to God be the glory

May 12th 2010

The more I read about Christian heroes, the more I feel how tiny I am.

Entah itu tentang missionaries yg rela meninggalkan segala2nya demi Kristus, sampai rela mati bagi Dia. Para hamba Tuhan yg melayani Tuhan dengan radikal, berkotbah dengan luar biasanya, menulis buku yg begitu inspiring. Ataupun.. seorang muda yg hidupnya begitu diubahkan dan sungguh menjadi kesaksian nyata bagi orang2 di sekelilingnya. Orang2 seumuran-ku yg sudah jelas passion-nya and jelas apa yg dia kerjakan untuk Tuhan, dan dengan begitu bersemangatnya menjalani hidupnya demi Tuhan.

I always admire what they did. Dan menjadi semakin menyadari kalo aku belum melakukan apa2 untuk Tuhan. Dan jadi review kembali, selama ini.. apa yg aku 'pikir' telah aku lakukan buat Tuhan.

Pemikiran ini cukup berkecamuk di pikiran-ku beberapa saat belakangan ini. Belum lagi ditambah memikirkan apakah hidupku sudah memberikan dampak kepada orang lain atau belum. Semakin memikirkan semuanya, semakin …”oooh.. I have done nothing… ! what I’ve been doing?! “… semakin berasa kecil.. semakin berasa sungguh tidak layak, dan untuk kedepan-pun semakin gak yakin apakah sungguh Tuhan bisa pakai aku yg begini modelnya.

Walaupun begitu banyak keinginan dalam kepala-ku. * Biasalah kalo habis baca kisah2 orang hebat kan, jadi terkagum2 dan berandai.. “seandainya aku bisa begini .. bisa begitu.. seperti mereka.” * Tapi semuanya itu seakan meraba2.. karena sungguh situasi ku sekarang.. gak ada yg cocok dengan pengalaman para pahlawan Kristen itu.

Jadi yang ngerasa…”aduh..bagaimana harus kujalani hidupku.. kalau sampai pada akirnya, aku tidak pakai hidupku untuk Dia?”

Walaupun… “Setia dalam perkara kecil, maka engkau akan setia dalam perkara besar” terus berbicara dalam hati dan pikiranku, menyemangati ku untuk terus setia melakukan hal kecil yg Tuhan selalu perintahkan untuk aku kerjakan.

Walaupun… “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns” terus mengingatkanku bahwa Tuhan bekerja dalam hidupku “untuk bekerja bagiNya”, tidak pernah setengah2.. pasti sampai habis. Ya, Tuhan lah yg bekerja dalamku, karena anugrahNya, sehingga aku dlayakkan untuk mengambil bagian dalam pekerjaan Tuhan. Tapi selalu muncul keraguan, “am I on the right track ? am I walking on His track?”

Walaupun… “He is preparing you for something!” berulang kali terlintas menepis keraguanku..
Tapi tetap.. ada perasaan yang “waktu terus berjalan.. aku tidak mau miss anything… miss waktu sedikitpun untuk tidak dipakai buat Tuhan.. .” keadaan di sekelilingku sungguh sering membuatku terlena..membuat focus kadang2 ter-distract…

Dan, kembali, semua karena kasih karuniaNya at the first place kalau aku bisa dipakai Tuhan.
Semua karena anugrahNya, aku bole mengenal Dia. Aku bole melayani Dia. Aku bole mempunyai kerinduan untuk hidup bagiNya.
Semua karena kasih karuniaNya, aku memiliki semua pemikiran ini.
Dan juga, semua karena kasihNya, Tuhan menjawab keraguan..kebimbangan-ku.. dan ketakutan-ku kalau2 aku menyia2kan hidupku.. dan kalau2 semua yg kuanggap kulakukan buat Tuhan adalah sia2.

Dia menjawab dengan sangat indah hari ini:
1.On my daily bible reading, this simple verse meloncat!!
Mark 3:13b “Jesus .. called out the ones He wanted to go with him.”
God calls you to service in Jesus’ name. Wherever you are (and sometimes you need to move), whatever you’re doing (and sometimes you need to upgrade your skills), God has a place of service for you. Jesus calls you and He wants you.
Jesus the one who called out!! Whom did He call? The ones He wanted to go with Him!!! It is pretty clear, Jesus reminded me… He wanted me at the first place… bukan aku yg mau, tapi Dia yg mau aku disini!! Dia yg mau aku mengerjakan apapun ini! Dia yg mau aku memikirkan hal ini! I am wanted! Tuhan mengingatkanku..untuk “keep doing ur tiny things, I wanted you to do them.. “

2.How often do you feel like we fall short or what we could be doing as Christians? We wish we could give more, pray harder, speak up more, offer more time. And in the end, because we can’t do as much as we want, we throw up our hands and do nothing. Because we can’t do it all, we don’t do anything at all.
In Mark 6:35-44, Jesus performs the miracle of feeding the 5000 men. The disciples told Him that they didn’t have enough to feed the crowd. They were ready to give up. But, Jesus said,” well, what do you have? Go and see.” When they turned over what they did have to Him, He was able to multiply it beyond what they could imagine.
So many time I come to Him and say the same: “I just have this little tiny bit.. of money, of time, of resources, of energy.”
And He says, “Bring what you have to me. That’s all I ask. Let me take care of it from here.”
He wanted me! He wanted the whole package of me, with fewer talents than others, with very little resources that I have. I just need to bring all that I have, all that I am.
He was the one who fed 5000 men with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish! He surely can do miraculous thing with this tiny me to do whatever He wants to bring glory to Him.

3.There are sometimes setbacks-bad weather, blights, floods, and insects-that can jeopardize the harvest. But if all of the hard work is done faithfully and with perseverance, and if God provides good seed and favorable weather, finally a glorious harvest is the result.
Haven’t we heard the stories of faithful missionaries who dedicated their whole lives in another country without seeing even one person embrace Christ as Savior-only to learn that fifty years later there was a tremendous harvest? In our instant-gratification society, we would prefer to go directly to the harvest.
When we become involved in people’s lives, work to build relationships, walk with them through their sorrows and their joys, live with generosity toward others, love and care for them unconditionally, stand up for the defenseless, and pay particular attention to the poorest and most vulnerable, we are showing Christ’s love to those around us, not just talking about it.
Walaupun sekarang seperti tidak terlihat hasil dari apa yg telah aku kerjakan. Dan tidak menjamin juga kalau aku akan melihatnya kelak. Tuhan mengingatkan bahwa hasilnya bukan bagianku. I just need to do my part, the part He wanted me to do with all the little things I have in me (from Him)– faithfully and with perseverance. Just keep showing His love to people He has placed in my life! Do the love! Share Christ's love!

All I can say now is:
- My Tribute -
How can I say thanks for the things
You have done for me?
Things so undeserved yet you gave
To prove your love for me
The voices of a million angels
Could not express my gratitude
All that I am, and ever hope to be
I owe it all to thee

To God be the glory, to God be the glory
To God be the glory for the things he has done
With His blood he has saved me
With His power he has raised me
To God be the glory for the things he has done
Just let me live my life and
Let it be pleasing Lord to Thee
And if I gain any praise, let it go to calvary
With His blood he has saved me
With His power he has rasied me
To God be the glory for the things He has done

Therefore, my dear brothers (and sisters), stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58

sources : Bible, Proverbs 31 Ministries' Devotion by Marybeth Whalen, The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns.