how i want to spend my last days in 2010 ~

December 2nd, 2010

Memasuki Desember, sejak ku-kecil, selalu ada joy yang tidak dapat digantikan oleh bulan manapun, u know - Christmas' songs and decorations, and buat-ku, yang bikin selalu bahagia adalah persiapan acara Natal, entah itu nari - nyanyi or drama - bagiku itu adalah hal terindah yg dpt kukerjakan dalam hidupku (saat itu)!

Di remaja, ya, masi ada itulah acara Natal - hanya saja lebih sibuk, as in aku jadi bagian yg ngurusin acaranya, ga cuma pengisi acara. Namun bedanya, ada joy yg betul2 joy, karena aku tau siapa yg aku layani (aku sungguh2 mengenal sang Juruselamat yg lahir saat Natal itu ketika remaja).

Masa2 kecil (SD) sampai remaja - adalah masa2 yg sangat teratur - sekolah - ulangan umum - libur natal - sekolah ulangan umum - libur kenaekan kelas dan begitu lagi! Jadi pretty much, kita bisa mengatur kesibukan kita sesuai schedule yg teratur dan tidak berubah itu. Kalau masa2ku sampai remaja - setiap Desember itu diisi dengan, "what kind of Christmas celebration I have this year?", yup ketika SD - dgn alasan hanya tuk hepi2, ketika remaja - dgn alasan it is for HIM! superjoy!

Semakin beranjak dewasa, somehow - Desember not only reminds me of Christmas *JOY*, but also reminds me that "I am getting older" - "udah lewat lagi lah ini setahun" - "aduh saatnya untuk refleksi diri dan cek resolusi taon ini yg sudah kesampean dan belum" en bersiap2 tuk resolusi taon depan. *THINK HARD*

Tahun ini (sesungguhnya bbrp tahun belakangan ini), Desemberku selalu diisi dengan ketegangan - rushing dengan banyaknya hal yg harus kukerjakan dan belum, padahal dah mau kelar ini tahun. *kupikir* Ditambah "perasaanku" ttg kegagalan tahun ini "I don't exercise much!" "I haven't given much!" "I've failed in these areas" and so on...

Apalagi tahun ini, with my sister's wedding that is just around the corner - tiap hari aku bangun dengan "tanggal berapa ini?" (i am counting days)- "Oh dear God, grant me strength and wisdom to deal with my day, it's just too much somehow!" ~~~ en always, I check on my bb - liat any emails or bbm or sms yg masuk, entah itu related dgn kerjaan or tanggungjawab ku yg laen >.< "perlu siapin ini siapin itu!"

Dgn semuanya itu, aku sampe b'pikir - "there's no way bisa ntn Rapunzel 3D - pasti deh, by the time I have time to watch, uda keburu turun itu film - spt Step Up 3D-ku..huhu T_T 'coz i have no time no time! there's no time to hepi2"

And u know what, semua pemikiran itu bikin aku leemeeees dari pagi tuk jalani hari, thinking too much >.<

Dan pagi ini, dateng email dari Proverbs 31 Ministries judulnya "Don't Overthink It" - just by reading the subject, I knew He spoke to me this morning, and yeah - there was a smile on my face.

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I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my life — and I’m running out of time to figure it out. What if I never find it? Will I always be unhappy and unfulfilled? Will I never achieve my purpose? What will God do about that – will He call me a bad servant? But I can’t help it. Why doesn’t He answer my prayers for direction?

Maybe I’m just too sinful or something. I know I should read the Bible more. Is this limbo I’m in some kind of punishment for that? Am I really so much worse than everybody else? Maybe I just don’t have any special gifts or talents. Or they just never got developed. Maybe that’s it, and maybe now it’s too late. So what do I do now? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do …

Does this resemble your thinking sometimes? Perhaps not about your calling, but about finding a spouse, or affording a house, or exercising regularly, or a conflict with your mother or boss. Do you tend to overthink things? To worry and ruminate? To endlessly, passively, excessively ponder the meanings, causes and potential consequences of your problems? Do you dwell on them?

Many of us believe that when we feel down about something we should try to evaluate our feelings and our situation from every angle to attain insight and find solutions to relieve our unhappiness. However, a host of research in the last 20 years has shown that dwelling on thoughts like this creates negative outcomes: it sustains or worsens sadness, fosters negative thinking, depletes motivation, saps energy, interferes with concentration, and typically impairs our problem-solving.

Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky writes: “Although people have a strong sense that they are gaining insight into themselves and their problems during their ruminations, this is rarely the case. What they do gain is a distorted, pessimistic perspective on their lives.” She adds, “You need to free yourself from the clutch of your ruminations – in other words, immediately stop overthinking.”

Based on what he wrote in Philippians 4:6-13, I think the apostle Paul would agree with the professor.

Philippians 4:

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

10 How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. 11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

As we see, in verse six, Paul gives three clear instructions for those of us who ruminate on our problems. He says:

1) do not worry about anything

2) pray about everything

3) thank God for everything

What if today we took this instruction to heart and put it into practice? What if today we decided not to worry about anything? What if when we found ourselves worrying, we stopped and handed the situation over to God in prayer? What if we then thanked Him for taking care of the issue?

In fact, what if we spent most of our mental free-time today thinking about what good care our awesome God takes of us?

What if we counted our blessings and God’s acts of faithfulness today — and again tomorrow and next week too? What would happen then?

Paul says in verse seven, we will begin to experience amazing peace — a kind of peace we can’t even imagine. Peace that makes no earthly sense! This kind of peace is so powerful that it has a protective function on our hearts and minds — which only makes it easier for us to stop worrying and be thankful.

That sounds like a state of happiness to me! So let’s not over-think it today. Let’s not under-pray it either. Let’s actively choose to have a happy, thankful day. And then let’s get up tomorrow and do it again.

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Yes -- 2010 emang sudah hampir habis, tapi aku mau isi sisa 29 hari di tahun ini experiencing His amazing peace and joy.

I choose not to over-think things, not to under-pray them either!

I will still make my "to do list" 'til eoy 2010 and my "2011 resolutions" - but I choose not to worry about them, yet to pray about them, and thank Him for EVERYTHING!

So, I can laugh (OUT LOUD) without fear of the future (Proverbs 31:25) hohoho :D :D

* and I guess, spending 2 hours (+1 hour di jalan) saying hello to Rapunzel with my sis won't cost my time much, huh? *

how we need His touch!

From Crosswalk Women: Five Areas of Woman's Life that Need God's Touch by Cindi McMenamin

My heart was convicted as I read in Scripture of a woman who was so desperate for God's healing in her life, she was willing to do anything to just touch Him (Mark 5:24-34).

I had to ask myself, how desperate am I for God's touch on my life? There are times I might be desperate to feel and look younger, to be thinner, to have more in the way of peace and happiness. But how desperate am I to be whole and complete in every way?

After surveying nearly 100 women, I found several common areas in which women, myself included, need the touch of God to be whole and complete. I also found that Scripture addresses these areas of a woman's life so that we can receive His healing touch. See if you can relate to needing God's touch in these areas of your life, as well:

1. Our Hearts - So They Can Be "Set On Things Above"
Women often stress over the temporal - bills that must be paid, whether or not a man will come into our lives, if we'll be able to have a child, what someone is saying about us, how our body looks, and so on. At times we are more concerned about what the scales say than what God says. Our heart is closely attuned to our bank balance, rather than our life's balance.

Yet God instructs us in Colossians 3:1-2: "set your hearts on things above." If our priorities were in heaven, not on this earth, we would not only be happier and healthier, but less financially drained and emotionally spent. Matthew 6:19-21 tells us not to "store up treasures here on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven ....For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." It takes God's touch to clear our hearts of what this world says is important and focus it on the things above.

2. Our Minds - So They Are Transformed and Renewed
It's amazing how many women profess to know God and follow Him, yet their thinking patterns are just like those of anyone else in the world. Scripture commands us: "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is" (Romans 12:2, NLT).

Furthermore, God's Word instructs: "fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise...and the God of peace will be with you" (Philippians 4:8-9, NLT). What mental anguish we would spare ourselves from if we would let God transform our mind and renew our thoughts to think as He would.

3. Our Mouths - To Be Wholesome and Pleasing to God
Because women tend to be communicators, we can cause much damage with our mouths if we do not bring them under God's control. Whether it is gossip, criticism or unkind remarks, our mouths can be instruments of righteousness or unrighteousness. In Ephesians 4:29 we are told to "not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." God's touch on our lives can make us women whose words heal and encourage, rather than distract and destroy.

4. Our Bodies - To Be Pure and Holy for Him
Are you one to worry and stress about what the scale says, how many calories you took in, and whether or not you can still fit into a certain size? God's command to us is "Give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice - the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask?" (Romans 12:1, NLT). It is important that we keep our bodies healthy and in good shape (as we are His temple), but God says our most prevalent concern should be that we keep our bodies holy. In fact, God calls keeping our bodies holy our "spiritual act of worship" (Romans 12:1, NIV).

One of the ways we can keep our bodies holy is by how we choose to dress. People can tell much about us, and whom we love, by how we dress. Do we call attention to ourselves or the God who made us? If the way we dress says "Look at me!" we may want to rethink how we dress so that others can see Christ through us. Can others see Christ in you or are you getting in the way?

5. Our Emotions - To Be Calmed with the Peace of God
There are days when, hormonally or just circumstantially, we need God's touch to calm our frazzled emotions and level out our lives. Philippians 4:6-7 says "Don't' worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and request to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel" (CEV). A woman who is controlled by God's peace is not on the edge, but in the spacious place of His embrace.

I believe if we seek God's touch in those five areas of our lives we would rarely have reason to feel we are going over the edge. For instance, when you get frustrated in a relationship, go back to the principle of letting God transform and renew your mind to only think on whatever is pure, right, lovely, good, and so on. And when you are about to lose it over finances or something that takes you by surprise, remember to not be anxious about anything, but to pray about everything...keeping a heart of thanksgiving for what you've been given. And when your heart begins to desire something that you cannot attain, remember to set your heart on things above.

Be content!

Be content!
Waktu jamannya dulu masi maen2 MSN messenger, ada 1 teman statusnya adalah – be content!-
Gak terlalu ngerti itu artinya apa dulu, tapi selalu menarik, karena dia adalah salah satu orang yg statusnya gak pernah ganti! I think he was content enough with his status.

Be content!
Salah satu bagian Alkitab yang sangat kusukai adalah *yang aku yakin hampir semua orang hafal ayat ini* I can do all things with God who strengthens me… *kayaknya ini adalah ayat pertama yg aku hafal dalam bahasa Inggris*
Filipi 4:13 Segala perkara dapat kulakukan di dalam Dia yang memberi kekuatan kepadaku.
Waktu jaman cuma afal ayat mah, ditelan mentah2 ayat ini, toh ayatnya bagus.. nah pas udah gedean dikit.. jaman mulai baca Alkitab … baru tau alasan Rasul Paulus kenapa bisa berkata sebegitu hebatnya *di ayat sebelumnya* adalah..
Aku telah belajar mencukupkan diri dalam segala keadaan. Aku tahu apa itu kekurangan dan aku tahu apa itu kelimpahan. Dalam segala hal dan dalam segala perkara tidak ada sesuatu yang merupakan rahasia bagiku; baik dalam hal kenyang, maupun dalam hal kelaparan, baik dalam hal kelimpahan maupun dalam hal kekurangan.

Setelah tahu ayat ini, dan actually mengalaminya langsung *Aku pernah mengalami ketika sisa uang di tabungan hanya 100 yen, en gak tau besok mau makan apa… kok yah lewat2 aja hari2ku.. dan malah terlebih lagi.. aku bahkan tetap gemuk aja yaah selama di jepang?* for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. , ini jadi ayat "sakti", sumber kekuatanku..aku tidak takut!!
Masa2 di Jepang, adalah sungguh pertama kalinya aku belajar bahwa aku hanya mengandalkan Tuhan saja dalam hidupku.
Orangtuaku? Tidak..aku gak mau mama stress melihat anaknya actually stress dan tidak punya uang.. mama bahkan tidak pernah tau kesusahan ku disana.
Diri sendiri? Haha..boro2 mau mengandalkan diri sendiri, aku hanyalah seorang anak kecil..tidak bisa apa2..yang cuma tau kalo Tuhan dah bukain jalan aku sekolah di Jepang, Tuhan gak mungkin biarin aku berhenti di tengah jalan, Tuhan pasti pimpin sampai aku bisa selesai disana, bagaimana dan apapun caranya…aku Cuma ngikut! Itu! Itu yang mengisi hari2ku.

For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
Pulang ke Indonesia..dengan problema yang baru! Seakan semua masalah “kesusahan” di Jepang, tidak ada artinya, tidak sebanding dengan “kelas” baruku ini. Ujian yang Tuhan perhadapkan denganku, beda2 pula. Seringkali aku merindukan “kelas” lama ku di Jepang, ketika yang perlu kupikirkan hanyalah bagaimana aku makan, bagaimana aku mengumpulkan uang untuk pulang ke Indo ketemu mama!!

Kalau sedang musim2 normal, anggaplah musim semi.. dimana bunga bermekaran..aku bayangkan bunga Sakura dan bunga Matahari bersebelahan..duh cantiknya! *gak mungkin bgt lah, jelas2 musimnya beda!* eniweii… aku nangis itu hanya sebulan sekali! Aku bersyukur akan hal itu, karena itu menunjukan aku masi cewe yg normal and sebulan sekali mataku dibersihkan, literally!

Nah, dalam setahun ada musim kekeringan *dimana air mata kering…nangis gk habis2 berhari2*, atau bisa juga dengan kata lain musim badai, dimana tenaga habis terkuras berusaha bertahan menerpa badai *hehe, salah sendiri! Padahal harusnya saat badai gini yah… tinggal diam aja di pelukan Tuhan, yang jauh lebih besar dari badai itu…enak bisa bobo nyenyak! Tapi kan kadang2 aku suka sok jago tuh..sok yg "Bisa! Bisa! Bisa!" Akirnya kecapean sendiri*

Namun asiknya di setiap badai itu, selalu ada yang Tuhan bisikan, yang awal2nya tidak terlalu kedengeran, karena aku masi bersikukuh dengan sok jago-nya aku..tapi lama2 Tuhan yg super keren ini berteriak sampai akirnya aku sadar!

Kali ini, kembali lagi Dia ajarkan ku to be content!!!

Aku berulang kali ngomong ke Tuhan….”duh Tuhan, eyn gak ngerti kenapa rasa gak enaknya kok belum ilang2 yah? Kenapa yah? Kenapa? Boseen nih!! Mau hidup normal!! Cape mellow2!! Gak asik!”

Dari beberapa renungan yg aku baca beberapa hari ini, berulang-ulang.. be content!
Sermon mgg lalu di gereja juga, be content!
Dan hari ini .. lagi!!! Be content! *sampai akirnya aku senyum sendiri…dan “ooooh gitu yah Tuhan?!”*

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(from Crosswalk Women, "A Believer for All Seasons", by Kathi Macias)

Philippians 4:11, which declares, "I have learned in whatever state (condition, circumstance, season) I am, to be content." Easier said than done!! ........

2 Timothy 4:2 instructs us to "Be ready in season and out of season." Each time I read that I realize how often God gives me time to prepare for the situation I'm in—and how often He doesn't. * I wasn’t ready this time huh?! –eyn-*

Obeying God doesn't always mean that I have to walk through fire for Jesus. Most of the time it simply means "renewing my mind" according to Romans 12:2, which explains that our thought processes must be changed to conform to God's Word rather than the prevailing trends and mindsets of the world.
………………….. the renewing of our minds has to go deeper than a simple assent to the fact that those acts (any sins) are wrong. God deals with the heart. His desire is to take our lifelong attitudes and gently but firmly begin to reshape and remold them into a worldview that reflects His values and His righteousness.

In the middle of all that comes an appreciation for the season we're in—be that summer in the desert or winter in Alaska, the early married years with children and bills or the senior years with arthritis and wrinkles. *in my case, oh well masa2 “susah” di jepang, or musim semi ketika gak ada masalah, or masa badai2 saat ini*
To some extent, of course, that proved to be true, and the next season was a bit easier—in some ways. However, I also learned that I was really just trading the difficulties of one season for new ones in the next. And along with leaving those particular difficulties behind, I left some of the joys as well.
True, I have pictures and memories that transport me back to those times, and I smile at the images they bring to mind. But sometimes a tear trickles down my cheek, even as I smile, because I know those very special moments are gone forever, swept away with the passing of time—the changing of seasons. The Spring and Summer of my earthly life are over, and Fall is quickly fading into Winter.
Should I bemoan the loss, giving myself over to living in the past? Many do, particularly if they have no promise of eternity with the Father. But I'm a Christian, a born-again believer whose eternal existence is assured. If my mind has been renewed by the reading and applying of the Scriptures, then there's no place for regret or sorrow as I face the winter of my life.

Each season of our lives, regardless of the "state" or circumstances that accompany it, can be times of rejoicing if we choose to make them so, as the Apostle Paul did. We can choose to be content, whether we have an abundance of this world's riches or scarcely enough to get by. We can choose to be content, whether our health is perfect or less than we'd like it to be. We can choose to be content, whether the world is singing our praises or condemning our every word and action. *i can choose to be content though my heart is aching, di tengah situasi tidak mengenakkan dan melelahkan -eyn-*

The important thing is to remember that Paul said his contentment in every situation was a learned process. When I became a believer I understood that I had to change my way of thinking from that of the world to that of the One who spoke the world into existence, but it didn't happen overnight. It was a learning process—a long one, which will continue until I step from the winter of my temporal life into the eternal season of God's presence.

God intends for Christians to flourish in all seasons, regardless of our situations, and we will only do that as we renew our minds to think as He thinks, to live as He lives, and to love as He loves. We can't do it in our own strength or wisdom, for apart from Him we have none. But the One who is omnipotent and omniscient stands ready to impart His strength and wisdom to us so that we might rejoice in the season we're in today, even as we anticipate the one to come.
………………………………………………………………………………………

My dear Lord…who has been faithful to me through all the seasons in my life… again, kali ini Dia ajarku to be content! I have learned to be content dalam kekuranganku, sehingga saat ini ketika aku menghadapi kekurangan “lagi”, to be honest, I am super content!
Tapi dalam season baru saat ini dalam hidupku, kondisi yg belum pernah kuhadapi sebelumnya… again… God taught me again to be content! or at least, to choose to be content, to enjoy the season! To have faith that season ini akan segera berlalu! To see this season from his point of view! To see this season as a learning process He's making me more beautiful each day! To be a joyful Christian in all seasons! 'tuk belajar seperti Rasul Paulus, supaya aku juga bisa berkata....
"Our hearts ache, but we always have joy............ We own nothing, and yet we have everything." 2 Cor 6:10

Be content!

God is in control

July 16th 2010

Jujur kuakui, minggu ini bukan minggu yang penuh dengan tawa…walaupun aku sangat semangat bekerja, itu hanyalah pelarian dari rasa dukaku yg mendalam. Minggu ini penuh dengan air mata, setiap hari aku datang ke kantor dengan muka yg tidak seperti biasa. Hampir setiap hari aku menangis, sehingga aku begitu kelelahan setiap malam.
Namun, kalau mau jujur, di balik dukaku, aku memiliki kekuatan luar biasa.

Hal pertama yg kulakukan adalah aku mengakui di hadapan Tuhan,“Tuhan, eyn sedang sedih, dan eyn tidak tahu harus bagaimana, eyn tidak berani mengambil keputusan apapun dalam waktu dekat ini. Tuhan tolong eyn, pimpin eyn tiap langkah bagaimana eyn harus bertindak menghadapi segala situasi di depan. Tuhan, eyn berserah penuh.”
Jawaban pertama dari doaku adalah, “iya eyn…sekarang Be still and know that I am God!”

Walau aku mengetahui itu semua, tetap tidak mudah untuk berdiam diri, aku tergoda untuk melakukan banyak hal berdasarkan emosiku yg sedang kacau balau, namun ketidakberdayaanku sungguh membuatku menyerah di hadapan Tuhan, dan aku bersyukur akan hal ini! Aku bersyukur karena aku menyerah kepadaNya!

Di renungan yg aku baca kmrn, dibilang gini:
“I think the only way to win this battle is to surrender. Not to the problem, but to the solution. ……………. In order to win in any earthly struggle …………… with knees to the earth, we must raise a white flag in surrender to the King.
What do we need to surrender? …….our gripes and lamentations…..
In order to live victoriously and win the battles we face in life, we’ve just got to surrender our flesh to the Spirit.
On the battlefield of war, when we raise the white flag of surrender, we lost. But on the battlefield of life, when we surrender, we win – if, and only if we surrender to God and not to our circumstances. We cannot control variables beyond our own responses, but God will surely bless the woman (and man) that walks in obedience in Him. “ –Gwen Smith-

Berdiam dan menyerah!!

Aku tetap butuh penghiburan, butuh kata-kata penguatan, butuh pelukan, butuh seseorang untuk menemani ku menangis.
Sungguh Dia adalah Jehovah Jireh.
Dia menyediakan makanan untuk jiwaku setiap hari, hatiku yang sedang sakit. Obat dan nutrisi dari firman Tuhan selalu tepat, memberiku dopping dan extra stamina untuk menjalani hari-hariku.

Dia adalah Allah yang tahu kebutuhanku.
Dia menyediakan teman untuk menemaniku menangis..simply said, “sabar yah!”, teman yang menanyakan, “apa kabar lyn?” simply reminded me there’s someone cares and I am not alone, teman yang mengingatkan kebenaran to “be strong”.
Dalam hal ini, tidak hanya Tuhan menyediakan mereka, Tuhan mengajarkan 1 pelajaran yg sangat berharga.. bahwa Tuhan dapat mengirimkan “malaikat” manapun pada saat yang tepat, dan tidak selamanya teman yang aku anggap “malaikatku” adalah malaikat yang datang pada saat aku butuhkan – malah kenyataannya mereka tidak ada – aku belajar bahwa Tuhan bisa pakai siapapun.. itulah arti mengandalkan Tuhan dalam setiap perkara, bukan mengandalkan manusia. Karena kalau aku mengandalkan manusia dalam hal ini, aku bersiap menambah duka baru – kekecewaan – tetapi, ketika aku hanya mengandalkan Tuhan, sungguh Dia Allah yang paling tahu kebutuhanku, kapan dan bagaimana harus dipenuhi dengan caraNya yang penuh kasih dan tidak mampu aku pikirkan maupun rencanakan sebelumnya. Sehingga pada akhirnya, aku menyadari, bahwa “malaikat”ku itu adalah karunia Tuhan! Kehadiran mereka adalah pemberian Tuhan, dan bukti bahwa Tuhan sayang aku. Penghiburan dan kekuatan yang mereka salurkan adalah penyertaan Tuhan bagiku.

Keluarga, harta duniawi yang terindah. Mama yang selalu berusaha mendistract aku ketika aku mulai bengong, cici yang tertawa denganku, koko yang berusaha mengganggu agar aku lupa dengan masalahku, rieza yang memeluk! Mereka berusaha dengan caranya sendiri untuk selalu ada buatku!

Kemarin, seorang teman mengirimkan bbm…dia bilang, “I am proud of you, lyn. Ketika masalah datang, lu tetap beriman kepada Tuhan, lu bisa bangkit lagi…”
Perkataan itu begitu terngiang-ngiang dalam pikiranku…aku tidak mengerti apa yang mampu membuatnya berpikir bawah aku beriman pada Tuhan dan akan mampu bangkit lagi, kenyataannya = saat ini adalah saat yang sangat gelap, aku tidak tahu kapan semuanya akan berakhir, dan bagaimana menjalani hari ke depan.

Namun satu hal, aku selalu ngomong ke Tuhan, “Lord, I know that all these things will be over eventually! Haiz!” hampir berulang kali.
Aku “menikmati” masa-masa ini, karena aku ingat betapa aku juga pernah hancur dulu, dan bagaimana Dia selalu ada buatku dalam masa-masa itu. Dan aku menyukai hasilnya, hati yang lebih tegar! Dan aku cuma bilang ke Tuhan dan rieza tadi, “De, ini tuh saat cici dibakar lagi kayaknya yah…sakit, tapi dibuat lebih bagus lagi lah yah!”
Aku menjaga pikiranku dan terus memaksa diriku merenungkan kebenaran firman Tuhan. Walau jadwal baca Alkitabku cukup berantakan seminggu ini, hati sedang kacau dan tidak konsen, aku memaksakan diri, karena aku tahu aku butuh firmanNya.
“Whenever I face situations I am having a hard time understanding, I have to park my mind with what I know to be true. Keeping my mind saturated with truth, keeps satan from being able to whisper dangerous assumptions, false accusations, and faith-eroding perspectives.” -Lysa TerKeurst-
I park my mind with the truth!
Dan akirnya, aku menyadari bahwa Tuhan sayang aku!! Hanya itu! Aku tidak bisa memikirkan alasan yang lain….aku cuma tahu, yakin dan percaya bahwa Tuhan sayang aku..

Minggu lalu, aku masi bilang sama temanku.. “Jangan biarkan masalah membuatmu menjauhi Tuhan, karena ingat deh, sepanjang hidupmu Tuhan tidak pernah berhenti memberkatimu, memeliharamu dan mengasihimu. Tidak ada apapun yang mampu memisahkan kita dari kasih Tuhan, masalah-penderitaan-penyakit-bahkan kematian, apapun itu…..Tuhan mengasihimu.”
Dan aku rasa perkataan itu kembali kepadaku.

Sungguh, ini bukan karena usahaku aku mampu beriman dan bersandar padaNya menghadapi masa-masa kelam ini. Semua karena anugrahNya.
Dia selalu ada buatku.
Dia menjawab doaku selalu tepat pada waktuNya.
Dia menyediakan makanan, amunisi untuk berperang melalui firmanNya.
Dia mengirimkan “malaikat”nya.
Dia mengingatkanku akan karyaNya di masa lalu dalam hidupku.

Sekarang, aku semakin mengerti …apa itu artinya berdiam dan mengetahui Dialah Allah.
Aku berdiam, karena itu adalah hal terbaik yang dapat kulakukan. Menantikan Allah bekerja dengan caraNya yang ajaib, sehingga pada akhirnya aku bisa merasakan kasih dan penyertaanNya lebih lagi.
Mengetahui Dialah Allah! Allah yang sedang berkarya dalam hidupku, yang sedang membentukku menjadi bejana yang indah. Kalau ibaratnya sebuah bejana, mungkin ini saat dimana aku tidak boleh bergerak sama sekali, kalau tidak, aku akan semakin sakit. Saat ini Allah sedang melukis sebuah lukisan yang hasil akhirnya belum dapat kulihat.
“God is God and I am not. I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting. God is God and I am man, so I’ll never understand it all. For only God is God.” -Steven Curtis Chapman-

Hari ini, Tuhan mengirimkan “malaikat” lagi ‘tuk membagikan renungan yang merangkum ini semua:
Matthew 7:11 “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!”
“Jesus is laying down rules of conduct for those who have His spirit. By the simple argument of these verses He urges us to keep our minds filled with the notion of God’s control behind everything, which means that the disciple means that the disciple must maintain an attitude of perfect trust and an eagerness to ask and to seek.
Notion your mind with the idea that God is there. If once the mind is notioned along the line, then when you are in difficulties it is as easy as breathing to remember – why, my Father knows all about it! It is not an effort, it comes naturally when perplexities press. Before, you used to go to this person and that, but now the notion of the Divine control is forming so powerfully in you that you go to God about it. Jesus is laying down the rules of conduct for those who have His Spirit, and it works on this principle – God is my Father, He loves me, I shall never think of anything He will forget, why should I worry?
There are times, says Jesus, when God cannot lift the darkness from you, but trust Him! ……….. Keep the notion of the mind of God behind all things strong and growing. Nothing happens in any particular unless God’s will is behind it, therefore you can rest in perfect confidence in Him. Prayer is not only asking, but an attitude of mind which produces the atmosphere in which asking is perfectly natural. ‘Ask, and it shall be given you.’”
-My Utmost for His Highest: “The Notion of Divine Control”-

Dear friends…aku tidak tahu apa yang sedang Tuhan kerjakan dalam hidupku, namun aku telah melihat betapa Dia Allah yang memelihara, Allah yang memimpin setiap hal, Allah yang berdaulat dan memegang kontrol dalam hidupku…dan aku menyukai hal itu. Aku tidak tahu apa yang menanti di depanku, apakah aku dapat terus beriman, aku tidak tahu, namun aku percaya Dia Allah yang selalu ada dan setia padaku sampai saat ini, Dia juga adalah Allah yang akan ada dan setia padaku di masa mendatang. He is God who is in control over everything.

“This is no time to fear. This is a time for faith and determination.
Don’t lose the vision here, carried away by emotion.
Hold on to all that to you hide in your heart.
There is one thing that has always been true, it holds the world together:
God is in control. We believe that His children will not be forsaken.
God is in control. We will choose to remember and never be shaken.
There is no power above or beside Him, we know God is in control.
He has never let you down, why start to worry now?
He is still the Lord of all we see and He is still the loving Father watching over you and me, watching over every things.”
–God is in Control-

my tongue oh my tongue

July 2nd 2010

This is from yesterday's devotional I subscribe, which is so related to me... >.< I did actually experience it again this morning.. *some habitual morning's "exercise" with my super CUTE brother lah* .. and got pretty distracted *and irritated* with some ungentle words spoken to me just now >.<, which made me realize how we need to guide our mouth, our words, and our behavior! They really affect others! The less is better, yeah.. *uuh, believe me, I know hard it is* a little less conversation, a little more action please!!

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be" (James 3:9-10 NIV).

Have you ever gotten up early and had a sweet time with the LORD, only to turn into an unreasonable, raging screamer hours later? (Thanks to my dear brother who never ceases to tease me every morning...and I'm pretty sure before I "win" the battle *u know, keeping my mouth shut!*, he will keep doing it...it's been forever, he knows his sister well enough, how easy it is to make me "scream")
Have you ever had an argument with your spouse or children (in my case, my siblings..?) on the way to church, only to cross the threshold of the lobby with blessings and kindness on your tongue?
Have you ever driven in traffic with worship music on the dash and praise on your lips when suddenly, someone cut you off and the praises on your tongue turned to cursing?
If you've answered "yes" to any of these questions, welcome to the Sinner's Club. All humans have an automatic membership that activates at birth and is irrevocable until we accept forgiveness through Jesus Christ, and see His face on the other side of glory.

The Bible calls us to a higher, more consistent temperature of living.
We must be careful not to praise and curse with the same tongue.
Are you swinging the pendulum of your responses, or are they swinging you?
We are accountable for our behavior.
We are accountable for the way we respond to circumstances.
Our responses reflect the core of who we are.
They reflect our faith ... good or bad.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come" (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV).

As we go through today, let's center the thermometer of our hearts on Christ so we are less likely to respond in stark contrast to His perfect example of love. Let's heed the wisdom found in Proverbs 3:3: "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."

From : Girlfriends in God by Gwen Smith

giving it up

June 9th 2010

When it comes to spiritual matters - God is the Potter, the Creator, and we are the clay. The world says we should never give up our rights because if we do, we will lose everything! God says, "Give up your rights and you will gain everything!" When we surrender, we gain everything that is important.

In order for God to make us into what He wants us to be, we have to become pliable and willing - like clay. We must come to Him, placing ourselves in His hands, the Potter's hands. Total surrender demands that we come with no agenda, no pre-set conditions - giving Him permission to bend us, break us and change us. We sometimes come to God, with a hardened heart and brittle spirit. Life has broken and damaged us and the wrong hands have molded us. Remember, how we come to Him is not nearly as important as the fact that we come. As we give up control to Him, like a Master Craftsman, He begins to work patiently and lovingly, with a specific plan and one-of-a-kind design in mind. He works through circumstances as well as people, through joy and pain, victory and defeat. He filters every part of life through His plan for us and uses it to create a life of worth and meaning.

Oh, we have tried to live life with our own agenda and plan and have experienced discontentment and frustration. Our soul longs for more and our heart cries out, "Is this all there is?" The truth is that nothing and no one but God can bring us the peace and joy for which we searching. Are you ready to become the clay, surrendering your broken life to the Potter's loving and purpose-filled hands? Today is the day!

Isaiah 64:8 "But LORD, you are our father. We are like clay, and you are the potter; your hands made us all" (NCV).

From : Girlfriends in God, "The Potter and The Clay", by Mary Southerland

too many eyes

(from Proverbs 31 ministries devotional by Christa Parish)

"But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body." 1 Corinthians 12:18-20 (NIV)

When I was twenty, my boyfriend said to me, "Christa, you're just not feminine enough," and he ended our relationship. I was devastated, not only because I loved him, but because I had been bombarded with the not enough message for the past three years, since I had become a Christian.

Those at the church I attended, while deeply committed to following God, had definite ideas about what a "good Christian woman" looked liked. I wasn't it. So I strove to throw off the "old" me. I read the right books and listened to t he right speakers, and followed carefully constructed do and don't lists. And finally I gained acceptance in the church, but had completely lost myself - any shred of individuality.

I was just another eye (1 Corinthians 12:17) in a crowd of eyes.

For all the proper clothes and activities and friends, I found myself heavy with shame because there were still huge pieces inside of me that wouldn't squish into the "good Christian" mold held out for me. I prayed to be more like this woman or that woman, until one day I realized the only person I should be praying to be like was Jesus. Once I turned my sight to Christ, I began to see how my differences could be of value to Him. The more I became like Him, the more I became the person He made me to be.

My husband continually tells me, usually in response to some quirky idea I have, "I always want you to be who you are," and I hear the Lord's voice in those words. God is glorified through His people, and trying to shake off the personality with which He created us is dishonoring to Him. Each of our unique talents, idiosyncrasies, and abilities can and should be used for Him, and I've learned over and over again God will put us in situations that require just the skills and personality traits He has given us.

In my most recent novel, Watch Over Me, the main characters feel as if they are on the "fringe" of the church body, unable to fit in. For Abbi, it's because of her personal convictions; for Benjamin, it's because of the pain he's carrying around inside him; and for Matthew, it's a physical disability. But all three of them come to realize they are all necessary parts of the body of Christ. They – we – are the eyes and ears and feet and noses. Each of us fills a role in Christ's church, and in the lives of those around us, placed there by God to serve and love one another in our differences.

Dear Lord, You have created each of us in Your image, and also uniquely us. Help us to embrace who You made us to be, to see clearly the strengths You've given us, and rejoice in them. Use our individual weaknesses to turn us to You each and every day, giving us reason to cling to Your promises. Allow us opportunities to use our talents for Your glory and the good of the people around us, both those who are part of Your body and those who do not yet know You. Let our uniqueness be a light for You in the darkness. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Application Steps:
Reach out to someone in your church who may feel like she's on the "fringe" of things and doesn't fit in with the othe r women. Take time to encourage her uniqueness in Christ.

Take a few minutes to think about the talents God has given you. If there are some you aren't using now, ask yourself why that is. Go to the Lord in prayer and see if He reveals a way for you to serve Him with these abilities.

Reflections:
Do you suppress certain parts of yourself because you're worried about what other people may think? How can you overcome this "fear of man" that can prevent you from being all God made you to be?

Have you ever wished you could be more like another woman you know, because she seems more Godly? In what ways can you focus more on becoming "Christ-like" rather than "other-like"?

Power Verses:
Ephesians 2:10, "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (NIV)

1 Corinthians 12:4-6, "There are different kinds of gifts, but the s ame Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men." (NIV)

Jeremiah 1:5a, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." (NIV)

isn't it wonderful what He's telling me today?

As I posted earlier, struggling with this feeling bla bla....
God, with His tender love gave me this:


If only I had.....
by Lisa TerKeurst

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32 (NIV)

There's a simple little script many of us play in our mind—simple, yet incredibly dangerous. Dare I say it's one of the biggest things that hold us back from feeling fulfilled in our relationship with God. It's a script tangled in a lie that typically goes something like this: I could really be happy and fulfilled if only I had …

… a skinnier body.
… a husband.
… a husband who was more tender and romantic.
… more money.
… a more successful career.
… a better personality.
… a baby.
… smarter kids.

I don't know what your "if only I had" statements are, but I do know that none of them wil l bring fulfillment. They might bring temporary moments of happiness… but not true fulfillment.

In the book I just wrote, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl, I expose the "if only I had" lie with this truth: Apart from a thriving relationship with God, even if we got everything on our list, there would still be a hollow gap in our soul.

Instead of saying, "If only I had" and filling in the blank with some person, possession, or position, make a choice to replace that statement with God's truth. Here are some examples that have helped me battle the temptation to let people, possessions, or positions take God's place in my life.

People

I no longer say, "If only I had a daddy who loved me.…" Instead, I say, "Psalm 68:5 promises God will be a father to the fatherless."

Maybe your gap isn't left by an absent father but by a friend who hurt you. Or perhaps a husband who left you. Or the children you've longed to have and still don't. Whatever that gap is, God is the perfect fit for your emptiness. Pray this paraphrase of Luke 1:78–79: "Because of the tender mercy of my God by which the rising sun will come to me from heaven—to shine on my darkness and in what feels like the shadow of death to me—I will find peace."

Possessions

I no longer say, "If only I had more possessions …." Instead, I recite Matthew 6:19–21: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Any possession I ever long for, no matter how good it may seem, will only be good for a limited time. In light of eternity, every possession is in the process of breaking down, becoming devalued, and will eventually be taken from us. If I set my heart solely on acquiring more things, I'll feel more vulnerable with the possibility of loss.

Possessions are meant to be appreciated and used to bless others. They were never meant to be identity markers. It's not wrong to enjoy the possessions we have as long as we don't depend on them for our heart's security.

Position

I no longer say, "If only I had a better position .…" Instead, I say the words of Psalm 119:105: "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." I don't need a better position to get where I should go. I don't have to figure out my path and jockey to get ahead. I need God's Word to guide me. As I follow Him and honor Him step-by-step, I can be assured that I'm right where He wants me to be doing wh at He wants me to do.

Whatever "if only I had" statement you are struggling with, you can replace it with solid truths from Scripture that will never leave you empty. It's a bold assertion to make but it's true. When God's Word gets inside of us, it becomes the new way we process life. It rearranges our thoughts, our motives, our needs, and our desires. Our soul was tailor-made to be filled with God and His truth, therefore, it seeps into every part of us and fills us completely.

Dear Lord, I acknowledge only You can fill those empty places in my heart. Help me to stop the "if only I had" cycle and instead be set free with Your truth. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

I just can't stop thanking Him for His love, His faithfulness...His abundant care to me!
Coz He is!