Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts

Sunday, December 27, 2020

Atomic Habits (excerpt)

 Introduction 

Changes that seems small and unimportant at first will compound into remarkable results if you're willing to stick with them for years. We all deal with setbacks but in the long run, the quality of our lives often depends on the quality of our lives often depends on the quality of our habits. With the same habits, you'll end up with the same results. But with better habits, anything is possible. 

1. The Surprising Power of Atomic Habits 

That said, it doesn't matter how successful or unsuccessful you are right now. What matters is whether your habits are putting you on the path toward success. You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current results. 

Time magnifies the margin between success and failure. It will multiply whatever you feed it. Good habits make time your ally. Bad habits make time your enemy. 

Mastery require patience. The San Antonio Spurs, one of the most successful teams in NBA history, have a quote from social reformer Jacob Riis hanging in their locker room: "When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that last blow that did it - but all that had gone before." 

All big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger. Roots entrench themselves and branches grow. 

Goals are about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the processes that lead to those results. 

Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress. A handful of problems arise when you spend too much time thinking about your goals and not enough time designing your systems. 


2. How Your Habits Shape Your Identity (and Vice Versa) 

Habits like exercise, meditation, journaling and cooking are reasonable for a day or two and then become a hassle. 

However, once your habits are established, they seem to stick around forever - especially the unwanted ones. Despite our best intentions, unhealthy habits like eating junk food, watching too much television, procrastinating, and smoking can feel impossible to break.  

Changing our habits is challenging for two reasons: (1) we try to change the wrong thing and (2) we try to change our habits in the wrong way. 

Many people begin the process of changing their habits by focusing on what they want to achieve. This leads us to outcome-based habits. The alternative is to build identity-based habits. With this approach, we start by focusing on who we wish to become. 

It's hard to change your habits if you never change the underlying beliefs that led to your past behavior. You have a new goal and a new plan, but you haven't changed who you are. 

True behavior change is identity change. You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you'll stick with the one is that it becomes part of your identity. 

The effect of one-off experiences tends to face away while the effect of habits gets reinforced with time, which means your habits contribute most of the evidence that shapes your identity. In this way, the process of building habits is actually the process of becoming yourself. 

This is a gradual evolution. We do not change by snapping our fingers and deciding to be someone entirely new. We change bit by bit, day by day, habit by habit. We are continually undergoing microevolutions of the self. 

Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. .... This is one reason why meaningful change does not require radical change. 

The most practical way to change who you are is to change what you do. 

It is a simple two-step process: 1. Decide the type of person you want to be. 2. Prove it to yourself with small wins. 

Building better habits isn't about littering your day with life hacks. ... Habits can help you achieve all of these things, but fundamentally they are not about having something. They are about becoming someone. 

Ultimately, your habits matter because they help you become the type of person you wish to be. They are the channel through which you develop your deepest beliefs about yourself. Quite literally, you become your habits. 


3. How to Build Better Habits in 4 Simple Steps 

Habits reduce cognitive load and free up mental capacity, so you can allocate your attention to other tasks. 

Habits do not restrict freedom. If you're always being forced to make decisions about simple tasks , then you have less time for freedom. It's only by making the fundamentals of life easier that you can create the mental space needed for free thinking and creativity. 

The ultimate purpose of habits is to solve the problems of life with as little energy and effort of possible. 

Any habit can be broken down into a feedback loop that involves four steps: cue, craving, response, and reward. 

The Four Laws of Behavior Change are a simple set of rules we can use to build better habits.
They are:
(1) make it obvious -> cue
(2) make it attractive -> craving 
(3) make it easy -> make it easy
(4) make it satisfiying 

THE 1ST LAW = Make It Obvious 

4. The Man Who Didn't Look Right 

One of our greatest challenges in changing habits in maintaining awareness of what we are actually doing. This helps explain why the consequences of bad habits can sneak up on us. We need a "point -and-call" (raising level of awareness from a nonconscious habit to a more conscious level) system for our personal lives. That's the origin of the the Habits Scorecard, which is a simple exercise you can use to become more aware of your behavior. 

To create your own, make a list of your daily habits. 
Once you have a full list, look at each behavior, and ask yourself, "Is this a good habit, a bad habit, or neutral habit?"

As you create your Habits Scorecard, there is no need to change anything at first. The goal is to simply notice what is actually going on. Observe your thoughts and actions without judgement or internal criticism. 

The process of behavior change always starts with awareness. 

5. The Best Way to Start a New Habit 

Many people think they lack motivation when what they really lack is clarity. It is not always obvious when and where to take action. Some people spend their entire lives waiting for the time to be right to make an improvement. 

Give your habits a time and a space to live in the world. The goal is to make the time and location so obvious that, with enough repetition, you get an urge to do the right thing at the right time, even if you can't say why. 

The implementation intention formula is: I will [BEHAVIOR] at [TIME] in [LOCATION].

When it comes to building new habits, you can use the connectedness of behavior to your advantage. One of the best ways to build a new habit is to identify a current habit you already do each day and then stack your new behavior on top. This is called habit stacking. (It is a strategy you can use to pair a new habit with a current habit). 

The habit stacking formula is 
"After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT]." 

The key is to tie your desired behavior into something you already do each day. Once you have mastered this basic structure, you can begin to create larger stacks by chaining small habit together.

Habit stacking works best when the cue is highly specific and immediately actionable.

The 1st Law of Behavior Change is to make it obvious. Strategies like implementation intentions and habit stacking are among the most practical ways to create obvious cues for your habits and design a clear plan for when and where to take action.  

6. Motivation is Overrated; Environment Often Matters More 

People often choose products not because of what they are, but because of where they are. 

The most powerful of all human sensory abilities, however, is vision. 

Every habit is initiated by a cue, and we are more likely to notice cues that stand out. 

If you want to make a habit a big part of your life, make the cue a big part of your environment. The most persistent behaviors usually have multiple cues. 

Habits can be easier to change in a new environment.

When you can't manage to get to an entirely new environment, redefine or rearrange your current one. Create a separate space for work, study, exercise, entertainment and cooking. "One space, one use"

Every habit should have a home.

A stable environment where everything has a place and a purpose is an environment where habits can easily form. 

- Small changes in context can lead to large changes in behavior over time.

- Every habit is initiated by a cue. We are more likely to notice cues that stand out. 

-  Make the cues of good habits obvious in your environment. 

- Gradually, your habits become associated not with a single trigger but with the entire context surrounding the behavior. The context becomes the cue. 

- It is easier to build new habits in a new environment because you are not fighting against old cues. 

Saturday, May 21, 2011

sanguine, REALLY?

"Masalahnya aku itu sanguin banget, ci!!!!!!" -- itu adalah 1 kalimat frustasi yg dilontarkan a teenage boy to me. maybe he was trying to explain why his life is messed up. like everything. every aspects in life ga ada yg beres. dia frustasi enough tuk menjelaskan ke aku, alasan he did this and and not that.
mengapa dia tidak bisa konsen ketika belajar. mengapa ketika dia berencana baca renungan, yg ada adalah dia terganggu main game. mengapa dia tidak bisa menyelesaikan pekerjaan sampai tuntas, dsb!

Blaming on being a sanguine, did it really explain everything?
Oh well... maybe..

Namun, the statement, really made me to think that there's a reason why he ended up pouring out his heart to me that nite!

For you, who haven't known me well (or tepatnya haven't met me in person), I am pure sanguine!
Yes, you only need to be with me not more than 10 seconds to notice that I am a sanguine.

Back to that boy,
a moment after he mentioned it .... I screamed "HELLLLOOOOOO, who do u think I am?! cici is a pure sanguine!"

He was like, "whaaat?? u don't look like me! your life seems perfect. you listen. you are well-organized."

I didn't blame him for blaming "sanguine" for making his life miserable. 'coz i truly understand. and honestly, i was like him too.

I prayed and questioned Him so many times,
"LORD, why You created me to be a sanguine, and pure one?"
"I don't like myself!"
"I don't like to be noticed when I made mistakes!"
*well, you know, we, sanguine, talk - say things out loud. we don't keep things inside.
unlike melancholic, probably, they remain silent when they don't like stuffs.
so.....who are the first to be noticed as an annoying one?
yessss.... I am!! A sanguine!* >.< I really don't like it.
"Why people sometimes close their ears when I talk? Seriously, God, it's my normal voice... I just don't know how to lower the volume... "

You may think I dance when I talk or walk. but really, when I talk - my hands do too. when I walk - I jump too.

"Tuhan, eyn ga suka diri eyn!!!! eyn ga suka jadi sanguine!"

Of course, people say:
I make them laugh most of the time.
I am the ice breaker in any situation.
I am really2 useful when there is no microphone and u need to let all the people in the room to hear the announcement.

But, still!
"Eyn ga suka jadi sanguine!"
Ga damai -- capeeee -- tegang mulu -- selalu ketauan pas salah -- sering banget di-keselin/di-sirikin padahal maksud eyn kan baik -- dst.....
I wouldn't stop, so, I chose to stop!
Really ...
You won't stop to complain! U need to choose to stop to complain.

Back to the boy,
I was in his position... I gave up to the fact that I am a pure sanguine. I was hopeless.

Because I am a sanguine, I am allowed :
to talk about myself all the time.
not to listen.
not to finish what I started.
not to mean what I say.
to hurt people with my words.
not to focus on my responsibilities.
to mess things up. coz, u know. I easily got distracted.
to forget stuffs.
'coz people will understand.
REALLY, PEOPLE?
are u satisfied with people to understand you and you won't change?

My God, my Heavenly Father who with His tender Love created me ....
didn't give up on me, like I did to myself.
His works hadn't finished on me, and He still does!

He made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank Him for making me so wonderfully complex!
His workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
He watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
He saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in His book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

How precious are His thoughts about me

They cannot be numbered!

He made me to be like this! to have this endless energy. this voice. this speaking speed. FOR REASONS that I still learn to know and fulfill in my life.

He did His part! Making EYN as a pure sanguine.

My part is to work on it! to be a transformed sanguine.

to be a real eyn he's designed me to be from the beginning.

One reason that I learnt from the conversation with the boy, is
so I could tell all other sanguines..
-- that:
we can listen!
we can finish what we started.
we have to mean what we say.
we can learn to remember stuffs.
we can learn to focus.
we can use our words to bless, encourage, motivate, love people, not to hurt them.

with the power of His grace and love. we simply need to come before Him. pour out our hearts.. and say "Lord, I believe there are reasons why You created me like this. Change and mold me to be what You want me to be."
we really can do all things through Him who strengthen us!

* i hope that i don't stop here and will continue writing about what, we, sanguines, naturally do- and how we should change!


Monday, May 9, 2011

say NO to sin and RUN!

Run!


Don't turn off the road of goodness; keep away from evil paths (Proverbs 4:27, NCV).


At the close of the sermon, a church member came forward to speak with the pastor. He was very upset because of the sin in his life and his blatant disobedience to God. With tears streaming down his face, the repentant man took the pastor’s hand to confess that his life was full of sin, but what came out was, “My sin is full of life.” I can relate.


I don’t know about you, but my sin is definitely “full of life.” I am always amused but also saddened by people who think that just because I am in full time ministry, I am holier than they are, better than they are or don’t have to battle sin like they do. Just ask my husband and children. They will blow that theory right out of the water. I’m just thankful our cats can’t talk! The fact is, as long as I live in this fallen world and sport this frail humanity, I will wrestle with sin.


However, I have refined several tactics for dealing with my sinful nature. Rationalization is one of my personal favorites. And there is always the handy comparison ploy – measuring my sin against the sin of another. At times, I subscribe to the popular “bury it and hope it will go away” tactic. The reality is that nothing satisfies the payment sin demands except the blood of Jesus Christ and my response to His sacrifice in true, unadulterated repentance - on my face before my Holy God.


When we turn our lives over to God, He sets our feet on the right path. But to stay on that path requires a continual choice to run from sin. With our flawed choices, we take side trips, create detours and wind up on the wrong road headed in the wrong direction. Solomon warns us to stay away from evil paths. “Don't turn off the road of goodness; keep away from evil paths” (Proverbs 4:27, NLT). “Keep away” literally means “to turn aside or drag from.” In other words, when we see sin or even the opportunity to sin, we should turn around and run in the opposite direction. We should “drag ourselves” away from sin. What do we do instead? We flirt with sin. We want to be delivered from temptation but would really like to keep in touch. We pray for God to “lead us not into temptation” and then deliberately place ourselves in its path. In our arrogance, we think we can handle sin and the temptation to sin on our own. That very attitude is an open invitation for the enemy, daring him to take his best shot.


My husband, Dan, was the pastor of Flamingo Road Church in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, for many years. A man of great wisdom, Dan was adamant about the fact that neither he nor his staff should ever put themselves in a situation that flirted with sin or made it easier to sin. Solid wooden office doors were replaced with glass doors. No pastor was allowed to meet with a woman for any reason unless one of the other staff members was present. A staff counselor was hired to handle anyone needing more than one counseling session. The staff often went to lunch following their regular Tuesday morning staff meeting and even though the restaurant was literally across the street from the church, no man was allowed to ride alone with a woman. Sound ridiculous? Seem absurd? Not at all! Dan simply refused to provide ammunition for the enemy. The bottom line is that it’s foolish and dangerous to flirt with sin.


There is no holding pattern for believers nor can we live in a neutral state. We are either going forward or backward. We are either being renewed or consumed. Friend, do not relinquish any more life territory to the enemy. Run from sin!


Let’s Pray

Father, forgive me for the sin in my life. Right now, I choose to turn away from that sin. I turn to You, Lord. I know that I am lost and totally helpless without You. Thank You for the unconditional love and unending forgiveness that I find in You.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.


Now it’s your turn

Read 1 Corinthians 10:13. “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it” (NIV).

Consider the following promises found in 1 Corinthians 10:13. What do they mean to you and how do they apply to your life?

  • No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind.
  • God is faithful.
  • He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.
  • He will provide a way out.


------------------------------------------------------

From: Girlfriends in God, "Run", by Mary Southerland

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Self-Discipline and Order

(From "Let Be Me a Woman" by Elisabeth Elliot, chapter 12 Self-Discipline and Order)

We are the creatures of a great master Designer, and His ordering of our lives is sure and certain, yet many people live without any visible order or peace or serenity. The way we live ought to manifest the truth of what we believe. A messy life speaks of a messy - an incoherent faith.

...............................

Self discipline.

"If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

Freedom begins way back. It begins not with doing what you want but with doing what you ought - that is, with discipline. With "continuing in the word." To be a disciple means to be disciplined.

.................................

The way you keep your house, the way you organize your time, the care you take in your personal appearance, the things you spend your money on all speak loudly about what you believe. "The beauty of Thy peace" shines forth in an ordered life. A disordered life speaks loudly of disorder in the soul.


Thursday, July 22, 2010

stay healthy, with all I am!

Don't you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you? God will destroy anyone who destroys this temple. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.
1 Corinthians 3:16-17
Let's make it clean and healthy!!

Physical training......

(Fuel your machine with good carbs, protein, fat in the morning,
Have dairy daily,
Support ‘Go Green’ campaign, and even better Go Red, Go Orange, Go Purple –veggies- as many colors as possible *it works for fruits too*,
Lean on lean meat and go nuts with nuts,
Vibe your body with fiber,
Be aware of -sweets and oily- temptations,
Put on your running shoes, turn on the music, and move along with it,
Know when to stop –to eat- and –to exercise,too- ,
Take a quality rest.)

.....is good. 1 Timothy 4:8a

Above all, make it clean by purifying its heart and mind.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." Psalm 139:23-24

Healthy body, oh yeah, that’s one of the goals! But it should go along with the healthy heart and mind, the pure ones.
“The LORD doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7b

Train yourself to be godly. Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come. 1 Timothy 4:8

So, make sure to have the most nutritious things on your healthy lifestyle:
Train yourself to pray.
*Never stop praying. 1 Thessalonians 5:17*
Meditate on His delicious Words daily.
*Oh, the joys of those who delight in the law of the LORD, meditating on it day and night. Psalm 1:1-2*
Lean on Him in everything.
*Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6*
Vibe your voice to worship.
*I will praise You as long as I live. Psalm 63:4a*
Beware of temptations.
*Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8*
Put on your serving shoes, bring the love of God, and share it.
*So we are Christ's ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. 2 Corinthians 5:20a*
Take time to be still, and stay in silence.
*Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10*
Rest in Him.
*Find rest, O my soul, in Christ alone. Psalm 62:5*

Stay healthy!!!!! :D

For God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.
1 Corinthians 6:20

"Into Your Hand, I commit again, with all I am for You Lord...You're the reason that I live..with all I am"
-with all I am, 'Hillsongs'-

Sunday, July 18, 2010

honor God with ur body!

May 14th 2010

Take care of yourself!! (it's an ouucch for me >.<)

The Proverbs 31 woman certainly did. "She is energetic. Her own clothing is beautifully made--a purple gown of pure linen. She is a woman of strength and dignity and has no fear of old age." (Proverbs 31:17; 22; 25)

Families are hard work. In order to make our family relationships (and other relationships too, i believe) replenishing, we must be replenished.
Psalm 46:10 instructs us to "be still and know that I am God." Let's apply this verse specifically.

Be still, MY MUSCLES, and know God's RELAXATION.

Be still, MY NERVES, and know God's REST.

Be still, MY HEART, and know God's QUIETNESS.

Be still, MY BODY, and know God's RENEWAL.

Be still, MY MIND, and know God's PEACE.

In order to be all that we can be to our families (our societies, friends...), we must be all that we can be mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. We must be balanced. The Proverbs 31 woman was energetic and hard working for the tasks she was gifted and called to do. Proverbs 31:25 tells us this woman could laugh "at the days to come." The picture here is of a woman who enjoyed her life.She worked hard, but she knew how to stop and plant a vineyard. She liked to shop and watched for bargains. She liked to look beautiful, dressing in purple fine linen.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body."

We cannot give our heart to God and keep our body for ourselves. When you take care of yourself, you are honoring God and loving your family.

Source: Girlfriends in God by Mary Southerland.

Do u need to 'fix' ur body? * I really do!!!! * :$ Let's 'fix' it and honor Him with our body. It's not ours.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

to shop wisely in one thing

(from my fb notes, March 27h 2010)

Still in the heat of reading "Beautiful in God's Eyes" ..
This Proverbs 31 woman gave us model how it is to spend time wisely.. By spending time wisely means getting up really early in the morning, and staying 'til late at night. (Proverbs 31:15,18) And what she did was working..working and working!!

It was 11 am on beautiful Saturday, I was still lying on my bed, reading the book! haha :$
and suddenly, I thought..” it is not right, get up, and be productive!!! “ (Well.. I think that reading a good book is one way to be productive though, u know, enriching the soul). But, on this rare moment (me, not going anywhere on weekend), I remembered that I still had thing I've been procrastinating since forever!

*RE-ARRANGING MY CLOSET *
For only less than 15 minutes, my clothes and friends marked their own territories all over my bedroom *ouch*
I did shake my head so many times, realizing how I spoiled myself before, to buy things I didn’t even wear! I found joy finding hidden treasures inside my closet, things I even forgot I had!

Before the 6 months –only 2 new clothes each month- commitment (please read my note “beautiful money manager”), I used to shop unwisely:
- I thought the cheaper the better. Well maybe sometimes it is, but in my case, “oh, it’s cheap, I am buying it!”. I didn’t even consider whether I needed it, and since it was cheap, I didn’t even think much when I bought it! Later I figured out uuuh.. the quality was awful. So I had plenty of low quality – cheap stuffs, that I didn’t need and wore only once!
Do the math!! Plenty of cheap stuffs + useless = unnecessary a LOT of money spent!!
- I shopped when I was stressed out (1st year of work, baby!!) I enjoyed the” joy” of spending my own money, of spoiling myself, of getting new stuffs. I thought I would feel better after “treating” myself! Did I feel better? Not at all! I regretted! But, I couldn’t help; it’s about managing my mind, and again a commitment!
- I spent so much time in shopping malls!!! I led myself into temptations!
- I always found reasons to buy new clothes. Friends’ weddings, just finished work – celebrate it-, “just FEEL like buying it”, “I don’t have this color, this model.. “
- I sometimes bought clothes in smaller size than mine, I thought “oh, this will motivate me to lose weight”… Boo me, friends! They ended up becoming untouched clothes!

After down-grading my clothes into homie outfits, giving away some clothes.. My "wearable" clothes moved back to where they belong, my closet. There is a space now, I could clearly see what I have, and moreover I could see the difference of things I bought before ”the 6 months” and after!

Thank to the “6 months commitment”, after I controlled myself so strictly..
- I thought hundred times before I decided to buy something. I would rather spend more money to buy one good thing, than plenty of bad things.
-When I am stressed out, of course, I pray! I drink tea, I listen to nice songs, I read books, I write! Or sometimes, I sleep!
- I am at home much more often than before. The only temptations we have at home are sleeping and eating! (haha!!... well, I am working on eating properly too though!)
- I always go back to my closet to find treasures to accompany me attending my friends’ weddings.
- I re-arrange my closet to be reminded of what I have! And I am always surprised!!
- No more buying small size, and lose weight! But, lost weight, and buy a proper size!
- I am loyal to some good brands that are “trustable”, well at least, I know they fit me. So I don’t waste time to shop around aimlessly, I know what I am looking for, and where I can find it. If I don’t find it, I simply go back home and think about it once again.

I am still learning on and on not to fall into temptations though, to conquer myself, to be productive, to spend money wisely.
To shop wisely is one thing. There is still a lot of work to do to be a beauty in God's eyes, and the work may take our whole life time.
So, say hello to commitment, willingness, motivation and discipline! And prepare ourselves to experience the unutterable joy and fulfillment that come from acting on the desires of our hearts, desires which God has placed there (Psalm 37:4) - to be a woman after His own heart, I believe-