resentment like tenderness.

You may not understand her. You may find her unreasonable and illogical and unreachable by any means other than honest tenderness. If she can believe, even for a second or two, that you really want to understand her, that you are earnestly trying to see things from her point of view, she will budge. I know. I'm a woman, and I appear unbudgeable to some, but I also know what a man's arm around me will do to my defenses.

Can you imagine yourself a father? I’m sure you can. Have you ever thought much about your paternal instincts, as such? If you love a woman and find yourself longing to protect her, take her in your arms, and keep her from danger, that’s the beginning. There is certainly something of the paternal in a man’s love for a woman. But no one can describe to you or prepare you for the actual experience of fatherhood.

… I am convinced that one of God’s reasons for giving us children to care for is to humble us. They begin by breaking our hearts. The total sweetness of a newborn child, the innocence, the abject helplessness, the mystery of knowing that this being is the product of your genes and your love: these things will break your heart.

Then, every day, if you take being a father seriously, you’ll know that you’re not big enough for the job, not by yourself. And that’s humbling. The job at the office maybe you can handle. The job of being a husband you might have thought you were doing pretty admirably. But being a father will put you on your knees if nothing else ever did. It will save you from yourself, because you are forced to attend the very small person for whom you and his mother are responsible.

What are the essentials, if one is looking for a good wife?

Checklist :

1. Femininity and faith

She's got to be a real woman, and she's got to be a Christian. She ought to be glad she's a woman. A Christian woman acknowledges Christ as her Lord and Master. In so doing, she places herself under obedience, which means that whatever the Lord says to do, she is bound by.

2. A sense of humor.

She must know how to laugh - first of all at herself. That's a saving grace.

Find somebody who does not take herself so deadly seriously that she has to be always talking about who I am, and how am I relating, and how do I really feel about myself?

3. Any woman you consider for a wife ought to be willing to put her husband and her children first : above her own interests, including a career.

4. Sacrifice .

There is no getting around the fact that to give yourselves wholeheartedly to the rearing of children for God will eliminate you from lot of activities your friends are enjoying and often from activities that seem to be obligations.

5. Look also for "the unfading loveliness of calm and gentle spirit" - the secret of the beauty of holy women.

6. Look, finally, for a woman knows that love is not a feeling. It's great if she has lots of loving feelings for you. It's great if she makes you feel loving. Thank God for feelings, for without them we could not respond to all the sensory data in our world. As physical and psychological beings, we are bundle of feelings. But, as we've already seen, they're no anchor for a marriage. The love that sustains a marriage - and is sustained by marriage itself - has to be action.

.... Godliness with contentment is a great gain....

Five ways you can help that woman who will be your wife be the woman you want her to be:

1. Be a man.

It is in response to the fullest expression of your manliness that she will be most womanly.

2. Make her glad she's a woman.

- Notice things, an honest compliment can make her light up.

- Be courteous. Courtesy is a way of reminding each other that you're a gentleman and a lady

3. Understand that leadership is for her help and redemption and be willing to take charge.

4. Love her with the love described in 1 Corinthians.

5. Remember that you are heirs together of the grace of life.

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