awaken me!

April 30th 2010

I still vividly remember ‘my new year eve’ – I was accompanied by a hotel room’s desk lamp, a pen and some pieces of paper. I prayed, “Lord, I am going to be 25 this year. U know, Lord…I want this.. this… this… could u please give me this by my 25th bday..!? Do u think I can have this by April 27th 2010? Lord.. I want to be able to do this before I finished my 24th. “
I expected too much of myself this year - before I turned 25. That’s why I wasn’t excited entering April, and I was very nervous on April 26th ---11pm.

On my last minutes being 24 year old-girl,
I knew there wasn’t anything better I could do than praying. I sat down, started to write, tried to sing “I Offer My Life” – my bday’s theme song since my 17th bday!

I realized His way definitely wasn’t mine. *and I am loving it :D* I am so glad that He hasn’t given me “my new year eve’s this ..this..thiss….”. He has given me even much more instead. I am so grateful that “my this ..this..this..” has become “His THIS!”.
He speaks to me all the time through His Holy Word, books I read, sermons I attend, movies I watch, songs I listen to and people I meet.
He has been teaching me on and on,
to be wise in spending my time, my money and my energy - to meditate on His Word more - to be a woman of prayer - to stay healthy - not to waste my life - to enjoy every moment to the fullest - to only hear His voice and do His calling - to glorify Him in everything I do and to be content in everything - to guard my heart - to surrender all to Him -to be hungry for more of Him -to forgive -to smile – to care more, and use every chance to give and bless others - to be humble -to be confident in Him - to wait quietly -to be wise and gentle with my words - to love (agape) - to believe that “God is in control” – “it’s not length of life, but depth of life” - to be more like Him - to be “bright” - to serve.


And I could say “I desire You more than anything on earth for You have made my cup overflows with blessings.” I prayed “let ‘Your THIS’ always be ‘my this’.” I like “my this” no more.

Answering most of my friends’ question, “sooo..how it is to be 25? How do u feel?” I feel nothing! Nor young, nor old. What I feel is I need to be awakened – I don’t want to miss any chance not to live for Him. Time flies. “How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog – it’s here a little while, then it’s gone” James 4:14

Lord, awaken me!
Sometimes I feel like I’m just existing
I’m not really living
I’m only watching the time slip away
I’ve forgotten who I am in You
I’m not who I’m meant to be
I’m drifting farther away from my destiny
# Awaken my heart, awaken my soul
Awaken Your power and take control
Awaken the passion to live for You, Lord
Awaken me #
My soul is longing, my heart is searching
I’m desperate for You to move
Give me a hunger, pull me closer
I’m crying out to You
#Open my eyes so I can see Your presence
Dwelling inside
Wake me up, cause I can’t live another minute
If I’m not shining Your light#
Lord, awaken me to live my destiny
Lord, awaken me and shine Your light through me
-Natalie Grant-