Saturday, June 25, 2011

First Homework = To Adapt

Alright girls, buat kamu yg udah baca all the three types of men in Preparing to be a Help Meet, maybe maybe.. some of you started to berandai2 -- ataupun buka mata lebih lebar terhadap pria2 di sekelilingmu, mulai lihat mana yang Prophet, Priest or King – krn somehow berasa lebih jelas tipe cowo mana yg “saya MAU dan saya pikir cocok dgn saya.”

I truly understand what you feel :)
Sejak dulu, I always dreamed for a Kingly type! I had no idea about the types of men, tho - I hadn't read the book! All I knew, I "needed" cowo terdepan di medan perang. For me, this kind of man is capable to "lead" me since I am myself, a leader. And he is charming, what!? A guy who talks one word and can change a world? Doaku adalah "Tuhan berikan aku cowo model itu -- supaya AKU -- supaya AKU..."

And, to be honest with you, kalo seandainya aku baca ttg Steady Man sebelum pacaran -- MUNGKIN aku tidak akan pernah berpikir kalo this Priest could really steal my heart! Ga tanggung, saudari2, God bless me with 100% steady man! After years hatiku tertutup rapat setelah patah hati dan proses renewal terindah (horee!!), I would never imagined, yg mampu membuat hati ku terbuka LAGI bukanlah seorang pria yg sedang berdiri di depan dgn segala kharisma-nya memimpin (spt yg selama ini aku pikir aku "butuhkan") - tapi justru adalah this man who puts others first and has a beautiful gentle servant heart!
Itu belum jadian beibeh, belum! Itu adalah awal2 aku realized "Oh, there is a guy!"
dan proses pertemanan kami (we were purely just friends ... ) sampai sekarang masi berpacaran ... I realized how God knows better than I do!
Oke - how I finally realized that is another story to tell.. :$ (maybe some other time..haha)

Let's back to our fantasies.. ! I am not saying that tidak boleh "pilih2" mau prophet / priest / king.. (siapa juga aku? haha). Bole banget!! That's what I did rite? I wanted a king.
But, let me remind you something - always remember that God created us to be a help meet! Not the other way around, our man is not our help meet.
It is, of course, sangatlah manusiawi - menginginkan sesuatu yg kita pikir cocok dan baik untuk kita (kalo bukan kita yg mikirin diri sendiri siapa lagi?!? hehe, GOD -- HE knows and cares about you more than you do!). But, I invite you to take a higher level, instead of memikirkan cowo mana yg baik untuk saya (krn it doesn't take us anywhere) - let's prepare ourselves by developing our gifts, talents and beautifying our inner and outer to be ready for someone God wants you to be his help meet.

Let's do it!!

A good help meet is called to adapt!
(Loooh bukannya relationship harus SALING adaptasi? Well - betul sekali) Tapi..level lebih tinggi tuk beradaptasi dimiliki oleh kita para wanita (horeeeeeeee!) yang dicintai oleh pria (lebih horeeeee lagi!) Again, I am sharing this to you, karena I know, you are willing to obey His will, to do our part that is to submit. (Ephesians 5:22-33)

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Sometimes, ketika kita berpikir tipe cowo mana yg cocok buat kita, salah satu alasannya adalah cowo mana yg easy to live with (means, easy to adapt). Betul atau betul? Gapapa banget untuk berpikir seperti itu, tapi harus juga kita ingat, bahwa "ber-adaptasi" itu tidak lah semengerikan yg kita bayangkan. Most of the time, itu akan membuat karakter kita semakin baik.

Aku realized one thing selama aku menjalani this relationship - why men and women have to be different - why he thinks logically I feel emotionally - itu adalah supaya I could learn to LOVE UNSELFISHLY and to PUT OTHER (in this case, my man) FIRST. Dan itu adalah kehendak Tuhan! So, a good relationship when we are willing to adapt to our partners - will bring us to do God's will.

Kalo kita (cewe) aja yg adapt, then kita kehilangan jati diri kita donk? - you might ask that -
Hmm, girls, I am not an expert in this, but I can share my experience :)
Namun sebelumnya, tolong samakan persepsi, when I talk about guys (whether he is a prophet, priest, or king) - we talk about God-fearing men. Pria yg mengasihi Kristus dan punya kerinduan untuk menyerupai Kristus setiap hari.
Alright, bicara tentang jati diri, we (both men and women) - our goals adalah menjadi seperti Kristus dan menjalani kehendakNya! Jadi ketika kedua pasangan ada dalam pertandingan yg sama - we have the same goal.
And, we both know our own position - the head of man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man.
Jadi - goal kita jelas => Christlikeness, posisi juga jelas, rite?
So, ketika kita ber-adaptasi (yg mungkin kita takutkan), kita "hanya" beradaptasi dalam menyesuaikan kepentingan kita dgn pasangan, atau hobby, atau waktu, ataupun mungkin sedikit sifat/karakter (yg trust me, penyesuain karakter dgn pasangan akan akan akan menumbuhkan karakter yg makin cantik).
Jadi, tidak ada pasangan dalam Kristus (yg punya the same goal) yg ber-adaptasi tuk melawan perintah Tuhan.(jadi, jangan parno - jangan parno!)

Elisabeth Elliot dalam The Mark of a Man wrote this,
If you find a woman who is ready to go where you go and do what you do without brooding about being "her own person", you'll have found a treasure.
She will have to be a woman who has submitted herself to God, first of all, because otherwise she'll be listening to the insistent voices around her, telling her that she's got to be independent and autonomous, that she ought not to be "only" somebody's wife or somebody's mother, that she needs to seek fulfillment for herself and that can only be found beyond the bounds of home.
If, having submitted herself to God, she understands that what He had in mind when He made her was response - in order that both man and woman be fulfilled - she will be at peace with the arrangement.

Salah satu hal yg I learnt to adapt to my man adalah masalah waktu. As you might have read, a Priest man needs to be left alone to do his daily routine. Unlike a Prophet who is really consumed with his girl, or a King who always wants to know where his woman is - what she does, a Priest is content with his life. In my case, terlebih - we both are busy - and we are in long distance relationship. :$ and you know, girls - how hard it is. Perasaan spt he doesn't need me as I do -pun ada, since again he is a Priest, he is a man in demand. I don't own him all by myself.

Awal2, I expected much! hmm.. I understood that I needed to adapt - but, I thought didn't he need to adapt to my needs (more time and more me) too?
It's God's grace - really, 'til I finally realized it's me to adapt! 'coz I realized too what I thought "I needed" was simply "I wanted" -- and again, my goal is to love him unselfishly. It wasn't easy - I cried and I wasn't happy. But it's God's will, and so far it's been a very wonderful and beautiful journey, all by His grace <3 For He promised that we can do all things with Him who strengthen us. Termasuk to adapt to our partner one day! He provided me strength to adapt, and I know He will always do! It's only one thing, and I am still learning and still a lot work to do.

God wants to make us become a lovely help meet. To be a good one takes effort... lots of effort.

So, girls, ask yourself = are you willing to adapt?
(Again, I was talking about a responsible, reliable, loving, dependable God fearing man, oke?!)
Kalo Tuhan "mengirimkan" a King di pintu rumah-mu, are you ready to adapt to his 'controlling' yet really loving nature, to be humble and listen to him?
Or, if it's a Prophet, are you ready to support him, not to look down on him, to always stand by his side?
If it's a Priest, to have a gentle spirit, to share him with others and to serve people with him?

Debi Pearl wrote this "God is not impressed by our gifts, our types or our strengths. He is impressed by our willingness to abide by and appreciate his program by conforming to the needs of our man."

How will I know? Start now! Start to adapt to your parents, your siblings, your friends... Remember, the preparation is on progress!

PS. it isn't finished yet..haha.. to be continued "Why I should keep the options wide opened?" 'coz God knows better, next :)


  1. lanjutkannnn ciciiii !!! :)
    hahaha.. menjawab pertanyaan2 ku nih.

    kutunggu post selanjutnya.
    am im curious too abt ur past relationship,, gimana cerita putusnya berapa lama dll.. gimana proses Tuhan bentuk hati cici dll.. AND gimana ketemu sama si arief ini hihih.. am more than curious to know. and am more than happy if u want to share it. haha.. penasaran mode VERY ON. ;p coz i believe God really teach and open alots of things to you doing that period of time kan? share it share it!!

  2. Nuncep cep cep cep ke aku! Thanks ci!! Ditunggu nih chapter2 berikutnyaa

  3. @ Ani, hihi iya2 kapan cici ceritain detail-nya yah, pas topik dan timing-nya pas :)
    Ini preview-nya dikiiittt:
    Cici putus sama cowo pertama setelah pacaran 8 tahun 2 bulan. So, u can imagine how tragic it was! BUT, it was one of my bravest decisions I ever did in my life. It's all by His grace! :)
    Proses pemulihannya pun ga gampang... I wasn't being myself 1 tahun pertama (menutup diri dari banyak orang) - itu masa2 disaster. Perlahan2, setelah keadaan lebih baik sedikit, cici started to learn banyaaaakkk hal selama masa single lagi!! (Cici sangat bersyukur Tuhan kasi cici waktu tuk jadi single lagi, sungguh!!!!) Oh, and during that time, I prayed supaya Tuhan really2 jaga hati cici and bener2 I gave my heart to Him.
    And, 'til finally cici dah completely moved on, completely bisa mengasihi my ex as a brother -- baru cici bilang ke Tuhan, "God, I am ready for a new relationship."
    Cici jomblo sekitar 3 tahun setengah, 'til finally jadian ama Arief ini.
    So, one day, I would love to share my past - my break up, my single (AGAIN), and my relationship with Arief.. karena really, every process yg Tuhan allowed to happen in my life- ga lain tuk membentuk my heart and my character more beautiful each day.

    @ Steph, iyaah...will keep writing the next chapters :)

  4. Ci, aku ada kutip blog cici di blog aku. If u want to check, u can click


  5. ci erlyn, ini blogmuu.. wow.. aku ga tau cici punya blog, biasanya aku baca blog the road north, withintakapipi, ama tuhan masi menulis cerita cintaa.. wow!! ci erlyn hebat! love you more dahh :*

  6. joy :D :D cici erlyn gak hebat, sayang... Tuhan yg bekerja dengan luar biasa.... :D love you toooooo :*