taken or take for granted?

January 26th, 2011

Kemarin, aku ada ngobrol sama sepasang temanku (mereka berpacaran). Si cewe cerita bgmana dia bereaksi ketika mereka lagi berantem.

"Dulu2 … gue pasti diemin dulu dia! Kalo dtanya, 'kamu kenapa?' …gue jawab 'tebak aja sendiri'.. dan yg ada cowo gue malah – ninggalin dan maen game! Cape kan?...

Lama2, setiap x dia nanya gue kenapa, tanpa gengsi2, gue langsung jawab … 'gue kesel…soalnya bla bla bla…' eh tapi respon cowo gue cuma'‘ooh ok, berarti gini gini yah'…. huhuhu..padahal kan mau dimanjain dan disayang2 kan....?

Akirnya sekarang …. Kalo lagi kesel…gue diemin aja dia dulu sehari sampe puas .. supaya bisa dibae2in dulu…"

Cowonya nyeletuk …"kenapa kamu gitu skrg?.............. supaya ga di take for granted yah?”

*and we all laughed*

Aku ga banyak komentar kmrn, karena aku ngerti banget - baik di pihak cowonya - apalagi di sisi cewenya. Aku ga suka berantem (duh, siapa yg suka?! ) dan buatku ngambek itu ga enak, walaupun harus menurunkan gengsi sampe serendah2nya *padahal gengsi itu benernya ego sendiri..haha* , aku akan memilih 'tuk jawab immediately "aku sedih karena ini ..." *walaupun most of the time, aku tetep nunggu dtanyain dulu "kamu kenapa?" haha!

eniweeiii..

tapi aku truly understand, kebutuhan 'tuk di-touch lebih dalam emotionally, 'tuk merasakan bahwa he actually cares about what's going on with me *women's first need = to be loved.. padahal kan, cara orang show their love beda2 yah, kita ga bisa expect to be loved in certain ways, galz!!*

Nah, buatku yang sangat menarik dari conversation mereka kmrn adalah, respon "supaya ga di take for granted" ...

*kalo kata dictionary – artinya to give little attention to or to underestimate the value of or to fail to appreciate*

Aku jadi reflect ke diriku sendiri.. seberapa sering aku pake that phrase.. seberapa sering aku suka with-hold showing my love and care krn worry "ah.. tar di take for granted".. aku juga sering kecewa karena berasa ..."he/she took my kindness for granted"... bahkan ketika dtanya the reason why I broke up with my ex, I always answer "to make a long story short, he took me for granted" ...............

Namun lama kelamaan, by His grace, aku realized..itu semua karena kasih yg kumiliki bercela - egois - expecting sthing in return - sangat jauuuuh dari standard kasih Kristus!!!

"tapi kita kan manusiaaa biasaaaa, lyn"

SETUJU!!

Elisabeth Elliot di The Mark of a Man bilang gini ... *yg membuatku ... "Tuhan... betapa malunya eyynnnnn"*

To aim at loving instead of at being loved requires sacrifice. Love reaches out, willing to be turned down or inconvenienced, expecting no personal reward, waiting only to give.

But that's an impossible standard for a human being's love, you'll say. You're not Everlasting Love - far from it. The unavoidable fact, however, is that this "impossible" standard is the standard. There isn't any other standard we are to measure our love. "...love one another as I have loved you", Jesus said..

Seberapa sering *sebenernya SELALU, adalah kata yg lebih tepat*, aku "mengukur" kasih yg aku berikan ke orang lain dengan kasih yg aku dapat... and.. itulah ketika phrase "i was taken for granted" muncul...padahal standar yg harusnya kumiliki adalah Jesus' love! the "impossible standard" I long to reach!

Have I loved one another as Jesus has loved me? *you don't have to know me well to answer the question, the answer is definitely NO!*

Kemarin malam adalah puncak PMS ku di bulan ini *aku bukan tipe marah2 sih, tapi selalu geje emosi-nya.. bawaannya mau nangis dan laaaapppaaar* dan kemarin, aku super uring2an... "kecewa kecewa kecewa!!!" dgn bbrp temanku *for silly reasons* I actually heard a little voice from Heaven.."Eyn, why should be disappointed? Love 'em unselfishly!"

"Ga ah Tuhan... eyn lagi pms! Pokonya kesel!"

Then, sebelum aku tertidur pulas dan setelah aku bangun dari tidur nyenyak ku, satu hal yg terngiang2 dalam pikiranku ... "Kenapa aku harus selalu punya excuses to melakukan dosa?" "Kenapa dengan gampangnya bernegosiasi 'tuk melakukan hal yg aku tau mengecewakan CINTA SEJATI'ku... ?"... dan the phrase came into my head .. Now, I am taking His love for granted!!! :'(

Though none of my friends knew that I was upset, I disobeyed Him - I chose my emotions to rule over me, not His voice. I should've just had rest in Him and listened!

And bible reading'ku hari ini really surprised me *it made the message i had listened from yesterday crystal clear..*

Ephesians 4:30

"And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, He has identified you as His own,* guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption."

*aku pake New Living Translation, then ayat ini membuatku pengen tau versi The Message-nya..... *

"Don't grieve God. Don't break His heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don't take such a gift for granted." *dung deng..literally said*

Take for granted may be still my fave phrase... tapi kali ini, instead of "comparing" my love to others, this phrase mengingatkan ku = not to take His love - His salvation - His gift for granted...

I know, it's way too hard!

But, remember, we were made for more! The "impossible" standard is now our standard.

And, we do have Holy Spirit in us.. and He will show us how to do it, as He showed me yesterday and today (from the "fun talk" with my friends to my bible reading), one way to do it =

making no excuses to sin!

and I believe there will be a lot more as we walk with Him....