I want to love you

One of thousand things I love so much about my husband is he always knows what to say at the right time.
- membuat hatiku meleleh dan mengubah air mata sedih menjadi air mata bahagia dan sukacita.

It was one year ago ...
I don't really remember what happened that day .. but I ended up crying alone on my bed, and feeling really2 devastated.
udah malam - hmm hampir pagi around 3am.. and kira2 begini isi email-nya:


E: I have nothing, I can't give anything to you. 

A: Not true. You give me love. And I am very grateful for that. 

E: I don't know how to love you anymore :( 

A: kata Alkitab, ini caranya: 
being patient, being kind. 
does not envy, does not boast, not being proud. 
does not dishonor others, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no records of wrongs. 
does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 
always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 
(}) 

Setelah terima email ini, saya makin down ~~~ :( :( semakin ngerasa gagal dalam mencintai ...

E: How can I say "I love you", kalo aku ga... 
being patient, being kind. 
does not envy, does not boast, not being proud. 
does not dishonor others, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no records of wrongs. 
does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 
always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres? 
means, I dont love you??? 

A: Ketika kita bilang "I love you", yang kita katakan adalah "I want to love you" 
I want to do 
~ being patient, being kind. 
does not envy, does not boast, not being proud. 
does not dishonor others, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no records of wrongs. 
does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 
always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres...... ~ to you. 
I love you, I want to love you say.. 

Saat itu juga, tangisan saya jadi makin banjir...
Walaupun hati saya sedang pedih -- walaupun saya tidak mengerti kenapa begitu susahnya mencintai orang yang sangat saya cintai ...
I know that I always always want to love him! -- and more importantly, I know he always always loves me .. and always always wants to love me unconditionally ...
Though we fail sometimes...
Though we do the opposite of loving... but we know that we WANT to love each other.. and we never stop wanting it!

I remember, jauh sebelum saya bertemu suami saya - masa single dalam penantian ...
my uncle (who isn't a Christian) berpesan:
"Lyn, kamu sabar yah ... cari cowo yang bisa sayang sama kamu seperti yang ada di alkitab itu tuh ... kasih itu sabar dst.. emang jarang sih ada cowo yang bisa sungguh-sungguh sayang kamu kayak gitu.. tapi sabar aja.. TUNGGU sampe kamu dapat yang begitu!" 
~ 
and guess what, God gave me even better!
Not only a husband who loves me that way, but also always reminds me to love that way too!
hmm actually, he doesn't talk much, but his action talks louder.
He doesn't talk about love. He DOES love.

Happy Valentine's Day, my love.
~ your beloved ~ and a blessed wife, indeed!