big girls DO cry, and so do big boys ..

(from my fb notes, March 4th 2010)

Taking shower is one of my fave daily routines.
Well.. gak harus cuma taking shower sih, pokonya bathroom thingy lah ..
I always bring my cell with me (relax, i am not that autis ;p), cuma buat denger lagu kok. :D
So, bathroom is really my "i can sing out loud" and "i can dance whatever" place.
Biasa ketenangan terganggu kalo my brother udah mulai menggedor2 pintu, not because he wants to use it, but because he LOVES to tease me! ggrr... (tapi brother mana who doesn't tease his baby sis, yeah?)

anyway..

Last week, it was a normal morning, *bathing time*, pas lagi sakit gigi, pas lagunya Fergie "Big Girls Don't Cry"...
Aku stop sikat gigi sesaat...
Big girls don't cry?!!?? Really?
"Jelas-jelas, I cried pretty bad last nite waktu nonton My Name is Khan pas bagian -------- (sensor, hehe, gak mau spoil ceritanya buat yg blm ntn)" .... *recommended, btw!!*
"I don't agree!"
tapi abis itu mulai mikir2 lagi sih, apakah ini karena "i was being too emotional", or "emang karena the movie was really good.. " hmmm..

Beberapa hari berlanjut setelah itu..

And, it was today .... i was super duper UPSET!!! *krn sesuatu hal tentunya*
I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to get angry and say unwise words for sure, I chose to be silent and not to say anything about it, I ran to my bathroom (pengen mandi soalnya) ...

Ritual biasa, tapi kali ini sikat gigi nya sambil kepengen nangis saking upset-nya, pas kebetulan lagunya "Big Girls Don"t Cry" lagi..
I couldn't cry this time.. and it wasn't good..
I was thinking, "am i being too sanguine? 3 hours ago i super enjoyed watching american idol, and now.. i am really upset."
I wanted to cry, still but I couldn't..and honestly, I was upset for being upset. I didn't like it.
Perasaan ku bercampur antara kesel, kesel karena gak bisa nangis, kesel karena kenapa aku mau nangis!

I decided to continue reading the story about Yusuf.. (haha.. gak kelar2 baca bukunya nih :$)
It's written, " Yusuf adalah orang yang hebat dan berkuasa,tidak disangkal, tetapi ia juga seorang manusia sejati dengan emosi-emosi manusia yang nyata, yang bisa keluar dari lorong kekuasaan dan memiliki kekuatan untuk menangis sejadi-jadinya." (lagi ngebahas how Joseph cried saat dia ngeliat Benjamin).
Begitu juga dengan Daud, Ayub, Elia. Para raksasa iman ini memiliki saat-saat ketika secara emosi meledak di hadapan Allah mereka.

"Seperti semua kita, orang yang hebat, baik pria maupun wanita mengalami saat-saat dalam kehidupan, di mana mereka tidak dapat lagi menahan emosi mereka. Ketenangan sirna dan emosi mengambil kendali. Seringkali kita perlu untuk mengundurkan diri untuk mengembalikan ketenangan."

I really thanked Him to remind me that He actually cares about my feelings and my emotions too. He doesn't look down on them.
I don't have to feel guilty for having those emotions, karena emosi adalah part of me as a human juga.
I can't avoid it, I just have to admit it, and be wise about it.
It's not wrong to be upset, but again, be wise about it, and don't sin.
It's not wrong to cry, not at all.

So, do big girls cry?
oh yeah .. they do! and so do boys :D