sanguine, REALLY?

"Masalahnya aku itu sanguin banget, ci!!!!!!" -- itu adalah 1 kalimat frustasi yg dilontarkan a teenage boy to me. maybe he was trying to explain why his life is messed up. like everything. every aspects in life ga ada yg beres. dia frustasi enough tuk menjelaskan ke aku, alasan he did this and and not that.

mengapa dia tidak bisa konsen ketika belajar. mengapa ketika dia berencana baca renungan, yg ada adalah dia terganggu main game. mengapa dia tidak bisa menyelesaikan pekerjaan sampai tuntas, dsb!

Blaming on being a sanguine, did it really explain everything?

Oh well... maybe..

Namun, the statement, really made me to think that there's a reason why he ended up pouring out his heart to me that nite!

For you, who haven't known me well (or tepatnya haven't met me in person), I am pure sanguine!

Yes, you only need to be with me not more than 10 seconds to notice that I am a sanguine.

Back to that boy,

a moment after he mentioned it .... I screamed "HELLLLOOOOOO, who do u think I am?! cici is a pure sanguine!"

He was like, "whaaat?? u don't look like me! your life seems perfect. you listen. you are well-organized."

I didn't blame him for blaming "sanguine" for making his life miserable. 'coz i truly understand. and honestly, i was like him too.

I prayed and questioned Him so many times,

"LORD, why You created me to be a sanguine, and pure one?"

"I don't like myself!"

"I don't like to be noticed when I made mistakes!"

*well, you know, we, sanguine, talk - say things out loud. we don't keep things inside.

unlike melancholic, probably, they remain silent when they don't like stuffs.

so.....who are the first to be noticed as an annoying one?

yessss.... I am!! A sanguine!* >.< I really don't like it.

"Why people sometimes close their ears when I talk? Seriously, God, it's my normal voice... I just don't know how to lower the volume... "

You may think I dance when I talk or walk. but really, when I talk - my hands do too. when I walk - I jump too.

"Tuhan, eyn ga suka diri eyn!!!! eyn ga suka jadi sanguine!"

Of course, people say:

I make them laugh most of the time.

I am the ice breaker in any situation.

I am really2 useful when there is no microphone and u need to let all the people in the room to hear the announcement.

But, still!

"Eyn ga suka jadi sanguine!"

Ga damai -- capeeee -- tegang mulu -- selalu ketauan pas salah -- sering banget di-keselin/di-sirikin padahal maksud eyn kan baik -- dst.....

I wouldn't stop, so, I chose to stop!

Really ...

You won't stop to complain! U need to choose to stop to complain.

Back to the boy,

I was in his position... I gave up to the fact that I am a pure sanguine. I was hopeless.

Because I am a sanguine, I am allowed :

to talk about myself all the time.

not to listen.

not to finish what I started.

not to mean what I say.

to hurt people with my words.

not to focus on my responsibilities.

to mess things up. coz, u know. I easily got distracted.

to forget stuffs.

'coz people will understand.

REALLY, PEOPLE?

are u satisfied with people to understand you and you won't change?

My God, my Heavenly Father who with His tender Love created me ....

didn't give up on me, like I did to myself.

His works hadn't finished on me, and He still does!

He made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank Him for making me so wonderfully complex!
His workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
He watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
He saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in His book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

How precious are His thoughts about me

They cannot be numbered!

He made me to be like this! to have this endless energy. this voice. this speaking speed. FOR REASONS that I still learn to know and fulfill in my life.

He did His part! Making EYN as a pure sanguine.

My part is to work on it! to be a transformed sanguine.

to be a real eyn he's designed me to be from the beginning.

One reason that I learnt from the conversation with the boy, is

so I could tell all other sanguines..

-- that:

we can listen!

we can finish what we started.

we have to mean what we say.

we can learn to remember stuffs.

we can learn to focus.

we can use our words to bless, encourage, motivate, love people, not to hurt them.

with the power of His grace and love. we simply need to come before Him. pour out our hearts.. and say "Lord, I believe there are reasons why You created me like this. Change and mold me to be what You want me to be."

we really can do all things through Him who strengthen us!

* i hope that i don't stop here and will continue writing about what, we, sanguines, naturally do- and how we should change!