me, my heart, my family, my friends and GOD!

July 15th 2010

Maybe some of you still remember what I wrote several days ago *if you read*, how I am so terrible at sharing "my heart"....

I have been really devastated these days, and really not trying to hide my feelings at all. *what an improvement!*
I've been really quite. I shared my feelings to some of my friends. and I've been wearing black.

But u know, at the end of the day... there are just some things that still remain that I, myself, am clueless about.

This time, I am being content this way, not trying to figure out what's going on. I enjoy "this moment" by myself and of course with a loyal support from my family too. *oooh, how I am thankful for having them*
They have been there with me..
watching me dancing, while I was trying to forget everything for a while,
laughing at and with me, how stressful I have been..
they were silent when suddenly...after I danced and laughed hard, I cried hard immediately...

"Laughter can conceal a heavy heart,
but when the laughter ends, the grief remains."

I thank God for having my family with me, and my friends' support too. For their presences and encouragement.

But...my heart..no one could fully understand!! How could I expect anyone will understand if I, myself, have no idea what's actually going on inside??! It's just broken!! It hurts so bad!

"Each heart knows its own bitterness,
and no one else can fully share its joy."

It continued 'til today...
I've been praying from this morning.... "Lord, I don't need to understand my feelings nor my heart. Nor I expect my friends would do. But, one thing I know, You take care of it."

I looked at my bible today.... and it says:
Even Death and Destruction hold no secrets from the LORD.
How much more does He know the human heart!

OOOOH!!!!!!! Yes....though I am clueless about my very own heart, He knows!!! He understands, and that's enough!! It's enough to know that He -who knows me more than myself do- handles my heart!!

You have allowed me to suffer much hardship,
but you will restore me to life again
and lift me up from the depths of the earth.
You will restore me to even greater honor
and comfort me once again.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
He is mine forever.
But as for me, how good it is to be near God!
I have made the Sovereign LORD my shelter,
and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.

Proverbs 14:10, Proverbs 14:13, Proverbs 15:11, Psalm 71:20-21, Psalm 72:26, Psalm 72:28