Matahari

Pagi ini saya bangun dengan hati yang lemah ..
-- serasa tidak ada kekuatan tuk jalani hari ..
In my crying and praying .... saya bertanya..
"Tuhan, kapan? Dimana? dan bagaimana? .... 
I don't know what to do .. and I don't know how long I should wait... 
and I don't know if I will ever get there..... " 
.......
Life goes on ~ regardless situasiku.
Saya tetap harus mengerjakan tanggung jawabku.

so - I did laundry today.
Pagi ini matahari bersinar terang...
dan itu membuat saya lebih hepi, karena saya bisa memberikan baju2 saya sunbathing ~ instead of putting them in the dryer :)

And - I did the next thing.

Jam 1 siang saat matahari sedang terik2nya saya keluar rumah.
I put on my sunglasses (karena saya tidak tahan silau) tapi saya tidak pakai payung (karena saya sudah pasrah kulit saya emang sudah hitam).

Sepanjang jalan, saya menikmati panasnya matahari... sungguh2 menikmati, entah kenapa.
I guess, I really needed it today!
I did enlighten and brighten my day ~

Biasanya kalo keluar tengah hari, saya selalu ketemu dengan Bapak2 yang selalu menyapa saya dengan  ,"Umbrella!!! It's hot!"
Hari ini saya reply dia "It's okay. I love sunshine :D"

Hmmm... I know, buat kita yg tinggal di negara tropis - sinar matahari adalah hal yang biasa.

Tapi untukku, hari ini ...
Sinar matahari membisikkan pesan untukku ...

Tuhan jawab doa dan kegalauan hatiku dengan teriknya matahari ...
yang adalah dari Dia..
dan yang selalu ada untukku ...

He simply said to me and proclaimed once again "I am always here for you"

Saya jadi teringat ayat ini..
Tak berkesudahan kasih setia Tuhan, tak habis-habisnya rahmatNya. 
Selalu baru tiap pagi; besar kesetiaanMu. 
"Tuhan adalah bagianku," kata jiwaku, 
oleh sebab itu aku berharap kepadaNya. 
Tuhan adalah baik bagi orang yang berharap kepadaNya, bagi jiwa yang mencari Dia. 
Adalah baik menanti dengan diam pertolongan Tuhan. 

~ and there, once again He showed me His faithfulness...
Apapun situasi yang sedang dan aku hadapi ..
Uncertain future ..
Peperangan dalam batinku ...
dan apapun itu ..
He showed me once again, sama seperti matahari ...............
Dia selalu ada untukku. Tidak berubah!
He is more than enough for me.
He is all that I need.

Relaxing, Officially

Yellow!!!

Gimana rasanya - menikah?

Simple question, but .... answer? not simple....

My default answer - is "SO FAR SO GOOD!"
and, from the deepest of my heart, I pray it will always be..
I tell you the best part =
to have my beloved man next to me when I wake up is PRECIOUS!!!!!

More complicated answer, will be...
"I am settling down.... you know, pelan2......
Simple things sih dah mulai settle, kamar baru - sudah mulai kelihatan bentuknya ..
dapur pun sudah mulai kelihatan isinya, bumbu2 dan peralatan sudah siap tuk dipakai setiap hari.
I have managed to exercise 3 times a week (finally!! setelah sekian lamaaa)
Hmm tuk bigger things, belum nih....pekerjaan, pelayanan -- masi belum tahu mau start dari mana, kapan dan bagaimana."

Months before the wedding... I knew I knew that I would go out from my comfort zone..
Namun, baru last night,
aku baru MENGERTI apa itu yang namanya keluar dari my comfort zone..
It's like starting EVERYTHING NEW.. well, maybe not entirely ..

Back there, of course, aku dah settled..
I worked almost 6 years in the same company.
Church, more than 20 years! --
People know who I am and what I do and what I am good at..

Here, I started from "introduction to erlyn"
Some people encouraged me -- that this season of life, is exciting. I could start fresh~ I totally agree...
the problem is ... i dont know how, when, what to start.....

This morning... bangun2 galau..
during breakfast, my loving husband sang this song..
Adakah berat beban hidupmu? 
Sampaikanlah kepada Tuhanmu; 
gundah dan gelisahkah hatimu? 
Sampaikan tanpa jemu

and sebelum pergi kantor, he said once again..
"ingat yah ...
SAMPAIKAN!!" *smooch

and I did.

Hari ini firman Tuhan tentang istri Lot...........
and this sentence menyentil aku.

"Why did she turn, despite the angel’s clear warning? 

Was her heart still attached to everything she left behind in the city? – a life of comfort, ease and pleasure?"

Oh girls, my life at this moment, bener2 life yg penuh EASE and PLEASURE!!!! like, seriously..... 

But, I somehow - don't feel comfortable karena tidak settle... I feel soooo guilty for "resting".. you know.. 

I wish I could enjoy holiday!!! huhuhu >.< 

okay, let me share a little background of myself.
Aku itu orang yg "ga bisa dieeem" :$ 

I am crazily soooo attached to work, or at least to do something. 

Dari jaman smp - sma, sibuk yang luar biasa, sampe2 dedeku bilang "aku tuh ga kenal cici. ga pernah ketemu cici" 

Masa kuliah, sambil sekolah aku kerja di 4 kerjaan yang berbeda..  kalo ada weekend, berusaha cari kerjaan laen juga tuk weekend... *well, kalo kuliah sih emang karena butuh uang! haha~ 

I had started to work, sebelum lulus kuliah~ 

hmmm.... 

this is not something i am proud of, really... 

tapi ini really my tendency.. to have a life yg full schedule-nya. sehingga, i feel so guilty to rest! >.< tidak sehat tidak sehat tidak sehat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Now I am here, masa-masa transisi... belum settle... banyak sekali waktu luang (ya ampun nikmatiiiii donk eyn!!!!!), walau sudah tiap hari memasak.. 

Kalo bisa cuci kamar mandi setiap hari, maybe I would.. haha >.< tapi i know, it's crazy dan tidak sehat.. 

Saya super bahagia beyond words, karena having my husband everyday... *ahhhhhhh :D :D
dan saya tidak mau suamiku punya istri gelisah hati!!  

God is truly the answer.

He asked me, 

Is your heart still attached to everything you left behind in the city?

A life of comfort, ease and pleasure. 

Maybe in my case, a settled life??!!!  

Thank You Father, for the answer... 

I don't want to look back ... 

It's okay - still settling, not settled yet. 

'coz there is a time for everything. 

I want to treasure this moment. Sama seperti Tuhan pimpin Lot and family-nya, ke better life ... (if only the wife had obeyed!) 

Eyn mau menikmati masa2 transisi ini, di mana eyn bisa punya banyak waktu tuk berpikir dan menenangkan diri...  

ga mau jadi tiang garam ya Tuhan~~!!! >.< 

I do I do I do believe... Tuhan yg sudah memerintahkan eyn tuk keluar.... Tuhan juga yg akan pimpin ke tempat berikut ... eyn mau taat... dan mau santaii dalam perjalanan transisi ini ... ~ 

You lead my way - one step at a time! 

Yihaaaa... excited!!! :D 

I look forward to see - pekerjaan mana yg Tuhan pimpin tuk eyn kerjakan... 

Anak2 mana yg Tuhan pimpin tuk eyn layani .. 

~ dan many other things, yg I know You will lead me to them at Your perfect time. 

For now, it's time for me to relax~~ (and it is okay to relax, eyn!!!) 

it's time for me to wait for His next calling -- and I am so excited... ~! and of course, to pray without ceasing. 

and thank You Father, for my husband, yang selalu bernyanyi dan menari (literally) tuk menghibur eyn :D and ingatkan eyn tuk SAMPAIKAN gundah gelisah eyn ke Tuhan :D 

for You are the answer! and You did answer me again this morning!

I don't look back, I look forward~ for this is my new life of comfort, ease and pleasure. :D

He answered!!!

Several days ago - Tuhan menjawab doaku.

Doa yang menjadi pergumulan terhebatku selama lebih dari 2 tahun terakir.
Pergumulan yang merebut sukacita dan damai sejahteraku .. yang membuatku sulit bobo (padahal aku ini keboo abis) --
Pergumulan yang membuatku merasa kalo aku tidak berarti - jauh dari spesial..
Pergumulan yang brings the worst out of me - aku berusaha keras, frustasi ~ tuk membuktikan aku benar.
Pergumulan yang membuatku kecewa dan tidak dicintai (or tepatnya, kurang dicintai...) ~ tidak ada yang membelaku.. tidak dimengerti..tidak dipercaya..
Pergumulan yang sejujurnya - sudah aku lepaskan .... "apa yang terjadi, terjadilah ... aku sudah lelah berdoa dan berjuang tuk hal ini...." 

Tapi Allahku yang mengasihiku lebih dari siapapun TERNYATA ........ selalu mendengar doaku ....
dan Dia menjawab!!!!! SEMUANYA - pada timing yang perfect.

Apa reaksiku ketika doaku terjawab??!!
*untuk erlyn yg normal - seharusnya adalah "YAAAAAYYYYY!!!!! :D :D :D"

But this time,
Aku terdiam ... dan lemas. (bukan lemas sedih, tapi lemas seperti orang yang habis berperang mati2an) ..
Aku yang "beneraaaaann? ini nyata kaaah?" 


Selama 2 tahun terakir, aku selalu berasa kalo aku tertindas - sendiri berjuang... sudah mengeluarkan segenap air mata, sakit hatiku demi peperangan ini..
dan now I realized... kalo He has been there selama ini .. aku ga pernah sendiri..

He is truly my defender..

Bahkan ketika aku ga tau lagi harus berdoa apa... He heard my crying heart.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. - Romans 8:26 


Aku ga berjuang sendiri ... He was the one who fought for me
For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory - Deut 20:4 


He listened every single word - I've ever said to Him .. bahkan yang udah aku totally lupa apa yg pernah aku minta ~

Aku ga pernah menangis parah ketika nulis blog .. :$ :$ but this time, air mataku tidak berhenti mengalir ...
sungguh ini tangis kemenangan ... kemenangan yang sepenuhnya anugrah ~
Karena Dia yang berjuang untukku (ketika aku sepenuhnya tidak berdaya) ... dan Dia menyerahkan medali itu untukku ..
Simply because He loves me and
because He wants to say this message "You can always count on Me, eyn ~ I will fight for you"


In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. - Romans 8:37

Dear precious friends.... our Father is faithful ~ He answers our prayers.
He did answer mine!!! bahkan ketika aku udah gave up ..
He alone is enough ..

Let me share this "Blessings" to you ..
it's a very beautiful song ~ :')
dimanapun - apapun yang kau hadapi saat ini, remember a very simple thing - He is there for you - He listens to you - dan terlebih, He will fight for you - like He did for me..
Yes - terkadang manusia bisa mengecewakanmu, tapi Tuhan tidak akan pernah!
Be blessed :')

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ&feature=share


We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise




"But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high. 
I call out to the Lord, 
and he answers me from his holy mountain." -psalm-

September

Last year.... this day~! God answered my prayer ....

My written on my diary prayer:

February 24, 2010

"Terkadang yah, eyn yang bisa berasa, udah deh eyn bisa jalanin deh...

bahkan tadi sempet kepikiran, eyn bakal kasi kesempatan sampe September.

Ga tau kenapa, September!!"

Ini bukan karena aku punya penglihatan ... kalo the man I've been praying for selama ini - bakalan "dor der" at September 2010 ...

Hmm to be honest with you, kenapa waktu itu aku doa begitu .. karena..... ooooh...I was really scared..! Aku ga berani risking my heart terlalu lama... and ENTAH KENAPA aku bilang "Tuhan... September deh, kalo ga eyn bakal mundur!!!"

Now we know, 'coz God knew! He has been in control, He always is!

He knew that this wonderful man would think and decide (and I so believe, it's all from Him) "harus sekarang or never..." and it was September :D

*I broke up with my first boyfriend after 8 years relationship -- en selama proses pemulihan aku tutup hati rapat2 (walau kadang2 ada juga celah-nya..haha)

-- and pas 2010, aku bilang... "Tuhan.. I am ready for a relationship" -- so, that's why, aku super takut 'tuk mulai lagi ...

Dan saat a great guy came~!!! Aku tambah takut kalo aku keburu jatuh cintrong, tapi ternyata bukan dia. Di sisi lain, I knew, kita sebagai cewe, juga harus do something, yaitu buka hati. (Bukan kejar cowo loooh - jangan salah), tetapi buka hati.

Kebanyakan takutnya nih, kalian mungkin berpikir begitu ... ! Yes... TAKUT!

Itulah kenapa, I started my whole PURE friendship with my Arief dengan sungguh berdoa ke Tuhan, supaya Tuhan jaga hati, sikap, dan perkataanku.

And...skrg, if I look back, aku sangat bersyukur kalo aku takut (baca= hati2). Dengan begitu, aku bersandar sepenuhnya sama Dia, and always chose to be still ketika hatiku gundah "ini cowo maunya apa sih?" atau saat aku ga sabar pengen tau the answer "ini cowo kapan bakal maju?" or "bakal maju atau ga sih?"

I learnt and put Psalm 37:7a into practice .. "Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act."

Remember, girls... we are to react ... not to act (kalian ngerti konteks ku disini) - bole lah kasi signal, jangan "ngerjain dan nyusahin" cowo!

Tetapi dalam hal pertanyaan "Mau dibawa kemana hubungan kita....?", aku ga tau gimana dengan kalian, tapi I did Psalm 37:7a sepanjang masa pertemanan, penantian, "ke-geje-an" (bukan TTM yah!)! I waited for Him to act through him!

Buatku pribadi, I experienced Tuhan sungguh bekerja pada waktu yang tepat dan terbaik. Aku sungguh merasakan bahwa He wanted this for me and for him! (So, I would suggest you to do the same = to wait patiently). And, yes, 12 September 2010, He answered my prayer! He kept His promise, He would act for me, what I needed to do was to be still.

"Gimana tapi kalo dah ga sabaaaarrrr, Lyn?"

Hmmm.... ada one thing yang aku suka banget dari buku Lady in Waiting, bahwa masa single kita adalah redeeming time~ Waktu yang ga akan pernah kembali.

So, daripada mikir "Kapan... kapan ..kapan..." pakai waktu penantian kita tuk menebus waktu kita di masa depan, yang ga akan lagi buat kita sendiri .. tapi untuk, pacar kita kelak, suami kita, dan anak2 kita! Tebus waktumu sekarang!

Kembali ke September ...

September 2011, aku juga udah ga sabar, tuk mencapai masa pacaran tahun, bukan hanya bulan. (haha..for those yang pernah ngerasain pacaran 8 tahun, ngerti banget rasanya :$)

At least, I wanted to say out loud!!! "YEAH, dah 1 TAHUN!!"

Though, aku menyadari dalam setahun ini ... really2 relationship ga cuma seberapa LAMA kita bersama, tapi seberapa DALAM kita mau berjuang tuk berusaha mengenal apa yang pasangan kita suka dan tidak, terus mengutamakan kepentingan yang lain di atas kepentingan pribadi, tuk mengasihi dengan kasih yang dimurnikan oleh Dia.

And, ternyata God did even better.. ga hanya aku sangat berbahagia ..... "it's one year, beibeh!!!", tapi much more than that! Super extra special one, yang akan aku share kapan2... ;)

To my special man,

I thank God for you... (ga akan bosen aku ulang2 saying it..haha, 'coz i really2 do)

Thank you for every decisions you made yang butuh courage and faith (so proud of you!)

Thank you for make me feel so much loved!

Thank you for all the magical things you do when I am with you.

We will go forth in grace alone.

'coz it takes three, Jesus, you and me, to make this relationship work!

I am so in love with you <3 and you make me wanna say I do!

12 September 2011

If You Fall in Love with The Priest

Alrighty, girls :D :D

Here's one of my favorite chapters of Preparing to be a Help Meet. Chapter 4: The Priest.

The chapter has so much red ink on it .. haha~! and I think, most of you girls will love this too -- or lebih tepatnya, most girls will fall in love with this kind of guy, the Steady Man :)

In fact, God created more men in this "image", the most steady and easygoing of the three types, not given to extremes. (so, tenang, stok-nya banyak..haha!)

The more I read about this man, the more I fall in love, the more I know that it is a lot to take to be his wife. Though among the three, this man will rarely push, pressure, force, or hurry you (yeeaah!) - He won't tell you what to do and serve him, like a Kingly man - nor will he want you to do what he is doing, like a Visionary man. He will simply want you to walk beside him, yet grow in your own right before God and man! (told you! haha, fall in love already with this guy?)

You are not gonna be alone, wifey - 'coz your husband will be liked by everyone! And seems to just let people use him. He is always ready to help people, he loves to serve. He belongs to people.

Now, you know what I am going to tell you ---

Here's the thing, girls~! God created us to be a help meet, means that we will need to learn to conform to our man.

If you are blessed with this man, one thing you need to do is to as active helping others as your husband is. Be ready to have a full of people in your house (yiiiiihaaaaa.. :D :D so learn now to make a lovely home!)

- and our steady man, he will really take his time to make up his mind! For we, who are impatient, it's not easy :$ so learn, to listen - to stand still, seek to always have a gentle spirit.

Yes, it's really true that he will appreciate your initiative. But, always have in mind, he is the leader. Don't be critical. Nor be controlling! He just wants peace, to be left alone to do his daily routine and enjoy the company of people who are not all fired up or critical.

Here's one thing I want to share (from me, not from the book). I am truly blessed with a 100% steady man :D (that's why I kept telling you, how much I am in love with this guy) ..haha- I am naturally impatient, I've been leaders in almost every organizations I involved, I take decision pretty quick. So, you know, it's not without struggle I need to wait for him. Kalo hal-nya cuma masalah kecil, I would ask ..."what do you think about this?" and I wait.

Kalo masalah besar, and I really know it's not my part to ask, I pray! and pray! Aku selalu bilang gini ke Tuhan .. "Lord, hal ini really bother me, tapi I know it's not my part to take the initiative. It's his part. Kalo memang Engkau bilang, 'sudah saatnya' biar Tuhan yg bicara, and he will tell me."

And believe me, girls! God works! at the perfect time! His time! not my time - nor his time. And u know what, waktu Tuhan ga pernah terlambat -- selalu paaaaaaaaas :D en pada saat-nya, ketika kita SUKSES wait and stand still, you will see the beauty of your relationship, that you know God is in it! You will love him more, 'coz you know it's His will for you to love him :)

(but you know, I am still learning - and I sometimes fail too, that's why I need Him, God who loves him more than I do) One verse that He kept telling me, Psalm 46:10 "be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act!" again, I would tell you => you will love how God works on His perfect time :D

The Priest kind a guy would love you to use your natural skills, abilities and drives. Your achievements will be an honor to him, but if you are lazy or slothful will greatly discourage him. A Priestly Man really values a resourceful, hardworking woman who shows dignity and honor. And be sufficient in all the tasks of daily living.

So, girls, start today learning to be creative and useful :D Don't eat the bread of idleness (oh, one of my faves P31) If you are busy and productive now, than you will be too after you got married.

'coz at the end of the day, he will weigh his accomplishment with yours - and will rejoice in the value of having a worthy partner in the grace of life.

His vision is as a man seeing life just as it is. Not focus on eternal picture - nor looking too details.

This Priest will most want to please his wife. So, be thankful :)

Oh, one more important thing too!!!!! He will not waste money nor take reckless chances. So, be wise on spending money, girls... (ooops)

Here's tambahan from a friend of mine who is married to a Priest:

Some women equate their husband’s wise caution and lack of open passion as being unspiritual. His lack of spontaneity and open boldness may look like indifference to spiritual things. However, he is like deep, deep water. The very depth makes the movement almost imperceptible, but it is, nevertheless, very strong.

Your husband will not talk much about spirituality - not like a Visionary man. Bukan karena dia tidak bicara hal rohani, juga tidak mengomentari hal2 rohani, tidak memimpin di depan (leading praise and worship, sharing etc) means he is not a Godly man. He is a man of action! Dia melakukan pelayanan yg tidak diliat orang. And dia melakukannya dengan setia.

So, kita harus me'luruskan pandangan kita terhadap Godly man itu. Accept him for who he is, for the man after God's heart who loves him on his own way, who is loyal to his family and his God.

So, dear girls, whether you are married to a Priest - or you are still preparing, let's use our time now to use our gifts to serve others, to be productive, and to learn to have a gentle spirit :)

Preparing to be a Help Meet

I really suggest all single ladies to read this Debi Pearl's book.

Rather than consuming our time to wait idly for our Prince Charmings to come along, let's redeem our time to be prepared.

Reading this book is one way to prepare ourselves :)

'coz it will show you more practical ways how to use your single time and be a Princess yourself.

So, here's my "marked with red ink" part of the book that I typed with my super slow typing speed to you.

Just to share a tiny blessing I got from the book, and hopefully you want to read it yourself and got more blessings, as I did.

Be blessed, girls :)

<3 You spend your time pining away for your one true love and suddenly.. you're married, and it is a lot more than you bargained for. Now is the hour you should be preparing to be a wife - to be a help meet. God wants to make you become a lovely help meet, but to be a good one takes effort... lots of effort <3

<3 Is there a young man that you have met in passing that you thought would be a good husband? Have you been praying for him by name? Pray that he will be strong. Pray that he will walk faithfully.

<3 Her face constantly reflected joy and active interest in life and ministry. This is very appealing in a female.

<3 I always disregarded any girl I ever saw flirting or hanging onto a guy's arm.

<3 Let's look at how she approached knowing God's will:

- She was busy walking with God and praying for wisdom through her youth.

- She didn't chase him down.

- She sought out her parents and another older counselor for support and prayer.

- She prayed and fasted, asking God for wisdom and direction.

- She was open to considering him because he had proved himself righteous.

There are 3 types of men mentioned in this book :

Prophet (Mr. Visionary), Priest (Mr. Steady Man) and King (Mr. Command Man),

that you really want to read it yourself ;)

(actually I had typed what I red-lined on the book, but my Priest pages have much more red ink than other pages :$ :$, so I decided to just share a much better (more balance and objective..haha) excerpt. Enjoy the reading!!)

Being a really good help meet requires:

1. a heart to do God's will

2. a basic understanding of God's requirements as revealed in his Word.

3. wisdom.

<3 Keep in mind that your mother is not the enemy. She is Mom. She is the one who cared for you when you were sick; she is the one who believed in you when you were down. She is the one who would have given her very life for you if you were in need, but, because she is Mom, she will be the first to speak out when she thinks you might be hurting. Treasure her for the wonderful friend that she is, but remember, once you are married your allegiance changes.

Until then, be wise, be loving, be patient with your mother, and stand by your man.

<3 Some men are slower to come to see their need for us tender sweeties than others, but most all men finally come to a place where they are genuinely lonely and want a mate.

<3 You were hard-wired with the overwhelming need to be a wife and mother. It is a God-given need that only a man can fulfill. I can't think of one think of one thing I would rather to have than a man to really love me. It is supreme. A lovely person is easy to love. That is our goal. God wants to make you a lovely help meet. To be a good one takes effort... lots of effort.

<3 There are also 3 types of women mentioned in this book: Dreamers, Servants, Go-to Gals

Dreamers

<3 Don't get involved in projects that take you away from your responsibility to honor your husband. Spend your youth honing down your gifts and developing skills.

The Servant

<3 She is a peacemaker, kind and considerate.

Maintain your individuality and develop your gifts. Always keep in mind that it is good to be an Encourager, but not good to be an Enabler. An Encourager helps people better themselves. An Enabler does things for people that they should be doing for themselves, healing their self-inflicted wounds and sympathizing with their poor vices to the point that they are enabled to continue their negative behavior without facing the consequences or assuming responsibility to change.

A female example would be Ruth who faithfully served her mother in law.

The Go-to Gal

<3 She is strong, capable, and gives a sense of taking care of the greater number of people. Go-to Gals ooze with confidence, have strong opinions, and do well organizing people.

<3 A woman's need to be cared for causes her to be drawn to a man who makes her feel secure.

<3 God designed the woman to be sensitive and vulnerable for the sake of the little ones whom she must nurture. The soul of a mother must be quick to feel, to hurt, to love, to have compassion, to take in the broken, and to believe the best.

<3 Male and female together complete the image of our Creator, but we are vastly different. We each carry a strength and a weakness. Our roles were designed around these strengths and weaknesses. Neither can perform the role of the other well.

<3 God is not impressed by our gifts, our types, or our strengths. He is impressed by our willingness to abide by and appreciate his program by conforming to the needs of our man.

How to spot a prophet!

This kind of male will focus on pursuing excellence in areas such as music, art, or even computer science, but they are more likely to launch out into frontier research and find something different from the status quo. They will be prone to talk in extreme depth about one subject until they dissect every part and discover something no one else has never thought about.

How to spot a priest! <3 <3 <3

You will spot him because he likes to do things for people. Everyone calls him when there is a need, because he is nice to have around.

He usually makes a good daddy and provider. Any girl that has been in difficult relationship thinks this type of man is heaven-sent.

He is the kind of man "you need to get to know" to really find out that he is indeed fascinating.

All men seem to bloom after they marry (if their wives are of one spirit with them) into a stronger, better vision of what they were as single men.

A good woman serving him will bring out the MAN in him.

How to spot a king!

Not all King types have gifts in teaching, preaching, or directing a large company, but they do have a natural tendency to lead. This type is always being judged because they are the men who take charge.

<3 Married life is not all romance and passion - maybe five percent. The rest of your time is devoted to the routine of living. There will be unexpected trials and burdens that will catch you and your sweetie totally by surprise. Whether your family, not to mention your passion, survives life's curveballs depends on knowledge....yours.

<3 Life is not that complicated. There are only a few simple principles that God set into place that make the whole process not just run smoothly, but really fly.

<3 Many girls waste their youth by being entertained with movies or novels, shopping, playing the social game, yakking on the phone, texting, etc., or just lying around waiting for one of these things to happen.

And so their life stays limited for lack of knowledge, understanding and wisdom.

<3 As a single girl, actively pursue an aggressive life of ministry, learning and serving.

<3 Be patient and wait on the Lord (and your man).

<3 I had delighted myself in the Lord. I knew he would give me the desires of my heart. He so promised in Psalm 37:4. I remained full of peace and delight.

<3 And when it comes to Prince Charming, don't be a flirt and don't get frustrated at his slow approach. Don't try to push him to commit before he is ready. Be prepared to wait.

<3 We now have a daughter, and my dream for my daughter is that she would grow up to be just like her mother - joyful pure, confident, diligent, and content.

<3 The kind of female you are will determine the kind of male you attract.

<3 A princess will not be a come-on, neither will she stay hidden. She will be busy, productive, and her life will have purpose, and her purpose will not be just to get married.

<3 Patience is crucial. Even when a little pressure is kind, polite, and thoughtful, it is still taking control.

<3 How we expect to find a wonderful Christian spouse when all we do is go to church, go to work, and go to an occasional happy hour.

Run fast and hard after Jesus and look to the left or the right and marry the person who is at your side.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (proverbs 3:6)

<3 Sometimes the only way you can know what you want is to find out what you don't want.

<3 God taught us that to have happily ever after you must be a giver instead of a taker. Then God gives and gives and gives.

<3 If you continue in the sin of bitterness or speaking badly of a fellow believer, and you don't have any fear of God doing weird or scary things to you, then you'd better check your relationship with eternal God. Chances are you don't have one... a relationship, that is. He does not let believers continue in sin.

<3 Are you preparing to be that kind of wife? How?

1. Obedience is doing what you know your husband wants you to do.

2. Submission is giving your heart over to your husband’s will.

3. Reverence is more than just doing your man expect or demands. It is the attitude that results from truly believing your husband holds a divine position of leadership, and regarding him with a high degree of awe.

<3 Don't take for granted that you can pitch a fit, treat a man with contempt, demand control of the money, and still have your man desperately in love with you.

<3 A man has propensity to sin with his body; a female's sins are more in attitude and words.

<3 Only when a girl learns to control her need to tear down, when she lets people go unmolested by her "truthful" information, will she begin to grow as a person. Every argument, every misunderstanding, every hurt feeling - every black depression stems from someone "supposing" another meant evil toward them, used them, thought offensively toward them, or whatever else the mind contrives. Imagine being free from all these misapprehensions! You can be free.

<3 Believe it or not, there is another world where people love one another and there are no feelings of bitterness toward anyone, where one never imagines that another is thinking ill of them, a world of daily peace and contentment.

<3 Ask God to give you the wisdom to clear your soul of this plague of negative thoughts.

Fill your soul with the beauty of a good thought-life.

<3 A pure heart and mind is one of the most important elements you will bring into your life and marriage.

What say the men?

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<3 Make sure she feels blessed that you have chosen her. Keep searching until you find with the most valuable of all character traits: a thankful heart.

<3 A girl that laughs and enjoys life, bubbles with joy, and just seems satisfied with her life - that's what I looked for in my wife.

<3 It is not that one woman has a wonderful life and the other has nothing but misery; it is that one sees life through the eyes of thankfulness and the other through a heart of discontentment. A downcast attitude is a dishonor to God and your husband to-be.

<3 Commit to memory such great verses as Philippians 4:11, "..for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Then 1 Timothy 6:6, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out."

<3 Life is a choice.

You choose to honor God by cheerfully going his way, which is the way of thanksgiving, joy, honoring, and obeying your husband, serving others, showing kind responses, not taking offense, being chaste in your conversation and lifestyle, and having ears to hear and a heart to change.

<3 A thankful heart is manifested in her speech; it is written on her smiling face, and it is expressed in the way she serves others. God loves thankfulness.

<3 The most important thing to me is that my wife does not have a critical spirit toward me. She does not keep a "weighed-in-the-balance" score card like some ladies do.

<3 What kind of woman did God give me? The very, very best. She is the most willing servant I could ever imagine.

<3 Learn any other skill you have a chance to learn. The Proverbs 31 woman, she knew sewing, weaving, buying and selling property, street vending, cloth dyeing, planting of vineyards, dealing with the sick and poor, and many other things.

<3 There have been financial hard times, and we have done without; but she stands by me, she works with me, she laughs away our trials, and she loves me oh-so-tenderly. I've got goose pimples just thinking about her. Lord, thank you for this woman. I am so blessed.

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I bought the book here, it's free shipping WORLDWIDE, yeah rite, including Indonesia :D

be passionate purely!

Among all (so few) books I've read, "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot is one that I kept reading on and on. *only the excerpts I wrote myself, of course.. haha.. I wish I have a talent of speed reading, so I can read the whole book often (really), but remember!! I am not a reader at all*

After finished reading The Mark of a Man - wrote the excerpt, and posted it on my fb note, I wondered "Why I never posted Passion and Purity?" *for those of you who read my notes, you might notice that I quoted that book pretty often*

Then, I realized, I am ashamed because almost all things written in there are really things I've been struggling! *it's like she wrote the book on behalf of me:$*

I am struggling to be a woman after His own heart, to put Him as my top priority, to wait quietly and be still when I feel like "I can handle this, I can hold it no more!", to trust Him wholeheartedly when everything seems so blurry, to say "Thy will be done!", to be patient for His perfect time and also, to love my man purely. I am struggling to put my favorite part of this book into practice: "Is it possible to love him as intensely as I do and to be pure enough to desire nothing more in the world than his holiness and happiness?"

But He is a faithful God, He knows the desire of my heart, He gives, as I leave everything to Him"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desire of your heart" He shows me each path I have to take to be a woman He wants me to be! Yes, I struggle! Sometimes, it requires pain - tears, I am tempted and fail hundred times *we are sinners, and we still live in this world*, but really all by His grace - we will be back on the right track!

So.....here they are, be blessed! Be passionate purely! ... then again, you may read the book yourself ~eyn~ :)

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“I charge you, o daughters of Jerusalem, that ye stir not up, nor awake love until it please.” No one, man or woman, should be agitated about the choice of a mate, should be “asleep” as it were, in the will of God, until it should please Him to “awake” Him.

If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy a little lad.

– Ruth Stull-

A road may seem straightforward to a man

Yet may end as the way to death

Even in laughter the heart may grieve

And mirth may end in sorrow

There is another way: to love what God commands and desire what He promises. It can’t be found except through prayer and obedience. It cuts quite across the other way, takes us where things are not at the mercy of changing fashions and opinions. It is a place where a man’s heart may safely rest – and a woman’s heart too.

A settled commitment to the Lord Christ and a longed-for commitment to Jim Elliot seemed to be in conflict. Discipleship usually brings us into the necessity of choice between duty and desire. They are not always mutually exclusive, however. When our hearts are set on obedience, we can be sure of the needed wisdom to tell the difference between a conflict and a harmony. It may be a slow and painful process.

Better to stick with what God was saying to me than what my heart was saying. It seemed to safer course. I do not repudiate (reject) it now. The only way to build a house on the rock is to hear the Word (I couldn’t have heard it if all I listened to was my feelings) and then to try to do it. The collection of verses in the above journal entry represents warnings and aspirations that shaped my thinking. …. The Holy Spirit was given to guide us into all truth, but He doesn’t do it all at once.

I do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one’s thoughts. It is easy to talk oneself into a decision that has no permanence – easier sometimes than to wait patiently.

But the things that we feel most deeply we ought to learn to be silent about, at least until we have talked them over thoroughly with God.

Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut.

Tomorrow is not our business, it is His. Letting it rest with Him is the discipline for the day, and it is enough.

S.D Gordon, in his Quite Talks on Prayer, describes waiting.

It means:

Steadfastness, that is holding on;

Patience, that is holding back;

Expectancy, that is holding the face up;

Obedience, that is holding one’s self in readiness to go or do;

Listening, that is holding quite and still so as to hear.

Give the loneliness to Jesus. The loneliness itself is a material for sacrifice. The very longings themselves can be offered to Him who understands perfectly. The transformation into something He can use for the food of others takes place only when the offering is put into His hands.

The greater the potential for good, the greater the potential for evil. A good and perfect gift, these natural desires. But so much the more necessary that they be restrained, controlled, corrected, even crucified, that they may be reborn in power and purity for God.

For us, this was the way we had to walk, and we walked it, Jim seeing it his duty to protect me, I seeing it mine to wait quietly, not to attempt to woo or entice.

When the will of God crosses the will of man, somebody has to die.

– Addison Leitch-

Life requires countless “little” deaths – occasions when we are given the chance to say no to self and yes to God.

The Lord has brought about growth in me through knowing him, something I cannot regret, though there have been times when I wished I’d never met him. I have to give him to the Lord regularly. I live “present tense” more than ever before and have managed to overcome the plaguing desire to know if “we” will eventually “work out. I’ve told the Lord I want to be an obedient servant, and He shot back, “And are you willing to face grief and pain or whatever it takes for Me to make you that?’. Even though I felt unable, I said “What choice do I have? I know too much to drop the ball now. There’s no turning back.” I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid. But He has brought me this far and already my joy is unspeakable.

Teach me to feel that Thou art always nigh;

Teach me the struggles of the soul to bear-

To check the rising doubt, the rebel sigh;

Teach me the patience of unanswered prayer.

-GEORGE CROLY- “spirit of God, descend upon my heart”

The hope was always there that God’s will would bring us together. It might not be that, I knew, and I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able honestly to pray what His disciples to pray : Thy will be done. Acceptance of whatever means is the great victory of faith that overcomes the world.

Was it possible to love him as intensely as I did and to be pure enough to desire nothing more in the world than his holiness and happiness?

Women are always tempted to be initiators. We like to get things done. We want to talk about situations and feelings, get it all out in the open, deal with it. It appears to us that men often ignore and evade issues, sweep things under the rug, forget about them, get on with projects, business, pleasures, sports, eat a big steak, turn on the tv, roll over and go to sleep. women respond to this tendency by insisting on confrontation, communication, showdown. If we can’t dragoon our men into that, we nag, we plead, we get attention by tears, silence or withholding warmth and intimacy. We have large bag of tricks.

CS Lewis’s vision of purgatory was a place where milk was always boiling over, crockery smashing, and toast burning. The lesson assigned to men was to do something about it. The lesson for the women was to do nothing. That would be purgatory for most of us. Women, especially when it comes to the love life, can hardly stand to do nothing.

If he had loved her, he would have pursued her. He did not want to hurt her, but she would not let go.

Women expect too much of men. Wait on God. Keep your mouth shut. Don’t expect anything until the declaration is clear and forthright. A woman ought to be honest with a man who shows an interest in her.

Let them do the chasing and keep them at arm’s length.

When do men look for?

Femininity, affirmation, encouragement, tenderness, sensitivity, vulnerability, challenging, secure in the Lord, content, can handle adversity, quietly courageous, maternal, not trying to please everybody-but free to pay a compliment now and then, mystery!

A man likes to think there is more in a woman that he can fathom. They don’t want to be told everything the women are thinking, they want to be left to wonder about it and to find out for themselves. A woman’s beauty should reside!

By the grace of God we have not been left to ourselves in the master who is to do the initiating. Adam needed a helper. God fashioned one to the specifications of his need and brought her to him. It was Adam’s job to husband her, that is, he was responsible – to care for, protect, provide for and cherish her. Males, as the physical design alone would show, are made to be initiators. Female are made to be receptors, responders. It was not arbitrarily that God called Himself Israel’s Bridegroom and Israel His Bride, nor Christ the Head and the Church the Body and the Bride. He woos us, calls us, wins us, gives us His name, shares with us His destiny, takes responsibility for us, loves u with a love stronger than death.

You have chosen the roughest road, but it goes straight to the hilltops.

–John Buchan-

It (men and women should hunger for each other) is natural indeed. However it’s not the only things God has in mind for u. We are not meant to live merely by what is natural. We need to learn to live by the supernatural. Ordinary fare will not fill the emptiness in our hearts. My heart was saying, “ Lord, take away this longing, or give me that for which I long,” the Lord was answering, “I must teach you to long for something better”.

It was learning to eat that Living Bread *manna* , sufficient always for one day at a time (not in advance for the five years I feared) that I was taught and disciplined and prepared for later things.

Anyone can carry his burden, however heavy, until nightfall.

Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day.

Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down.

And this is all that life really means.

–Robert Louis Stevenson-

I became acutely conscious of it through loving and missing and desperately needing Jim. It was a kind of weakness that surprised and humiliated me. Why should I need him? “Got along without him before I meet him, gonna get along without him now. I wasn’t doing very well without him, and here was another lesson. When there is real weakness, especially of the kind that surprises and humiliates us, it is our opportunity to learn what Pau had to learn …”power comes to its full strength in weakness..”

If your goal is purity of heart, be prepared to be thought very odd.

It is possible for two young people, full of all the juices that youth is endowed with by the Creator, to resist temptation.

I asked the heaven of stars

What should I give my love-

It answered me with silence

Silence above.

I asked the darkened sea

Down where the fishes go –

It answered me with silence

Silence below

Oh, I could give him weeping

Or I could give him a song –

But how can I give silence

My whole life long?

There is pleasure in doing things in the proper order. Certain things properly belong to intimate love which do not properly belong to friendship’s love. Certain things belong to marriage that do not belong to courtship. For everything there is a season.

T.C Upham’s Inward Divine Guidance: “The disposition …. To leave the dearest objects of our hearts in the sublime keeping of the general and unspecific belief that God is now answering our prayers in His own time and way, and in the best manner, involves a present process of inward crucifixion which is obviously unfavorable to the growth and even the existence of the life of self.”

Nothing was harder for a woman in love to endure and nothing was stronger proof of the character of the man than his restraint power.

Unless a man is prepared to ask a woman to be his wife, what right has he to claim her exclusive attention? Unless she has been asked to marry him, why would a sensible woman promise any man her exclusive attention? If, when the time has come for a commitment, he is not man enough to ask her to marry him, she should give him no reason to presume that she belongs to him.

When stormy winds against us break

Stablish and reinforce our will;

O hear us for Thine own name’s sake

Hold us in strength and hold us still.

Still as the faithful mountains stand

Through the long silent years of stress,

So would we wait at Thy right hand,

In quietness and steadfastness.

But not of us this strength, O Lord,

And not of us this constancy;

Our trust is Thine Eternal Word,

Thy presence our security.

God knows it is a stay to purity, and He knows how many shakings to purity are ahead. (Jim’s letter to EE).

It’s easy to make a mistake here. “If God gave it to me,” we say, “it’s mine. I can do what I want with it.” No. the truth is that it is ours to thank Him for and ours to offer back to Him, ours to relinquish, ours to lose, ours to let go-if we want to find our true selves, if we want real Life, if our hearts are set on glory.

I suppose one of the reasons I have kept journals and diaries is the desire to gather up the fragments that remain, that nothing be lost. I wrote things there that I could not say to people or write in letters to Jim.

The wanting itself is good, it is right, even God granted, but now God denied, and He has not let me know all the wisdom of the denial.

– Jim Elliot –

The trouble, of course, is that we must learn to love people. People are sinners. Love must be patient when it is tempted (by the delays of other people) to be impatient. Love must not be selfish, even if other people are. Love does not take offence, though people are offensive sometimes. There are wrongs, but love won’t keep score. There are things to be faced, but nothing love can’t face, things to try love’s faith, discourage its hope, and call for its endurance; but it keeps right on trusting, hoping and enduring. Love never ends.

It is impossible to be submissive and religiously patient if ye stay your thoughts down among the confused rollings and wheels of second causes, as O the place! O the time! O if this had been, this had not followed! O the linking of this accident with this time and place! Look up to the master motion and the first wheel.

–Samuel Rutherford in the Loveliness of Christ-

We are always held in the love of God. We are never wholly at the mercy of other people-they are only “second causes,” and no matter how many second or third or fiftieth causes seem to be in control of what happens to us, it is God who is in charge, He who holds the key, He who casts the lot finally into the lap. Trusting Him, then, requires that I leave some things to be decided by others. I must learn to relinquish the control I might wield over somebody else if the decision properly belongs to him. I must resist urge to manipulate him, needle and prod and pester until he capitulates. I must trust God in him, trust God to do for both of us better than I know.

While purity before marriage, consists in holding ourselves from one another in obedience to God, purity after marriage consists in giving ourselves to and for each other in obedience to God. Passion, whether that of one who is hungry for another not yet given or that of one who, by God’s gift, shares the bed of another, must be held by principle. The principle is love-not erotic or sentimental or sexual feeling, but love. It is the way of charity. Perhaps the old word is best. The newer has been corrupted by the strange phenomenon of “falling in love”.

Stop living for yourself, start living for Christ. Now!

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