These days, I feel weary, restless... bolak balik cek instagram and fb, seakan lagi search for something. Yup, most of the time, di instagram, I really admire the women who seem to have it all. You name it: cute kids, healthy food on their table, aktivitas for their kids, and they still got to take care of themselves. They even make money with that, aduh makin asik banget kan. They make money by living their lives yg keren. The more I read about them, the more I think and think.. what I can do?
Pengen banget punya instagram yg lebih "layak diliat" dan bisa bagi pengetahuan tuk yg baca, u know, review these products, or sharing aktivitas anak2, or anak2 yg fashionable. Lah, saya?
Si ciel aja pas awal2 pake baju kokonya, maap yah nak .... >.< masak aja seadanya. In fact, I am carrying my 4 months old baby in my ergo rite now sambil ketik ini, karena dari tadi dia ga mau dilepas.
Yes, semua pemikiran itu bikin saya weary, akirnya jadi ga fokus.. jadi ngerasa ga total juga buat urusin my 2 bocah, my 2 langit, Sora dan Ciel. Karena yg ada, si mama, yg tangannya pegang hp, sambil liat insta orang dan jadi down down down down down!
I know, it wasn't right. I cried for help.. I am tired of being like this..
And God gave me this verse:
Philippians 4:11 ==> for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.
He gave me the reason saya berasa ga karu2an spt skrg: I am not content! - ternyata, oh, ternyata -
Selama ini, sejak ada anak, sejujurnya, saya sudah berasa content with what I have (so I thought).
Pake baju yah muter muter dari senin sampe senin lagi, cuci gosok pake .. begitu terus.
Makan juga apa yg ada yah cukup, ga banyak neko-neko makannya. Yg gampang aja cukuplah.
Bedak muka habis, masi bisa content.. belum sempet beli, tanpa ngerasa kacau.
But today, God taught me what being content really is! Bukan cuma dalam hal materi. Tapi, with whatever I have. In this season.
- Tuhan ajar saya to be content dengan waktu yg terbatas, Ya ya ya, I have 24 hours, sama seperti selamanya... tapi skrg berbeda, my 24 hours itu juga milik anak2. I have less time skrg.
Me time? Apaan tuh?
- Tuhan ajar saya to be content dengan tenaga yg terbatas. Kalau dulu saya masi bisa super aktif sampai malam2, bisa do this and do that. Masi bisa nulis. Sekarang, anak dah bobo, yah saya ikut pingsan. Tenaga saya terbatas.
- Tuhan ajar saya to be content dengan ide yg terbatas. Dulu mgkn masi bisa nyumbang begitu banyak ide tuk acara ini dan itu. Skrg? Ide tuk masak aja kok ga muncul2.
- Tuhan ajar saya to be content dengan kesempatan yg terbatas.
Sejak resign waktu sora umur 8 bulan sampai sekarang, saya dah ditawari kerja oleh 4 orang yg berbeda. Dan tiap orang ga cuma sekali, hampir beberapa bulan sekali, mereka contacted me again, tanya... "dah bisa kali skrg kerja? Sora dah lebih gede?" etc... Terkadang, sering ngerasa... ahhh... I would love to take that opportunity, really2 do, but sadly, I have to say no. (Saya orang yg hobi kerja, btw)
- Tuhan ajar saya to be content dengan teman yg terbatas (hix hix)... I used to hang out super sering dgn banyak grup yg beda. Skrg? huhu.. ga usah dtanya deh. I know I know, some mothers could manage to bisa catch up with their friends. (di situ saya merasa sedih!) but, not me. I am truly sorry, my friends.
.........
Tuhan benar2 ajar saya hari ini...
to be content in this season dengan keterbatasan saya, dengan what I have.
Are you able to get along happily (be content) in any circumstances you face? Paul knew how to be satisfied whether he had plenty or whether he was in need. The secret was drawing on Christ's power for strength. Do you have great needs or are you dissatisfied because you don't have what you want? Learn to rely on God's promises and Christ's power to help you be content.
How true!
Drawing back to God helps me to regain my focus.
Listening to His voice alone helps me not listen to what the world offers.
What I need saat ini adalah to focus, to be IN THIS SEASON, to really touch the ground.. bukannya melayang2 - seandainya saya punya tenaga lebih, punya waktu lebih -
'coz yes, this is the season God wanted me to commit fully, ya ampun yg 1 baru 29 bulan. yg 1 baru 4 bulan. I believe, when God thinks I am ready for more (opportunity, ministry, even jobs!!, or maybe new kid bwahahaha, jk, jk), He will bring it to me.. ga usah saya sibuk cari-cari yg ga jelas.
I just need to be His faithful servant in this season, like in any other season in my life.
