Matahari

Pagi ini saya bangun dengan hati yang lemah ..
-- serasa tidak ada kekuatan tuk jalani hari ..
In my crying and praying .... saya bertanya..
"Tuhan, kapan? Dimana? dan bagaimana? .... 
I don't know what to do .. and I don't know how long I should wait... 
and I don't know if I will ever get there..... " 
.......
Life goes on ~ regardless situasiku.
Saya tetap harus mengerjakan tanggung jawabku.

so - I did laundry today.
Pagi ini matahari bersinar terang...
dan itu membuat saya lebih hepi, karena saya bisa memberikan baju2 saya sunbathing ~ instead of putting them in the dryer :)

And - I did the next thing.

Jam 1 siang saat matahari sedang terik2nya saya keluar rumah.
I put on my sunglasses (karena saya tidak tahan silau) tapi saya tidak pakai payung (karena saya sudah pasrah kulit saya emang sudah hitam).

Sepanjang jalan, saya menikmati panasnya matahari... sungguh2 menikmati, entah kenapa.
I guess, I really needed it today!
I did enlighten and brighten my day ~

Biasanya kalo keluar tengah hari, saya selalu ketemu dengan Bapak2 yang selalu menyapa saya dengan  ,"Umbrella!!! It's hot!"
Hari ini saya reply dia "It's okay. I love sunshine :D"

Hmmm... I know, buat kita yg tinggal di negara tropis - sinar matahari adalah hal yang biasa.

Tapi untukku, hari ini ...
Sinar matahari membisikkan pesan untukku ...

Tuhan jawab doa dan kegalauan hatiku dengan teriknya matahari ...
yang adalah dari Dia..
dan yang selalu ada untukku ...

He simply said to me and proclaimed once again "I am always here for you"

Saya jadi teringat ayat ini..
Tak berkesudahan kasih setia Tuhan, tak habis-habisnya rahmatNya. 
Selalu baru tiap pagi; besar kesetiaanMu. 
"Tuhan adalah bagianku," kata jiwaku, 
oleh sebab itu aku berharap kepadaNya. 
Tuhan adalah baik bagi orang yang berharap kepadaNya, bagi jiwa yang mencari Dia. 
Adalah baik menanti dengan diam pertolongan Tuhan. 

~ and there, once again He showed me His faithfulness...
Apapun situasi yang sedang dan aku hadapi ..
Uncertain future ..
Peperangan dalam batinku ...
dan apapun itu ..
He showed me once again, sama seperti matahari ...............
Dia selalu ada untukku. Tidak berubah!
He is more than enough for me.
He is all that I need.

Just One Thing

Happy New Year :D :D

haha, dah telat banget emang.. tadi tiba2 kaget kalo 22 hari dah berlalu dari tahun 2013... better late than never... :$ :$

New Year Eve kemarin, actually I was pretty excited.. since ini tahun baru pertama for me as a married woman... I was thinking that on new year eve, we could spend time sama2 tuk refleksi tahun lalu dan rencana tuk tahun ke depan.
Hmmm.. but, my husband was sick... and I was really2 thankful that he could sleep well that nite..

So there I was, "alone" on my new year eve... spent time to look through my resolutions dari tahun2 yg lalu.

Beberapa hal sudah ter-"accomplished" -- shallow stuffs, like nyetir mobil, losing weight, exercise regularly...
or some more "noble" stuffs -- reading books!! (remember, I naturally don't read. I struggle to read!!!)
GETTING MARRIED, of course.

2013?! How?
Ketika aku mulai mikirin..... hmmm, pengen 2013 mau gmana yaaa?

Setelah melihat tahun2 ku yg lalu ..
Masa2 terburukku ...
dan juga masa2 terindahku ...
Aku berkesimpulan ... cuma ada 1 hal yang ingin aku kejar tahun ini...

"Remain in God and He will remain in me" ...

Karena ketika aku melihat ke belakang, aku menyadari ....
Masa2 terburukku adalah bukan ketika masalahku paling dahsyat... tapi adalah ketika aku paling jauh dari Dia, ketika aku mengandalkan diriku sendiri....
dan masa terindahku adalah bukan ketika aku lepas dari masalah .. tapi ketika I remained in Him.

Aku menyadari .... apart from him, I can do nothing... and actually, apart from him, I am nothing..

So...2013..
aku berdoa biar terus nempel kepada pokok anggur...
mau berbuah.... dengan menempel ke Dia..

of course, aku masi ada hal-hal lain ... olahraga rajin, memasak (jreng jreng!!!!!!!), urus suami, mulai pelayanan baru di sini, settling down in other areas in my life... (my new life) ....
but one thing I know for sure...
the first thing -- to be put on my number one list is
REMAINING IN GOD!
my sumber energi! yang memungkinkan other things to happen and to be accomplished!
Yosh!!!

"Yes I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing." - Jesus Christ -

Relaxing, Officially

Yellow!!!

Gimana rasanya - menikah?

Simple question, but .... answer? not simple....

My default answer - is "SO FAR SO GOOD!"
and, from the deepest of my heart, I pray it will always be..
I tell you the best part =
to have my beloved man next to me when I wake up is PRECIOUS!!!!!

More complicated answer, will be...
"I am settling down.... you know, pelan2......
Simple things sih dah mulai settle, kamar baru - sudah mulai kelihatan bentuknya ..
dapur pun sudah mulai kelihatan isinya, bumbu2 dan peralatan sudah siap tuk dipakai setiap hari.
I have managed to exercise 3 times a week (finally!! setelah sekian lamaaa)
Hmm tuk bigger things, belum nih....pekerjaan, pelayanan -- masi belum tahu mau start dari mana, kapan dan bagaimana."

Months before the wedding... I knew I knew that I would go out from my comfort zone..
Namun, baru last night,
aku baru MENGERTI apa itu yang namanya keluar dari my comfort zone..
It's like starting EVERYTHING NEW.. well, maybe not entirely ..

Back there, of course, aku dah settled..
I worked almost 6 years in the same company.
Church, more than 20 years! --
People know who I am and what I do and what I am good at..

Here, I started from "introduction to erlyn"
Some people encouraged me -- that this season of life, is exciting. I could start fresh~ I totally agree...
the problem is ... i dont know how, when, what to start.....

This morning... bangun2 galau..
during breakfast, my loving husband sang this song..
Adakah berat beban hidupmu? 
Sampaikanlah kepada Tuhanmu; 
gundah dan gelisahkah hatimu? 
Sampaikan tanpa jemu

and sebelum pergi kantor, he said once again..
"ingat yah ...
SAMPAIKAN!!" *smooch

and I did.

Hari ini firman Tuhan tentang istri Lot...........
and this sentence menyentil aku.

"Why did she turn, despite the angel’s clear warning? 

Was her heart still attached to everything she left behind in the city? – a life of comfort, ease and pleasure?"

Oh girls, my life at this moment, bener2 life yg penuh EASE and PLEASURE!!!! like, seriously..... 

But, I somehow - don't feel comfortable karena tidak settle... I feel soooo guilty for "resting".. you know.. 

I wish I could enjoy holiday!!! huhuhu >.< 

okay, let me share a little background of myself.
Aku itu orang yg "ga bisa dieeem" :$ 

I am crazily soooo attached to work, or at least to do something. 

Dari jaman smp - sma, sibuk yang luar biasa, sampe2 dedeku bilang "aku tuh ga kenal cici. ga pernah ketemu cici" 

Masa kuliah, sambil sekolah aku kerja di 4 kerjaan yang berbeda..  kalo ada weekend, berusaha cari kerjaan laen juga tuk weekend... *well, kalo kuliah sih emang karena butuh uang! haha~ 

I had started to work, sebelum lulus kuliah~ 

hmmm.... 

this is not something i am proud of, really... 

tapi ini really my tendency.. to have a life yg full schedule-nya. sehingga, i feel so guilty to rest! >.< tidak sehat tidak sehat tidak sehat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Now I am here, masa-masa transisi... belum settle... banyak sekali waktu luang (ya ampun nikmatiiiii donk eyn!!!!!), walau sudah tiap hari memasak.. 

Kalo bisa cuci kamar mandi setiap hari, maybe I would.. haha >.< tapi i know, it's crazy dan tidak sehat.. 

Saya super bahagia beyond words, karena having my husband everyday... *ahhhhhhh :D :D
dan saya tidak mau suamiku punya istri gelisah hati!!  

God is truly the answer.

He asked me, 

Is your heart still attached to everything you left behind in the city?

A life of comfort, ease and pleasure. 

Maybe in my case, a settled life??!!!  

Thank You Father, for the answer... 

I don't want to look back ... 

It's okay - still settling, not settled yet. 

'coz there is a time for everything. 

I want to treasure this moment. Sama seperti Tuhan pimpin Lot and family-nya, ke better life ... (if only the wife had obeyed!) 

Eyn mau menikmati masa2 transisi ini, di mana eyn bisa punya banyak waktu tuk berpikir dan menenangkan diri...  

ga mau jadi tiang garam ya Tuhan~~!!! >.< 

I do I do I do believe... Tuhan yg sudah memerintahkan eyn tuk keluar.... Tuhan juga yg akan pimpin ke tempat berikut ... eyn mau taat... dan mau santaii dalam perjalanan transisi ini ... ~ 

You lead my way - one step at a time! 

Yihaaaa... excited!!! :D 

I look forward to see - pekerjaan mana yg Tuhan pimpin tuk eyn kerjakan... 

Anak2 mana yg Tuhan pimpin tuk eyn layani .. 

~ dan many other things, yg I know You will lead me to them at Your perfect time. 

For now, it's time for me to relax~~ (and it is okay to relax, eyn!!!) 

it's time for me to wait for His next calling -- and I am so excited... ~! and of course, to pray without ceasing. 

and thank You Father, for my husband, yang selalu bernyanyi dan menari (literally) tuk menghibur eyn :D and ingatkan eyn tuk SAMPAIKAN gundah gelisah eyn ke Tuhan :D 

for You are the answer! and You did answer me again this morning!

I don't look back, I look forward~ for this is my new life of comfort, ease and pleasure. :D

Whenever Wherever

I am really blessed by having two sisters - older and younger. .. (and of course, so many many more other sisters) ...
Starting from last month, they started to count down ...
mulai dari H-31, mereka update status bb mereka - berapa hari, menjelang my wedding day!!

For me personally, waktu masi beberapa bulan, aku tuh ngitung2 - yg super excited.. haha..
tapi yg udah deket gini, malah sama sekali ga itung lagi -- karena super busy ... :$
so, kalo orang bilang, enjoy the preparation .. i think i enjoy the process too much :D :D hoooray!!!
Namun, karena cici dan adikku yg super semangatt.... aku sadar juga .. haha (thanks to them!!) ...

Mulai dari minggu lalu, hal pertama yg aku pikirkan ketika bangun adalah --- berapa hari lagi... ???? (lebih ke berapa hari ninggalin Jakarta)
"Tuhan -- 10 hari lagi, tolong kasi eyn sukacita, kekuatan dalam persiapan..."

Semakin mendekat .....
"Tuhan...tinggal 5 hari lagi........" (ninggalin Jakarta --- wedding masi 2 mingguan)
makin mellow, bukan karena ga hepi mau merit yaaaaa - jgn salah ... Merit maaahh hepi banget banget :D :D --
it's just... "it's happening!"
Aku bakal tinggalkan ranjang ini ... sprei, bed cover kuning gonjreng kesayanganku sejak aku smp..
kamar ini ...
.......
and mama...... adikkuu....
Ketika - aku semakin menyadari hal itu ..... langsung berdebarlah jantungku....

Dan hal itu terus berlangsung setiap hari...
"Tuhan tinggal 4 hari lagi..." 

"3 hari lagi..." 
Berdebar..... dan terus berdoa sama Tuhan...

en....
2 hari yg lalu,
ketika bangun pagi dan berdebar jantungku...
Tuhan tahu kalau aku sudah akan berteriak lagi pagi itu ...
Sebelum even I said a word... Dia membisikkan kalimat terindah ...
"Eyn eyn .... remember, dimanapun kamu berada, Aku selalu ada... dan kamu bisa selalu memanggilku.."

Aku terdiam .. ga jadi teriak apapun..
Things are changing (to even better better ....... )
But He is still the same and available whenever wherever...

Aku pindah -- ke tempat baru

Sekarang bukan lagi mama dan adikku yg nemani aku kemana2 aku pergi ...
Bukan lagi apa-apa cerita ke mama lagi ..
*haha ini anak mama banget siiih?
.... berubah..

But,
God comforted me that morning - aku masi terus bisa berteriak pagi2 (dan kapanpun) kepadaNya ...
He comforted me - whenever wherever He is with me, with us ... with my family back there! Now and forever! :')
Immanuel!

He answered!!!

Several days ago - Tuhan menjawab doaku.

Doa yang menjadi pergumulan terhebatku selama lebih dari 2 tahun terakir.
Pergumulan yang merebut sukacita dan damai sejahteraku .. yang membuatku sulit bobo (padahal aku ini keboo abis) --
Pergumulan yang membuatku merasa kalo aku tidak berarti - jauh dari spesial..
Pergumulan yang brings the worst out of me - aku berusaha keras, frustasi ~ tuk membuktikan aku benar.
Pergumulan yang membuatku kecewa dan tidak dicintai (or tepatnya, kurang dicintai...) ~ tidak ada yang membelaku.. tidak dimengerti..tidak dipercaya..
Pergumulan yang sejujurnya - sudah aku lepaskan .... "apa yang terjadi, terjadilah ... aku sudah lelah berdoa dan berjuang tuk hal ini...." 

Tapi Allahku yang mengasihiku lebih dari siapapun TERNYATA ........ selalu mendengar doaku ....
dan Dia menjawab!!!!! SEMUANYA - pada timing yang perfect.

Apa reaksiku ketika doaku terjawab??!!
*untuk erlyn yg normal - seharusnya adalah "YAAAAAYYYYY!!!!! :D :D :D"

But this time,
Aku terdiam ... dan lemas. (bukan lemas sedih, tapi lemas seperti orang yang habis berperang mati2an) ..
Aku yang "beneraaaaann? ini nyata kaaah?" 


Selama 2 tahun terakir, aku selalu berasa kalo aku tertindas - sendiri berjuang... sudah mengeluarkan segenap air mata, sakit hatiku demi peperangan ini..
dan now I realized... kalo He has been there selama ini .. aku ga pernah sendiri..

He is truly my defender..

Bahkan ketika aku ga tau lagi harus berdoa apa... He heard my crying heart.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. - Romans 8:26 


Aku ga berjuang sendiri ... He was the one who fought for me
For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory - Deut 20:4 


He listened every single word - I've ever said to Him .. bahkan yang udah aku totally lupa apa yg pernah aku minta ~

Aku ga pernah menangis parah ketika nulis blog .. :$ :$ but this time, air mataku tidak berhenti mengalir ...
sungguh ini tangis kemenangan ... kemenangan yang sepenuhnya anugrah ~
Karena Dia yang berjuang untukku (ketika aku sepenuhnya tidak berdaya) ... dan Dia menyerahkan medali itu untukku ..
Simply because He loves me and
because He wants to say this message "You can always count on Me, eyn ~ I will fight for you"


In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. - Romans 8:37

Dear precious friends.... our Father is faithful ~ He answers our prayers.
He did answer mine!!! bahkan ketika aku udah gave up ..
He alone is enough ..

Let me share this "Blessings" to you ..
it's a very beautiful song ~ :')
dimanapun - apapun yang kau hadapi saat ini, remember a very simple thing - He is there for you - He listens to you - dan terlebih, He will fight for you - like He did for me..
Yes - terkadang manusia bisa mengecewakanmu, tapi Tuhan tidak akan pernah!
Be blessed :')

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ&feature=share


We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise




"But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high. 
I call out to the Lord, 
and he answers me from his holy mountain." -psalm-

Look UP

Few days ago, I uploaded this pic on my facebook timeline.

(Di-post disini biar sekalian update2 diri deh.. haha kan dah lama banget ga tulis...... >.< 

bahkan sampe kaget kalo blogspot dah punya new layout! ga ngerti apa ini better or ga~ well eniweiii... ) 

One of my friends commented "cakeeepp" 

Reaksi pertamaku apa donk?

Yah seneng lah... dibilang cakep! 

Lalu beberapa detik kemudian, aku jadi sadar... Ini yang dibilang cakep apanya? #kayanya si bukan orangnya# Since temenku yg comment adalah - tukang foto yg keren!!!!! 

Kalo yang cakep - 

1. Fotonya.

- itu hasil edit-an temanku. 

- itu hasil jepret-an orang yang pegang kamera SLR keren di Osaka. 

(biasa kalo lagi jalan gitu suka rasis kan?  minta tolong foto sama yg kira2 jagooo... #bawa2 SLR#...) 

- emang kamera-ya bagus. itu pun kamera temen. 

- dan kalo emang kamera-nya bagus... emang maker-nya bagus! 

tapi - of course, butuh skill ~ tuk foto bagus dan edit foto bagus! KERENN!!! 

2. Orangnya. 

ini murni hasil karya Tuhan.

Jadilah, sampai sekarang aku belum jawab komen temanku. 

Well, sebenernya say "thank you" aja cukup. 

haha. 

Tapi aku ini adalah si sanguin yg juga pemikir dan perfeksionis. 

Walaupun, secara natural aku sangat suka berbicara - tapi aku telah belajar to mean what I say - and of course understand why I say it. 

And the very simple comment from my friend - membuatku berpikir .... kalo ..... 

tidak ada satupun - dari foto itu - indah - karena kehebatanku. 

Semua murni adalah hasil karya Tuhan - 

menciptakan creatures yg beautiful (my fiancee <3) 

memberikan skills kepada camera maker - tukang foto dan tukang edit. 

#the only thing i did cuma upload di fb :$# 

It reminded me of this beautiful verse - 

"Every good and perfect gift comes from the Above......" James 1:17 

Beberapa saat terakir - aku sangat hidup dalam ayat ini.. (terutama dalam masa2 persiapan wedding... ). 

This verse super powerful, kenapa???!! 

Mengingatkanku berulang kali ---- kalo TUHAN YANG MEMBERIKAN all the gifts!!! 

entah itu keindahan - keahlian - termasuk cinta dari orang2 sekitar. ah sungguh deh, they come from the Above :D :D 

Bukan karena aku pantas - tapi murni, karena pemberian dari Dia. 

Tidak ada tempat bagiku tuk dapat kredit buat itu. Semua dariNya dan untukNya. 

Ayat ini-pun, menolongku untuk TIDAK IRI. #butuh berjuang tentu# 

Here's why... 

sama seperti semua yg kumiliki dari Dia, begitu juga semua yg orang miliki dari Dia. 

Dan aku percaya - Tuhan itu super berhikmat *lah Dia sumbernya* tuk bagi gifts itu jadi perfect buat each of us. 

One day, temanku pernah bilang "Lyn, ga enak sama kamu -- karena kamu ga dapet ini, sedangkan saya dapat." - biar gampang .. anggaplah temanku dapat 10 juta - aku dapat 5 juta. 'yang kalo dilihat dari kacamata biasa, seharusnya, kita mendapat yg sama' 

Dan, aku bilang.... "My gift - your gift - comes from Him - and it's just perfect"

Tuhan tahu kebutuhanku - dan kebutuhannya - en dikasi tepat sesuai porsi~!!

Terlebih, buatku - mengingat bahwa semua pemberian dari Tuhan - membuatku semakin menyadari ....... ada yg luar biasa kenal dan sayang sama Eyn!!!! Tuhan di atas sana!!!!!!!

Tidak ada tempat tuk kesombongan dan iri hati. Karena semua dariNya. Let's look from where it comes - UP there! 

So, now - walau reply ku akan tetap "thank you" - tapi aku mengerti skrg - why I say it :) 

The Step

I forgot ... in 2005, berapa bulan aku bergumul setiap hari dengan pertanyaan (dan pilihan)...

~ mau akselerasi 3 tahun? ~ 3.5 tahun? ~ 4 tahun? ~ bikin skripsi or abisin credit dengan ambil kelas semua ~ kerja jepang or indo?

fyi, aku harus took the decision (karena satu dan lain hal) pada tahun ke 2 kuliah.. *yes, exactly, ketika aku ga tau apa yg terbaik untukku saat itu.

Dan jreng2, setelah setiap hari bergumul, I decided aku tetap kuliah 4 tahun, termasuk skripsi -- (tuk menikmati masa2 ku di jepang, sebelum kembali ke Indo...)

Aku berencana 'tuk tetap abisin semua kredit di 3 tahun awal. Sehingga pada tahun ke 4, aku bisa stay di Jepang, cuma untuk kerja part time sambil menunggu graduation.

Dan apakah itu yang terjadi? Ga tuh! Aku di jepang hanya 3 tahun 2 bulan, karena popo-ku sakit keras (kanker!). So, begitu aku beresin semua kredit-ku..aku pulang Indo! Waktuku cuma 1 minggu saat itu, untuk packing semua barang (untuk FOR GOOD! mendadak)...dan farewell dengan teman yg sedombreng banyaknya! Seminggu sebelum pulang Indo setelah aku ujian.. aku harus say bye2 dengan semua bossku tempatku bekerja part time (I worked di 3 tempat yg berbeda), tiap hari pulang malam karena tiap hari farewell dengan teman yg berbeda.. dan tetap harus packing malamnya! It was a crazy week... tapi I was glad, I did come home early. It gave more time to spend with my grannie on her last days on earth.

Rencanaku adalah rencanaku, tapi Tuhan bilang lain. Sebulan setelah aku pulang Indo, my grannie passed away. 1 month after that, I had started to work! Real job! (sambil kerjain skripsi), and I went back to Japan, only to attend my graduation.

Kenapa aku ceritain ini semua?

Dalam banyak kondisi dimana aku harus mengambil keputusan besar, seringkali aku berharap...

"Tuhan!!! Could u just tell me what your plan is? And I will just FOLLOW YOU with all my heart" Karena deep inside my heart, I know that God's plan is always the best for me.. Though, sejujurnya alasanku mau ngomong itu adalah, "Tuhan...eyn takut kalo eyn salah ambil keputusan.. dan salah jalan... cemeyangpan?????!!!"

And..pada saat ini, ketika aku harus dihadapi dengan choices... I, once again, said it to Him!

But I know that in my life, I do need to take part. I am the one who has to take the decision. To take the step of faith.

Hampir semua hal dalam hidup kita, kita harus memilih! *Kecuali tentunya, kita tidak memilih lahir di keluarga mana. Or..hmm pas TK juga kita ga pilih masuk TK mana, ortu kita memilihkan untuk kita.

Semakin besar though, seiring dengan semakin besarnya tanggungjawab kita.. again I would say it.. we are the one to choose! To take that first step to our next journey! A step of faith!

Beberapa bulan belakangan ini, aku "uring2an", yang setiap hari memikirkan setiap goods and bads 'tuk setiap options yg ada! Aku yang "Tuhan, let me intip sedikit kehidupanku in the future, biar bisa tau pilih yang mana........."

and today..tiba2 aku ingat kembali bulan2 di tahun 2005 itu. Dimana I was extremely clueless about my future. Yet, I am here now.. in a much better version of me than I ever could imagine.

And I do really think, at this very moment, walau aku ga tau anything about my future dan aku seakan ga bertenaga tuk berpikir langkah mana yang harus kuambil.. Tuhan begitu setia dengan mengingatkanku tentang perbuatanNya di masa lalu dan pimpinanNya dalam hidupku sampai saat ini.

Dia Allah yang setia!

Ketika Dia membiarkan kita memilih. Dia memberi kita hikmat 'tuk menjalankan hal itu.

I always like this verse = If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. James 1:5

Ooooh, how we need wisdom! and what we can do? We simply need to ask Him!

Dan aku belajar satu hal, keterbatasanku tuk mengetahui masa depanku membuatku bergantung sepenuhnya pada Dia. Membuatku tidak berdaya! Dan aku suka dengan ke-tidak berdaya-an. Aku suka ke-tergantungan! Karena aku pasrah kepada Tangan yang tepat. Kepada Tangan yang tidak akan membiarkanku jatuh. Kepada Tangan yang memegang erat masa depanku. Dan bukan hanya janji palsu, Dia sudah membuktikannya dalam hidupku sampai saat ini.

"But I am trusting You, O Lord, saying, 'You are my GOD'. My future is in Your hands."

Lord, I know, most of the time in my life. I need to take a step of faith.

Sometimes, it is only a simple stuff, which road I take (literally, road di jakarta misalnya tuk menghindari macet).

Sometimes, it is very BIG......... which road I take too (though this time, it is a road that defines my future!).

But dear God, always remind me, that nothing is too big for You. And moreover, You got the bigger picture. Thing that is so big for me, it's nothing for You.

Though I am the one to take that step! The step, God! But dear God, always remind me, that You hold my hands while I take the step. I will never be alone.

You are here with me now. You are with me along the way. You are there waiting for me at the end of the road.

Lord, You hear my heart shouting for You. Shouting, "I surrender! ~~ grant me wisdom. I believe in You, that the answers will come out from the heaven at the very right time when I need them!"

There!!! I have taken my very first step, to surrender and wait for Him for the answers.

Lies Women Believe

When I first decided to buy and ordered this book, I never knew I would need the book this much. This book is really another "how God truly meet what I need at the right time" experience.

I don't know what lies you've been believing, girls. Whether you still lives in lies or you have experienced the truth that set you free, this book is worth to read. To help you break the bondage, through the Word and His Spirit. And, to help others you know still struggle with their bondage.

God bless you, precious daughter of the King! -eyn-

by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

But for women, there is a disconnection between what they know intellectually and what they feel to be true. And therein lies one of our problems: We trust what we feel to be true, rather than what we know to be true.

The truth is, God does love us. Whether or not we feel loved, regardless of what we have done or where we have come from, He loves us with an infinite, incomprehensible love.

He loves me-because He is love. His love for me is not based on anything I have ever done or ever could do for Him. It is not based on my performance. I do not deserve His love and could never earn it.

The God of the Bible is a compassionaate, tender, merciful Father. That doesn't mean He gives us everything we want - no wise father would give his children everything they want. It doesn't mean we can always understand His decisions - He is far too great for that. It doesn't mean He never allows us to suffer pain - in fact, at times, He actually inflicts pain and hardship upon us. Why? Because He loves us. Because He cares about us. Because He is committed to us. Hebrews tells us, "God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness"

The problem is that our view of ourselves and our sense of worth are often determined by the input and opinions of others. Sometimes the input of others is accurate and helpful. But not always. If, for some reason, the person we are listening to is looking through a defective "lens", his or her vision will be distorted. Some of us have lived all our lives in an emotional prison because we have accepted what a false, "broken" mirror said to us about ourselves.

The deepest longings of our hearts cannot be filled by any created person or thing. Every created thing is guaranteed to disappoint us. Things can burn or break or be stolen or get lost. People can move or change or fail or die. I would always live in a state of disappointment if I was looking to people to satisfy me at the core of my being.

The truth is that all I have to do is the work God assigns to me. What a freedom it has been for me to accept that there is time for me to do everything that is on God’s “to do” list for my day, for my week, and for my life!

The frustration comes when I attempt to take on responsibilities that are not on His agenda for me. When I establish my own agenda or let others determine the priorities for my life, rather than taking time to discern what it is that God wants me to do, I end up buried under piles of half-finished, poorly done, or never-attempted projects and tasks. I live with guilt, frustration, and haste, rather than enjoying the peaceful, well-ordered life that He intends.

Frustration is the by-product of attempting to fulfill responsibilities God does not intend for us to carry. Freedom, joy, and fruitfulness come from seeking to determine God’s priorities for each season of life, and then setting out to fulfill those priorities, in the power of His Spirit, realizing that He has provided necessary time and ability to do everything that He has called us to do.

The truth is that marriage is good and right, that it is God’s plan for most people, and that there can (and ought to) be great joy and blessing in the context of a God-centered marriage. Satan twist the Truth about marriage by suggesting to women that the purpose of marriage is personal happiness and fulfillment, and that they cannot be truly happy without a husband to love them and meet their needs.

The truth is that the ultimate purpose of marriage is not to make us happy, but to glorify God.

The truth is that God has promised to give us everything we need, and if He knows a husband would make it possible for us to bring greater glory to Him, then He will provide a husband.

The truth is that those who insist on having their own way often end up with unnecessary heartache, while those who wait on the Lord always get His best.

Many Christian wives do not realize that they have two powerful “weapons” available to them that are far more effective than nagging, whining, or preaching. The first weapon is a godly life, which God often uses in a man’s life to create conviction and spiritual hunger. (1 Peter 3:1-4)

The second weapon is prayer. When a wife consistently points out the things she wishes her husband would change, she is likely to make him defensive and resistant. But when she takes her concerns to the Lord, she is appealing to a higher power to act in her husband’s life – and it’s a lot harder for a man to resist God than to resist a nagging wife!

Mary was a woman who knew how to keep things in her heart and ponder them. (Luke 2:19) She could afford to wait and be quite because she knew the power of God and trusted Him to fulfill His plans for her life and her family.

If we as women focus on what we “deserve”, on our “rights”, or on what men “ought” to do for us, we will become vulnerable to hurt and resentment when our expectations are not fulfilled. Blessing and joy are the fruit of seeking to be a giver rather than a taker and of looking for ways to bless, serve, and minister to the needs of our families.

I have discovered that the fundamental issue in the relation to submission really comes down to my willingness to trust God and to place myself under His authority. When I am willing to obey Him, I find it is not nearly so difficult or threatening to submit to the human authorities He has placed in my life.

God said that man needs a helper. The true woman celebrates this calling and becomes affirming rather than adversarial, compassionate rather than controlling, a partner rather than a protagonist. She becomes substantively rather than superficially submissive.

The true woman is not afraid to place herself in a position of submission. She does not have to grasp; she does not have to control. Her fear dissolves in the light of God’s covenant promise to be her God and to live within her. Submission is simply a demonstration of her confidence in the sovereign power of the Lord God. Submission is a reflection of her redemption.

I can’t help but wonder to what extent we women have demotivated and emasculated the men around us by our quickness to take the reins rather than waiting on the Lord to move men to action. We can so easily strip men of the motivation to rise to the challenge and provide the necessary leadership. To make matters worse, when they do take action, the women they look to for encouragement and affirmation correct them or tell them how they could have done it better.

What can free us from the drive to control the men in our lives? We must learnt to wait on the Lord; in His time, and in His way, He will act on behalf of those who wait for Him.

God uses the rough edges of each partner in a marriage to conform the other to the image of Christ. Your mate’s weaknesses can become a tool in God’s hand to make you into the women He created you to be.

Love is not a feeling; it is a commitment to act in the best interests of another.

Regardless of what emotions are whirling around inside, by God’s grace, we can choose to fix our minds on Him and to “trust and obey”. When we do, we will experience His peace and the grace to be faithful, even though our circumstances may not change.

We must choose, without any regard to the state of our emotions, what attitude our will will take toward God. We must recognize that our emotions are only the servants of our will. Our will can control our feelings if only we are steadfastly minded to do so. Many times when my feelings have declared contrary to the facts, I have changed those feelings entirely by a steadfast assertion of their opposite.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee. Because he trusteth in thee. Isaiah 26:3

Certainly what happens in our bodies does affect us emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. We cannot isolate these various dimensions of who we are – they are inseparably intertwined. But we fall into the trap of the enemy when we justify fleshly, sinful attitudes and responses based on our physical condition on hormonal changes.

But every monthly cycle is also a reminder that God made us women, and that which our womanhood comes the capacity for being a bearer and nurturer of life. Even as a single woman, I find this to be gracious and valuable reminder of who I am, why God created me, and how I can best glorify Him here on this earth.

Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear; rather look to them with full hope that, as they arise, God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them. He has kept you hither-to, - do you but hold fast to His dear hand, and He will lead you safely through all things; and, when you cannot stand, He will bear you in His arms… The same everlasting Father who cares for you today, will take care of you to-morrow, and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then, and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations. –Francis de Sales-

Regardless of how we are feeling or what we are going through, our immediate response should be to turn to the Lord. Whether we are prospering or suffering, happy or sad, healthy or sick – before we do anything else, we should acknowledge God’s presence and ask Him to walk with us through the experience, to direct us in responding to the circumstances, and to provide His resources to deal with the situation.

When it comes to dealing with our emotions, we must remember that “feeling good” is not the ultimate objective in the Christian’s life. God does not promise that those who walk with Him will be free from all difficult emotions. In fact, as long as we are in these bodies, we will experience varying degrees of pain and distress. The real focus of our lives must not be changing or “fixing” things to make ourselves feel better but on the glory of God and His redemptive purpose in the world. Everything else in expendable. True joy comes from abandoning ourselves to that end.

God is far more interested in our holiness than in our immediate, temporal happiness – He knows that apart from being holy, we can never be truly happy.

True joy is not the absence of pain but the sanctifying, sustaining presence of the Lord Jesus in the midst of the pain.

His grace is sufficient to deal with the memories, wounds, and failures of the most scarred or sordid past.

The only way to experience true freedom and peace is to let go of the reins – to relinquish all control to God, believing that He can be trusted to manage all that concerns us.

Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World

by Joanna Weaver.
- a book for you who wants to live a balanced life. To please God with your intimacy with Him and bless people with your service. - eyn

Jesus is our supreme example. He was never in a hurry. He knew who he was and where he was going. He wasn’t held hostage to the world’s demands or even its desperated needs. “I only do what the Father tells me to do.”

Two completely different women undergo a transformaton right before our eyes; a holy makeover. The bold one becomes meek, the mild one courageous. For it is impossible to be in the presence of Jesus and not bechanged.

We can get caught in the same performance trap, feeling as though we must prove our love for God by doing great things for him.

The Kingdom of God, you see, is a paradox. While the world applauds achievement, God desires companionship. The world clamors, “Do more! Be all that you can be!” But our Father whispers, “Be still and know that I am God.”

When we first spend time in his presence – when we take time to hear his voice – God provides the horsepower we need to pull the heaviest load. He saddles up Grace and invites us to take a ride.

The only thing that came out between sobs was a broken plea, “Tell me the good news........... I honestly can’t remember.... “ perhaps you have felt the same way. You’ve known the Lord your whole life and yet you haven’t found the peace and fulfillment you’ve always longed for.

Matthew 11:28-29

While Martha may have been the first person to ask Jesus the question, “Lord, dont you care?” she definitely wasn’t the last. We’ve all felt the loneliness, the frustration, the left-out-ness and resentment she experienced in the kitchen that Bethany afternoon – doing all that work for others when no one seems to notice and no one seems to care.

That’s what i want when i’m feeling overwhelmed: soft, soothing words and plenty of helpful action.

“What you are doing is not good. You will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone.” Exodus 18:17-18

“But even pure ministry for Jesus can become a weight we drag around....it’s called the ‘treadmill’ anointing’, and it isn’t from God”. –Dutch Sheets-

It’s easy to find a shady spot and feel sorry for ourselves when we’re distracted and discouraged. Especially when we run up against unexpected opposition. Especially when it feels like we’re running for our lives.

When we’re distracted and discouraged, tired and overwhelmed, there is no better place to go than to our Father. He alone has what we need. As you do, you’ll find healing for your hurting heart.

Five strategies for fighting discouragement.
1.Allow for rest stops
2.Get a new point of view
3.Have patience
4.Mingle
5.Set the timer

What is it about us women that creates such a desperate need in us to always “know”, to always “understand”? We want an itinerary for our life, and when God doesn’t immediately produce one, we set out to write our own.

I love the compassion of Jesus in this story. He saw Martha’s situation. He
understood her complaint. But he loved her too much to give her what she wanted. Instead, Jesus gave her what she needed – an invitation to draw cloes to him. With open arms, he invited the troubled woman to leave her worries and cares and find refuge in him alone.

Because when you have questions, there is no better place to go than to the One who has the answers.

“Worry is allowing problems and distress to come between us and the heart of God. It is the view that God has somehow lost control of the situation and we cannot trust Him. A legitimate concern presses us closer to the heart of God and causes us to lean and trust on Him all the more.” – Gary E Gilley –

“Any concern too small to be turned intro a prayer is too small to be made into a burden.” –Corrie Ten Boom-

Eyn, eyn ..do not let your heart be trouble. Trust in God. Trust also in Me. John 14:1

Now, this is what the Lord Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways.” Haggai 1:5

I realized then that, while there are many things that need to be done, things i’m capable of doing and want to do, i am not always the one to do them. Even if i have a burden for a certain need or project, my interest or concern is not a surefire design that i need to be in charge. God may only be calling me to pray that the right person will rise up to accomplish it. What’s more, i may be stealing someone else’s blessing when i assume i must do it all.

Make no mistake. Satan enjoys using our hectic schedules, stressed bodies, and emotional upsets in his efforts to put up barriers to our intimacy with God. That’s why we need to take a close look at any thought, feeling, or activity that diminishes our appetite for intimacy with God.

If you’re having a little trouble feeling close to God – or even wanting to draw close – you might want to consider what activities you are using to fill the empty places of your life. What’s taking the edge off your hunger for him?

Service without spirituality is exhausting and hopeless. But in the same respect, spirituality without service is barren and selfish. We need to unite the two and do it all "as unto the Lord".

When we do that, something wonderful happens to our work in the Kitchen. Sinks turn into sanctuaries. Mops swab holy ground. And daily chores that used to bore us or wore us down become opportunities to express our gratitude - selfless avenues for his grace.

Our sanctification, does not depend upon changing our works, but in doing that for God's sake which we commonly do for our own.

Jesus seems to do nothing of Himself which He can possibly delegate to His creatures. He commands us to do slowly and blunderingly what He could do perfectly and in the twinkling of an eye." - cs lewis -

Instead of expecting God to acquiesce to our plans, dreams, schemes - or frantically trying to impress him with our efforts on his behalf - we simply need to "watch to see where God is working and join Him"

Duty gets offended quickly if it isn't appreciated, but love learns to laugh a lot and to work for sheer joy of doing it.

"True love hurts. It always has to hurt. If you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifies." Mother Teresa

Everyone starts at the same place - at the most humble point of service. But when you're truly a servant, a job title and a position are completely secondary. You're willing to do whatever needs to be done.

Working from out God-given gifts releases ministry potential in greater measure and helps the various members of the body work harminiously.

Rather than picking and choosing ministry opportunities based solely on our talents and interests. We are directed 'always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord'. -jack hoey

When we surrender ourselves ourselves to be used by God, we don't always get to pick the time, the method, or the place of ministry. In fact, sometimes, we may find ourselves doing nothing at all - except praying and waiting for God's leading.

A true passion for God will naturally reesult in compassion for people. We can't love the Father without also being willing to love his kids - even when they're less than lovable.

Checking your motives - Jan Johnson
1. Am I serving to impress anyone?
2. Am I serving to receive external rewards?
3. Is my service affected by moods and whims (my own as well as others)?
4. Am I using this service to feel good about myself?
5. Am I using my service to muffle God's voice demanding I change?

Because if our Kitchen Service doesn't point people to Jesus, we risk becoming surrogate messiahs. If we, not God, end up being their source of hope, we are setting them up for profound dissapointment and ourselves for profound burnout - because we, in ourselves, are simply not up to the task of saving the world. In ourselves, like peter and john at the gate called Beautiful, we have nothing to offer. But in Christ, we are given the power to give people what they most desperately need.

I want my relationship with God to be so real and vital, so like that of the apostles Peter and John, that people can't help but sit up and take notice.

All the things I'd been trying to accomplish were important, but I had lost my center. Busy being busy, I'd forgotten to tend to my inner self, the spiritual me. Like a wheel without an axle, I'd careened through life, bouncing off one duty and onto another.

Life is filled with Hula-Hoops. We all have responsibilites, important things that need our attention. If we're not careful, however, our hearts and our minds can be consumed with the task of keeping them in the air. Rather than centering ourselves in Christ and letting the other elements of our lives take their rightful place around the center, we end up shifting our attention from one important to-do item to another, to frantically trying to keep them all in motion.

It's easy to forget that while there is a time to work, there is also a time to worship -- and it's the worship, the time we spend with God, that provides the serene center to a busy, complex life.

We will all have trials. The question is not when the pressure will come, but where the pressure will lie. Will it come between us and the Lord? Or will it press us closer to His breast? - hudson taylor

Life works better when we know how to glance at things but gaze at God. Seeing Him clearly will enable us to see all other things clearly. - selwyn hughes

It is so easy to lose focus in life, to lose our center. Life conspires to drag eyes away from the face of the Savior, hypnotizing us with the unending swat of our problems.

First things first, the Lord was saying. Take care of my business, and I'll take care of yours. Make room in your heart of me, and I'll make room for everything else.

The very definition of sin is separation from God. So no matter how important the activity, no matter how good it seems, if I use it as an excuse to hold God at arm's length, it is sin.

Sometimes we have to slow down in order to take spiritual inventory and see where we stand with God. Sometimes we have to realize how empty we are before we're willing to be filled.

My personal times of devotion were erratic at best. My prayer life was quirky, my reading of the word was sporadic. And because I was not spending regular quite time with God, I was not putting myself in a position to be filled and refilled.

I didn't have to wait until I felt spiritual to spend time with God. I just had to make a decision of the will, and the spiriutal feelings would eventually come around.
On those crazy loopy days when I don't feel so "hoopy", I'm learning to reach for the Lord instead of chocolate chip sedatives. I'm learning how to leave the kitchen and head for the living room where Jesus waits, because that's where I'll find everything I need and everything I want. What I really need is more and more of the Master himself

Faith is about how you live your life in the meantime, how you make decisions when you dont know for sure what’s next. What you do with yourself between the last time you heard from God and the next time you hear from God is the ongoing challenge of a life of faith. –CeCe Winans – On a Positive Note.

There are times in every life when God writes the end to a chapter, when he asks us to say good-bye to something or someone who has been important to us. It might be a spouse, a parent, or friend. It might be a job we’ve loved, a city we’ve enjoyed, a prejudice or an assumption that we’ve always thought wes true.

Endings, in a sense, are inevitable. Dead ends, failed possibilities, and brick walls will dissapoint us all. And when toses endings come, we can fight them as Peter adivsed Jesus. Or we can accept them as Jesus did, as coming from the Father’s hand.

Let go one piece at a time. Sometimes we cling to control because we fear we’ll be asked to make drastic changes we’re not ready for. But God, in his kindness, takes us at a pace we can handle. If we simply obey what he asks of us at the moment, he’ll lead us the next step when we’re ready.

Martha thought she had value because she was productive. Jesus wanted her to learn she had value simply because she was his.

And being teachable, in essence, involves three things:
-Being willing to listen
-Acting on what we hear
-Responding to discipline

Obedience is an essential ingredient in intimacy with God and the key to having a Mary heart. Either we take Jesus’ words to heart and change, or we listen but disregard them. And to disregard the voice of God is worse than not listening at all. Especially if we say we love him.

All God’s revelations are sealed until they are opened to us by obedience. Obey God in the thing He shows you, and instantly the next thing is opened up.. God will never reveal more truth about himsefl until you have obeyed what you know already. –Oswald Chambers

Our loving Father will do whatever it takes to break that rebellion before that rebellion breaks us. Eve it means giving us a time-out (like having to wait for something we’ve wanted), taking away our toys (like the new computer that just crashed), or allowing some affliction to come our way.

If we find ourselves becoming critical of other people, we should stop examining them, and start ecamining ourselves. -
William Barclay

At the same time, it's important to remember that saying yes to God doesn't mean saying yes to everything! When our lives are overbooked, it's easy for us to become spiritually dry and undernourished. We can barely hear God's voice above the busy noise, let alone say yes to what he is asking. In this case, we do need to learn how to say no, but only so we are able to say yes to God when he wants to give us an assignment.

It's a great release to know that the secret to 'doing it all' is not necessarily 'doing it all' but rather discovering which part of the 'all' he has given us to do and doing all of that. -Jill Briscoe

It's increasingly hard to resist the temptation to use the Sabbath as a catch-up day instead of a day of worship and rest.

How does she keep a balance? I asked her not long ago. "It takes a ruthless commitment to first thing first. I am constantly having to ask the Lord to do the Psalm 139 thing on me: "Live in my heart. Search and examine me. Know my heart."

"Take my struggles and use them for your glory. Change me. Give me a Mary heart in my Martha world."
And with those words would come a quiteness, an awareness that the Lord was working. I began to realize that if I was yoked to Christ, then I could trust him to set the pace. He knew what I needed and what had to be done. I could trust him to accomplish what he'd started. My part was sto partner with him. So I'd get up from prayer and go back working and waiting some more.

I fear our generation has come dangerously near the "I'm - getting - tired - so - let's - just - quit" mentality. And not just in the spiritual realm. Dieting is a discipline, so we stay fat. Finishing school is a hassle, so we bail out. Cultivating a close relationship is painful, so we back off. Getting a book written is demanding, so we stop short. Working through conflict in a marriage is a tiring struggle, so we walk away. Stricking with an occupation is tough, so we start looking elsewhere..
And about the time we are ready to give it up, along comes the Master, who leans over and whispers: "Now keep going; don't quit. Keep on"

When it comes to our spiritual lives, a lot of us are all-or-nothing people. If we aren't automatically perfect, we just give up. When Christlike virtues like patience and kindness seem hard to come by, we abandon our character development and decide holiness is for those better equipped. But when we give up, we're giving up on our part of the partnership. Perseverance is one of our responsibilities in this process of being changed.

When we surrender our lives to Jesus Christ, we release the Lord of the process to do his work. For it is in our weakness that Christ is strong. It is in our inadequacy that we find him more than sufficient. And it is in our willingness to be broken that he brings wholeness - more wholeness and completeness than we ever dreamed possible.

O Christ, do not give me tasks equal to my powers,
But give me powers equal to my tasks,
For I want to be streched by things too great for me,
I want to grow through the greatness of my tasks,
But I shall need your help for the growing.
E. Stanley Jone

Find Rest My Soul

Hello, girls :)

I know it's been forever I haven't updated the next chapter of our Preparing to be a Help Meet's journey. Nor any writings about anything :$
If you are expecting this post would be it... I am so sorry, that I will disappoint you.

The last 3 weeks , I've been running on empty. I had driven my car (my own life) until it was out of gas. I had no energy left. I was extremely tired, physically and emotionally. I used to be "a friend you can always talk to" for I always had answers. But, these last weeks, girls, I even couldn't give any suggestion for every simple questions asked to me. My only answer during these weeks was "I will pray for you" - and I know, I know, that's the best thing I can do. 'coz God surely takes care of everything.

If you are like me, tend to do more, serve more. Take care of others (means EVERYONE), not yourself. Push beyond limit. Take any responsibilities (whatever) ... beware, girls!
I am not saying that they are wrong! BUT - don't let them destroy yourself.
I am not suggesting you to be selfish .. NO NO! But, keep everything in balance - and also remember to take care of yourself.
'coz if you happen to reach a point, like me, having no energy left! Drained! You will need to do some radical changes. To re-prioritize your schedule. Or maybe to erase some schedule from your agenda.

I am really thankful that God allowed me to experience all of these, because He knows me really well. If this girl (EYN) still has just a little energy, she won't stop! So, He took everything from me, even thing I do best (talking) - I just couldn't do it. All I did was crying and crying. I felt helpless. I felt like I didn't know myself. I was not being Erlyn.
I experienced what Bill Hybels himself experienced and shared on his book "Fit to be Tied" - emotional depletion.
He wanted me to rest, completely! He showed me and reminded me - one very important thing, that my value is not from what I do, but simply from who I am. Yes, I am His!

I am still recovering now, girls.
Told ya, it's a chronic fatigue. Need a lot of time.
During the recovery time,
I sleep. (I had had restless nights)
I talk to my close friends... I was honest about my conditions, and told them how I needed their care :$ (seriously, I rarely do this... :$)
I spend time on His words.
I read books. I read "Fit to be Tied" again (read it several times before) - the chapter about Emotional Depletion and Living in a Crisis Mode. Thank God for the insight, I experienced everything Bill and Lynn Hybels shared on the book.
I read "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver. Here's the excerpts

You know the story really well - Mary and Martha - to all Marthas in this world, it's a yay and privilege, God calls us to serve in the Kitchen. But, do remember, do first thing first. Take the responsibilities or any services, if they are really God wanted you to do. You don't have to do everything. He might want to use and bless others too to do the services (that you think "I have to do it!!!").

When you start to feel burdensome, ask yourself, "Is there anything I shouldn't do but I still keep doing 'coz I want to please others or it makes me feel good about myself or I think God will love me more doing it?" If it's a yes.. you better quit.
'coz Matthew 11, clearly said ... "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light"
Here's the thing, girls, God knows your capacity really well, He knows how much burden you can bear - so you still feel it light and easy. When it is no longer light and easy. Examine, whether it's really from Him. Or is it you, who added the burden (do things that it's not for you to do)?
He loves you, sweetheart, not for what you do - but for who you are.

And, yeah, that's what I've been doing, I've come to Him and He did give me rest :)
I take time to refuel my energy and refresh my soul. And take care of myself. :$
Though, to be honest with you, I can't wait to go back to my track and run fast...but No No... I want His track, His pace!
There is no way I can bless others if I run low (or empty). So, it's completely fine to rest. (haha..you would be surprised if I tell you that I sometimes feel guilty to rest..)
I learnt that it doesn't mean I am less productive when I slow down, it means that I prepare myself for a better one, the one God chooses me to do - not I, myself, choose to do.

So, what's next, eyn? I don't know!
What I do know, I want to follow His instructions. A step by step instruction.
And most importantly, aaah!
I know, when I don't know what to do, God always knows! It's more than enough :)
'coz sometimes, He just wants me to do nothing, but to enjoy Him and His blessings :D