the precious love letter and love songs

there's many good things happened after i broke up with my ex.

well..though it's been a tough time for me, i feel lonely sometimes too even til now.

but it made me really having Him only in my life. and i was reminded about how i need Him in my life.

that having Him means i have everything else in this world.

this "no boyfriend" period really taught me how to see myself as someone's precious in His eyes, to really dig what i have within, what's good and bad about me.

to run after Him, most all the time in my life.

and to make me realize and really2 know.. what kind of husband i want to have for my future.. though ... again, i know He knows the best for me, more than i know. but pretty much, it helps me to eliminate possibilities and chances.

i really thank God for it... really!

i really could feel, that Bible is my only love letter rite now, and worship songs are really my love songs.

could feel that i am so in love with Him .. Him, who won't disappoint me no matter what. who is always there for me. who loves me unconditionally. more importantly, Him whom I can put my hope in.

love gives me joy. hope gives me courageous. faith makes me feel them.

hmmm .. how i love Him ..

Proverbs 31:30

Proverbs 31: 30 really has been touching me since the first time I heard about it...

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised"

I have been fine with it, because I never felt that I was pretty ..

so, I thought.. " oh yeah ... the verse is really talking to me".."don't feel bad if i am not as pretty as others, bla blaa bla "

'til one day, a make up artist really did something different to me (well she did her job well), and I was transformed into someone I had never been, in a positive and glamourous way.

I felt beautiful ... hm... and was hoping that people would say that I was!

I kept thinking about it, moreover when a friend took a great picture of me... and daaang...it made me want to be praised even more.

And yet, pretty much, I was distracted when people didn't give a comment about how I looked...

uuuuuuh ......

And at that time.....I realized .. what it was in Proverbs 31:30 ....

I really understood that beauty in people's eyes matters nothing...

Oh yeah of course, as a Godly woman, we need to take care of ourselves, including our bodies, our appearances.. etc..

We are responsible to take care the Holy temple within us.

But ... we do it for God~ not to get people's attention, people's appreciation and comments. coz, they are all fleeting...

well, we can also do it for ourselves though..as we love Him, and know how precious we are in His eyes.

We need to remember that our values aren't about how we look, how we dress...

but .... as in 1 Peter 3:3-5

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful."

I really thanked Him to allow me feeling beautiful .... as in glamour and woooow way..

For letting me to experience the "outter beauty" that I always thought I never had and could be!

For allowing me to experience Proverbs 31:30 ...

Now, I can really thankful to Him that it's enough for me knowing that I am beautiful in His eyes, no matter what people say about me..

That, I can take care of myself, and make the best out of me, only for Him not for others...

coz.. what He says about me that matters. only it! And never let people's saying bother me...

Yeah, the fear of the Lord.... a gentle and quite spirit ... those're what I am looking for... and surely the true beauty will come out from within.

isn't it wonderful what He's telling me today?

As I posted earlier, struggling with this feeling bla bla....
God, with His tender love gave me this:


If only I had.....
by Lisa TerKeurst

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32 (NIV)

There's a simple little script many of us play in our mind—simple, yet incredibly dangerous. Dare I say it's one of the biggest things that hold us back from feeling fulfilled in our relationship with God. It's a script tangled in a lie that typically goes something like this: I could really be happy and fulfilled if only I had …

… a skinnier body.
… a husband.
… a husband who was more tender and romantic.
… more money.
… a more successful career.
… a better personality.
… a baby.
… smarter kids.

I don't know what your "if only I had" statements are, but I do know that none of them wil l bring fulfillment. They might bring temporary moments of happiness… but not true fulfillment.

In the book I just wrote, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl, I expose the "if only I had" lie with this truth: Apart from a thriving relationship with God, even if we got everything on our list, there would still be a hollow gap in our soul.

Instead of saying, "If only I had" and filling in the blank with some person, possession, or position, make a choice to replace that statement with God's truth. Here are some examples that have helped me battle the temptation to let people, possessions, or positions take God's place in my life.

People

I no longer say, "If only I had a daddy who loved me.…" Instead, I say, "Psalm 68:5 promises God will be a father to the fatherless."

Maybe your gap isn't left by an absent father but by a friend who hurt you. Or perhaps a husband who left you. Or the children you've longed to have and still don't. Whatever that gap is, God is the perfect fit for your emptiness. Pray this paraphrase of Luke 1:78–79: "Because of the tender mercy of my God by which the rising sun will come to me from heaven—to shine on my darkness and in what feels like the shadow of death to me—I will find peace."

Possessions

I no longer say, "If only I had more possessions …." Instead, I recite Matthew 6:19–21: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Any possession I ever long for, no matter how good it may seem, will only be good for a limited time. In light of eternity, every possession is in the process of breaking down, becoming devalued, and will eventually be taken from us. If I set my heart solely on acquiring more things, I'll feel more vulnerable with the possibility of loss.

Possessions are meant to be appreciated and used to bless others. They were never meant to be identity markers. It's not wrong to enjoy the possessions we have as long as we don't depend on them for our heart's security.

Position

I no longer say, "If only I had a better position .…" Instead, I say the words of Psalm 119:105: "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." I don't need a better position to get where I should go. I don't have to figure out my path and jockey to get ahead. I need God's Word to guide me. As I follow Him and honor Him step-by-step, I can be assured that I'm right where He wants me to be doing wh at He wants me to do.

Whatever "if only I had" statement you are struggling with, you can replace it with solid truths from Scripture that will never leave you empty. It's a bold assertion to make but it's true. When God's Word gets inside of us, it becomes the new way we process life. It rearranges our thoughts, our motives, our needs, and our desires. Our soul was tailor-made to be filled with God and His truth, therefore, it seeps into every part of us and fills us completely.

Dear Lord, I acknowledge only You can fill those empty places in my heart. Help me to stop the "if only I had" cycle and instead be set free with Your truth. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

I just can't stop thanking Him for His love, His faithfulness...His abundant care to me!
Coz He is!

i need you

Lord, I need to be with You right now..
You are the only one who knows me and truly understands what's actually going on with me.
I was reminded yesterday, that pride and insecurity is a sin.
Am I feeling insecure now? I don't know, but for what reasons, do I have things that people are jealous about? People would think that I got them all, but no.. I don't think so. Is it a part of me when I feel insecure, I am not sure.

I need to be with You alone, Lord.
I want to bow down and cry on Your feet. That's what I truly need.
It's not that I don't have a friend, I do have closed ones, but I just can't explain to them.

I need You, Lord.
I feel that I miss someone, but I can't tell him that I do.
I miss my college times. Really..
I want a chemistry.
I feel tortured checking on facebook, don't know why, it's silly, yet I still do it.
My life seems perfect, but what is this feeling I have inside?
My life seems as happy as others, but why I always think that others are better than mine? That's why it is torturing me checking on others' facebook.
The other part of me is shaking my head seeing this part of me.
So silly, so funny.. yet it's true. And it hurts me!

I need You, dear God.
I need You every morning, every noon, every evening... every time! always!
I need You to help me managing my time, my words, my thoughts, my mind, my money... everything within me.
I need You to manage my today, my tomorrow, my forever.
Dear God, I need You.. can't live a single second without You.

I need You..
and thank You for reminding me, that You are always here for me, You will be there for me too..

I need You and I love You.
You know, that I can't live without You..

Why are you downcast o my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Savior and my God.
Psalm 42:5

I will learn from Jesus, that He could tell everything to the Father, yet He believed that Father knew the best for Him.
From David, he struggled with his life, he sinned! Yet, God called him as a man after God's own heart.
I wonder, how David did that..
I want to walk with You, Lord, I can't do it without You.
Now, I realized that all my feeling are real, and You don't look down on them.
Though, I feel myself unworthy to have such feelings, but for You, I am the apple of Your eyes.
You never look down on me, Lord.
You care about my feelings.
You care that now I am struggling living my life to please You.
To stop sinning against You.
Not to be worried, anxious about my life.
I am struggling!
I am sad and devastated, that I fail so many times.
In fact, I failed today. I was so worried.. this anxiety was all over me.
Why could a very little single thing ruin my day? It's torturing.
But, yet, You care about it, Lord.
Though You know, that I know, I shouldn't be, but You still care.
You are here, helping me to wonder why.
Yeah... coz, actually, there's nothing wrong with me.
When I couldn't find a reason to give thanks to you ....
I just can give thanks for God is so good to me.
And You are faithful to me.
You care about me, Lord...

I need you.

He will give you the desire of your heart

This has been my desire to know and do His will.
A friend of mine reminded me that I should start seeking. Made me realized that I never want to live a life without knowing what God wants to fulfill in my life.

I started with a prayer.

He answered right away what I should do:
Read and study the scripture.

He also once said to me during my quite time =
if you really wanna know God's will because you want to delight Him, and if you're consistently read your Bible, you will find your answer. God has promised that those who seek will find.
Haaah? Can you see how faithful He is in answering our prayer?
Yes, He will answer Yes, No, or Wait.
But, in this case, He answered again right away.
So, the next thing is :
Read and study the scripture consistently.

From the article I read that day, again... He told me this :
To get my attention when I get disctracted, to keep the good things in my life where they belong and to keep Him first, to destroy any idols I have placed ahead of Him.
Hmm.. the idols can be our family, friends, works, money (obviously), entertainment..etc.
Keep focus what we're doing and put it as a priority.

Florence Nightangle, surely you know her, once said:
to live your life, you must discipline it. You must not fritter it away in fair purpose, erring act, inconstant will, but must make your thoughts, your acts, all work to the same end, and that end, not self but God.
I told Him, yes Lord:
Discipline.
I want to do that!!

Last night, before I slept, I read from Psalm 37:7a:
" Be still in the presence of the Lord, wait patiently for Him to act. "
I thought, oh well...that's what I really need now, coz I was waiting for an answer for my other prayer.
But heeey... I barely could not sleep last night.
My air con was broken, so I had to turn it on again so many times. My cellphone couldn't stop ringing (I usually turn it off at night, but I was waiting for someone). My sister and brother came to my room with a lot of noise.
This morning when I awoke, I prayed and laughed, said to Him that it was funny how He reminded me. As I promised Him to be discipline to read the scripture consistently in the really early morning each day, He woke me up that way. (fyi, I sleep like a pig every day, you'll get frustated to wake me, so I used to do my quite time at night).
He really takes care of me. He knows my heart desire and He gives it to me.
I experienced Psalm 37:4 : delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desire of your heart.

I know It's still a long journey to know and do His will, it might take a life time.
But I truly believe He is faithful, as he promised those who seek will find.
I have a confidence on this.

恵鈴
-ring of blessing-