Yellow 2012

How I miss writing!!!! >.<

Hmm, kalo diliat dari jumlah tulisanku ... tahun 2011 jauh lebih sedikit dari 2010 yg juga tidak banyak ~ haha~!

Biasanya aku itu adalah fans sejati "momen2 yg memorable", such as birthdays, anniversaries, and new year tentunya. Aku suka banget refleksi diri ~ haha! Interopeksi and bikin resolusi - to help me to kejar target and goals ... karena aku tipe orang yg super ambisius...

Nah, akir taon 2011, aku sungguh mengalami kesulitan tuk refleksi .. karena, aku realized that 2011 was a tough year for me~! Aku mengalami burnt out yg super parah -- sehingga aku sampe ga mampu do anything anymore!

Though 2011 was tough, aku belajar hal yang sangat berharga --- kalau nilai diriku bukanlah dari performancesku ..

Bukan dari seberapa banyak tulisan yang aku tulis.

Dari seberapa banyak buku yang aku baca.

Seberapa banyak adik2 wanita (maupun pria) yang aku layani.

Bukan dari seberapa banyak uang yang aku berikan kepada orang lain.

Bukan dari seberapa banyak waktu aku pakai tuk orang lain (dan bukan untuk diriku) ...

Tapi hanya dari siapa aku di hadapan Tuhan! Nilaiku tidak akan berkurang walau performa-ku turun~ dan sebaliknya.

2011 - secara performa, nilai produktivitas -- sangatlah berkurang banyak! Grafik turun drastis..

Tapi, once again, aku belajar hal terindah dan diingatkan... that I am precious because I am His - not because of what I do~

Di awal tahun 2012 (padahal baru 10 hari) - aku berusaha tuk bikin resolusi - set2 goals etc (remember, I am super ambitious) .. tapi tetep tuh, sampe skrg ... belum berhasil~

God was like, "sante aja donk eyn~~~!! First thing first, precious girl.... just keep constantly coming to Me... and You'll know what to do!"

Oke God, this year~

Aku ga mau ikutin agenda super ambisiusku ...

I don't want to depend on my own strength (I screwed up last year, what?!) -

I want to learn how to rest - 'coz it's really miserable to be burnt out ~~ (salah sendiri sih eyn~~~~!!!!!)

Eyn mau set priorities - bukan dari what people expect me to do, but what YOU want to do in my life! (oh, God, that's not easy!)

I want to please You - not people ...

Mau nempel terus - seperti carang nempel ke pokok anggur! Karena apart from You, I am nothing!

There! The best thing I could think about my 2012 ~~ haha~!

Oh and btw,

do u know that 2012' color trend is yellow?! I heard from some people (and I chose to believe them!) hahaha!

So, I guess 2012 is really the best year for me to say YELLOW to my own wedding, rite?

(Fyi, yellow has been my color since forever!)

Yellow in 2012 is so perfect! Yihaaaaa!!!

dokter gigi vs dokter mata, + 2 dokter lainnya

May 15th 2010

Iklan pepsodent saat kecil dulu, yg selalu kuingat:
Aku gigi, mulut rumahku
Agar sehat dan kuat, aku harus disikat setiap hari (checked)
Sehabis makan dan sebelum tidur dengan pasta gigi ber-flouride (checked)
Makan makanan bergizi (hmmm… not really lah ini)
Dan setiap 6 bulan sekali, periksakan gigi ke dokter gigi (gak bangeeeeeeeeet!)

Seingatku, terakir ke dokter gigi adalah 4 taon yg lalu .. (maap ya, para dokter gigi..)
Alasannya, aku takut dan malas tentunya >.< Pengalaman2ku dengan dokter gigiku itu, entah dokter gigi-nya galak, entah hobi ngobrol - ketika dia membiarkan mulutku terbuka lebar, si dokter asik ngobrol dengan perawat dan membiarkan mulutku ini terlantar. (Padahal rahang-ku cukup lemah, gampang sekali sakit..kalo makan dan kunyah kelamaan, ngomong kelamaan *horeee.. ini sebenernya alarm yg sangat baik buat-ku untuk berhenti makan dan ngomong! :$*) jadi kebayang donk, ketika si dokter ngobrol.. betapa tambah sakitnya ini rahang-ku. Namun, bersyukur untuk syaraf yg Tuhan anugrahkan di tubuhku, mereka sudah demo! Yes, sakit gigi. I had no choice, I had to go! Hari ini, minggu ke 2, aku kembali ke dokter gigi, setelah diberesin dikit mgg lalu. Kali ini..suster-nya yg galak, agak2 bermasalah di bagian pendaftaran, ngomel2. Berusaha berpikir positif, “karena hari ini sabtu kali yah, rame bgt, mgkn aja dia kecapean.” Tapi dalam hati, “ooh, it can’t be good, aduh apa pulang aja yah?”. Yes, aku sangat tidak suka dengan dokter gigi, selalu cari alasan untuk tidak ke dokter gigi! No offense, actually, saya tidak suka dengan semua dokter, not personally of course-tapi profesinya *walaupun aku dikelilingi dengan 3 dokter* aku selalu memilih untuk mengobati diri sendiri daripada ke dokter tiap sakit. Buatku dokter itu, bikin stress! Tapi dengan semangat “Honoring God with my body” (seperti yg aku share di notes kmrn): I have to stay no matter what!!!! Kali ini, aku dapat dokter gigi yg laen.. dan sungguh Beliau sangat baik! She called me by name (padahal baru pertama kali)! haha! “Lyn, kalo ngilu bilang yah.” “Lyn.. begini..lyn begitu..” huaaah, sang dokter baik hati ini mampu membuat-ku berpikir tuk cek ke dokter gigi 6 bulan sekali (padahal sebelumnya pikir, at least setaon sekali deh nih, demi gigi demi deh!) sungguh kemajuan luar biasa! :D Keluar dari ruangan dengan penuh sukacita, terpancar dari senyumanku (ask my mom and my sis!) Masih dengan semangat ”Taking care my Body”..lanjut ke pemeriksaan berikut! MATA! (what a weekend, yeah?) Ini mata juga udah parah lah. Segala tulisan di buku-jalan-papan tulis-komputer-bioskop, adalah samar-samar! “Dokter mata? Siapa takut, should be nice!” Dokter gigi yg kutakuti aja udah jadi favoritku sekarang. Dokter Mata (DM): kenapa? E : Cuma mau periksa mata aja..mungkin minus-nya saya tambah, dok. DM : ok, duduk sini! Selama 15 menit kedepan, sang DM..bolak balik ganti2 itu lensa yg bertengger di mataku.. “jelas mana, ini atau itu,sekarang atau barusan?” E : barusan, dok! Err..ini kayaknya, tapi masi burem, dok, saya gak bisa liat. I was getting really nervous, lebih tegang dari saat2 dokter gigi sebelum2nya. Jadi mikir, “aduh kenapa ini mata, kok bureeeeeem teruusss?” DM lanjut sampai 10 menit berikut, ganti2 lensa dengan tergesa2… dan akirnya dia gave-up. DM : saya gak bisa putusin minus kamu sebelum kamu bisa membedakan mana gelap mana terang, kamu gak konsisten! Looooh? Dalam hati (seriously, u wouldn’t expect me to say anything, setelah DM ngomong dengan begitu galaknya) , “Justru karena saya gak ngerti kenapa mata saya burem terus, saya periksa ke dokter mata, bukan ke optik seperti biasa.” DM : kamu kecapean itu! Udah saya kasi obat aja deh ini, ntar kapan2 balik lagi!!! E : oooh gitu dok? (dengan sangat sedih, dan cukup shocked, karena aku sungguh pengen cepet2 get these eyes thingy done) DM : kerjaan ngapain? Komputer? Terus ngapain aja? E : kerja sih mobile, jarang depan komputer sih dok. Paling2 saya hanya baca… DM : ya udah, istirahat aja!!! Saya gak bisa mutusin minus kamu sekarang, karena kamu gak konsisten! Dinaikin minus-nya salah, diturunin minus-nya salah, dinaikin silinder salah, diturunin silinder salah!!! Loooh kok gitu? Yeeee ngeledek dia…makanya saya ke dokter..saya kan gak ngerti. Ditemani cici (yg adalah salah satu dokter dalam hidupku)keluar ruangan, “Lyn, minggu depan aja kita balik yah”, menuju loket pembayaran mau bayar biaya “diomelin” dokter mata! (di optik, gratis padahal yah?) E : “Noooooo way! Ntar aku ke klinik mata anak2 aja deh ci, lebih sabar dan damai mgkn”. >.< On the way home, di mobil... sungguh aku diam seribu bahasa... mama tau banget ini anak kalo diam berarti kenapa2. "Ya Tuhan,gmana mau honor You nih, susah gini... >.<"..untungnya pas perjalanan menuju rumah sakit, aku lagi mikir2 (hal lainnya)... "kadang2 emang hal yg berharga itu butuh pengorbanan dan usaha yah."( seperti biasa, aku selalu dipersiapkan sebelumnya... ) Jadi..yah sudahlah! "These eyes are precious and they're Yours, ntar deh kapan2 pas lebih tenang, aku urusin lagi, Tuhan, janji!" Calon cici ipar ku (yg juga adalah dokter) bilang gini, "Udah Lyn, tenang aja.. ntar lu masi harus berurusan dengan dokter ahli kandungan pas lu hamil." Cici (the other doctor) , "Iya yaah.. dokter ini galak.. dokter ini juga yah!!" The two doctors laughed out loud! E : whaaaaaaaaaat???? >.<

Tuk para dokter dan para dokter gigi, seriously, I am proud of you all!
Menempuh kuliah yg jauh lebih susah dari yg lainnya. Jadwal tidur yg tidak menentu. Bertemu dengan orang berdarah-darah setiap hari. Berhadapan dengan orang sekarat. Melihat kelahiran dan kematian setiap hari! Oooo, sungguh anugrah Tuhan yang luar biasa, bagi kalian yg terpanggil melayani menjadi dokter. It's an honor!

Apapun juga yang kamu perbuat, perbuatlah dengan segenap hatimu seperti untuk Tuhan dan bukan untuk manusia. Kolose 3:23

Pesan saya dari orang yg awam, yg suka "takut" ke dokter : jangan galak2 yah ;p

what a day!

(from my fb notes, March 11th 2010)

i forced myself to sleep this morning (3am)...i thought i just couldn't handle my ------------- feeling anymore!
but, what could u expect from someone who feels ------------- and didn't have enough sleep to be better the next day and have a great day, huh?

as i've been longing for an encouragement from a friend, i got it from someone whom i expected the least!
we just had a normal talk - it had nothing to do with what i felt-. he sincerely asked me how i was.. and he started to share his story that later on i found it as a blessing.

i am still trying to manage all the ----------- thoughts and feelings inside me, but i figured out some stuffs today from the talking:

* there ain't such thing as a flawless family. though they are rich, respectable, perfect parents and kids.. there are still times when they were torn apart. we may not see it coz it's inside them, and of course perfectly covered.
it's not that i was encouraged for seeing others' family problems.. but I realized that there is nothing can guarantee a family to be free from problems. nor money. nor perfect and complete parents. nor great kids.
problems are out there. it's just how we handle them. how we put hope in our Lord to deal with them.
so, hang in there. we are called to bless our families. we will get through whatever circumstances we are facing.
"we can do all things with God who strengthens us."

* God doesn't give us an easy life. "don't take it wrongly". God wants us to fight for our lives. of course, we have privilege as His children -we have God fights for us-.
i remember Hebrews 12:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. .............Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."
we got to have fighting spirits!! if we know what we want, fight for it. of course, seek first His kingdom and His righteousness. but, my point is .. if we want something, we got to fight! God didn't say it will be easy, but He promised He is there in every process.

* He keeps His promises that everyone who seeks, finds. He is our helper. He is our best friend.
i prayed.."Lord, i need to be encouraged. i am drained. i need a friend."
and yeah, He did it to me in a very unexpected way, He used an unexpected person to deliver His messages to me. today i found! and still.. He is my helper and my best friend. what a friend we have in Jesus!

* i always love these two quotes about "respect".
"Respect is wrapped up in the beautiful paper of kind and gentle words and tied with the enormous ribbons of a loving spirit." -carol ladd-
"An amazing thing happens when we begin to show respect to others. They begin to act respectable." -sharon jaynes-
so, try to respect others. people change. we might help others to change too if we start to respect them. we do them a favor. respect. respect. and respect. who we are anyway? good people? nooo! be respectable too!

* sincerely ask people "how they are" .. we will never know how that very simple sentence might touch others' lives. my friend did to me. God used him to fill up my day.
sincerely say "thank you" too. appreciate what people do to us. we are called to encourage each other. by thanking them, we tell them how much they are appreciated and we thank God for their presences.
Love never fails. love others and care about them sincerely, though they may not respond. seriously... love never fails.

so... i might still feel ------------------- but in a better way..
i feel like dancing and singing rite now... coz really ...
He turned my mourning into dancing again; He lifted my sorrow I can't stay silent, I must sing for His joy has come.
what a day!