How to Become Emotionally Healthy

Are you frequently overwhelmed by all you have to do? Do you often experience feelings of stress, guilt, fatigue, frustration, and anger because of the burdens you face in life?

If so, you’re not living the abundant life that God intends for you to live. God wants you to be emotionally healthy – able to live with peace and joy, no matter what circumstances you may go through.

You can enjoy that kind of life if you quit doing things that damage your soul and sabotage your ability to enjoy good emotional health. Here’s how you can change your life to be emotionally healthy:

Quit being afraid of what others think. 

Release yourself from the pressure of trying to please other people and focus solely on pleasing God. God’s opinion of you is the only one that ultimately matters. You have inherent worth because God has made you in His image, and you don’t need to try to earn God’s approval if you place your trust in Jesus, because Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross for your sins is enough for you to be set right with God. Take a few days to pay attention to how you may be trying to use words and actions to gain approval from other people. Then pray about what you notice, asking God to empower you to change those unhealthy habits and give you the confidence to simply be yourself when interacting with people. Read Bible verses that describe God’s love for you, and reflect on them often. Choose to base your identity on God’s love for you rather than on what others think of you.

Quit lying. 

Even if you don’t deliberately lie, you may be lying to God, yourself, or other people without realizing it if you’re not careful to live with complete emotional honesty. For example, do you find yourself avoiding commenting on something when telling the truth would be awkward or painful? God wants you to feel free to always speak the truth in love – and the degree to which you speak the truth is the degree to which you are free. Ask God to give you the strength to live with emotional integrity in every situation from now on. Expect conflict to occur in your relationships after you change the dynamics of them by being honest about your views. But trust that God will help you through it well if you proceed respectfully and in the right timing while avoiding blame and taking responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings.

Quit dying to the wrong things. 

While God does want you to die to sinful things that harm your soul, He doesn’t want you to deprive yourself of gifts He makes available to you to nurture your soul. So don’t deny yourself healthy pleasures, such as taking walks outdoors, getting together with friends for a meal or concert, or pursuing a hobby you enjoy. Keep in mind that you must care well for yourself before you can care well for other people God wants you to serve (such as your spouse and children). Accept the reality that you have emotional, mental, and physical limits to what you can do without becoming overly stressed – and realize that those limits are gifts from God, meant to help you make wise, healthy choices. Discover yourself by getting to know your heart (your thoughts, feelings, and values), your story (how your past has influenced the way you think and behave now), and your personality. Once you learn more about yourself, use that information to care for yourself well from now on.

Quit denying anger, sadness, and fear. 

Embrace the full range of your emotions – including difficult feelings like anger, sadness, and fear – so that you can learn what God wants you to learn from them. Instead of denying or suppressing your emotions, decide to feel them fully, so you can explore them. Consider recording your feelings in a journal to help you identify your emotions and reflect on them. Ask God to help you discern the specific reasons why you’re feeling the way you are. Then take appropriate action, responding to the information your feelings give you however God leads you to do so.

Quit blaming. 

Shift your focus away from blaming others for the problems in your life and toward taking personal responsibility. Realize that you’re not a victim; you can choose to solve some problems and trust God in situations you can’t control. Practice these skills to start changing your life for the better: setting boundaries, speaking up, saying “yes” or “no” honestly, paying attention to your feelings, taking care of yourself, confronting yourself to deal with sin in your life, remaining hopeful in every situation, thinking carefully about your decisions, and acting courageously to follow where God leads you.

Quit over-functioning. 

Decide to stop doing for other people anything that they can and should do for themselves. Ask God to give you the courage to change the rules of your relationships so that you’re no longer taking responsibility for others in unhealthy ways. Clearly and calmly explain the changes you’re making to the people who will be affected by your new, healthier choices. Prepare for chaos at first, as they figure out how to adjust to the changes. Stand firm and move forward with your plans, regardless of how they react to them, trusting the Holy Spirit to help you every step of the way.

Quit faulty thinking. 

Break the habit of thinking in faulty ways, such as all-or-nothing thinking, taking things personally, and thinking that things will never change. Read and reflect on the Bible often and pray for the Holy Spirit to renew your mind every day, so your mind will be filled with truth. Ask God to give you the wisdom to know when not to follow your feelings. Stop making assumptions about other people without verifying the facts. Whenever you catch yourself falling into faulty thinking in a particular situation, ask yourself what new way you can respond that, though unfamiliar, may be more likely to succeed. Also, consider what you’ll regret years from now if you don’t do something to change your situation, and let that motivate you to change.

Quit living someone else’s life. 

Don’t hand control of your life over to other people. Instead, do your best to discover and fulfill God’s unique purposes for you. Listen to your inner rhythms to figure out the best times and ways for you to arrange your activities without becoming overwhelmed. Set boundaries with everyone with whom you have relationships to keep them emotionally healthy. Let go of any ways you may be trying to control other people’s lives; give them the freedom to make their own choices in life, and enjoy the freedom that you now have to do the same.

by. Whitney Hopler

A report on the practical applications of Geri (and Pete) Scazzero's new book, The Emotionally Healthy Woman: Eight Things You Have to Quit to Change Your Life (Zondervan, 2013).

Look UP

Few days ago, I uploaded this pic on my facebook timeline.

(Di-post disini biar sekalian update2 diri deh.. haha kan dah lama banget ga tulis...... >.< 

bahkan sampe kaget kalo blogspot dah punya new layout! ga ngerti apa ini better or ga~ well eniweiii... ) 

One of my friends commented "cakeeepp" 

Reaksi pertamaku apa donk?

Yah seneng lah... dibilang cakep! 

Lalu beberapa detik kemudian, aku jadi sadar... Ini yang dibilang cakep apanya? #kayanya si bukan orangnya# Since temenku yg comment adalah - tukang foto yg keren!!!!! 

Kalo yang cakep - 

1. Fotonya.

- itu hasil edit-an temanku. 

- itu hasil jepret-an orang yang pegang kamera SLR keren di Osaka. 

(biasa kalo lagi jalan gitu suka rasis kan?  minta tolong foto sama yg kira2 jagooo... #bawa2 SLR#...) 

- emang kamera-ya bagus. itu pun kamera temen. 

- dan kalo emang kamera-nya bagus... emang maker-nya bagus! 

tapi - of course, butuh skill ~ tuk foto bagus dan edit foto bagus! KERENN!!! 

2. Orangnya. 

ini murni hasil karya Tuhan.

Jadilah, sampai sekarang aku belum jawab komen temanku. 

Well, sebenernya say "thank you" aja cukup. 

haha. 

Tapi aku ini adalah si sanguin yg juga pemikir dan perfeksionis. 

Walaupun, secara natural aku sangat suka berbicara - tapi aku telah belajar to mean what I say - and of course understand why I say it. 

And the very simple comment from my friend - membuatku berpikir .... kalo ..... 

tidak ada satupun - dari foto itu - indah - karena kehebatanku. 

Semua murni adalah hasil karya Tuhan - 

menciptakan creatures yg beautiful (my fiancee <3) 

memberikan skills kepada camera maker - tukang foto dan tukang edit. 

#the only thing i did cuma upload di fb :$# 

It reminded me of this beautiful verse - 

"Every good and perfect gift comes from the Above......" James 1:17 

Beberapa saat terakir - aku sangat hidup dalam ayat ini.. (terutama dalam masa2 persiapan wedding... ). 

This verse super powerful, kenapa???!! 

Mengingatkanku berulang kali ---- kalo TUHAN YANG MEMBERIKAN all the gifts!!! 

entah itu keindahan - keahlian - termasuk cinta dari orang2 sekitar. ah sungguh deh, they come from the Above :D :D 

Bukan karena aku pantas - tapi murni, karena pemberian dari Dia. 

Tidak ada tempat bagiku tuk dapat kredit buat itu. Semua dariNya dan untukNya. 

Ayat ini-pun, menolongku untuk TIDAK IRI. #butuh berjuang tentu# 

Here's why... 

sama seperti semua yg kumiliki dari Dia, begitu juga semua yg orang miliki dari Dia. 

Dan aku percaya - Tuhan itu super berhikmat *lah Dia sumbernya* tuk bagi gifts itu jadi perfect buat each of us. 

One day, temanku pernah bilang "Lyn, ga enak sama kamu -- karena kamu ga dapet ini, sedangkan saya dapat." - biar gampang .. anggaplah temanku dapat 10 juta - aku dapat 5 juta. 'yang kalo dilihat dari kacamata biasa, seharusnya, kita mendapat yg sama' 

Dan, aku bilang.... "My gift - your gift - comes from Him - and it's just perfect"

Tuhan tahu kebutuhanku - dan kebutuhannya - en dikasi tepat sesuai porsi~!!

Terlebih, buatku - mengingat bahwa semua pemberian dari Tuhan - membuatku semakin menyadari ....... ada yg luar biasa kenal dan sayang sama Eyn!!!! Tuhan di atas sana!!!!!!!

Tidak ada tempat tuk kesombongan dan iri hati. Karena semua dariNya. Let's look from where it comes - UP there! 

So, now - walau reply ku akan tetap "thank you" - tapi aku mengerti skrg - why I say it :) 

A Confident Heart

Here's my first ebook, read on my kindle ~ "A Confident Heart", by Renee Swope

This book really speaks a lot about what most women struggle with ~ insecurities, self doubt, comparison, guilt... etc etc... *you know what I am talking about~*

Though - I know, people hardly believe when I say "I have no confidence". I don't know either sometimes how to explain my "no confidence" - 'coz seriously, you won't see it >.< and this book helped me to see the root of the problems that I never realized have been there for a long time~!

So, girls - I am gonna stop talking now, you just read the excerpt!

"The only way we’ll have a confident heart as if we move beyond knowing about God to knowing and relying on Him - to depending on His Word with our whole heart, mind and soul." - Renee Swope -

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Self-doubt blocks the promise of God’s power and truth to change us from the inside out so that we can live with a confident heart.

Doubt keeps us from believing things can get better. Doubt convinces us that it’s not worth the effort.

It is a rare soul indeed who has been sought after for who she is—not because of what she can do, or what others can gain from her, but simply for herself . . . so what are we to conclude? Often we conclude that there is nothing in our hearts worth knowing. Whoever and whatever this mystery called I must be, it cannot be much. John Eldredge and Brent Curtis[1]

It can be hard to let people know how we’re really doing. We don’t want to be high maintenance, right? We surely don’t want people to see the peeling paint of our imperfections or the rotting attitudes in the wood boards of our minds. It’s embarrassing for people to see our flaws and failures, so we work hard to look like we’re doing fine from a distance.

Sometimes I think we tell people we’re fine even when we’re not, because we want to be fine. Or we hope that by saying we are fine, eventually we will be. Other times we act like we’re fine because others expect us to be.

Being honest about who we are and how we are doing is especially risky when it comes to our insecurities. We fear that if people know we doubt ourselves, they’ll start doubting us too.

Pretending leads to hiding and isolation. What we need is someone who will pursue us and accept us even though we’re flawed. Yet most of us doubt anyone would ever stick with us if we let them get too close. So we put up walls and hide our struggles, even from God, hoping we’ll convince Him and everyone else that we’re fine. Eventually, though, we find ourselves in the shadows of doubt, convinced that we aren’t worth knowing or pursuing. Slowly we begin to believe we have to be perfect to be loved and accepted.

Oh how I longed for someone to see past the exterior façade and look into the secret places of my heart. I wanted to be known and loved for who I was. Yet if I let my guard down, I was afraid someone would say I was too sensitive or too serious…. Even though I was surrounded by people, my insecurities convinced me I was all alone.

Jesus met Sam in one of the loneliest parts of her day. In the same way, He is there waiting for us in the midst of our imperfect lives, when our pain and failures confirm our self-doubts. He is there waiting for us when we’re going through the motions, aware of what needs to be done but unaware of how we’re going to do it. He is there on those mornings when we can’t stop criticizing ourselves for blowing it the day before; when we go to work and wonder why we’re even there.

You don’t have to pretend things are fine when they aren’t. He knows what is going on in your thoughts. Nothing could keep Him from wanting to be with you. He invites you to come to Him to receive the perfect love He offers—love that casts out fear, love that is patient and kind, love that keeps no record of wrongs.

But if we only live on the surface with God, we’ll never experience the intimacy we long for or the acceptance and security He offers. Instead of just making our lives easier, God wants us to come up close and experience Him and all that He has for us. He knows that our problems won’t be solved and our confidence won’t be found through simply getting more stuff done. Instead, He invites us to slow down and talk to Him about our day and the desires of our hearts, asking Him to show us the reasons for our doubts and insecurities. He wants us to go below the surface by asking Him to show us why we want what we want. Then we can ask Him if what we want is really what we need.

In the same way, Jesus wants to help you see what is going on in your heart and what you are struggling with that is eroding your security and confidence. If you were sitting with Jesus today, what do you think He’d want to talk about? Perhaps your heart needs to be set free from pretending and perfectionism. Are you longing for others’ approval and wonder why you can never get enough?

Jesus is the only one who can meet our deepest needs to be accepted and delighted in simply because of who we are. We can offer nothing but our presence, and he will desire us just the same.

A personal relationship with God sets us free to be all we were created to be. As children of God we were designed to find our identity, our significance, and our confidence in Him.

The only way we’ll have a confident heart as if we move beyond knowing about God to knowing and relying on Him - to depending on His Word with our whole heart, mind and soul.

When I feel insecure, insignificant, or unloved, remind me of Your perfect love that has the power to cast out my fear.

Our plans (me and my ex boyfriend) of a future together crumbled under the pressure of me expecting him to be all that I needed, and him wanting freedom to be who he wanted. I had been crazy about him – a little too crazy.

You’ve been trying to earn your value in everything you’ve done. But you will never ding the love you for in anyone or anything but ME. I AM the unconditional love you are looking for.

Until our hearts find complete security and significance in God’s unconditional love, we will never be satisfied.

Those of us who struggles with insecurity and find ourselves in the shadow of doubt often get there because we are seeking our validation in people’s opinions, our worth in accomplishments, and our identity in excessive commitments. It can only go on for so long before something breaks. We either get tired and quit trying, or we push ourselves to the point of burnout because we don’t know how to set boundaries.

God put a longing for unfailing love in our hearts because He knew it would lead us back to Him. Only God’s unfailing love will fill and fulfill the desires of our hearts. It is the deepest thirst of our souls. Until God’s love is enough, nothing else will be.

For instance, if we focus on our job (or our marriage) al the time, thinking about how we are doing at work (or home) and what our boss (or husband) thinks about us, we start to find our worth in our performance, and our job (or marriage) can become something we worship. If we are doing well, we feel fulfilled. If we are not doing well, we feel empty and like we have less worth.

Salvation is one-time decision, but finding satisfaction in Christ and living in the security of His promises is a daily process.

Jesus wants us to invite Him to look into the well of our hearts each day and show us what, who and where we are looking to be filled and fulfilled. As we allow Jesus to fill and fulfill us instead, the Holy Spirit quenches our spiritual thirst. We find our satisfaction in Him and begin to live with a sense of contentment and confidence based on the unchanging promise of who we are and what we have in Christ.

We become secure as we know and rely on His love more and more. It is a moment by moment, day by day experience where we process our thoughts, emotions, and decisions with God, positioning our hearts to let His perspective redefine ours.

A confident heart is found in a woman who knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that she is loved no matter what. Lasting security comes when we bring the empty well of our hearts to Jesus and ask Him to fill and fulfill us with the security of His unfailing love.

"Faith looks back and draws courage; hope looks ahead and keeps desire alive." -John Eldredge and Brent Curtis-

Many of us have been completely knocked off our feet and wondered if we would ever have the strength to get back up again.

Yet getting back up again is often where we find our strength.

God also showed me I needed to find my security and hope in Him alone by letting Him be the Father I longed for. I needed to grieve some of the things I wanted that I would never have. I also needed to invite God into those hurting places so He could bind up my broken heart and set me free from captivity to my fear that I would never have a happy ending.

His power is perfected in the broken places we consider to be our greatest weaknesses – our most vulnerable emotions we don’t want anyone to know about. In those hiding places, God calls us out of captivity. When we’re willing to let Him, He brings hope for our future despite the pain of our past.

God’s plans for us are found when we surrender ours and seek His each day. God’s plans unfold each time we come to Him, talk to Him, and really believe He’s listening. Learning to live in the security of God’s promises is a daily journey of dependence.

We find ourselves in the shadow of doubt many times because our thoughts are mostly about ourselves; how we’re performing and what others are thinking about us.

When we focus our attention on ourselves, we turn our attention away from God. We leave no room in our thoughts to listen to what He is thinking about us, because we have given that place away to be occupied by other people’s opinions.

“You can’t put your hope in a man, you can only put your hope in God. A man’s love will always disappoint you.”

Paul warns us that those who “measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves” are not wise (2 Cor 10:12). Our struggle with comparison will always leave us feeling like we’re lacking something. We try to do more and be more, but it’s never enough. We still feel insecure and wonder what’s wrong with us.

What I need to change is the way I talk to myself. Because every time I say, “What’s wrong with me?” I plant a seed of doubt and convince myself more and more that something is wrong with me.

That is not what God wants me to say to myself, and it’s not what He wants you to say to yourself either. However, we have an enemy who loves to cast the shadow of self-doubt over us and get us to focus on all that is wrong with us (real or perceived), instead anything that is right with us.

“The more you reaffirm who you are in Christ, the more your behavior will begin to reflect your true identity.” Dr. Neil T. Anderson

Trying to get our “good enough” outside of God’s promises and provision will always create insecurity and obstruct our relationship with Him and with other people.

The truth is, we are all “wrecked up”, but we are loved with reckless abandon by the King of Glory. We may be rejected by man, but we are accepted and adored by our Maker. We may be betrayed and cast aside, but we are chosen and redeemed by our Heavenly Father.

We also have an enemy who is completely against us. He is jealous of God’s glory in us and threatened by the beauty that lies within the heart of a woman whose identity is secure. That is why he attacks our confidence. He knows if he can paralyze us with self-doubt and insecurity we will never live up to the full potential of who we are and what we have in Christ.

Now, we don’t need to be afraid of our enemy. The One who is in us is greater than the one who is against us. However, we do need to be aware of his schemes and ready to stand against them.

Although people’s preferences will change, God’s desire for us won’t. Others might not think we’re good enough, but God always will. And even if someone decides they don’t desire us anymore, God most certainly does! The truth is, when we belong to Jesus we are loved and accepted forever. We are covered in His goodness, and it’s His goodliness that makes us good enough!

Comparison leaves us insecure, confused, and discontent. My friend Genia summed it up well when she told me, “Every time I compare myself with someone else, I can never measure up because I am comparing my insides with their outsides.” She is so right. We compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with someone who looks like they have it all together on the outside. Then we try to polish our outsides, hoping that will make us feel better on the inside, but it never does.

Comparison causes us to compete with each other, but no one wins. God never intended for us to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another, celebrating and encouraging each other’s strengths while discovering who He created us to be.

God deliberately gave you the personality He wanted you to have so He could impact certain people through your life.

We all have strengths, and when surrendered to Christ, we become more like Him as we become more like our true selves.

When we are faithful with the little things, God entrusts us with more and we get to share in the joy of fulfilling His purposes. We are stewards responsible for all God has entrusted to us, no matter how significant or insignificant our gifts seem.

I surrender my personality, heart’s desires, abilities, spiritual gifts, and experiences to Your purposes. I delight myself in You, Lord, trusting You to shape desires of my heart to match Yours.

Grace is the security of knowing God’s love is guaranteed for us because we trust in Christ.

When I say, “I feel so weak.” God says, “I’ll give you power.”

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Cor 12:9)

When I say, “I feel so alone.” God says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

The Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deut 31:6)

Loving Your Now

Kalau ditanya hal yg paling happening seminggu terakir ini – I think everyone would agree – kematian Steve Jobs. Oh well, at least – di blackberry, twitter and facebook, a lot of people talked (at least) a thing about him.

For myself tho…, ada perasaan like – “huhu baru aja, aku berpindah dari windows ke macbook”, or jadi realized one thing, kalo aku selama ini cuma bisa pake (baca=enjoy) itunes (saking gaptek-nya) – no winamp, no windows media player. Or, aku juga ga tau kenapa aku selalu naksir ipod sejak pertama dia keluar, walaupun kedua ipod yg aku miliki adalah hadiah! (yay!) Bukan karena aku ga nge-fan Apple, it’s just that aku gaptek (ga ikut perkembangan jaman), aku tidak pernah beli laptop (selalu dikasi, praise HIM :D) – jadi ga pernah milih :$ (yeah, rite, pertama x beli laptop yah = my one month old macbook pro itu) – iphone (blackberry chose me, karena tuntutan!) – ipad, aku ga pernah maen games! Oke, please don’t judge me, I know, I am a boring person! Haha!

So, harus kuakui – the only time aku mulai kasak kusuk ttg Steve Jobs adalah saat kematiannya, itu pun karena banyak yg nge-post.

Ada satu hal yg terngiang2 di pikiranku …

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

To do what we love? Or to love what we do?

Aku jadi berandai2, alangkah indahnya kalo my “work” is what I love! I dance – I sing, and I make money! Apalagi kalo bisa menghasilkan billions dollar kayak David Beckham!

Then, what if – what I do AT THE MOMENT, it’s not the thing I love? Then, I need to choose to love what I do, at least, AT THIS MOMENT.

Aku tiba2 teringat Yusuf dan Musa --- entah kenapa ---

Yusuf, aku ingat saat2 dia di rumah Potifar (oke, dia adalah kepala dsana, so it wasn’t that bad!), tapi ketika dia di penjara! Did he love what he did? (He barely did anything kayanya ya :$)

Or Musa? Pengalaman 40 tahun menjaga ternak mertua.

Did they love what they did? Secara background mereka sama, remember, 2-2nya hidup enak, papa kaya – mama angkat di istana.

I don’t know the answers. Tapi kalo kita liat the whole picture of their lives, we know that masa2 Yusuf di penjara ataupun Musa di padang rumput – adalah masa2 Tuhan mempersiapkan mereka tuk hal yg spektakuler untuk hidup mereka dan bangsanya.

What I am trying to say here adalah…

Seringkali … kita compare hidup kita dengan orang lain! Oke, maybe Steve Jobs => “Gileee, dia DO .. dia bisa sukseeeesssssss…” it’s true for him, or for banyak contoh lainnya.

Atau, dengan orang yang lebih dekat deh … “Dia make money and sukses dengan nari or nyanyi or maen bola” or apalah, yg adalah hobi kita! Then, kita berpikir “kesiaaannnyaa kitaaaaaaa…ga ada kesempatan to do what we love for a living”

Jreng jreng!!! Oke, I agree! We’ve got to find what we love – sungguh indah dan sungguh ideal! Tapi remember, sometimes… there is a season for us, to learn, tuk dibentuk. Ada season dimana hal yg kita kerjakan adalah something yg kita ga bisa enjoy mau sampe kapanpun juga. (Pernahkah aku bercita2 tuk mencintai cuci piring atau menyapu ketika di Jepang?...NO!)

Bukan berarti ketika what we do at the moment adalah things yg tidak sesuai dengan cita2/hobby, kita ber-attitude jalanin dengan mengeluh – dan tidak bersyukur. Since, it’s not the thing I want to do for my life! NO!

Remember, once again, there is a season for everything. Ada masa di mana karakter kita dibentuk, salah satunya melalui pekerjaan dan tanggung jawab kita. (Ingat Yusuf dan Musa!) See it that way. Sambil terus submit our plans to Him.

You know, what I always said saat aku menyapu pagi hari jam 5.45 “Saya menyapu untuk Tuhan, saya menyapu untuk Tuhan”. Walaupun kadang2, aku harus menyapu sambil menangis. I remembered Colossians 3:23 => Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.

Bukan berarti aku content dengan hidup menyapu looh, namun aku memilih PADA SAAT ITU, kalo aku mau memuliakan Tuhan dengan pekerjaanku. Dengan attitude yang benar (walaupun aku tidak cinta menyapu), tapi I chose to love what I did. Dengan mengingat bahwa, it’s a part of hidup yg harus aku jalanin.

Then, kalo gitu? Berpuas dirilah dengan apa yg kita kerjakan saat ini kah, Lyn? (Should I quit searching?) Itu hanya kita masing2 dan Tuhan yg tau. Terus cari kehendak Tuhan dalam hidup kita. To find our callings, entah itu akirnya adalah (we think as) things yg we love or not (padahal He knows better than we do, yah?). Tapi pada masa2 pencarian, penantian…. Always choose to work with integrity. And, juga with LOVE and PASSION. As you do for HIM, so He is glorified in whatever we do.

Ada satu lagu yg aku suka banget dari Steven Chapman "Miracle of the Moment"

"We are who, and where, and what we are for now. And this is the only moment we can do anything about."

Tidak ada salahnya tuk terus mencari apa yg kita cintai. Tentu! Tapi, jangan abaikan moment ini, for this the only moment that we can do anything about. Choose to love your NOW!

Speak The GOOD Words

Yesterday, one girl shared how proud she is of her brother.

"Ci, aku bangga banget loh sama koko'ku sekarang - dia udah banyak berubah - ga seperti dulu. Cici tau banget kan dulu sifatnya gmana......"

And dia jelasin lebih detail ttg betapa hebat koko-nya.

One question I asked her, "Have you told him about this?"

"......hmmm...aku ada pernah cerita ke mama sih!"

Me = "ke koko-mu?"

"..... hmmm belum ci..."

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Beberapa minggu belakangan ini, ayat ini berulang kali berbicara padaku ....
"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry." James 1:19


Yes...how easy it is to speak when things go wrong - when we don't like stuffs - when we are mad ....

Tapi, somehow ---- it is that hard to speak when you appreciate someone, to say "I think you are great....", "what you did means a lot to me"..."I care about you"

One woman I admire bercerita that she always reminds her kids, "Nak, semarah apapun kamu -- jaga selalu omonganmu -- jangan pernah bicara pada saat kamu sedang marah -- karena akan ada bekasnya."
That's what I kept telling myself ketika aku lagi kesel - or rasanya mau marah, "When I am hurt - never say hurtful words - coz it will hurt me even more to hurt someone I truly care."
And, it is really true, I don't know about you, but for me -- aku selalu berjuang not to say the "I will regret later" words..

Ironically...why why.... it's just sooo hard to speak good words?! ......
Entah itu gengsi, entah itu budaya (oh, please, stop blaming budaya timur), entah malu......
But, do we know how good words will actually bring impact into someone's life?
--- sama seperti perkataan buruk bisa membawa bekas, I believe perkataan baik pun juga ---

I've been really tired these days. I didn't plan to do anything today -- apalagi tulis notes.. I was laying on my bed, trying to sleep but I just couldn't... 'til I got message from my sister:
"Ci, aku perhatiin cici akir2 ini lagi lemes -- cici lagi ada masalah yah? -- aku kuatir banget loh sama cici! *hugz*"

And she is the reason why I am writing now! Yups, aku tetep aja cape -- karena I do need to rest. But I realized one thing, how great it is to know, to be TOLD and REMINDED that there is someone cares about me. Aku selalu tau betapa dedeku sayang sama aku, tapi the sweet words at the right time, aaaahhh.....sungguh menyegarkan jiwaku

SO, SPEAK THE GOOD WORDS!

"Tapi gue ga biasa ngomong begitu2 lyn!!!!"
I know, butuh practice, sama seperti that girl I mentioned above..mungkin akan sangat susaaaaah tuk bilang ke koko-nya pada awalnya ...but practice makes perfect :)
Percaya ga? Dulu, aku ga pernah bisa bilang "thank you" "maaf" "I love you" ke mama... (serius lyn?) Iyah! Maluuuuu banget, en berasaaaaa aneh luar biasa! And I did a lot of practices! Pertama kali-nya aku ngomong tuh yg deg2an setengah mati ... itupun di telepon, dan langsung matiin telepon saat selesai ngomong. (Can you imagine the scene?)

Practice and practice it! It's a good exercise!

Bukan berarti, karena kita terbiasa, then jadi hambar or istilahnya basa basi loh!
Always mean what you say! If you don't, don't say it, people don't need that! But if you do, say it, people need that!
Rasul Paulus bilang..hendaklah kata2mu senantiasa penuh KASIH - JANGAN HAMBAR...


Dear friends, since I didn't plan to write anything today, and I do really need to rest -- I will stop here..! I think you got what I am trying to say :)
Practice to appreciate what people do to you - and TELL them that you appreciate it.
If you do love someone and care about her, tell her! (yeah yeah -- she knows already, I KNOW..) TELL HER!
"You can do it" - "I believe in you" will cost you nothing. But those words definitely could lift someone up. And you won't know how deep the impact could be!
"Thank you", please! Sincerely!

The list could go on...but I think you know already what to say...rite?
Now, do it!!!!
Speak the GOOD words :)

"Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:29

First Homework = To Adapt

Alright girls, buat kamu yg udah baca all the three types of men in Preparing to be a Help Meet, maybe maybe.. some of you started to berandai2 -- ataupun buka mata lebih lebar terhadap pria2 di sekelilingmu, mulai lihat mana yang Prophet, Priest or King – krn somehow berasa lebih jelas tipe cowo mana yg “saya MAU dan saya pikir cocok dgn saya.”

I truly understand what you feel :)
Sejak dulu, I always dreamed for a Kingly type! I had no idea about the types of men, tho - I hadn't read the book! All I knew, I "needed" cowo terdepan di medan perang. For me, this kind of man is capable to "lead" me since I am myself, a leader. And he is charming, what!? A guy who talks one word and can change a world? Doaku adalah "Tuhan berikan aku cowo model itu -- supaya AKU -- supaya AKU..."

And, to be honest with you, kalo seandainya aku baca ttg Steady Man sebelum pacaran -- MUNGKIN aku tidak akan pernah berpikir kalo this Priest could really steal my heart! Ga tanggung, saudari2, God bless me with 100% steady man! After years hatiku tertutup rapat setelah patah hati dan proses renewal terindah (horee!!), I would never imagined, yg mampu membuat hati ku terbuka LAGI bukanlah seorang pria yg sedang berdiri di depan dgn segala kharisma-nya memimpin (spt yg selama ini aku pikir aku "butuhkan") - tapi justru adalah this man who puts others first and has a beautiful gentle servant heart!
Itu belum jadian beibeh, belum! Itu adalah awal2 aku realized "Oh, there is a guy!"
dan proses pertemanan kami (we were purely just friends ... ) sampai sekarang masi berpacaran ... I realized how God knows better than I do!
Oke - how I finally realized that is another story to tell.. :$ (maybe some other time..haha)

Let's back to our fantasies.. ! I am not saying that tidak boleh "pilih2" mau prophet / priest / king.. (siapa juga aku? haha). Bole banget!! That's what I did rite? I wanted a king.
But, let me remind you something - always remember that God created us to be a help meet! Not the other way around, our man is not our help meet.
It is, of course, sangatlah manusiawi - menginginkan sesuatu yg kita pikir cocok dan baik untuk kita (kalo bukan kita yg mikirin diri sendiri siapa lagi?!? hehe, GOD -- HE knows and cares about you more than you do!). But, I invite you to take a higher level, instead of memikirkan cowo mana yg baik untuk saya (krn it doesn't take us anywhere) - let's prepare ourselves by developing our gifts, talents and beautifying our inner and outer to be ready for someone God wants you to be his help meet.

Let's do it!!

A good help meet is called to adapt!
(Loooh bukannya relationship harus SALING adaptasi? Well - betul sekali) Tapi..level lebih tinggi tuk beradaptasi dimiliki oleh kita para wanita (horeeeeeeee!) yang dicintai oleh pria (lebih horeeeee lagi!) Again, I am sharing this to you, karena I know, you are willing to obey His will, to do our part that is to submit. (Ephesians 5:22-33)

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Sometimes, ketika kita berpikir tipe cowo mana yg cocok buat kita, salah satu alasannya adalah cowo mana yg easy to live with (means, easy to adapt). Betul atau betul? Gapapa banget untuk berpikir seperti itu, tapi harus juga kita ingat, bahwa "ber-adaptasi" itu tidak lah semengerikan yg kita bayangkan. Most of the time, itu akan membuat karakter kita semakin baik.

Aku realized one thing selama aku menjalani this relationship - why men and women have to be different - why he thinks logically I feel emotionally - itu adalah supaya I could learn to LOVE UNSELFISHLY and to PUT OTHER (in this case, my man) FIRST. Dan itu adalah kehendak Tuhan! So, a good relationship when we are willing to adapt to our partners - will bring us to do God's will.



Kalo kita (cewe) aja yg adapt, then kita kehilangan jati diri kita donk? - you might ask that -
Hmm, girls, I am not an expert in this, but I can share my experience :)
Namun sebelumnya, tolong samakan persepsi, when I talk about guys (whether he is a prophet, priest, or king) - we talk about God-fearing men. Pria yg mengasihi Kristus dan punya kerinduan untuk menyerupai Kristus setiap hari.
Alright, bicara tentang jati diri, we (both men and women) - our goals adalah menjadi seperti Kristus dan menjalani kehendakNya! Jadi ketika kedua pasangan ada dalam pertandingan yg sama - we have the same goal.
And, we both know our own position - the head of man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man.
Jadi - goal kita jelas => Christlikeness, posisi juga jelas, rite?
So, ketika kita ber-adaptasi (yg mungkin kita takutkan), kita "hanya" beradaptasi dalam menyesuaikan kepentingan kita dgn pasangan, atau hobby, atau waktu, ataupun mungkin sedikit sifat/karakter (yg trust me, penyesuain karakter dgn pasangan akan akan akan menumbuhkan karakter yg makin cantik).
Jadi, tidak ada pasangan dalam Kristus (yg punya the same goal) yg ber-adaptasi tuk melawan perintah Tuhan.(jadi, jangan parno - jangan parno!)

Elisabeth Elliot dalam The Mark of a Man wrote this,
If you find a woman who is ready to go where you go and do what you do without brooding about being "her own person", you'll have found a treasure.
She will have to be a woman who has submitted herself to God, first of all, because otherwise she'll be listening to the insistent voices around her, telling her that she's got to be independent and autonomous, that she ought not to be "only" somebody's wife or somebody's mother, that she needs to seek fulfillment for herself and that can only be found beyond the bounds of home.
If, having submitted herself to God, she understands that what He had in mind when He made her was response - in order that both man and woman be fulfilled - she will be at peace with the arrangement.

Salah satu hal yg I learnt to adapt to my man adalah masalah waktu. As you might have read, a Priest man needs to be left alone to do his daily routine. Unlike a Prophet who is really consumed with his girl, or a King who always wants to know where his woman is - what she does, a Priest is content with his life. In my case, terlebih - we both are busy - and we are in long distance relationship. :$ and you know, girls - how hard it is. Perasaan spt he doesn't need me as I do -pun ada, since again he is a Priest, he is a man in demand. I don't own him all by myself.

Awal2, I expected much! hmm.. I understood that I needed to adapt - but, I thought didn't he need to adapt to my needs (more time and more me) too?
It's God's grace - really, 'til I finally realized it's me to adapt! 'coz I realized too what I thought "I needed" was simply "I wanted" -- and again, my goal is to love him unselfishly. It wasn't easy - I cried and I wasn't happy. But it's God's will, and so far it's been a very wonderful and beautiful journey, all by His grace <3 For He promised that we can do all things with Him who strengthen us. Termasuk to adapt to our partner one day! He provided me strength to adapt, and I know He will always do! It's only one thing, and I am still learning and still a lot work to do.

God wants to make us become a lovely help meet. To be a good one takes effort... lots of effort.

So, girls, ask yourself = are you willing to adapt?
(Again, I was talking about a responsible, reliable, loving, dependable God fearing man, oke?!)
Kalo Tuhan "mengirimkan" a King di pintu rumah-mu, are you ready to adapt to his 'controlling' yet really loving nature, to be humble and listen to him?
Or, if it's a Prophet, are you ready to support him, not to look down on him, to always stand by his side?
If it's a Priest, to have a gentle spirit, to share him with others and to serve people with him?

Debi Pearl wrote this "God is not impressed by our gifts, our types or our strengths. He is impressed by our willingness to abide by and appreciate his program by conforming to the needs of our man."

How will I know? Start now! Start to adapt to your parents, your siblings, your friends... Remember, the preparation is on progress!

PS. it isn't finished yet..haha.. to be continued "Why I should keep the options wide opened?" 'coz God knows better, next :)

mom ain't the enemy, the bajajs are!

i will say it out loud, FINALLY --OOH REALLY FINALLY!!! I DRIVE!!! a real car!

driving => has been my new year resolution since 2007, haha! sejak for good ke indo! and skrg taon berapa lyn? betul, 2011! but, i don't care! a resolution accomplished! yihiiiiii ~!

am i truly happy? oh, u bet, i am!

BUT, there is one thing always happens when i drive and my mom is there.

"REEEEEEEEEEEMMMM!!!"

"BAJAAAAAAAAAJ!!"

"lu ga liat kan tuh ada gerobak?" *trust me, really, saya liat.. T_T*

my younger sis who's always been there, sejak aku mati mesin 10 menit sekali sampai aku meluncur di jalan tol pas ujan lebat, bilang "ma, tenang aja napa? cici udah bisa! kalo mami grogi, kan malah ganggu!"

thanks, my cheerleader :D

awal2 sih bete bener kalo jalan sama mami. ga jarang, turun mobil aku yg masi cemberut!

what i had in mind adalah .. "u don't trust me, mom!"

sampai akirnya, last nite, when i had a wonderful "Preparing to be a Help Meet" class with my girls -- entah gmana, pembicaraan beralih ke NYOKAP!

"i don't know why, but it seems that my mom ga pernah puas dgn apa yg gue capai."

"i've been living pleasing my mom sampai skrg, kapan donk gue bisa hidup 'tuk diri gue sendiri."

i was all ears sepanjang curhat...

sampai, akirnya.... it's time for me to speak :$

eyn, "ga usah masalah BIG dalam hidup kita - nyetir aja, most of the time, i have an argument with my mom!" *btw, my older sis has too :D tho, she's been driving forever! haha*

the thing is -- ibaratnya sebuah perjalanan. walau jurang masih berjarak 30 m di depan kita. dari 100 m, mama kita akan berteriak "STOP!" sampai we finally stop!

it happens to me all the time, rite? bajaj masi jauh - tapi mama sudah "BAJAJ!"

kenapa?

bukan karena mama pikir aku buta - tapi mama will do whatever to make sure that her beloved daughter liat itu bajaj *baca = selamat!*

ada one thing yang aku suka banget di buku Preparing --

Debi Pearl bilang gini:

Keep in mind that your mother is not the enemy. She is Mom. She is the one who cared for you when you were sick; she is the one who believed in you when you were down. She is the one who would have given her very life for you if you were in need, but, because she is Mom, she will be the first to speak out when she thinks you might be hurting.

oh, how true!

my mom is not the enemy, the bajajs are!

karena mama lah - aku bisa balik badan - duduk - merangkak - berjalan - berlari dan menyetir.

karena mama juga lah - aku bisa nulis - baca - sekolah - kuliah dan akirnya bekerja.

it's not that moms don't trust us, really! but, mom is the one who has been there dari awal we're nothing 'til we're a little bit of something!

and, for me, the main reason why mom sometimes acts that way - because she's all worried about us. she would give her life for us.. (huhu. duh pas ngelahirin aja dia udah mempertaruhkan nyawa >.<)

mom is woman sejati. *oke, mari semua wanita berkaca.*

future minded.

worry.

control-freak.

we are just like her... hanya saja, kita belum punya anak perempuan >.<

bedanya adalah, by HIS GRACE!

we know that our future are in His hands.

ketika we are worried about so many things... Philippians 4:6-7 pop up! kita telah berlatih tuk turn our worries into prayers. *itupun, we fail so many time, rite?*

not all of us, diberkati dgn a Godly mom, i would say.

i grew up with friends whose struggles're "gue ga dikasi ke gereja ama nyokap." "gimana cara yakinin nyokap gue supaya gue bole ikut ret2." "friends, please pray for my parents' salvation."

they don't know about all stuffs!

all she knows adalah -- she's been working hard 'til now for you! and she wants what she thinks (not God thinks) the best for you!

begitu jgn dgn my mom. *she goes to church every week with me, but not yet -- not yet, i still pray for her*

yesterday, again saat menyetir - i talked to her *lovingly* not to worry tooooooo much ttg anak2nya *yeaaah, i know ga pantes ngomong gt ke ortu*

tapi i shared the truth to her, aku bilang "ma, hidup kita di tangan Tuhan. hanya Tuhan yg pegang kendali. pada saat mama mulai kuatir, coba deh mama berdoa. karena Tuhan yg berkuasa menjaga."

so, dear beloved daughters of our moms and our heavenly Father.

stop the argument with our moms! replace it with loving discussion and sharing about the Truth.

*how could we listen to our friends with love. willing to be in their shoes. understand them. appreciate their point of views? BUT, not with our moms!??!*

be humble to listen to her, coz most of time - she's right :D

ketika mama mulai "aduh, kenapa lu umur segini belum punya pacar? kebanyakan milih sih!!" or "aduuuh, lu kerja cuma jadi begituan doang mah ga bakal sukses deh!"

dgn kasih, tell her, God is in control! *jangan stop di situ..haha.. ceritakan how He worked :) *

and hey, btw - jgn harap mama bakal dengar kita ttg Kristus kalo kelakuan kita tidak mencerminkan Allah yg kita sembah yo! ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER!

i love this verse:

.... if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their daughters, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 1 peter 3:1-2

sering denger ini? "anak kecil tau apa sih?"

*btw, i am thankful that my mom never say those hurting words, though she's not a truly Christian YET.*

though my mom had to admit - "kenapa sih mama kuatir melulu sama kamu ya, padahal kamu udah 26! mama selalu ngerasa kamu tuh masi keciilll aja" i was like, "EXACTLY, MOM!"

another powerful verse....

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers (and your mom!) in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

ayat ini bukan supaya kita bisa jadi petantang-petenteng. "jangan anggap gue rendah!" NO!!

tapi to remind us, to always set an example! after all, we are adalah saksiNya di dunia ini... !

ini berlaku tuk siapapun - what people see in us? do they see our SUPER COOL JESUS?

so, yesterday from the Prophet discussion 'til MOM --

i remembered one thing i always say to myself .. that = my current family *on this topic, my mom* is really where i learn what it is to submit, to serve, to love unselfishly, to listen, to be patient, to have a wise discussion 'til one day i do them all to my husband :)

the preparation has started, ladies, don't miss it!!!!!

TREASURE YOUR MOM FOR THE WONDERFUL FRIEND SHE IS.

Preparing to be a Help Meet

I really suggest all single ladies to read this Debi Pearl's book.

Rather than consuming our time to wait idly for our Prince Charmings to come along, let's redeem our time to be prepared.

Reading this book is one way to prepare ourselves :)

'coz it will show you more practical ways how to use your single time and be a Princess yourself.

So, here's my "marked with red ink" part of the book that I typed with my super slow typing speed to you.

Just to share a tiny blessing I got from the book, and hopefully you want to read it yourself and got more blessings, as I did.

Be blessed, girls :)

<3 You spend your time pining away for your one true love and suddenly.. you're married, and it is a lot more than you bargained for. Now is the hour you should be preparing to be a wife - to be a help meet. God wants to make you become a lovely help meet, but to be a good one takes effort... lots of effort <3

<3 Is there a young man that you have met in passing that you thought would be a good husband? Have you been praying for him by name? Pray that he will be strong. Pray that he will walk faithfully.

<3 Her face constantly reflected joy and active interest in life and ministry. This is very appealing in a female.

<3 I always disregarded any girl I ever saw flirting or hanging onto a guy's arm.

<3 Let's look at how she approached knowing God's will:

- She was busy walking with God and praying for wisdom through her youth.

- She didn't chase him down.

- She sought out her parents and another older counselor for support and prayer.

- She prayed and fasted, asking God for wisdom and direction.

- She was open to considering him because he had proved himself righteous.

There are 3 types of men mentioned in this book :

Prophet (Mr. Visionary), Priest (Mr. Steady Man) and King (Mr. Command Man),

that you really want to read it yourself ;)

(actually I had typed what I red-lined on the book, but my Priest pages have much more red ink than other pages :$ :$, so I decided to just share a much better (more balance and objective..haha) excerpt. Enjoy the reading!!)

Being a really good help meet requires:

1. a heart to do God's will

2. a basic understanding of God's requirements as revealed in his Word.

3. wisdom.

<3 Keep in mind that your mother is not the enemy. She is Mom. She is the one who cared for you when you were sick; she is the one who believed in you when you were down. She is the one who would have given her very life for you if you were in need, but, because she is Mom, she will be the first to speak out when she thinks you might be hurting. Treasure her for the wonderful friend that she is, but remember, once you are married your allegiance changes.

Until then, be wise, be loving, be patient with your mother, and stand by your man.

<3 Some men are slower to come to see their need for us tender sweeties than others, but most all men finally come to a place where they are genuinely lonely and want a mate.

<3 You were hard-wired with the overwhelming need to be a wife and mother. It is a God-given need that only a man can fulfill. I can't think of one think of one thing I would rather to have than a man to really love me. It is supreme. A lovely person is easy to love. That is our goal. God wants to make you a lovely help meet. To be a good one takes effort... lots of effort.

<3 There are also 3 types of women mentioned in this book: Dreamers, Servants, Go-to Gals

Dreamers

<3 Don't get involved in projects that take you away from your responsibility to honor your husband. Spend your youth honing down your gifts and developing skills.

The Servant

<3 She is a peacemaker, kind and considerate.

Maintain your individuality and develop your gifts. Always keep in mind that it is good to be an Encourager, but not good to be an Enabler. An Encourager helps people better themselves. An Enabler does things for people that they should be doing for themselves, healing their self-inflicted wounds and sympathizing with their poor vices to the point that they are enabled to continue their negative behavior without facing the consequences or assuming responsibility to change.

A female example would be Ruth who faithfully served her mother in law.

The Go-to Gal

<3 She is strong, capable, and gives a sense of taking care of the greater number of people. Go-to Gals ooze with confidence, have strong opinions, and do well organizing people.

<3 A woman's need to be cared for causes her to be drawn to a man who makes her feel secure.

<3 God designed the woman to be sensitive and vulnerable for the sake of the little ones whom she must nurture. The soul of a mother must be quick to feel, to hurt, to love, to have compassion, to take in the broken, and to believe the best.

<3 Male and female together complete the image of our Creator, but we are vastly different. We each carry a strength and a weakness. Our roles were designed around these strengths and weaknesses. Neither can perform the role of the other well.

<3 God is not impressed by our gifts, our types, or our strengths. He is impressed by our willingness to abide by and appreciate his program by conforming to the needs of our man.

How to spot a prophet!

This kind of male will focus on pursuing excellence in areas such as music, art, or even computer science, but they are more likely to launch out into frontier research and find something different from the status quo. They will be prone to talk in extreme depth about one subject until they dissect every part and discover something no one else has never thought about.

How to spot a priest! <3 <3 <3

You will spot him because he likes to do things for people. Everyone calls him when there is a need, because he is nice to have around.

He usually makes a good daddy and provider. Any girl that has been in difficult relationship thinks this type of man is heaven-sent.

He is the kind of man "you need to get to know" to really find out that he is indeed fascinating.

All men seem to bloom after they marry (if their wives are of one spirit with them) into a stronger, better vision of what they were as single men.

A good woman serving him will bring out the MAN in him.

How to spot a king!

Not all King types have gifts in teaching, preaching, or directing a large company, but they do have a natural tendency to lead. This type is always being judged because they are the men who take charge.

<3 Married life is not all romance and passion - maybe five percent. The rest of your time is devoted to the routine of living. There will be unexpected trials and burdens that will catch you and your sweetie totally by surprise. Whether your family, not to mention your passion, survives life's curveballs depends on knowledge....yours.

<3 Life is not that complicated. There are only a few simple principles that God set into place that make the whole process not just run smoothly, but really fly.

<3 Many girls waste their youth by being entertained with movies or novels, shopping, playing the social game, yakking on the phone, texting, etc., or just lying around waiting for one of these things to happen.

And so their life stays limited for lack of knowledge, understanding and wisdom.

<3 As a single girl, actively pursue an aggressive life of ministry, learning and serving.

<3 Be patient and wait on the Lord (and your man).

<3 I had delighted myself in the Lord. I knew he would give me the desires of my heart. He so promised in Psalm 37:4. I remained full of peace and delight.

<3 And when it comes to Prince Charming, don't be a flirt and don't get frustrated at his slow approach. Don't try to push him to commit before he is ready. Be prepared to wait.

<3 We now have a daughter, and my dream for my daughter is that she would grow up to be just like her mother - joyful pure, confident, diligent, and content.

<3 The kind of female you are will determine the kind of male you attract.

<3 A princess will not be a come-on, neither will she stay hidden. She will be busy, productive, and her life will have purpose, and her purpose will not be just to get married.

<3 Patience is crucial. Even when a little pressure is kind, polite, and thoughtful, it is still taking control.

<3 How we expect to find a wonderful Christian spouse when all we do is go to church, go to work, and go to an occasional happy hour.

Run fast and hard after Jesus and look to the left or the right and marry the person who is at your side.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (proverbs 3:6)

<3 Sometimes the only way you can know what you want is to find out what you don't want.

<3 God taught us that to have happily ever after you must be a giver instead of a taker. Then God gives and gives and gives.

<3 If you continue in the sin of bitterness or speaking badly of a fellow believer, and you don't have any fear of God doing weird or scary things to you, then you'd better check your relationship with eternal God. Chances are you don't have one... a relationship, that is. He does not let believers continue in sin.

<3 Are you preparing to be that kind of wife? How?

1. Obedience is doing what you know your husband wants you to do.

2. Submission is giving your heart over to your husband’s will.

3. Reverence is more than just doing your man expect or demands. It is the attitude that results from truly believing your husband holds a divine position of leadership, and regarding him with a high degree of awe.

<3 Don't take for granted that you can pitch a fit, treat a man with contempt, demand control of the money, and still have your man desperately in love with you.

<3 A man has propensity to sin with his body; a female's sins are more in attitude and words.

<3 Only when a girl learns to control her need to tear down, when she lets people go unmolested by her "truthful" information, will she begin to grow as a person. Every argument, every misunderstanding, every hurt feeling - every black depression stems from someone "supposing" another meant evil toward them, used them, thought offensively toward them, or whatever else the mind contrives. Imagine being free from all these misapprehensions! You can be free.

<3 Believe it or not, there is another world where people love one another and there are no feelings of bitterness toward anyone, where one never imagines that another is thinking ill of them, a world of daily peace and contentment.

<3 Ask God to give you the wisdom to clear your soul of this plague of negative thoughts.

Fill your soul with the beauty of a good thought-life.

<3 A pure heart and mind is one of the most important elements you will bring into your life and marriage.

What say the men?

---------------------

<3 Make sure she feels blessed that you have chosen her. Keep searching until you find with the most valuable of all character traits: a thankful heart.

<3 A girl that laughs and enjoys life, bubbles with joy, and just seems satisfied with her life - that's what I looked for in my wife.

<3 It is not that one woman has a wonderful life and the other has nothing but misery; it is that one sees life through the eyes of thankfulness and the other through a heart of discontentment. A downcast attitude is a dishonor to God and your husband to-be.

<3 Commit to memory such great verses as Philippians 4:11, "..for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Then 1 Timothy 6:6, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out."

<3 Life is a choice.

You choose to honor God by cheerfully going his way, which is the way of thanksgiving, joy, honoring, and obeying your husband, serving others, showing kind responses, not taking offense, being chaste in your conversation and lifestyle, and having ears to hear and a heart to change.

<3 A thankful heart is manifested in her speech; it is written on her smiling face, and it is expressed in the way she serves others. God loves thankfulness.

<3 The most important thing to me is that my wife does not have a critical spirit toward me. She does not keep a "weighed-in-the-balance" score card like some ladies do.

<3 What kind of woman did God give me? The very, very best. She is the most willing servant I could ever imagine.

<3 Learn any other skill you have a chance to learn. The Proverbs 31 woman, she knew sewing, weaving, buying and selling property, street vending, cloth dyeing, planting of vineyards, dealing with the sick and poor, and many other things.

<3 There have been financial hard times, and we have done without; but she stands by me, she works with me, she laughs away our trials, and she loves me oh-so-tenderly. I've got goose pimples just thinking about her. Lord, thank you for this woman. I am so blessed.

-----------------

I bought the book here, it's free shipping WORLDWIDE, yeah rite, including Indonesia :D

sanguine, REALLY?

"Masalahnya aku itu sanguin banget, ci!!!!!!" -- itu adalah 1 kalimat frustasi yg dilontarkan a teenage boy to me. maybe he was trying to explain why his life is messed up. like everything. every aspects in life ga ada yg beres. dia frustasi enough tuk menjelaskan ke aku, alasan he did this and and not that.

mengapa dia tidak bisa konsen ketika belajar. mengapa ketika dia berencana baca renungan, yg ada adalah dia terganggu main game. mengapa dia tidak bisa menyelesaikan pekerjaan sampai tuntas, dsb!

Blaming on being a sanguine, did it really explain everything?

Oh well... maybe..

Namun, the statement, really made me to think that there's a reason why he ended up pouring out his heart to me that nite!

For you, who haven't known me well (or tepatnya haven't met me in person), I am pure sanguine!

Yes, you only need to be with me not more than 10 seconds to notice that I am a sanguine.

Back to that boy,

a moment after he mentioned it .... I screamed "HELLLLOOOOOO, who do u think I am?! cici is a pure sanguine!"

He was like, "whaaat?? u don't look like me! your life seems perfect. you listen. you are well-organized."

I didn't blame him for blaming "sanguine" for making his life miserable. 'coz i truly understand. and honestly, i was like him too.

I prayed and questioned Him so many times,

"LORD, why You created me to be a sanguine, and pure one?"

"I don't like myself!"

"I don't like to be noticed when I made mistakes!"

*well, you know, we, sanguine, talk - say things out loud. we don't keep things inside.

unlike melancholic, probably, they remain silent when they don't like stuffs.

so.....who are the first to be noticed as an annoying one?

yessss.... I am!! A sanguine!* >.< I really don't like it.

"Why people sometimes close their ears when I talk? Seriously, God, it's my normal voice... I just don't know how to lower the volume... "

You may think I dance when I talk or walk. but really, when I talk - my hands do too. when I walk - I jump too.

"Tuhan, eyn ga suka diri eyn!!!! eyn ga suka jadi sanguine!"

Of course, people say:

I make them laugh most of the time.

I am the ice breaker in any situation.

I am really2 useful when there is no microphone and u need to let all the people in the room to hear the announcement.

But, still!

"Eyn ga suka jadi sanguine!"

Ga damai -- capeeee -- tegang mulu -- selalu ketauan pas salah -- sering banget di-keselin/di-sirikin padahal maksud eyn kan baik -- dst.....

I wouldn't stop, so, I chose to stop!

Really ...

You won't stop to complain! U need to choose to stop to complain.

Back to the boy,

I was in his position... I gave up to the fact that I am a pure sanguine. I was hopeless.

Because I am a sanguine, I am allowed :

to talk about myself all the time.

not to listen.

not to finish what I started.

not to mean what I say.

to hurt people with my words.

not to focus on my responsibilities.

to mess things up. coz, u know. I easily got distracted.

to forget stuffs.

'coz people will understand.

REALLY, PEOPLE?

are u satisfied with people to understand you and you won't change?

My God, my Heavenly Father who with His tender Love created me ....

didn't give up on me, like I did to myself.

His works hadn't finished on me, and He still does!

He made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank Him for making me so wonderfully complex!
His workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
He watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
He saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in His book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

How precious are His thoughts about me

They cannot be numbered!

He made me to be like this! to have this endless energy. this voice. this speaking speed. FOR REASONS that I still learn to know and fulfill in my life.

He did His part! Making EYN as a pure sanguine.

My part is to work on it! to be a transformed sanguine.

to be a real eyn he's designed me to be from the beginning.

One reason that I learnt from the conversation with the boy, is

so I could tell all other sanguines..

-- that:

we can listen!

we can finish what we started.

we have to mean what we say.

we can learn to remember stuffs.

we can learn to focus.

we can use our words to bless, encourage, motivate, love people, not to hurt them.

with the power of His grace and love. we simply need to come before Him. pour out our hearts.. and say "Lord, I believe there are reasons why You created me like this. Change and mold me to be what You want me to be."

we really can do all things through Him who strengthen us!

* i hope that i don't stop here and will continue writing about what, we, sanguines, naturally do- and how we should change!

'til He completes...

April 2nd, 2011

Beberapa hari yg lalu, I asked my friend how she was - and she replied "I am much better, Lyn, and spt yg lu doain ke gue - Tuhan will continue the good work within me yg He has started at the first place. Thanks, Lyn!"

Yup, aku sering sekali quote ayat ini:

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." Philippians 1:6 ... ketika aku mendoakan orang lain - or memimpin doa bersama2, karena ayat ini juga yg berulang kali aku doakan ketika hatiku mulai goyah di tengah2 perjalananku *dalam banyak area*

Then, aku berpikir ... "Wih bener yah, ayat ini emang dahsyat !! Asik bener emang krn Tuhan ga akan stop sampe kerjaan dalam hidupku tuntas! Bisa tenang bgt deh! :D"

lalu aku mulai melihat2 kamar2 dalam hidupku "is it really true, semuanya baik2 saja? does God really work in my life?"

- pekerjaan - family - finances - relationships - ministries - dreams and so on -

semakin aku merenung, kalo hatiku ibaratnya bunga yg sedang mekar -- tiba2 layu.

Boro2 semuanya baik2 saja, yg ada aku struggle everyday *begitu pikirku* keadaanku tidak baik! >.<

Dan suddenly aku realized at that moment, seringkali keadaan *yg menurutku* tidak baik membuatku lupa pada satu hal yang tidak pernah berubah, bahwa ALLAH ITU BAIK!

dan betapa baiknya Allahku, saat itu juga - lagu di mobilku yg berputar adalah...

Kecaplah dan lihatlah, betapa baiknya Tuhan itu.

Rasakan dan nikmati, kasih setia Tuhan.

Syukur bagiMu Tuhan, segalah hormat bagiMu Tuhan.

Allah yang mengasihiku - Allah yang memeliharaku selamanya.

Ketika aku mampu mengecap – melihat – merasakan – menikmati kebaikan Tuhan yg tidak pernah berubah, itulah ketika aku melihat situasiku dari kacamataNya.

Aku menyadari, bagaimana seringkali situasi membuatku meragukan kebaikanNya dan pekerjaanNya dalam hidupku.

(itulah gunanya aku hafal ay Filipi 1:6.. haha.. jadi ketika ragu2 lagi, aku terus diingatkan akan kebenaran firmanNya :$)

God cares more about my character than He does my comfort. And saat2 tidak indah *menurutku* adalah saat pembentukan yg sebenarnya adalah indah.

Dia memulai pekerjaan yang baik dalam diriku – yaitu, diriku sendiri – dan Dia akan mengakhirinya – sampai aku serupa dengan Dia.

Putus dengan pacar - adalah hal yg mnrt siapapun adalah disaster - tapi buatku, itu adalah bagian Tuhan membentuk hatiku dengan luar biasa hebatnya. (sekarang sih dah bisa ngomong gini.. haha... dulu aja nangis2 bombay - sampe sakit2an)

Bekerja banting tulang (dan lemak) di negeri penjajah demi sesuap nasi (dan segoncreng roti, eskrim, snacks...tiket jakarta-jepang) - mgkn adalah hal yg cukup dkasihani - tapi buatku, itu bagian Tuhan mempersiapkanku tuk tanggung jawab yg lebih besar. (dulu aja mikir...."mengapa saya harus bangun jam 5 dan pulang jam 10 malam buat kerjaaaaa??!? mengapa saya harus nyapuuuuu - cuci piring - dimarahin orjep2? enakan di indoooooo)

Dan one thing yg Tuhan ingatkan aku hari ini adalah pekerjaan Tuhan di setiap orang tidak sama.

Kemajuan teknologi (ok, i am talking about fb!) membuat kita dengan mudah tau apa yg terjadi dgn kehidupan orang lain.. padahal (mgkn) mostly hanya good parts of their lives yg people show on their facebooks ..

Aku bukan berarti bilang STOP CHECKING ON OTHERS' FB!! NO NO!

Tetapi jangan jadikan kondisi orang lain sebagai tolak ukur!

Karena:

1. We never really know how people struggle inside.

2. Tuhan bekerja dengan cara yg berbeda dalam diri setiap orang – oh Tuhan itu begitu unik dan creative :D

Bukan berarti, keadaan kita lebih buruk *baca=bodoh* dibanding teman kita, yg dulu rankingnya di bawah kita, sekarang dah jadi professor or dokter bedah syaraf (hihi, saya ngefans sama si Derek Shepherd - Grey's Anatomy soalnya) * karena facebook bilang!*

Or "oh no mantan pacar udah kawin, sementara saya masi jomblo!! >.<"

Atau mengganggap teman kita lebih sukses karena kerja dari terbit matahari sampai pada masuknya sambil mengelilingi bumi juga, sedangkan kerjaan kita gini2 aja (tenggo - duduk aja di kantor >.<)

(….ok, I’ll stop rite here, coz to be honest with you, I am not really good at this! Haha)

My point is, sekali lagi, He works differently dalam setiap kita …

Buatku pribadi, membandingkan diriku sendiri (saat ini) dengan diriku sendiri (dulu) sangat lebih membantu daripada membandingkan diriku sendiri dengan orang lain.

*of course ga ada salahnya, belajar dari orang lain dan tidak puas dengan diri sendiri … hanya, jangan sampai itu membuat kita feel incomplete or distressed by our shortcomings. Keep learning from others! ^^

Refleksi diri, membuatku mengingat kembali kebaikan Tuhan (yg sering kali susah kita rasakan ketika keadaan sedang tidak baik)– dan menyadarkanku bahwa semua yg kucapai sampai saat ini adalah anugrahNya, dan bukti pekerjaanNya yg nyata dalam hidupku. Dan bagiku, itu adalah kekuatan tuk melangkah ke depan.

Kita mungkin tidak secemerlang – sesukses – sekaya orang lain - or relationship kita tidak semulus/seindah orang lain, namun pekerjaanNya tidak terbatas pada bagaimana diri kita dibanding dengan orang lain. Tapi kepada bagaimana diri kita disempurnakan setiap hari 'tuk menjadi sesuai rancanganNya semula (apapun itu yg sudah Tuhan prepared buat kita - yang unik dan berbeda dari orang lain).

Aku berharap kita semua bisa seperti Paulus .... saying that there has never been (or kalo dulu pernah) -- : from now on, there will never be the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in me would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears. (the message)